Scarfolk Council @Scarfolk Twitter profile

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Scarfolk Council

3 years

A reminder that the Scarfolk gift shop is open. Pick up copies of Discovering Scarfolk, the Scarfolk Annual 197X, the Scarfolk map pack, and Scarfolk pandemic beer mats, to name but a few.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

2 years

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

3 years

It will soon be One Britain One Nation Day at your school. Free copies of I-Spy: Unpatriotic Classmates will be given to all pupils so that they can keep a record of any schoolfriends who do not sing the #OBONDAY21 anthem loudly enough.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

#StayAlert Very practical, life-saving advice from the government.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

6 years

Wow. This has made my week. This is from the government's *own* publication about the history of government communications. They mistakenly included a Scarfolk poster which encourages the killing of children. Clearly, nobody thought it was too extreme. (via @CraigHeap )

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

3 years

Roy the telekinetic child-owl is now back in production.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

1 year

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

3 years

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

3 years

Latest guidance: 1. No. 2. See 1.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

3 years

Here's the latest guidance.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

7 years

Nazi Anti-Bullying Campaigns of the 1970s.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

2 years

"Light is expensive. When you're not using your eyes KEEP THEM SHUT... Or we'll shut them for you." From 'Discovering Scarfolk' (Ebury Press, 2014) #EnergyCrisis #EnergyPriceCap #EnergyPrices

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

2 years

You can only keep 3.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

2 years

"Dear Prime Minister, It is with great sadness and regret that I must tender my resignation to you..." #BorisJohnson

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

3 years

Here's the Covid #winterplan in summary. 1. No 2. Stop 3. Don't If you fail to No, Stop or Don't, you could face a fine. For more information please reread. #downingstreetbriefing

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

Public information reminder: It will soon be illegal to gather in groups of one or more. You must maintain a distance of 6 feet from yourself at all times. #Covid19UK

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

Tier 4? Bless. We're up to Tier 667.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

We've just found this 1970s Government employee eye-test slide in our archives. #DominicCummnings

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

1 year

Scarfolk Council public information messages for #MayDay . 1. Be aware that illegal morris dancers have been sighted in this area. Do NOT approach them. They are thought to be dangerous and armed with prohibited handkerchiefs. #BankHolidayMonday

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

2 years

We've been #ReadyforRishi since 1970 and we've already started constructing deradicalisation camps for the under-10s Prevent People programme.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

This year's wicker man event is cancelled. In the interest of public health and safety, please sacrifice yourself in your own home at least 2 metres from household members who are sacrificing themselves. #MayDay #MayDay2020

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

Here's some clarification about the current guidance: 1. Stay alert means stay alert. You can stay alert by staying alert. 2. Do not gather in groups of one or more. For more information please reread. #BorisJohnsonSpeech

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

NEW! Social-Distancing Laws (1970)

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

3 years

Tier 5 is Scarfolk. You'll soon be our property. It was always going to be this way.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

10 months

It's that time again... #Glastonbury23

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

An important reminder from your local council: In the north of England it is now illegal to gather in groups of one. #manchesterlockdown More info:

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@Scarfolk

4 years

Here is the latest update: NO* For more information please reread. *no

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@Scarfolk

4 years

"And now here's tomorrow's forecast..." #BrexitEve

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@Scarfolk

4 years

Wash your hands or we will remove them and wash them for you.

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@Scarfolk

4 years

We wish you all a good night, and leave you with the latest government guidance. Please comment in the thread if you'd like us to help you during this time of crisis.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

Thread: The pubs will reopen in a few days. Every day this week we will post a 1970s beer mat from the Scarfolk council archives. Visit Scarfolk & collect them all! #1 : "10" #PubsReopen #PubsReopening #4thofJuly

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

6 years

Here's a thread of records we're listening to on #RecordStoreDay18 #RSD18 . #1 . British Tutting (BBC Records, 1970)

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

2 years

An important message from the government...

