Rocky Mountain Mike Profile Banner
Rocky Mountain Mike Profile
Rocky Mountain Mike

@RockyMntnMike

28,213
Followers
5,221
Following
15,999
Media
137,276
Statuses

Not a parody account, but an account by the parody guy.

Blue dot in redicluless state.
Joined May 2012
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
Dick Van Dyke, 93, Carl Reiner, 97, Mel Brooks, 92 and Norman Lear, 96.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 years
Things to do while waiting for your car at the Walmart Automotive Center.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
I suddenly realize spending six bucks for a cup of coffee is not American.
@CNNPolitics
CNN Politics
5 years
Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz defends calling Medicare-for-all proposal "not American"
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
2 years
Fisher Price has just released Eric Trump’s phone records.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 months
Courtesy of @StephenAtHome
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
Remember, if you spent the night in a Red State, set your clock back 150 years.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
The people who want to #DefundNPR are voting for the guy who morally bankrupted America.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
Facebook has upheld its ban on Trump, but you can still browse Matt Gaetz on Tinder.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
Joe Scarborough compared Trump to Eddie Haskell, but even Eddie Haskell wouldn't stoop to grabbing anyone by the Beaver.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
1 year
What do I want for Christmas? Some of what she’s smoking.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
If we could get all the people who care about Miley Cyrus and Kaitlynn Carter splitting up, plus all the people who want to storm Area 51 to care about our government, we could have Trump impeached in 5 minutes.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
Oh, it will end. Mueller’s got a bucket of water with your name on it.
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
5 years
This Witch Hunt must end!
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
2 years
Today is the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year. The longest day of the year is Christmas with your relatives.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
8 years
How The Grinch Stole The Electoral College #NameAPenceMusical
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
7 years
When Paul Ryan told Trump they didn't have the votes for Trumpcare, I would have given anything to be a microwave on the wall.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 years
If this book is so “phony”, why do you plug it three times per hour? Are you getting a cut?
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
6 years
“It is mostly anonymous sources in here, why should anyone trust you? General Mattis, General Kelly said it’s not true.” @SavannahGuthrie @TODAYshow Bob Woodward is a liar who is like a Dem operative prior to the Midterms. He was caught cold, even by NBC.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
2 years
The people who call Democrats “communists” are driving around in trucks displaying the flag of a country whose leader is a former KGB agent and wants to bring back the Soviet Union. Help me out here.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
1 year
He’s on eBay?
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
Today, thanks to prayers and family support, I’m celebrating 5 years being windmill cancer-free.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
More bad news for Devin Nunes.
@BBCWorld
BBC News (World)
5 years
German court defends cows' clanging bells
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
Hello #MAGA people! Answer me this. If the Mueller report “exonerates” the president*, why are Senate Republicans blocking its release?
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
7 years
When Paul Ryan told Trump they didn't have the votes for Trumpcare, I would have given anything to be a microwave on the wall.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
7 months
We have a winner.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
Me, waving goodbye to Corporate America. I have left the building. Retirement, here I come!
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
2 years
Proof that Trump can de-classify anything.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
I am now going to refer to Trump fans as Brandon Flakes.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
Stephen Miller will be OK. His only threatening condition is the 2nd-degree burns he suffered when he grabbed the headpiece to the Staff of Rah in that fire.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
1 year
Brian Williams lost his job. Dan Rather lost his job. Why do Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity still have their jobs?
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
I’m getting out and voting this motherfucker out in November if I have to do it in a fucking space suit.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
Let’s get Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill, but let’s also get women that $20 without having to do $26 worth of work.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
2 years
Same as the old Klan
@davidalangrier
David Alan Grier AKA #LeonMusk
2 years
Meet the new Klan
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 years
Lie. Obama added to the debt, but didn’t double it. Half of that was putting the Iraq war on the books and Bush’s Medicare Part D. Funny to hear you talking about Matt Lauer when you’re an admitted sexual predator.
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
6 years
Funny to hear the Democrats talking about the National Debt when President Obama doubled it in only 8 years!
