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The Beaverton

@TheBeaverton

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North America’s Trusted Source Of News. Now accepting support on Kofi and selling merch at

North America
https://t.co/elsvs9mX1P
Joined May 2010
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@TheBeaverton
The Beaverton
@TheBeaverton
2 years
Breaking: Satirical News Website now makes funny t-shirts.
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The Beaverton Shop

Find the most satirical Canadian Tees, Mugs, Toques and Hoodies right here.

the-beaverton.myshopify.com
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@TheBeaverton
The Beaverton
@TheBeaverton
2 years
Rogers offers Canada's fastest, most reliable outages across the country
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2 years
Reminder: The Beaverton is Canada's most preferred source of fake news unlike our competitors at Rebel Media or the Toronto Sun #cdnpoli
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2 years
Putin determines cyber attack against Canada not necessary since Rogers is far more effective #rogersoutage #cdnpoli
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2 years
Healthcare worker convoy cancelled again due to 16-hour hospital shift #cdnpoli
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1 year
Small-dicked man still manages to fuck himself #NewsInPhoto #AndrewTate
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2 years
"What do we want?" "All COVID restrictions lifted" "When do we want it?" "Last month when it happened" #OttawaOccupation #RollingThunder
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3 years
Jared Kushner insists Trump can still win if his parents make a big enough donation to the Electoral College
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Jared Kushner insists Trump can still win if his parents make a big enough donation to the Electo...

“If there’s one thing I learned at Harvard, it’s that anyone can get what they want from any college as long as their parents give that college enough money,” Kushner said today during an interview...

