Alexandra Haddow @MissAHaddow Twitter profile

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Alexandra Haddow

1 month

ONLY LONDON DATE OF MY DEBUT SHOW IS HERE (and you get two shows!):

Adam Flood + Alexandra Haddow Tickets | £22.66 | 29 May @ MOTH Club, London | DICE

Two fast rising comedians on the circuit, Adam Flood and Alexandra Haddow, bring their sellout Fringe shows to MOTH club, filmed live for special release. Fu...

dice.fm

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

The producers of The Crown watching the queue and thinking about how many extras they're gonna need to pay for season 9

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Paul McCartney is a great advert for vegetarianism, look at him, 80! John Lennon never embraced it and he didn’t live half as long. Makes you think

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

If you’re having a bad day, my sister was on a zoom hen do last night where the bride-to-be got so drunk she shaved her head on screen

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

Sometimes I think I’ve got my shit together and then I remember we still only have a cheese grater I won in a cracker

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Delighted to announce I’m now in the same club as Mick Lynch having both confused Kay Burley this week

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

My mate was having sex with her new boyfriend and said ‘Call me a slut’ and he panicked and said ‘You’re a slag and nobody likes you.’

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

British kids in schools if they finally change the history curriculum to feature colonialism:

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

How does he know they’re straight? They might be absolutely knee deep in hero cock as we speak

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Good job she didn’t have the baby at home, Boris would have no idea about it

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

3 years

An anti-protest bill, removing comedy shows criticising the government, pre-approving journalist questions, no consequences for giving their mates billions of pounds of public money, police corruption, almost feels like...ah what’s that word

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

Jeez it’s sweltering today. What I wouldn’t give to be Prince Andrew

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

3 years

Thoughts and prayers to Gina’s husband who has to stare down the fact that the ‘other man’ is a guy who definitely wore his school uniform voluntarily on non-uniform day

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

1 year

Just heard Bear Grylls on Louis Theroux saying he doesn't call it an 'alarm clock' he calls it an 'opportunity clock' and I think I could use my vagina as sandpaper now

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Oh sure Carrie Symmonds gets a 100k role, a husband and two kids out of her blow job, and all I got was a polite request to ‘Leave this Harvester’. This is classism.

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

1 year

Pray for the employees of Pandora who, for the next 40 minutes, will save Christmas by serving approximately 34 men a minute until closing

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

Swear to god if this brings back zoom quizzes I will riot

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Hear me out, we send the Tories to Rwanda and the refugees can have a go at running the country

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Feel sorry for Sue Gray cos every time she goes to a party for the rest of her life some Rupert is gonna say ‘Ooop don’t write a report about this one!’

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Finally achieved my dream of getting on the BBC this morning, being introduced as ‘Alexandra Haddow, who will be all alone this Christmas with no friends’

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Personal trainer: What do you want to be? Me:

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

5 years

'I've just come on.' - Repetitive, boring, clinical. 'Once again I find myself without an heir.' - Regal, mysterious, ominous, brave.

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

WE’VE ALL ALREADY GOT SECRET SECOND MUGGLE JOBS RISHI YOU PRICK

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

A man on Naked Attraction just looked at a vagina and in a Brummy accent said ‘oooo I’d tuck into that’ - how have men ever had sex

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

5 years

Michael Gove looks like that woman Janet who lives across the street and reported you for watering your garden during the hosepipe ban 'for your own good'

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Always nice to help out a fan

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

1 year

I wonder how many times Billie Piper has googled ‘Can you unfuck someone?’

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Thought this was a scene from Elf

Daily Mail Online

@MailOnline

2 years

Unseen photo shows exhausted Beefeaters taking a rest from guarding the Queen's coffin Full story:

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

11 months

Ahhh, what a lovely relaxing Bank Holiday, now to log on for my first day as the PR Manager for very cool and popular band Royal Blood

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

3 years

My codename for when a man is going down on me

BBC News (UK)

@BBCNews

3 years

'Tom Cruise is in my Warwickshire garden'

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

7 years

When your mum drags you to her book club cos she hasn't got childcare

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

7 years

Find your hipster pop-up restaurant name by taking the way you'd least like to die, followed by the meat you'd like to try least

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

@EH_Stonehenge Something ancient and now pointless that we keep under the guise of tourism, projected onto stone henge

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

1 year

A nonce defender on legal tender?

The Royal Mint

@RoyalMintUK

1 year

You've heard of elf on the shelf. Now get ready for...

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

5 years

Any woman: I love your dress! my brain: don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it me: Oh thanks! It was only £1 in the sale of a brand I can't afford let me prove to you I'm not rich

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

From 45p to P45

The Telegraph

@Telegraph

2 years

🚨 BREAKING: Liz Truss has sacked Kwasi Kwarteng as Chancellor, The Telegraph understands

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

@BDavisCollins I watched it in my living room and felt so alive I shouted ‘I’m never sucking a dick again!’ (It didn’t last but that’s not the point)

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

3 years

The boobs in Bridgerton

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Did anybody else know John Lennon was shot?

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

1 year

‘Are you in business?’

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

8 months

Not my proudest wank

Manfuego

@manfuego007

8 months

Is it just me or is Uncle Albert fucking hench?

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Looking fit a full time replier to this tweet for people who tell me John Lennon was shot as it currently can’t fit in with my workload

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Coronation Chicken was invented to mark a Royal milestone so when is someone gonna make Nonce Beef a thing?

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

3 years

We know it's #notallmen who are unsafe, but its #allwomen who feel unsafe

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

6 years

'What are Sweden's tactics?' '4-4-2' 'Cool, and England's?' 'Gareth Southgate went back in time to miss a penalty, ultimately turning him into a mentally strong, good person and manager, thus creating a narrative whereby even people who don't want us to win, want us to win.'