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
7 years
Anthony Scaramucci is leaving the White House press secretary job to spend more time looking for a new family to spend time with.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
1 year
I see Cat Stevens is trending. I think it's commendable that he's finally admitting that George Santos wrote all those songs.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
My nomination for Time magazine’s Person Of The Year.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
I can’t function quite right since I learned that my 22 year-old granddaughter has COVID after she and her boyfriend refused to get vaccinated. He’s a military guy and has conned her into thinking the vaccines are a government conspiracy. This is all on Rupert Murdoch.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
2 years
BREAKING: Fisher Price turns over Eric’s phone records.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
The lesson here is don’t let the House fall into Republican hands, because if we do, THEY WILL impeach Biden in 2023 over smelling someone’s hair.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
The day after Reinstatement Day is the best time to get a great deal on decorations for the next Reinstatement Day.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
2 years
Well, I guess at least Donald, Eric, Don Jr. and Ivanka will remember the 21st of September.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
Please, people. Pace yourselves. Try not to spend all your time laughing about Giuliani being in trouble. Try to spend some of that time laughing about how Devin Nunes is in trouble and how Joni Ernst is a fucking idiot.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 years
BREAKING: Trump’s “shithole” remark prompts F-52 pilot to defect to Nambia.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
Instead of vetting 25,000 National Guard troops in 2021, wouldn’t it have been easier to vet one presidential candidate in 2016?
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
8 days
My niece Tiffany, always the sassy one, after years of health issues, sadly passed away yesterday morning. She got her masters in Public Health with a minor in Anthropology at Tulane. She definitely had a mind of her own and will be missed. So long, and rest easy Tiff.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
Terrifying video of American drone pilot being taken away from wreckage by Iranian captors.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
I just got word that my girlfriend’s eldest son died in a freak accident earlier today. He was 40 and left two kids behind. Everyone take care of each other out there. You never know.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
Cracker Barrel is the most aptly-named business in history.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 years
We saved democracy. I made three jingles for @MalcolmNance . You’re welcome.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
1 year
It’s the little things in life that being the most joy.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
I don’t want to alarm anyone, but we have less than 37 days to purchase Greenland.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
Thoughts and prayers.
@thedailybeast
The Daily Beast
5 years
BREAKING: NRA pulls the plug on NRATV
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
Because they’re bastard people.
@thedailybeast
The Daily Beast
5 years
Trump administration revokes $929 million in grants for California rail project
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
Will Brandon and Karen ever get together?
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
Tonight, I’m watching an opposing view to the Holocaust.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
10 days
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 years
This is what happens when Democrats don’t vote for Democrats.
@thinkprogress
ThinkProgress
6 years
Mining to begin in national monument eliminated by Trump
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 years
For those of you who follow me on Facebook, please note I have deleted my account. My experience had devolved into arguing with Trump supporters who were Facebook friends of my Facebook friends, and life is too short. Also, Facebook is evil and Mark Zuckerberg is an asshole.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
I’d rather have a “ghost candidate” than a candidate responsible for 200,000 ghosts.
@RealJamesWoods
James Woods
4 years
#JoeBiden is the only presidential candidate in history to wage a campaign in absentia. Between his basement, his “lid,” and his surrogates handling his social media, he is the quintessential #GhostCandidate .
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 years
Trump pulling out of the Iran deal gives America a brand new thing for your Fox News-watching uncle to be completely full of shit about.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 years
To all the #MAGA hatters who cheered on Trump ignoring the press’s questions about McCain and then said terrible things about the late Senator on the Fox News web site before they had to disable comments, fuck you. Fuck every last one of you.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
Our president is the joke of the world!
@realDonaldTrump
Donald J. Trump
4 years
Our Economy is the envy of the World!
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
Congratulations, @realDonaldTrump In 2018, you tanked the stock market, shut down the federal government, set a record trade deficit, became the object of 17 different investigations, pissed off our military leaders and still didn’t get any money for that stupid fucking wall.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 years
They have to wait until we have an actual president.