www.thebeaverton.com
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5 years
Update: Maxime Bernier too racist even for Quebec #elxn43 #cdnpoli
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2 years
Ottawa Police declare protest peaceful so long as public avoids it for their own safety #cdnpoli
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2 years
Update: Peaceful protest requires journalists to hire body guards #cdnpoli
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2 years
"This isn't my Canada!" tweets Texas man #cdnpoli #OccupationOttawa
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1 year
Emergencies Act report finds that assholes were indeed assholes #cdnpoli #convoy
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1 year
Stabbed man who got hit by 3 cars then thrown off a bridge probably died from the vaccine
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2 years
Liz Truss resigns after long, illustrious reign of power spanning two British monarchs #LizTrussPM #LizTruss
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2 years
Pierre Poilievre asks extremist group to go back to threatening other peoples' families #cdnpoli
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2 years
Ottawa pleads with Vancouver to send cyclists immediately for law enforcement #cdnpoli #bcpoli
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2 years
Since everyone is doing it, we also demand the Prime Minister meet with us
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2 years
Unvaccinated truckers demand Canada's government change US government's rules on unvaccinated truckers #cdnpoli
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2 years
Police asked to fill in at offices, retail work while Ottawa residents do their job for them
@Gray_Mackenzie
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2 years
At Bank and Riveraide, counter protestors have held up a number of cars attempting to join up with the convoy folks. Here video at the numbers of cars held up, sent to me by a counter protestor #cdnpoli #ottnews
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9 months
Attention @Meta we will not allow our reputation to be sullied by being categorized as "news".
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2 years
Breaking: Canada loses Conservative Leadership Race #PierrePoilievre #skippy
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2 years
Ottawa Police announce laws will now be enforced #cdnpoli
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3 years
How it started: How it's going:
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3 years
Fully vaccinated Albertans offer Jason Kenney $100 to move back to Ontario, never return #ableg
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2 years
Misinformed horse uses COVID-19 vaccine to treat worm infestation
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11 months
Breaking: Canada loses Alberta election
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3 years
Ontario LTC Minister Fullerton in isolation after brief exposure to accountability #onpoli
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1 year
Food banks dissolve after Canadian families find missing $13.99/month needed to avoid starvation
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1 year
James Reimer can’t wear Pride jersey due to Christianity even though Bible also bans working on sabbath, coughing up 3 goal lead to Bruins in Game 7 #Reimer #JamesReimer
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3 months
Bell cuts 4800 jobs to create more participants for next Bell Let's Talk Day
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1 year
Study: Best way to get rid of a body is to check it as luggage with Air Canada
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4 years
Fabricland files for bankruptcy after biggest customer fired from Coach's Corner
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3 years
“I’m not going to get vaccinated just to comply with arbitrary public safety rules,” says cop who makes living writing speeding tickets
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2 years
Update: Anti-masker wondering how he will deal with tear gas #cdnpoli
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2 years
US Supreme Court rules woman's life ends at conception
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7 months
Anti-LGTBQ “Million March For Children” outnumbered by “Billion March For Not Being Bigots” #1MillionMarch4Chidren #TransRightsAreHumanRights #MillionMarchCanada
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2 years
Pierre Poilievre marches in solidarity with brave part-time soldiers afraid of needles #cdnpoli
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2 years
Well, somebody took that rather personally.
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2 years
Plywood shack with explosive fuel in back already has real estate agent, selling for $950,000 #cdnpoli
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3 years
Nova Scotia baffles experts by listening to them about lockdown, actually doing lockdown
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3 years
Poll: Have you been vaccinated or are you voting Conservative? #cdnpoli
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8 months
Pretending to be flight attendant closest Poilievre has been to having a real job #cdnpoli #poilievre
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2 years
Study: Only thing angrier than an anti-vax trucker is a Vancouver cyclist #cdnpoli #bcpoli
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5 years
CBC projects majority of voters laughing at Maxime Bernier losing his seat #elxn43 #cdnpoli
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1 year
Ford unsure if he should sell Ontario healthcare system to Loblaws, Tim Hortons, or Nestlé #onpoli
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2 years
Life Advice: Claiming you're penniless to judge while taking a private jet to your wife's bail hearing a bad idea #cdnpoli
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2 years
Quiz: Do you have a police force in your city or do you live in Ottawa?
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4 years
Canada announces it will exclusively import COVID-19 from US #LockdownCanada #cdnpoli #JustinTrudeau #coronavirus #COVID19
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1 year
Lifelong professional politician who lives in $4.2 million government housing insists he’s just like you #cdnpoli
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2 years
Poll: When seeing a Canadian flag, 56% of Canadians now instinctively mutter "fuck you, anti-vaxxer" #cdnpoli
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3 years
Amber Alert issued for 52-year-old premier #ableg
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3 years
Emergency alert warns Albertans of incompetent premier #ableg
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2 years
Update: Billions of trucks expected at Ottawa rally, say organizers #cdnpoli
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9 months
Being hated by Piers Morgan, Jordan Peterson et al. most likeable thing about Justin Trudeau
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10 months
Pierre Poilievre vows to hold Trudeau accountable for Taylor Swift leaving Canada out of tour dates
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1 year
Poll: Majority of Canadians willing to vote for whatever politician promises to slap Galen Weston Jr. in the face
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2 years
Ottawa Police warn any St. Patrick's Day disorder will be promptly addressed in 3 weeks
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2 years
Counter protesters also referred to as Ottawa Residents Who Don't Have Time For This Bullshit #cdnpoli
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2 years
Update: Just a few bad apples waving swastika/Confederate flags, stealing food from homeless, dancing on National War Memorial, defacing Terry Fox statue, assaulting journalists, storming Rideau Centre maskless
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9 months
BREAKING: The Beaverton considered news now, apparently #Facebook
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2 years
Liberals drop COVID restrictions now that 'keeping people alive' no longer polls well
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1 year
Fugitive Trump’s attempt to flee to Mexico thwarted by big wall #TrumpIndictment #TrumpIndicted
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3 years
Drug dealer shockingly bad at getting people drugs #FordFailedThePeople #FordfailedOntario
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1 month
We could tweet a joke about Law & Order Toronto investigating you for stealing jokes, but you’d just steal that too you fucking hacks.
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Law & Order Toronto criticized as unrealistic after showing Toronto Police trying to solve crimes

TORONTO - The Law & Order order spinoff series set in Toronto is being panned by critics, who say the show's depiction of the Toronto Police is highly unrealistic as it shows the police repeatedly...

