Tommy McNamara @TommyMcNam Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

Trump was gonna tweet this about every state but he gave up just like Sufjan

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@TommyMcNam

3 years

Why can't Bruce Willis find his mask? RUMER HAS IT thank u folks, happy to be here

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@TommyMcNam

6 months

Accidentally saw The Holdovers dressed as the main character like it was Harry Potter or something

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@TommyMcNam

6 years

*Elton John voice* L-L-L

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@TommyMcNam

5 years

Yeah I like A24...A 24 pack of beer 😎

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@TommyMcNam

2 years

*Agent Smith saying “Mr. Anderson” voice* Captain Underpants

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@TommyMcNam

7 months

I am also 33

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@TommyMcNam

2 years

Doing comedy in the south rules. The waitress brought me a beer and someone in the crowd yelled “chug it” and I did and got the longest applause break of my career.

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

Headphone Jack sounds like one of Biden's childhood friends

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@TommyMcNam

2 years

Today marks the one year anniversary of when I got so high off an edible I basically missed the whole insurrection news story rolling around on a futon trying to sober up

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

LOL my joke came true

Andrew Feinberg

@AndrewFeinberg

3 years

Baffert: My horse is a victim of cancel culture

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@TommyMcNam

3 years

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@TommyMcNam

5 years

He’s telling The Aristocrats

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

I’m a BIG Travis Kelce fan. On the field he is a total killer! That’s why I made this custom jersey to wear to the Super Bowl party.

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

Sick stuff in the crossword today. Shame on you NYT.

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

As I was getting off stage tonight the host said “funny guy, sad life” and that’s gonna haunt me for at least the next calendar year

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

7 years

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, My Ass (I Won’t Rock Around the Christmas Tree)

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

Starting to worry that my friend cares more about his infant daughter than he does about me

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

Listen we can joke about Weezer covers but nothing will ever be as funny as when Rivers Cuomo went on MySpace and cataloged each of his songs by race of woman...

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

Starting my eulogy with “my grandpa understood the assignment”

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@TommyMcNam

2 years

My response when someone tells me to stop sneaking tater tots from out of my pocket during a meeting

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

6 months

You must be thinking of my father, I’m

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

🎵I love you, you love me, you know I can’t give you those keys 🎵

The Hollywood Reporter

@THR

5 years

'Barney' movie in the works from Mattel, Daniel Kaluuya

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

This year at the oscars there is one name on everyone’s lips

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

2 years

Cancel culture has gotten out of control. My show tonight was cancelled just because it had “zero tickets sold”. When will the PC woke mob stop?!!!!!??

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

1 year

At what point does it switch from targeted ads to straight up cyber bullying

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@TommyMcNam

3 years

I’m hungover at Dunkin Donuts which counts as a Ben Affleck costume

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

I understood why they did it in BlacKkKlansman, but I thought it was weird that Detective Pikachu also ended with footage from Charlottesville

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

If I were an NBA player I would say “I don’t stand for Hong Kong...I DUNK for Hong Kong” then I would run down the court and do a huge dunk and it would solve the whole thing.

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

I know that this bio is about God but I like to imagine it's about some guy he wants to kill

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

6 years

Sorry jazz freaks, this is the only “Coldtrain” I care about

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

New character: guy who hates masks who doesn't realize he has a pool

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@TommyMcNam

3 years

So sick of guys wearing cool jackets. What ever happened to looking like shit?????

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

The most ominous shit I’ve ever seen

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

Basketball is BACK

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

8 months

Extremely hot diner waitress came to refill my coffee and this was on my laptop screen when she glanced over

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

Best moment of the draft was when Jay Williams said “He’s going to the West, which is one of the best conferences.” (There are two conferences)

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

6 years

Clint Eastwood’s next movie is just going to be alternating shots of a flag and a gun for two hours and fifteen minutes.

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

6 years

Ok so Greta Gerwig just sat down in front me of at this showing of Hereditary and is sawing her own head off and I am LIVING FOR IT

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@TommyMcNam

2 years

Spending my one precious life eating a salad at the airport Chili’s at 10 AM

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@TommyMcNam

3 years

Very funny that the last step on the Digiorno’s box includes a picture of it next to a salad. Nice try, pal.

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@TommyMcNam

6 years

@nicolewboyce My grandma used to say if someone joins your pool on your wedding day it’s 7 years bad luck!!!

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@TommyMcNam

4 years

DO NOT order the salad from Popeyes

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@TommyMcNam

5 years

Finally. I had a countdown clock for this day. Now I can finally bang Shrek.

Complex

@Complex

5 years

Shrek came out 18 years ago today.

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

It me

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@TommyMcNam

4 years

Climate change deniers: explain how February has a FULL EXTRA DAY now????

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

Wife: Where were you last night?! Me: uhh I was hanging out at...

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

If we’re talking about Red we must also talk about the most insane promotional deal of all time

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

My name is Tommy, I’m 31 years old, and the reason I came to Squid Game was to step outside my comfort zone and meet new people!