@MSNBC
MSNBC
6 years
UPDATE: FEMA's upcoming 'Presidential Alert' test has been postponed.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 years
My mother was a Democrat, and she was a capitalist. She presided over three banks in an era where that was unheard of from a woman in Oklahoma. She thought Trump supporters were fucking idiots. Her funeral is Tuesday. It’s sad she’s gone, but I’m glad she didn’t witness Monday.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
Trump supporters are threatening to move to Canada if Biden wins. Only this time, Canada won’t let them because they might have been infected with a parasitic contagion that causes permanent damage and death. Also, they might have COVID.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
Maybe I’m not alone in this, but even before the pandemic, I found myself getting more & more withdrawn, not wanting to get out and go places in America because of this overwhelming sense of “What the fuck is WRONG with you people?”. This not being a landslide has made it worse.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
I’ve never been in Facebook jail before, but I finally made it last night. It turns out “Eat shit and die” is not something you can say to someone who supports a cop-killing ex-president.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
This #BlackHistoryMonth , remember if blacks, whites and browns don’t join forces this year to beat orange, we’ll all be history in about a month.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
Just like everyone else, I was disappointed that Mueller’s report was released Friday and stole Story Of The Week from Devin Nunes’ Cow.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
1 year
President Biden has just released 150 million gallons from America’s strategic popcorn reserves.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
Sarah Palin says Trump can’t be a racist because he went to see DMZ.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
I don’t THINK there was a Bill Gates microchip in that vaccine I got yesterday, but my body is asking me if I want the updates now or at 2 am.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
2 years
My MAGA neighbor has warned me that the new COVID booster will turn me into a black mermaid.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
And not setting foot in one of those greasy places is part of mine.
@thinkprogress
ThinkProgress
5 years
Chick-fil-A Foundation says anti-LGBTQ giving is part of its ‘higher calling’
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
The people who insist you need an ID to vote say vaccine passports are an intrusion on their rights.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
Aaannnd, just like that, Trump calls for a ban on assault rifles...
@RawStory
Raw Story
4 years
WATCH: Huge group of armed Black protesters march on Confederate monument in Georgia #NFAC
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
2 years
BREAKING: FBI agents have seized Eric Trump’s phone.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
1 week ago today - positive COVID test results. Again, I was shocked because I’ve been an even better hermit than Stephanie Miller. This was the first day I woke up without that cruddy “infected” feeling. Still have a ways to go, but thanks to everyone who sent well-wishes.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 months
Happy holidays!
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
OK, it's time for everyone to shut the fuck up and vote for the guy who knows what year the Spanish Flu happened, knows the three branches of government and who hasn't openly bragged about wanting to fuck his own daughter. OK????????
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
This morning in a church in Boone, North Carolina. “Dear Lord, if there is any reason Trump should not be our president, just give us a sign. Any kind of sign...”
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 years
Just in case anyone was out there thinking he wasn’t a dick.
@thinkprogress
ThinkProgress
6 years
Maine’s Gov. LePage uses final days in office to resist expanding Medicaid
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
2 years
Judy Tenuta didn’t have to follow me on Twitter, but she did. That’s how nice she was. RIP
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
In my day, when uniformed men showed up in the city in strange vehicles without legal authority, they at least had a reason.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
5 years
We can’t get a doctor to tell us the status of Trump’s health, but today, he received a long-overdue Cohenoscopy.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
A Trump Rally
@paulapoundstone
Paula Poundstone
3 years
What event would you like to invite the Taliban to?
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 months
BREAKING: Court documents reveal that Hunter Biden used his father’s connections to save up to fifteen percent on his car insurance.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 years
Thanks for everything, Mom. 10/8/1931-7/13/2018.❤️
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
2 years
This year, I’m celebrating President’s Day by getting up at 5, tweeting about Oprah & Hillary, watching Fox and Friends, showing up for work at 11, wrapping it up at 4, starting a riot and then taking classified documents.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
Who's making "Oedipus" trend? Motherfuckers.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
2 years
Happy birthday to @TheRealTBone !!!
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
2 years
BREAKING: Trump has requested the court replace special master Dearie with special master John Barron.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
4 years
The reason I’m OK with cancelling an in-person Christmas to save thousands of lives this year? I’m not 8.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
6 years
@MMFlint Roy Moore never tried anyone as an adult.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
2 years
Wouldn’t it be awesome if Trump were arrested on the same day they fire Chuck Todd?
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
3 years
When the Afghan war started, we still had Radio Shack, Blockbuster Video, Circuit City, Sears, Tower Records and Yellow Pages.
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@RockyMntnMike
Rocky Mountain Mike
2 years
Businessmen are calling for an end to Texas Governor Abbott’s border inspections.
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