www.thebeaverton.com
@6ixbuzztv
6ixBuzzTV
@6ixbuzztv
1 month
Law & Order Toronto criticized as unrealistic after it showed Toronto Police officers trying to solve crimes
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2 years
Ottawa Police insist tear gas, rubber bullets must be reserved for future Greenpeace protests #cdnpoli
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11 months
Alberta continues to Alberta in monumentally embarrassing display of Alberta
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9 months
Scientists confirm summer temperature spike following right wing meltdown over Trudeau tweet
@JustinTrudeau
Justin Trudeau
@JustinTrudeau
9 months
We’re team Barbie.
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2 years
Republicans relieved no fetuses killed in Texas school shooting
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2 years
Ottawa police chief reminds officers not to join protests this time #cdnpoli
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2 years
Are you a single mother from Chilliwack, BC whose account was frozen due to the Emergencies Act and not made up by the creative imagination of a Conservative MP? Please tell is about it #cdnpoli
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2 years
Hundreds of occupiers report themselves trampled to death #cdnpoli #Ottawa
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1 year
Elon Musk suspended from Twitter for impersonating competent businessman
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2 months
We're trying to come up with something stupider than this, but it isn't easy
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3 months
Alberta Premier Marlaina Smith bans kids from going by their preferred name
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2 years
Peaceful guns, democratic machetes seized from Alberta border protesters #cdnpoli #ableg
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2 years
Bee now leading poll for Ontario Liberal leader #onpoli
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1 year
Leafs fan not going to shut up about this for the next 18 years
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3 years
Doug Ford relieved to have paid sick days after workplace COVID exposure #onpoli #COVID19
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2 years
Opinion - Help! I bought a 300 lbs tiger to attack my political opponents, but I didn't know it would try to eat me too! By: The Honourable Candice Bergen #cdnpoli
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2 years
New York Times reports "Prime Minister Bonhomme orders Mounties to open fire on protestors in Celine Dion Square" #Ottawa #cdnpoli
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2 years
Last remaining leaders of Freedom Convoy removed from Ottawa Police Services Board #onpoli
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6 months
Media promise to start covering Pierre Poilievre’s transphobic comments as soon as they finish 50th story on how Liberals are unpopular
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1 year
Galen Weston defends $3 million raise by asking “Have you seen how expensive stuff is getting lately?”
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3 years
Trudeau's Obama, Clinton endorsements lead O'Toole to unveil own high profile American endorsement #elxn44 #cdnpoli
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2 years
Lisa LaFlamme enjoys reporting on life of woman who got to keep job beyond age 58
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1 year
Everything went to hell when Swiss Chalet took the Toblerone out of the Festive Special
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2 years
Conservatives demand Trudeau end ‘Freedom Convoy’ protest they fully support and hope continues
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5 years
Doug Ford knocks on cellar door to see if it's okay to come out #elxn43 #cdnpoli
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2 years
Failure of public education system continues display on Parliament Hill #cdnpoli
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3 years
Shovelling snow found to be number 1 cause of Canadians muttering 'fuck this fucking shit' over and over
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3 years
CBC and CTV announce you can go to bed #cdnpoli #Elxn44
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2 years
Police operations halted by occupiers' towering 2 ft snow wall #cdnpoli
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4 years
Quebec suddenly fine with people covering their faces #quebec
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2 years
Doug Ford declares Monday September 19th “Cry At Your Desk Day”
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8 months
Report: There’s no College of Satire Writers, so we’re allowed to call Jordan Peterson a hateful little bitch without consequence
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3 years
Feminist publication Toronto Sun unable to find female columnist to tell women how to vote #cdnpoli #Elxn44
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3 years
Ford calls for immediate action in 4 days #onpoli
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3 years
Doug Ford wins Best Actor for his performance pretending to care about people dying of Covid #Oscars #Oscars2021
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3 years
Ford denies charge he's turned Ontario into a police state, because it's a province #onpoli
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2 years
"100 000 cases a day totally worth this" thinks man walking maskless into KFC
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