2024 Hugo Award Finalist
Black Nerd Problems: Essays on
@gallerybooks
Culture critic, content creator, Arakko liaison
Runs Social media for
@blknrdproblems
#AcrossTheSpiderverse
still got me thinking bout how Hobie and Margo's Black solidarity helped Miles where Peter and Gwen's conditional allyship hindered him and had to write it up
Cyclops using his beams to back dash is nasty work. The hand to hand and Blocking that punch with an elbow is nast werk. IT'S X-MEN '97 BUT SCOTT SUMMERS FLEXING HIS MARVEL VS CAPCOM '98 MOVE SET!
#XMen97
Charles: Humans must be given a chance to do better! You leave me no choice Magnus! *Forces Magneto to restore Earth's electromagnetic field*
Magneto: ARGHHH
Meanwhile, Bastion: He turned the power back on while I'm still free? Is Xavier dumb? I thought he was teacher?
#XMen97
Scott: *answers phone* Hey Sto--
Storm: I just saw your Trish Tilby interview... MUTIE, THAT'S WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT! RUN THEM NORMIES' LUNCH MONEY!
Scott: You don't think I went too far?
Storm: Your shirt was still tucked in, Scott. You ain't go far enough!
#XMen97
Jean: I'm just goin say it, that boy built like Randy Savage. He found out food is good as hell.
Scott: He ain't miss any meals or episodes of Matlock. I'll admit it, I'm too shook to tell'em to take out the trash.
Cable: *sigh* I can hear you.
Both: We're aware.
#XMen97
: We need to talk about how shit Beast's bedside manner is. Fam looked at that petri dish and just shouted "This bitch ain't Jean, yall." IN FRONT OF EVERYONE?! My guy, you can't pull her aside or ask folks to leave the room? Zero couth.
Hank scientifically messy af
#XMen97
Jubilee: *Crying* and-and-no one knew how to make the banana pudding right! And Cyclops yelled at me for watching Friends cause it was a rip off of Living Single but I wasn't even watching it, I fell asleep!
Storm: It's ok, I fall asleep to that white noise too.
Miles: Hey, is yall's spider sense constantly on too?
Hobie: Oh yea. All the time, innit?
Spider-Byte: Mmm-hmm
Jessica: You get used to it.
Gwen: I don't underst--- ...Nevermind. I got it.
Pema doesn't get enough credit. She signed up to kick start a new generation of air benders with nothing but love and a breeding kink. Everyone talking about the load of the air nation Tenzin had to carry but not the loads that Pe---
#XMen97
Nightcrawler: I'ma tell you the truth about my friend, Remy. Whatever fit he had on? He. Had. That. Shit. On. (THAT'S FACTS NOT CAP!) Gambit was the only person I know that could walk into a strip club and have strippers throwing money at him. (Tell'em Kurt!)
I die laughing thinking bout how when Bishop met the x-men he was in awe. He saw Jubilee and said, "Oh shit, Jubilation Lee?! The last X-Man! She grows up and becomes a legend among legends
Meanwhile, Jubilee 31 years later:
I'm never going to get over Storm asking Forge how he lost his hand & leg, that man pouring his heart out about it, and her response being "... I miss flying."
That was WILD behavior lol. She said, "Ya, thas real sad. ANYWAY, back to me. I miss being in the air and goin Fwoosh"
@grr_gladys
I'm saying. They made ass choices and there's room for redemption but thas a friendship where, we may never be as cool as we were before type thing. This is also great writing too where heroes make mistakes
#XMen97
Jubilee: Storm and Cyclops are probably the most mature adults. I really wanna be like them when I grow up.
*Meanwhile*
Storm: No way you're mvp over me for this season!
Cyclops: You think it's you?! You actually had to be around to be considered, Storm.
#XMen97
Cyclops: Hello, Ororo. You want to--
Storm: *Cali voice* Go shred the half pipe? You know it.
Cyclops: ...
Storm: We can hit some siiiiick kickflips
Cyclops: Just say you don't like the hat, Storm.
*Bastion sends sentinel primes worldwide*
Black Panther: *sigh* I have no idea what's happening but I know a white person is to blame and they're probably American.
Sentinel Prime: *punches glass*
Black Panther: ... Definitely American.
Biggest complaint about
#ThorLoveandThunder
and Thunder... Ain't no way Big Bad & Boujee Bast is sitting in an audience listening to fucking Zeus. AIN'T. NO. WAY. I could not suspend my disbelief for that shit.