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

Unfortunately, some citizens have been under the illusion that they are as important as people who work in government. Rest assured that this is not the case. You'll be relieved to know that you're not as important as you think you are. Not even close.

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@Scarfolk

2 years

"If a crime is in progress, or there is some other emergency, please write to Scarfolk Police Station and clearly write 'emergency' on the envelope." #SueGrayReport

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

3 years

Happy #InternationalMensDay

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@Scarfolk

4 years

Here is the latest advice.

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@Scarfolk

2 years

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@Scarfolk

3 years

See you all at 2pm. #MayDay

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@Scarfolk

2 years

NEW! In 1972, the government drew up plans to construct a deportation facility that could house the entire population of the UK, if need be. The intention was to make it an exact replica of the United Kingdom and call it Bad Kingdom. More info:

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

5 years

Once again, the #Glastonbury line-up pales in comparison with the 1978 Scarfolk Festival. Which of these bands have you seen live? #Glastonbury2019 #glastonburyfestival2019

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

5 years

Please don't make us send you a cease & desist for stealing our copyrighted methods of ritual sacrifice.

Pope Francis

@Pontifex

5 years

In order to pray well, we need to have the heart of a child.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

#bluepassport

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

5 years

Fake Britain: A Map Of Fictional Locations In England, Scotland And Wales (Scarfolk included) via @soullessparty

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

8 years

Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

A reminder that viruses are only active after 10pm, therefore public houses will close accordingly. Any virus working before 10pm could face a fine. For more information please re-read. #curfew #pubs

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

1 year

Has he been yet? Face the walls: The Council Christmas Boy has started doing his rounds... More info:

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

2 years

"And later on in the programme, Lesley will be showing you how to sew all your now-worthless paper money into your clothes to keep you warm over winter, and I'll be telling you which parts of your pets are most nutritious..."

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

2 years

"Are you amongst us, spirit? Wake up, be bright, be golden and light. Bagpuss, oh hear what I sing..." (from the Children's Guide To Séances & Cuddly Demons, Scarfolk Books, 1973)

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

We're slipping. We said on Sunday that the government's flagrant gaslighting would begin in 'the coming days'. It was one day.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

5 years

A very good morning to our younger viewers.

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@Scarfolk

4 years

You know it's 2020 when the Pennsylvania state treasury retweets Scarfolk and people aren't sure whether or not the treasury truly understands what Scarfolk is.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

If you're unsure what #StayAlert means, please read the attached leaflet.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

3 years

It's #PollingDay again in Scarfolk. Rule Britannia! #Election2021

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

2 years

This book is about a woman who tries to explain simple modern concepts, such as hygiene, to backward villagers. She's killed by a devout lynch mob whose grasp of such things extends to believing the demonic spirits of pigs can destroy crops by hiding in your nose #RoeVsWade

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

We hoped you enjoyed the 1970s Scarfolk beer mats we posted this week. Here they all are in one place. #Coronavirus #Covid19 #covidiots #DominicCummings #BorisJohnson #SuperSpreaderSaturday #SecondWave

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

Children taking part in the May Pylon Dance today should ensure they are at least 2 metres apart and adequately drenched BEFORE they handle the super-conductive copper ribbons. #MayDay

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

Believe it or not, we created this a few days ago but hadn't had time to finish it. Shared here in its incomplete state. #Trump #Dettol #Bleach #TrumpPressBriefing

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

Correction.

UK Prime Minister

@10DowningStreet

4 years

Wash your hands regularly, with soap and water, to protect yourself against coronavirus. #StayAlert

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

6 years

#AprilFoolsDay

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@Scarfolk

1 year

2. Scarfolk's annual May Pylon Dance will commence at 2pm. For optimal conductivity, pleasure ensure all participants have been adequately drenched beforehand. #BankHolidayMonday #MayDay

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

Here's the latest advice from the government about going back to work and school.

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@Scarfolk

3 years

Happy #WinterSolstice on #BrexitIsland .

