Adam @adamgreattweet Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

dog owners: their name is buddy cat owners: their name is cool ranch dorito

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Last Seen Profiles

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@sanchezberger

Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

this is my joker origin story

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

I was fired from Twitter this morning. I was responsible for the timeline refreshing the second you saw a good tweet

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

it’s-a-me, depression

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

Going to the bathroom at work is microdosing vacation

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

why does this building look like a guilty dog

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

work be like

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

united states mcflurry machine 🤝 not working for the people

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

4 years

If I ever get murdered, I want two white women with a podcast to solve it in their free time

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

Batman trying to get some sleep during the day

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

bank account: $1400 me to a girl scout: give me the thick mints

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

Trying to get the bartender’s attention when you’re not hot

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

my addiction to buying things i don’t need started at the school book fair

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

why is this street so chaotic???

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

I love the honesty

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

PUT ME DOWN PUT ME DOWN PUT ME DOWN

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

4 months

You have to be a leading lady but you can’t be nominated for best actress. You have to be a strong female director but you can’t be nominated for best director. You have to have a wildly popular dance song but you can’t be nominated for best original song.

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

10 months

him: you better not be a cunty side table when i get there me:

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

1 year

For $100 I will FaceTime you in scrubs on Thanksgiving and pretend to be your boyfriend that couldn’t make it because he had to work in the hospital

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

youth pastor: you know who else was considered a daft punk

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

No job was safe from the pandemic

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 months

“Is that the-” “The meth lab from the Glasgow Willy Wonka Experience? Yeah it is”

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

landlords: we must raise rent costco ceo: i would rather burn this place to the ground than charge more than $1.50 for a hotdog

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

the most american photo doesn’t exi-

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

church sounds interesting

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

pretty rude that work disrupts my honkshoo honkshoo mimimimi

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

4 years

When your costume is on point but your mom makes you wear a jacket

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

looking up a restaurant’s menu before eating there call that foreplate

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

This explains nothing

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

kids when they cough

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

million dollar question

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

american bulldog: bark english bulldog: bark innit

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

rich people be like

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

11 days

my car is fucked

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

can’t run forever

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

if by “picking up hotties at the club” you mean going to costco for rotisserie chicken then yeah i am

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

5 months

deleting dating apps because i want to meet someone the old fashioned way (returning home after quitting my job in the city to help save the local bakery and learn the true meaning of christmas)

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 months

me to the olive garden waiter shredding parmesan over my pasta

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

For $100 I will FaceTime you in scrubs on Christmas and pretend to be your boyfriend that couldn’t make it because he had to work in the hospital

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

do what now??

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 months

i’ll take one prescription-strength hotdog please

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 months

i wasn’t made to hustle and grind i was born to dilly and dally

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

RIP Twitter crop

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

love when signs are in multiple languages, so inclusive 🥰

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

20 days

if you’re cold they’re cold, let them inside

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 months

the most american photo doesn’t exi-

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

11 months

Orcas have done more for social justice than the Supreme Court has this year

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

1 year

“I wish you well”

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

1 month

celebrating april fools everyday by being attracted to men

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

they let just about anyone have a gun

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 months

one thing about me is i will absolutely buy myself a little treat after overcoming the most minor inconvenience

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

fbi: you’re a person of interest me: omg finally

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

Someone just wished me a Merry Chrysler but I didn’t have the heart to tell them I celebrate Toyotathon, so I just said Happy Honda Days

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

yeah right

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

They said robots would replace us, I just didn’t think I’d be replaced this soon

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

6 months

deleting dating apps because i want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he thinks he’s an elf and overheard me singing at work in his quest to find his real dad)

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

We really skipped over the roaring 20s and went straight into a depression and world war

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

12 days

me: oh cool this concert is only $25 ticketmaster: bitch you thought

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

“only eat when you’re hungry” ok but what about when i’m bored or sad

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

1 month

rip icarus, you would have loved the eclipse

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

“it’s bad bitch o’clock” i say to myself as i take my melatonin and hop in bed

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

RIP Charles Darwin I know he would have loved Pokémon

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

Quick, follow me for more tweets and pictures of my dog before your feed refreshes

Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

“it’s bad bitch o’clock” i say to myself as i take my melatonin and hop in bed

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

I’m a single doctor who needs a date for his upcoming 10 year high school reunion, is this what being in a Hallmark movie feels like?

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

nothing pairs better with my seasonal depression than election anxiety

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

Companies on Companies on May 31 June 1

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

4 months

i’m assembling a team

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 months

these celebrity partnerships are getting out of hand

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

in britain the i in lgbtqi stands for innit

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

5 months

him: you better not be a cunty reindeer topiary when i get there me:

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

dogs would double text

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

1 year

I’m gay but I pretended to be straight most of my life so this offer is open to hes, shes, gays, theys and everyone in between. I really am a doctor and as a bonus you can share this picture of my dog with your family

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

5 months

before getting a dog: no dogs on the couch after getting a dog: oh that’s the dog’s couch

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

4 months

i have a number of serious questions

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

microdosing universal healthcare by getting a free vaccine

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

6 months

my mom: get out of the kitchen NOW also my mom: wow, nobody helps with thanksgiving

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

5 months

“i have new year’s eve plans” the plans:

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

I graduate medical school tomorrow so I took grad photos at Target

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

11 months

Tell the rich. I want them to know it was me

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

11 months

He was a punk She did ballet

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

How to have fun as an adult

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

19 days

“treat culture has gotten out of hand” sounds like someone doesn’t get enough treats

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

this is a jortoise

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

Poor Clippy

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

12 days

razzle AND dazzle? in this economy??

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

Told my dog to smile for the camera

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

I am but an simple ex-Twitter employee, follow me for more tweets and for more of her (she can do no wrong)

Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

pretty rude that work disrupts my honkshoo honkshoo mimimimi

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

To everyone saying they’re glad I don’t work for Twitter, this is who you’re hurting. This is the mouth I have to feed

Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

landlords: we must raise rent costco ceo: i would rather burn this place to the ground than charge more than $1.50 for a hotdog

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

the united states be like

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

Hi! If you’re sending me messages like this you’ve gone too far, please reconsider!

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

5 months

the grinch is the hero of the story when you realize he’s just an introverted dog person who’s tired of capitalism

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

i’ll never be this chill

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

adulthood means choosing between being chronically dehydrated or peeing every twelve minutes

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 years

words to live by

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

Drug commercials be like this medicine will cure your stomach pain ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ⁱᵗ ʷⁱˡˡ ᵏⁱˡˡ ʸᵒᵘ

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

2 months

leap day should be a federal holiday, the extra day in the year should not be to work it’s to LIVE

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

line cooks do what??

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

3 years

Kind of rude some people have their summer bodies ready when I thought we agreed nobody would be hot this year

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Adam

@adamgreattweet

1 month

i don’t want to know your horoscope i want to know the order in which you play the new york times games

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