Dr. Strange: All hell breaks loose and you're protecting the White House?
Iron Man: We were called in!
Dr. Strange: You coulda hung up.
Cap: It's complicated, Strange.
Dr. Strange: I'm in surgery. That's complicated, Rogers. The cop allegations never goin away.
I'm still not over Isaiah Bradley saying he beat the WD-40 off The Winter Soldier AND BROKE HIS METAL ARM at their first meeting. Black Widow ain't get it like that first time she met WS. Steve got WS in round 3. How nasty with the hands was Isaiah is the question I need answered
Peter B. Parker: Oh man our kids could totally have play dates!
Jessica: *revs bike engine*
Peter: I could sTOP BY AND WE COULD HANG OU---
Jessica: *revs bike engine louder*
Peter: A no, would suffice, Jessica.
Jessica: Wouldn't have been as funny tho, Peter.
@alaaaniissss
@BlerdyFeminist
All these years dying at this shit and did know this hilarity came from an interview being trash. Regina Hall is the ultimate adapter, shine through any damn thing!
Miles: Aye, a fellow gamer. You into Street Fighter?
Spider-Byte: Huh? Oh, in my world it's Concrete Warrior.
Miles: Mortal Kombat?
Spider-Byte: Corporal Conflict
Miles: Tekken?
Spider-Byte: Metal Palm
Miles: Samurai Shodown?
Spider-Byte: Colonizer Clash... it didn't sell well.
Charles: Now that you're part of Krakoa. People you wronged want an apology.
:--I A I--: The hell is an apology?
Charles: My guy, I have no idea. My former students be throwing that word and "accountability" at me, too.
:--I A I--: Yall just be saying shit to say shit, here
Scott: I'm not crazy, right? Trish was wylin?
Storm: Fam, she was! I have no idea who the hell she thought she was talking to. Only your wife, clone wife, and work wife can talk to you like that and none were in the room, soooo
Scott: 'Ro, the deleted footage is even wilder
Bastion: You failed to save Genosha 200 times?
Sinister: He a quitter.
Bastion: He don't love his momma.
Cable: Least my mom never banged an IBM computer.
Bastion: Sinister got the idea to make your mom after makin a bowl of soup + I can hug my mom, you gotta hug the ground
But he was in the comics. Giving mans his due aint revisionist history, it is growth. Also, Mans lost his father figure. His Baby. His "Girl(s)".
Yesterday's Scott is not Today's Cyclops. The price of the ruby quartz brick went up.
the cyclops revisionist history won’t fly on my watch, i am almost done with the rewatch of the original animated series and he was NOTHING like this or any of the other clips ive seen frm the new seasons
kevin fiege is pullin a fast one on yall
*
#XMEN97
Post mission*
Beast: But I thought everyone loved my flare for dramatic literature reciting
Cyclops: NOT WHEN WE GETTING SHOT AT, HANK! I'm calling you for back up not a Macbeth speech. In my ear talkin bout "Out, out brief candle." My mutie, shut up and shoot someone
Cyclops: Bitch.
Wolverine: ...
Cyclops: Damn, you aren't faking it. Look, If you die, Jean's goin' be heartbroken, but more importantly, Storm's going to keep bragging about being undefeated in Golden Eye!
Wolverine: ...She...camps...
Cyclops: I KNOW! It's so annoying
Peter: I'm just sayin you may wanna choose your words ...more carefully when calling Miles an anomaly.
Miguel: What?! All I said was the truth that he doesn't belong here. That his kind aren't---- oh shit
Peter: Yeahhhhhhhh
Miguel: Oh...oh god i hear it now. Ohhhhh no.
*Sees picture of Storm's date*
Cyclops: Oh my you! That's a fine man, right there.
Storm: I'm saying, What do you think h-
Cyclops: His kink is? Feet. Trust me, that's a feet guy.
Storm: Not what i was asking Scott.
Cyclops: But it's what ya shoulda be asking, Ororo.
Jean: I. AM. MOTHER!
Storm: Hahaaaa! YES! BEAT THEY ASS, SIS! THEY WAS TALKING BOUT YOUR BOI AND YA MAN! VIOLATE THEM!
Bastion: Whoa! I only talked crazy about Maddy--ARGH
Jean: *Burns Sinister*
Sinister: NOOO! MY MUTATIONS! JUST DON'T TAKE MY BBL! LEAVE ME WITH SOME DIGNITY
Miles: Did a police captain close to you die too, Hobie?