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@Scarfolk

2 years

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@Scarfolk

2 years

Here. Drink some bitter.

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@Scarfolk

4 years

"We reject foreign influences in England. Multiculturalism is our bête noire. English culture is destined to become kaput if the current zeitgeist continues to be de rigueur. But it doesn't have to be a fait accompli..." #stgeorgesday2020 #ProudToBeEnglish

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

6 years

It's #BackToSchool2018 and time for double maths.

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@Scarfolk

2 years

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@Scarfolk

6 years

In the event of a #NoDealBrexit , we're getting ready to republish this edition of the Radio Times.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

3 years

It's that time of the year again. Who should receive the 'honour' this year?

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

2 years

Suffering in the #UKHeatwave ? Cool down with a Scarfolk lolly! Which is your favourite? #Heatwave2022

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

7 years

Here's the #brexiteve weather forecast for tomorrow.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

From the 4th of July, live public execution venues will be open again. However, please wear masks to protect prisoners who are scheduled for execution. Always wash hands and any other body parts you take home as souvenirs. #4thJuly

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@Scarfolk

4 years

Make your own #facemask .

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

2 years

Latest news. A cabinet spokesperson has just announced "The government has decided that it will not wait in its determination to hesitate. It considers urgent, active dithering its #1 priority and it will therefore delay immediately"

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@Scarfolk

4 years

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@Scarfolk

4 years

1978 #GlastonburyAtHome

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@Scarfolk

4 years

Warning: People are dangerous. #ukcoronavirus #COVID_19uk

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@Scarfolk

6 years

Two children's bestsellers of the 1970s #InternationalChildrensBookDay More books here:

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@Scarfolk

2 years

If, like some tabloid columnists, you too are tired of scientists, experts in lab coats, and others who have become highly skilled & accomplished in their field, why not sign up for one of our de-education classes & 'learn to unlearn'? See also: Fact Bans

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

7 years

Red sky at night, shepherd's delight, Red sky in the morning, sacrifice your least interesting child to the sun god without mourning #REDSUN

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

2 years

Scarfolk, 1971 (2017)

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@Scarfolk

6 years

#PositiveTwitterDay

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@Scarfolk

2 years

"When immigrants started coming to Scarfolk in the mid-1970s, many local criminals worried that foreign offenders would threaten their livelihoods. They formed an organisation called the Campaign for Real British Crime (CRBC), which fought for the rights of UK born criminals"

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

7 years

Affected by the #TubeStrike ? For those who missed it, here's Scarfolk's replacement tube map.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

Public Information: One hour has been deleted from your memory because you did or saw something you shouldn't have. If you would like to get it back please write to Scarfolk Council, Extortion & Intimidation Offer, The High St., SC47 FLK. #clocksforward

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@Scarfolk

5 years

Please take a few moments to read about men and truly understand how they function. Thank you. #InternationalMensDay

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@Scarfolk

4 years

We're taking a break from Scarfolk because we've been approached by the government who need advisers while Dominic Cummings is in self-isolation. Of course, we won't ever be as shamelessly totalitarian as Mr Cummings but we'll just have to do the best we can.

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

3 years

NEW! "To find out your current value in pounds & pence write to your MP and include a self-addressed stamped envelope, unless your previous evaluation was less than a stamp." Government self-support scheme posters 1/2. More info: #FreedomDay

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

5 years

An early draft of the #Yellowhammer report. #NoDealBrexit

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

Struggling to gauge safe distances when you are outside? The Government has provided a helpful guide. #StayAlert

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Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

It's #SuperSpreaderSaturday ! The next in our series of pub mats to celebrate the pubs reopening will be posted later on today. #PubsOpening #WelcomeBackPubs

Scarfolk Council

@Scarfolk

4 years

Thread: The pubs will reopen in a few days. Every day this week we will post a 1970s beer mat from the Scarfolk council archives. Visit Scarfolk & collect them all! #1 : "10" #PubsReopen #PubsReopening #4thofJuly

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