Neil Hamburger @NeilHamburger Twitter profile

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

9 months

Neil Hamburger presents SEASONAL DEPRESSION SUITE -

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Last Seen Profiles

@JBPara999

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@EmcYap

Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

2 years

Most used word in Red Hot Chili Peppers interviews: SPIRITUAL Most used word in Red Hot Chili Peppers lyrics: DICK

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

1 year

A KISS reunion! All original members!

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

6 months

Is not their music a curse?

CONSEQUENCE

@consequence

6 months

Dave Grohl needed a "NO CURSING" sign to remind him not to curse during Foo Fighters' concert in Abu Dhabi. Usage of the F-word is considered a crime, punishable by up to a year in prison.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

2 years

Congratulations to all who bought tickets to this event!

MTV NEWS

@MTVNEWS

2 years

. @DojaCat announced the Mexican pizza is returning to Taco Bell during her #Coachella set: "I brought back the Mexican pizza by the way!"

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

2 years

Whoever has the power to announce "this is our final episode, and it will only be 1 minute long."

Saturday Night Live - SNL

@nbcsnl

2 years

let us know in the replies! ⬇️

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

2 years

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

4 years

I've worn the same tux onstage for the last two decades, and no one has ever called me a winner.

Stella McCartney

@StellaMcCartney

4 years

This man is a winner… wearing custom Stella because he chooses to make choices for the future of the planet. He has also chosen to wear this same Tux for the entire award season to reduce waste. I am proud to join forces with you... x Stella #JoaquinPhoenix #GoldenGlobes

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

5 years

“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”—VERY condescending.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 years

Prison terms for all involved.

Netflix Tudum

@NetflixTudum

3 years

When you think British royals, you think '80s glam-rock musical, right? Allow us to introduce “This Is How Your People Dance,” a perfect taste of the glitzy surprises in DIANA: THE MUSICAL (premiering October 1 on Netflix) ✨

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

5 years

Brody Stevens ditching “material” was like Dylan going electric! Man I’m gonna miss hearing him running through Valley high school names, or regurgitating his resume, and making it funnier than any joke.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 years

Sadly, this IS what passes for literature these days.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

7 years

Jesus Christ said that, in the Book of Matthew. He knew nothing of your breaded balls of discarded waste meat.

Burger King

@BurgerKing

7 years

Whoever said money cannot buy happiness probably doesn’t know that nuggets are $1.49.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

4 years

I would’ve enjoyed HIS covid19 jokes! #VisitThisBench #BrodyStevens #Reseda #818

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

8 years

*Drugs wear off* *Calls 911* *Body of partially-eaten boyfriend is taken away* *Is arrested* *There never were any nuggets*

Burger King

@BurgerKing

8 years

*Builds boyfriend out of nuggets* *Eats boyfriend*

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 years

Fuck Armageddon, This is Hell

BrooklynVegan

@brooklynvegan

3 years

Foo Fighters releasing Bee Gees tribute LP 'Hail Satin' as the DEE GEES for Record Store Day in July #RSD2021

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

2 years

#FREETHEPEOPLESJOKER

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

5 years

Neither does “dinner at Applebee’s”

Applebee's Grill + Bar

@Applebees

5 years

santa coming down your chimney doesn't sound so great as an adult

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

5 years

toilet > applebees

Applebee's Grill + Bar

@Applebees

5 years

beer garden > zen garden

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

5 years

So so so brokenhearted about the death of @BrodyismeFriend . A pal and one of the most completely unique comics of all time. At the top of my list. His show was a breathtaking whirlwind unlike anything I've ever seen before...what "improv" should be, but never is. A true GREAT.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

4 years

If you did, you’d find hundreds of his extremely low-quality songs.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 years

Now playing on the @Criterion channel!

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

1 year

Dave Chapelle brought one of the world's richest men onto the stage at his show; a charmless oaf who was promptly booed. I will be bringing one of the world's poorest men onto the stage at my shows; he will put on a spectacular show and will be cheered! @MajorEntertainr

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

6 years

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

2 years

R.I.P. Michael Nesmith. A great songwriter and singer, a true American original, and a very funny guy. And his final performances were truly mesmerizing.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

4 years

I still have them. I bought them in Japan in 1995.

aja argentö 🗡️

@grindhousebabe

4 years

@NeilHamburger what ever happened to gay cigarettes?

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

4 years

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

2 years

Never heard of any of these people, and not a musical instrument in sight!

Rolling Stone

@RollingStone

2 years

Relive #Coachella 2022 with our massive photo gallery, featuring our best shots from all three days.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

5 years

How prescient of her; she didn’t want a future with a jerk who tweets bullshit for Applebee’s for a living.