Hobie: Bruv, I don't mess wit any type of pig. I was rooting for the butch in Charlotte's Web.
Forge: So, the X-Men are lost in time and it's up to us to find them?
Bishop: Yep. You thinking what I'm thinking?
Forge: All Black and POC team?!
Bishop: Yep! Did we just become best friends?
Forge: Yep!
Storm: And boom, I got my powers back.
Cyclops: So while you were flying next to horses. Forge was laid out in a cave... dying?
Forge: It wasn't that bad. I didn't wanna ruin her moment
Storm: See what a supportive man looks like? Take note, Summers.
Scott: *laughs* Wow
Storm: The fuck happened at the
#HellfireGala
?!
Scott: Fam, I was in New York gettin sucker punched and thrown out my treehouse. Next thing I know, Jean's dead, mutants missing, and Orchis on tv like they Death Row Records at 95 Source Awards AND I GOTTA PAY THIS AMBULANCE BILL!
T'Chaka: President Kelly. I'd strongly urge you to NOT shoot missiles at the man keeping the asteroid up!
Steve: I'm with Black Panther, Sir.
Pres. Kelly: Mmm-hm. Light his ass up.
T'Chaka: Steve, when I tell you to get your whites in order, this the shit i'm talking about!
Cyclops: When Bastion get's here, we're jumping that man to high no-- Where's Rogue?
Rogue: See, I was wishing a mother fucker would and the lord done answered my prayers! Its been 30 minutes since i punched a bitch in the face and I was about to go through withdrawal
Jean: Ororo! GIRL! (It's been so messy here)
Storm: Girl! (I heard. You a whole step mom now)
Jean: Girl... (Don't remind me. Your powers are back?!)
Storm: Giiiirl (Yep, I got my powers back)
Jean: *sees Forge* Girl? (I see that ain't all you got)
Storm: Girlie (you clocked it)
Scott: Black & Brown mutants face worse discrimination cuz of their genes and the color of the skin. So white non presenting mutants shouldn't play oppression olympics.
Trish: Right. So those beams from your eyes, can you shoot them from your penis too? America wants to know
Wrote on Storm's date being a soft moment Black women don't often get in comics + seeing Storm in her head and being catered too... Then discussed that freakum dress displaying her Janelle Monáes
Cyclops: I can't possibly have heard that right. He did what?
Jean: Bastion beat Cable with his own arm. That motherfucker real and he's headed your way! Be rea--- Scott, why are Logan's thoughts barely a whisper?
Cyclops: Soooooo, funny story... Well, funny to me.
The
#Invincible
Atom Eve Special has some of the best action sequences in the entire series, that shit had me hollering in pure disbelief. INSANE!!!
#Invincible20
Cyclops: You dropped my kid, Bishop?! Is that why my son here looking like Sean Connery in Hunt For Red October?
Bishop: You try changing a diaper in the time stream. Had me looking like a struggling single dad in the check out aisle. And no one told me babies are always wet!
Jubilee: Magneto really did a number on him. He looks like a spilled plate of kimchi.
Cyclops: Looking at him like this has ruined jelly donuts for me.
Jubilee: Reminds me of that scene from Robo Cop when Murphy--
Cyclops: GETS SHOT UP! *laughs* We gotta hang out more Jubes.
*Meanwhile on Genosha*
Sebastian Shaw: Ms. Pryor? MS. PRYOR!
Madelyn: Huh? Oh. Sorry. My mind must have wandered.
Emma Frost: Yeah, into some dick. She was in Cyclops' mind bout to throw it back! Maddy naaaaasty, yal!
Bastion: If you don't get your party sparkler ass up outta here. Fuck you bout to d---?
*5 seconds later*
Jubilee: Talk crazy to me now. You over here leaking Mountain Dew and Ninja Turtle ooze. Got you bussed open like a Gusher. I'm from 90210 bitch.
Peter: Spider-Man 101. Your spider sense will warn you about danger.
Miles: Does it ever stop? Mines is constantly on.
Peter: What? It shouldn't always be o---oooooooh!
@tobiasbene
Which is good writing to me. Heroes can be wrong and be bad friends at times. It makes them human. We hust talking hout this moment, I'm sure there will Be a big come back moment for Gwen and Peter. Whether it's enough for us is a different story.