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Why is nobody questioning Zouma's cat's past behaviour and sexual relationships and saying we should wait till we have all the facts before we judge?

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

1 year

This concert is an absolute car crash. Which is weird cos you’d think that’s the last thing they’d want us to be thinking about

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

1 year

Pub Quiz in 2040: ‘Who started the revolution against the fascist government in 2023?’

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

May 3rd: Fingered Gina in the loos again lol, it was fun. She is nice. May 4th: People still dying. Remember to get pasta sauce on the way home. May 5th: Thinking about spunking £37 billion on an app, what am I like?! Quite nice weather today.

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

Yeah sure there’s a lot to be ashamed of when it comes to being British, especially at the moment, but never forget we’re the nation that when George Michael crashed his car into the wall of a Snappy Snaps, someone wrote ‘WHAM!’ On the dent.

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

3 years

I wrote this ad! ☺️

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

3 years

Almost rosé season ladies!

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

Corona is like getting over your ex, you wake up, sun streaming through the window, and for ten seconds you’re thinking ah what a lovely day, maybe I’ll go and have a coffee or OH BALLS YEAH I FORGOT EVERYTHING IS SHIT

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

I bet she’s not even in the coffin

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

BREAKING: The queue has reached Centre Parcs

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

3 years

Pitch: hangover butlers. You hire them between 1-3am the previous night when you know you’ve gone too far. They arrive at 9am and make you toast, a sugary tea, bring you a Diet Coke and a home cooked lunch, carry you to the sofa, then leave to save another life

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

Fixed it

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

The Queue is Tory Glastonbury

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

6 years

Imagine falling in love with someone and then finding out they watch TV with the big light on

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

3 years

Me on Love Island in a vintage blazer asking everyone what they thought of the latest Sally Rooney with factor 50 on

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Can’t believe it. All this because a bacon sandwich was eaten like it was on fire in 2014

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

5 years

At this stage I feel like the roadworks at Highbury & Islington roundabout are surely a money laundering scheme

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

3 years

Lee Cain looks like a footballer on loan to Grimsby at the end of a solid career saving teams from Premier League relegation

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

I'd argue it's actually Boris who couldn't have come at a worse time

JANET STREET-PORTER: The PM's baby couldn't have come at a worse time

JANET STREET-PORTER: Middle-aged father-of-five (or maybe six) has - yet another - baby: So will Boris Junior be a welcome small dose of 'good news' for house-bound Brits?

www.dailymail.co.uk

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

1 year

So explain the 2008 financial crash to me, in Lehman’s terms

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

5 months

Finding out Shane MacGowan was born in Kent and went to a private prep school and then Westminster

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

10 months

@SeanBurkeShow I bet he gets so much done

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

1 year

@Iromg It's a fake vagina. (Look up vagina I haven't got the time to explain that as well)

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Took my Nan to the security office in ASDA earlier and told her it was a flight simulator. Anything I can do to brighten her week and get her out x

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

OK who do I sue if I’m never able to get wet ever again

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 months

'Prosecco for the wife and whatever most people in here are having for me please.'

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Sadly she deleted this shortly after, I imagine after a frenzied call from a PR

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

He’s not gonna shag you Nadine, and that’s more of an insult than it usually is

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

1 year

Love the footage of Ian Wright celebrating his head off at that goal and Roy Keane just writing his list of who’s tires he’s gonna slash

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

@ncchrconsult That’s the….never mind

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

3 years

[Right] Me at house parties:

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

My friend just admitted to me that when he was a kid he had a crush on Zoe Ball so when his mum was out the room he used to get his bum out and ‘show it to her’ when she was on TV. He was ‘four or five’ at the time. Tears streaming down my face.

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

If I put on an Indie night in East London, fiver in, and we all just pretended it was 10-15 years ago for a night, who would come? Would it just be me and a DJ? (Still keen tbh)

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

3 months

#neverforget

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

5 years

My pal from Uni told me today that he's waiting for an offer on a house in the suburbs with his wife. Yesterday I was sat on Clapton station platform in my dress from the night before doing my make-up using a chrome cheese grater as a mirror.

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

3 years

Are Balenciaga on glue?

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

1 year

@Iromg don't worry Mike you'll get your Union Jack flesh light eventually

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

Pigs in banquets

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Would genuinely love to interview the people of Somerset who look at Rees-Mogg and think "Yeah, cool, him"

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

Do I want a boyfriend or do I just want an audience for nice underwear

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

1 year

‘Fifteen years of wages stagnation has left British people £11k worse off a year’ - brb just trying to work out what else might have happened around that time

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

2 years

Tall men don’t start wars

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

6 years

Can we screen Love Island on big screens in parks and pubs this summer as well as the World Cup?

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

4 years

ratio of people saying I made this up, to people enjoying it (literally why would I make it up?) Men : Women

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

1 year

I should call him

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

8 months

Football Managers and the date they’d take you on: 1. Alex Ferguson Pie and beans down the nearest pub. Half a shandy at the bar afterwards. Brief sex in the dark and straight on Teletext to look for holidays the second it was over

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

1 year

Remembering fondly a date I was on recently where we walked along the seafront and the moon was huge, and I said to him let's make a wish! I wish that we'll always make each other laugh and be happy, and his wish was that his team won the league this season x

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Alexandra Haddow

@MissAHaddow

3 years

So...Jeremy Clarkson bought a flat in order to see Diana emerging from the gym and then was annoyed that she died a week later