Applebee's Grill + Bar

@Applebees

5 years

the first girl i ever asked to dance said no.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

7 years

Christ himself preferred thorns to this circular pile of waste oil and fluorescent dye.

My Food and Family

@myfoodandfamily

7 years

This Easy Cheese Wreath is so gorgeous, you almost won't want to eat it!

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

8 years

...for a baby born into a toilet and abandoned there. #call911

Burger King

@BurgerKing

8 years

Whopper Jr. would be an excellent baby name.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 months

James Addiction should never have been nominated to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, he only had one hit.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

8 years

*Dies soon after. Autopsy reveals bacterial poisoning and intestinal parasites from undercooked waste meat*

Burger King

@BurgerKing

8 years

*Wakes up from food coma. Goes back to BK*

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 years

Seems that @ace_frehley is in town!

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

8 years

*When truck is full, proceeds to City Dump, as per orders of County Health Department.*

Burger King

@BurgerKing

8 years

*Pulls up to drive-thru in pick-up truck, loads it with burgers.*

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

6 years

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

7 years

"Remember that scary weirdo that plopped a handful of waste meat into my hands when I asked for his contact info after he rear-ended me?"

Burger King

@BurgerKing

7 years

When they ask for your business card, give them a flame-grilled patty. They’ll never forget you.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

7 years

My dream was to be broke and depressed and picking soggy cereal out of a cup of frozen corn syrup.

Burger King

@BurgerKing

7 years

We have a Froot Loops Shake in case you were wondering if childhood dreams come true.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

2 years

Now and then

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

5 years

Sad times at the arcade.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

5 years

You only need a few seconds a day to do what you do.

Skrillex

@Skrillex

5 years

I wish I could quadruple the hours in these days

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

4 years

Had she lived, #JanisJoplin would've turned 100 years old tomorrow. Happy Birthday, Pearl!

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

7 years

Not a good situation.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 years

🏃2⃣the🚽after getting🤮from🍎🐝🐝

Applebee's Grill + Bar

@Applebees

3 years

Help us finish the lyrics: 🎩 like 🍎🐝🐝 on a 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨🌙

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 years

R.I.P. Dean Stockwell. Was honored and thrilled to work with "The Boy With Green Hair"!

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

4 years

Attention: shut-ins. (Everyone.) Our new service launches this week!

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

7 years

Still upset about this. Wound that never heals.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

5 years

A great David Berman concept...:

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

5 years

You are the pied piper of shit, leading drug-fucked lambs to feed at a trough full of your musical dung. The laptop loaded with your rotten blips and bleeps should be run over by one of the two buses hired to get people out of that garbage festival.

ILLENIUM

@ILLENIUM

5 years

My @ultra set will be streaming at 11pm EST tonight!! Watch at

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

5 years

Thanks for the opportunity! " @Skrillex : SEND US DRAWINGS OF ME and @boysnoize AND WE’LL MAKE COLLECTABLE TOYS OF THEM🤯🤯🤯🐸🐸🙂🙂"

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

8 years

*Takes off giveaway cardboard crown* *Squats behind Burger King dumpster* *Defecates blood and worms*

Burger King

@BurgerKing

8 years

*Puts on Burger King crown* *Declares kingship of meal*

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 months

That's you in the toi-let

Michael Stipe

@stipemichael_

3 months

Thats me in the corner

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

5 years

The lie is "This is a fun game".

Tiësto

@tiesto

5 years

Which one do you guys think is the lie?! 🤭 Send me your list and I’ll try to guess yours too!

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 years

Home of Oscar The Grouch's estranged idiot brother.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

7 years

Your definition of "going through puberty" is disturbingly similar to Jeffrey Dahmer's.

Burger King

@BurgerKing

7 years

Fries are just potatoes that went through puberty.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

1 year

For that 44 billion, @ElonMusk could’ve released 220 million live Canned Heat albums on CD-R in editions of 100 copies each.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 years

It's true--I will be trying my best to keep this beloved franchise afloat while Tim is busy cutting the ribbon on a new chain of electronics shops in Alberta. I have a full roster of varied guests from the world of show business; tune in this Thursday!

Office Hours Live with Tim Heidecker

@OfficeHrsLive

3 years

First the bad news: Tim is away for most of June so he won't be hosting Office Hours. Now the good news: The great @NeilHamburger will be guest hosting while he's gone! So tune in this Thursday for exciting guests and lots of laffs.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

4 years

Thank you Tom, for bringing my sad words to life

Tom Green

@tomgreenlive

4 years

Thank you to the legendary @NeilHamburger for the lovely postcard #americasfunnyman

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

4 years

No; this oppressively unfunny clip scared me off.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

8 years

Nobody panic. We still have @Maroon5 @RascalFlatts @FooFighters @KanyeWest @Nickelback @FallOutBoy @Drake @TedNugent @Echosmith @LinkinPark

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

1 year

Thy gut is fouled

TGI Fridays

@TGIFridays

1 year

What else could TGIF stand for? ⬇️

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

1 year

Gene Simmons

Eric Alper 🎧

@ThatEricAlper

1 year

Who do you think is the most universally liked person in the world?