ATSV writing is beyond good!
Cyclops: Then, I realize it's the Contest of Champions and that's why Captain Marvel talking crazy
Storm: What she say?
Cyclops: That Logan and Jean are a better pair than me and Emma. I'm like, your partner died getting fisted by Thanos on your watch as a leader... Loser.
*Meanwhile at the Shi'ar Empire*
Deathbird: Now who my good sis lays with is her business but when it's a pink oo-oo-ahh-ahh from a backwater Milky Way ghetto of a planet with a hole in the ozone (which i didn't know was possible), I got questions
Charles: Damn, she cooking me
Cyclops: We're going to do what we been telling humanity to do. Embrace the future.
Storm: Cyclops is right. *Whispers* We're goin gain his trust then stomp'em right?
Cyclops: Hell yes. This ain't an afterschool special. We stompin that man
Storm: My mutie. Scared me for a sec
David Beckham calls out wife Victoria for saying she grew up ‘working class’ in new Netflix docuseries:
“Be honest! What car did your dad drive you to school in?”
Morph: Okay, his tech is from the future but these holographs look like they were drawn on an IBM computer
Beast: The graphics do feel a bit rudimentary
Wolverine: I don't trust America Online!
Cable: Everyone who doesn't know what wifi is shut up. Thank you... As I was saying
Bastion: Ow. Ow. Oww! ARE YOU HITTING ME WITH A WRENCH?!
Nightcrawler: Ja.
Bastion: I'm literally the most sophisticated human/machine hybrid and you're attack me with a plumber's tool?
Nightcrawler: You know vhen you hit a tv, vhen it acts right? I was hoping fer that effect
Wolverine: Why didn't you try to stop Genosha?!
Cable: You mean exactly what I been tryin to do for the past 30 years? Time always pulls me away. Thanks for making me speak my trauma. "wHy DiDn'T yOu StOp" GeNoShA?" Shut up.
Wolverine:...I don't sound like that
Cyclops: You do
*Minutes later*
Bastion: Where the momma jokes at now, Cable? Huh? You real quiet. You from the future, right? You see yourself getting strong armed like this? Ain't talking bout me being related to a super nintendo anymore now, huh?
*X weeks later. After Hellfire Gala*
Storm: Emma?
Emma: Storm?! Thank old money. I'm using Forge's telepathic satellite to reach you on Arakko. Mutants are outlawed!
Storm: I'm at war with Gene-- what are you wearing?
Emma: It's a disguise
Storm: *Laughs* Bitch, It's a mistake
Monica Rambeau strolled through Port Authority and changed Peter Parker's whole life. That man started watching Soul Train, goin' into bodegas for a bacon, egg, and cheese, then bought a dookie chain, an adidas track suit, and roller skates. MONICA HAD MANS SPRUNG!
Charles: I'm the kinda G the little muties wanna be like// On my knees in the night, sayin' prayers in the streetlight becauseeeee?
Gladiator: You keep spending most your life living in a Gangsta's Paradise?
Charles: YES! YES, you're learning!
DeathBird: ...I hate it here.
Nightcrawler: Scheisse! Rogue is one-vee-oneing him something vierce.
Cyclops: DID SHE JUST HEADBUTT HIM?! Your sister goin NBA Jam on this man.
Nightcrawler: Sie brennt dafür!
Cyclops: Boomshakalaka!
*Anita Baker playing*
Storm: I'm excited to finally meet your foster siblings from the orphanage, Scott.
Cyclops: AYE, ANITA STILL SINGING SO YALL BETTER STILL BE CLEANING. I DON'T WANT MY FAMILY SEEIN HOW MESSY YALL ARE. WE AIN'T READY TO TAKE THE PLASTIC OFF THE COUCH YET
Forge: Still mad at me?
Storm: YES and I won't be over it for a minute
Forge: Your feelings are valid. I'll be right beside you for as long as you need to be mad for. I don't mind the wa---Whoa! What are you doin?
Storm: Getting over it. Now show me them sex toys you invented.
As of now in Captain America Symbol of Truth, Black folk can apply for visas to live in Wakanda. This is wild af and should be a much bigger deal in Marvel Universe. There's so much to say about this that can't be contained in a twitter thread
Black fathers born between 1950 and 1965 are always Silver Surfer fans. This is a scientific law. Dads go up for Norrin Radd and he a whole Black man in their headcannon.