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

Might just stand next to this all day and try to start conversations about the latest TV shows

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

I’LL BE GONE IN THE DARK starts tnt on HBO. My aunt Michelle was brilliant, funny, & warm. I'm excited more ppl will learn about her work. I always think about the time at a family wedding where we talked about Arthur Lee Allen (Zodiac suspect) for like 30 mins. She was the best.

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

Ate my girlfriends leftovers when I was drunk last night so now I’m ordering the same dish to put back in the fridge. The perfect crime.

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

This is the only venmo request caption I will use for the rest of my life

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

When JJ Redick steps on the court he is representing podcasters everywhere

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

My message to climate change deniers

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

Really interesting read from Chris D'Elia

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

2 years

I’ve followed the first four words of his advice every day for decades

ESPN

@espn

2 years

Joe Burrow's advice to the next generation of athletes 💯 @JoeyB

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

The crossword puzzle yesterday described Elmo as a redhead and I don’t think I will ever recover

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@TommyMcNam

4 years

Me running up to the stage at a Violent Femmes show during “Kiss Off”

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@TommyMcNam

4 years

The best football play in Florida this weekend won’t be at the the Super Bowl

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

The weirdest thing about that Amazon robot commercial is that it said it’s only gonna deliver packages Monday to Friday. What the hell this bitch ass robot gonna do on the damn weekend?!

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

The woman sitting two seats over from me in Once Upon A Time in Hollywood took her shoes off during the movie and normally that would gross me out but I believe she was doing it as an homage.

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

You can't get mad at me for burning down my house and killing my kids if you saw Manchester By The Sea

The Federalist

@FDRLST

5 years

You're Not Allowed To Knock Trump For Stormy Daniels If You Watch Porn

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

Drake’s got a new phone lock screen!

The Hollywood Reporter

@THR

5 years

Young Hollywood 2019: Top 30 stars under age 18 #YoungHollywoodTHR

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

what's truly fucked up is they're replacing him with the other guy from that video

Variety

@Variety

5 years

Shane Gillis Out From ‘Saturday Night Live’

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

I can't believe I'm still renting. When Luigi was my age he already owned a haunted mansion.

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

Hemingway was tasked with writing the saddest story possible in only six words. Here’s what he came up with:

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

Unclench your jaw. Drink some water. Take your shirt off, twist it 'round your hand, spin it like a helicopter.

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

I want to have the first stand up special on Walmart+

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

6 years

It is so funny that it takes Dennis Miller 4 days to write a joke.

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

Forgot my ticket stub when I went to get concessions so I had to tell the guy, “I was just here. I’m the guy seeing CATS with his mom”

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

Asked my sister if I could borrow a tote bag and this was the only one she had so I am walking around Chicago with this

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

My friend is making me listen to Phish in the car and I just looked up to see how much time was left in the song

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

I think it’s really messed up they call Jesus a “barnyard friend”

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

The weird thing about being from Chicago is the John Wayne Gacy documentary made me homesick

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

Pitchfork writer in a lab coat looking through a microscope: "My god...this isn't shoegaze...this is CHILLCORE"

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@TommyMcNam

2 years

Can’t stop laughing at this dude

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

6 years

Sorry #InfinityWar , if I wanna see a big man chase a Stone I’ll watch Superbad.

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

None of them held a candle to Eddie imho

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

7 years

Leaving a trail of these by my house to try and catch a Quentin Tarantino

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

Hustle God

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

7 years

What We Talk About When We Talk About Giving Them Something To Talk About

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

Me and girlfriend at start of quarantine: watching 90 Day Fiancé and having a great time Me and girlfriend 11 months in: silently watching all the Saw movies in order

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

Attention gamers: the only *ps* you should be looking for is a Potential Spouse

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

6 years

I can’t stop thinking about this

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

One of my favorite jokes of all time

ClickHole

@ClickHole

5 years

I Spent My Whole Life Defending Cruella De Vil. Then I Saw ‘101 Dalmatians.’

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

5 years

This is an incredible way to lose all your friends

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

My new fear is dying and having my death be the context of one of those viral doctor tweets like: "Today a 29 year old overweight man came into the hospital. He died quicker than most of the elderly, and put up less of a fight. He had no children or wife. This is serious."

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

I like to spruce up my wardrobe by somehow being a different shirt size every single year

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

2 years

Every time I send a venmo

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

We are in a golden age of joke formats that are categorically unfunny

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

6 months

The best way I can honor Kenny is to post this video of him absolutely torching me. One of my favorite people on earth. Every time I saw him he hit me with a big booming MY MAN. An incredible comedian, guy , & NBA 2k teammate, & an even better friend. Love you forever man.

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

3 years

You probably didn't even realize it at the time but those lullabies your mom sang to you in your crib were written/produced by Jack Antonoff

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

Take My Knife, Please!

Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery

@KnivesOut

4 years

Alright we need title suggestions for the sequel! Drop em! 👇

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

4 years

I have only left my apartment TWICE since March (the pool party in the Ozarks and the Trump Rally in Tulsa) but people are still questioning my decisions

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam

2 years

Me and 1,000 truckers storming the White House to participate in the Easter egg hunt

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Tommy McNamara

@TommyMcNam