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

7 years

Is it any surprise these guys can relate to someone hawking a substandard product using vintage fonts and "cool" design elements...?

Arcade Fire

@arcadefire

7 years

Sometimes you see another marketing campaign and you just have to bow down to the genius. Great job @kfc

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 years

59th anniversaries are not traditionally celebrated; you guys need to spend less time thumbing through the calendar, and more time PRACTISING your songs; you have sounded like Hell for many years.

The Rolling Stones

@RollingStones

3 years

Celebrating 59 years today since the very first line up of the Rolling Stones played their first ever gig at London's Marquee Club!

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

7 years

A brain injury caused by a blow to the head: now available in dessert form.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

2 years

Violation of the Eighth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution prohibiting "cruel and unusual punishment," as well as the California Constitution Article I Section 17, "Cruel or unusual punishment may not be inflicted."

Metallica

@Metallica

2 years

#OnThisDay in 2003, we filmed the music video for “St. Anger” at San Quentin State Prison. Here is some behind the scenes footage from that video shoot.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

2 years

I'll bet you are! Flies are attracted to shit!

DukeDumont

@DukeDumont

2 years

Excited for this one. #Lollapalooza

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

7 years

Even if it ran exactly as advertised, #fyre was always going to be Hell on Earth.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

6 years

╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ THIS ladder leads to a basement dumpster full of barely-touched Tres Leches Pancakes, scraped from the plates of disappointed customers.

IHOP

@IHOP

6 years

the truth is at the bottom of the ladder ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ ╬═╬ you’re craving our Tres Leches Pancakes

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

6 years

And yours DO taste like they’re made of flame-retardant foam, latex, feathers, fungal spores, and accumulated drool.

IHOP

@IHOP

6 years

Pancakes are like little pillows you can eat.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

2 years

Hey ⁦ @ChoiceHotels ⁩, why did you frame these?

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

7 years

HELP!!!!!

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

5 years

Congratulations to @Walgreens for their latest Award!!!

Walgreens tops list for illegal cigarette sales to minors

FDA says the drugstore chain has racked up nearly 1,800 violations for selling tobacco products to children

www.cbsnews.com

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

4 years

You-Tube has been an interesting Channel lately to compete with ABC and the others. Here's good friend @TimHeidecker on tour at the peak of his powers with a great new TV special full of two dozen classic routines I have enjoyed many times in the Past.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

1 year

Dean Stockwell on the set of "Entertainment", August 4, 2014.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

8 years

An expose on the filth and waste meat that goes into nuggets has an audience! Count me in for 5 copies.

Burger King

@BurgerKing

8 years

They say write about what you know but not sure if this book about nuggets is gonna sell.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 years

Returning to the stage in August!

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 years

Narcissists constantly on the lookout for opportunities that will land them news coverage to help promote their awful music? Not an ideal world.

Toby Tarrant

@tobytarrant

3 years

If the world was just made of people like Dave Grohl it would be absolutely perfect 🥰

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

5 years

More info needed about the lifestyle in question.

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

8 years

*Nuggets absorb ammonia-like aroma from urine-soaked pants* *Curls up on carpet remnant* *Coroner finds old nuggets in pocket 3 days later*

Burger King

@BurgerKing

8 years

*Places nuggets in pocket for later*

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

1 year

"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

2 years

A shorter horror story: dinner at TGIFridays.

TGI Fridays

@TGIFridays

2 years

Shortest horror story: someone eats your last potato skin

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

4 years

How about we “celebrate” by giving you a rabies shot and tossing you in jail for a year?

Ozzy Osbourne

@OzzyOsbourne

4 years

Today marks the 38th Anniversary since I bit a head off a f*cking bat! To celebrate get your 12" plush bat with detachable head now

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

2 years

It's curtains for you, Uncle Ben!

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 years

Is this typical of your products, @Sabra ?

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

7 years

You, your ugly graphics, and horrible, worthless music all disappear.

Skrillex

@Skrillex

7 years

Make a wish

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

8 years

Certified bad guy!

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Neil Hamburger

@NeilHamburger

3 years

Due to worldwide catastrophe, the only live show I've done in the last year was in October, opening for @MrBungle , before an audience of zero. My full set is included on the DVD/Blu-Ray edition of "The Night They Came Home", being released June 11th by @IpecacRec

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