#XMen97
Scott: Forge is cooking you dinner tonight? Sounds good. You deserve.
Storm: I've been down since I lost my powers but if he keep walking round here in them short shorts, I'ma make it rain on him.
Scott: We talking Whitewater rapids or havin him building Noah's Ark?
Doctor Doom: They tried to charge Doom 3.99 a pound for grapes!
Namor: You burned the store down, right?
Dr. Doom: Of course! *notices news* Wait, YOU FLOODED WAKANDA?
Namor: Heh, let's just say they goin have the change the salute from
#WakandaForever
to Wakanda sometimes.
Nightcrawler: Remy was always there to help. When Beast started an Only Fans, who took pictures of his feet? When Jubilee had acne, who was with her in a mud mask going over skin care routines? When Jean cooked, who made sure we all survived? Y'all know it was Remy
Sentinel: *knocks Magneto down*
Gambit: Magneto! You okay?!
Magneto: Gambit, I'm pushing 80 and just crashed into what I assume is a *looks back* '76 Oldsmobile Cutlass. I am very much not okay.
Gambit: Good... but you ain't dead yet. Come mon ami, We got more fight left in us
Jean: THEY SENT MISSILES AT US?!
Cyclops: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!
Storm: Hear me out... I say we push this asteroid over and let it land on the white house.
Cyclops: Storm, we can't do that... without checking the math.
Hank: Jean link me with Forge. We can make it happen
*1 week later*
Cyclops: What happened?
Storm: *Sigh* There was a new girl at the salon... Go ahead. Get your jokes off
Cyclops: Storm, you think I'd make fun of you like you did me, in your time of need? C'moooon. We're friends. I'd never insult--- THE PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS!
Xavier: We come in peace!
Beast: Yes! Tell us your name, friend.
Apocalypse: Many thanks. Those guys sold me some overpriced grapes--it's a long story. Anyway. My name is En Sabah Nur.
*Silence*
Apoc: What? ...Fuck yall staring at?
Scott: We're putting lunch orders in. I can't resume the meeting till you decide and don't say whatever caus--
Logan: Your OCD is showing Summers. Get whatever.
Scott: ... Logan, you're on Blue team facing Magneto. Dismissed.
Cable: But he's made of m--
Scott: I said dismissed
Jubilee: You're not getting by me, Scott.
Cyclops: *laughs to himself while dribbling basketball*
Jubilee: What's so funny?
Scott: The time you thought you could pull off bangs.
Jubilee: What, you said you lik--
Scott: *shoots* That's good *lands 3 pointer*
Charles: Magneto, you're going too f---
Magneto: YOU CAN'T HOUSE MUTIE YOUR WAY INTO HUMANITY'S GOOD GRACES, CHARLES! THERE! I SAID IT. GAWD MAN. FIGURATIVELY STAND UP.
Craig of NASA was willing to step to Uranos' War of the World killing machine mechs, knowing he'd die, all so two mutant children could run away/retreat... Storm saw that shit and dubbed that man BASED. CRAIG MARSHALL IS OF ARAKKO!
@blackcomiclords
@Marvel
@theblackpanther
Don’t think it’s rebounded - she moved on . Like we all do when a relationship ends. Craig . Corny nahh. He works for NASA. You don’t need to be a superhéroe or an Immortal to be interesting . I like the fact that he’s a non mutant . A human . That says a lot .
President Kelly: We can still fix this, right Cap?
Captain America: I get why the world hates us now
President Kelly: Tony, you're a genius. What can we do? Tony? TONY!
Iron Man: *singing to self* Money, Power, Respect. What you need in life! Mone-- Oh, sorry, whats happening?
Charles: I left my legacy to Magneto because I wanted you two to have a life outside of the X-Men. I didn't want to cast this burden upon you.
Jean: Sooo, that worked out swell.
Charles: Scott, please. Say something.
Scott: .... .... Your middle name is Francis?
Ms. Marvel (Kamala Khan), Spider-Man (Miles Morales) and Nova (Sam Alexander) are the hardest trio in Marvel 616. The way the stepped away from the Avengers to DIY their own team still goes incredibly hard
*Somewhere in the future*
Cyclops: I'm... pretty sure that's our son.
Jean: We could be anywhere in time. How do y--
Nathan: Salutations! I sense you are non-performative allies to those in struggle. Would either of you care for a bean pie?
Jean: Never mind.
Cyclops: Cool hat!