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Matt Cooke

@MattCooke2000

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10
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39
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637
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Former NHL player, High school hockey diehard. parody account not real

Edina, MN
Joined January 2022
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
He’s more crazy than my ex wife
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 months
Oh lord take me back to the good old days when this fucker ruled the land we walk on! #Royalty
@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Fucking man rocket
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
Gavyn Thoreson have yourself a night. He is going to get to fiddle with some clits tonight, it’s gonna be a water park so bring your goggles,snorkels and foam noodles. We don’t need anyone to drown on such a great weekend. #Huskienation
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
@FollowThePuck Not a Duluth East guy like @KarlEastHockey but no Cole Christian on this list is criminal…
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Alex Bump is Jesus fucking Christ. Hatty in the first period omg I just mayo squirted in my pants
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Gigi Marvin can you please shut the fuck idc if you played women’s hockey. You sound like a squeaky tire on a shopping cart… #firegigi
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 months
Find it weird Kam Hendrickson didn’t say where he is playing juniors next year. You would think he’s got the scouts on their knees.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
To be honest with you guys I would rather stick my balls in a hornets nest then watch the Pine City Area vs Northern Edge game…
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
If Alex Bump doesn’t get a post game BJ I will give him my hotel room number
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Just saw the video of Grady Downs and holy fuck that kid should be kicked out of the game of hockey. What an absolute ass hat 🎩 #fuckingselfish #dickhead
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
Mahtomedi-The Zephers finished with a 20-8 before punching their ticket to the X. Charlie Brant and Andrew Reister had huge shoes to fill after Ben Dardis graduated. Both have done a nice job doing so. They are a little top heavy with their top 10 point-getters 7 being seniors.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Tough couple days for the hunters
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Lakeville South and Lakeville North should be a great game tonight same with MG and Rapids.Pretty decent slate of games tonight in the state of hockey.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
@spittinchiclets Holy fuck looks like me going at it with my mom after she won’t make me fucking meatloaf.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Ok I miss spoke Alexandria beat Beckenridge/Whahpeton 19-0 for fuck sakes. I bet that team is made up of half women and half pre schoolers…
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
I’m fucking back baby you can only keep me away for so long
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
I would pound my nuts flat with a wooden mallet to have another week of Highschool hockey…
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Wow was Hill-Murray vs Moorhead a good one and my bro Godbout had 2 points. Wish I could have made my way up there and went across the border to Fargo and fucked up the pizza ranch then obliterate the fucking toilet while I cry because I ate more food then Africa would in a week.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
What a fucking day it was for high school hockey some upsets some ties and me still living in my parents house being an obese loser that’s a virgin
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
What a tournament one more great one down in the books. Can’t wait till next year when I can legally snort coke. Wait is coke legal? Who cares when it’s the tourney and I right and one more thing FUCK EDINA #Bump #Mrhockey
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
@HAHA_Hockey They must be playing the local nursing home
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Looks like Hill-Murray is gonna do some mid season recruiting after the departure of their starting goalie. We all know the back up tendy wouldn’t crack the Pine City squirt lineup
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Goodnight folks hope everyone has a great night besides the Edina Hornets
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
@MNHockeyStar Big move! Expecting big things out of him and the team
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
For the love of all things holy I can not listen to Gigi Marvin for one more second I would rather try to shit out a watermelon than listen to her fucking bullshit.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
9 months
@JamesMurrayECH @Alexbump14 how we feeling about the Bulldogs ?!
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 months
Nothing official yet but I’m hearing the Hermantown Hawks are close to acquiring Zam Plante and a conditional late round pick from Fargo for 3 future first round picks and 1 of their 7 coaches not named Pat Andrews. #NHLTradeDeadline
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Joshua Giuliani just took Ty Hanson out on a date and fucked him and his bulldog scholarship 🐶 #soft
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 months
@YouthHockeyHub This is a rockstar quote by Poeschl
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
What a bunch of totlers 🥔
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
Charlie Drage with the biggest fuck you to the ref Auston Mattews style wow…
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
My god Hopkins got fucked worse than my teddy bear named snuggles tonight… 14-0 🐻
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Max literally took Gundersons water bottle and shoved it up his fucking ass (without lube) that dirty dog…
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Love hearing the Hill student section say start the busses 10 seconds in and then Tanner Ludtke shutting them the fuck up
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
Warroad redemption?
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
@MNHockeyStar Dave are you on fucking crystal meth? Warroad is going to give them the biggest wedgie and then yank their skiviez all the way down to their talons #notachance
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Hermantowns PP is more gross than my shit after McDonald’s. It’s 40% my god #IlovemnhockeyTV
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Am I right or am I right ?
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
For the love of god WBL must have been playing Rosevilles Ice Mites tonight. 13-0 are you fucking serious #pointnite
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Wow was I off about the Hill game. I’m just gonna act like I never said that and go chug some pink whit and get absolutely piled up and try to forget
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Why must Hermantown fuck North Shore up like that like are you kidding me 13-0.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Peter Mulder just committed first degree murder
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Tom Brady is an old sack of potatoes
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
@HAHA_Hockey I mean good for the kid but he has faced 95 shots this season fuck put me in net with that defense H-Town has and I would probably have the same stats
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
@MNHockeyStar Good fuck the rodents
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
4 months
Going to East Vs Tonka tomorrow… this should be interesting. Going to have to down a couple edibles before the ass whoopin to make it worth the price of admission. #doggystyle
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
I am officially moving to Philadelphia to move in with my boyfriend Alex Bump. We are going to get an apartment in Philly and get a nice waterbed to make sweet love on.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Oh lord Hill-Murray heads up to Moorhead today for a big fucking showdown. Definitely game of the day and I’m thinking Hill will win the one 4-3.Feel like Godbout will have a big game
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
How the fuck did Andover lose to East. Daddy Thoreson must be on the boogasuga to lose to the Scooby-Doo and the gang
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
@YouthHockeyHub Cry me a river my god. You need to be a bit ripped up to watch those games.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Just got home to turn on the wild game then I heard who was on the broadcast with my man Anthony as soon as I heard that awful noise of Gigi Marvin speaking I put my television on mute… I would rather bob for apples in a clogged urinal then listen to her bs for a full game…🤮🤢
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
The Wild are a disappointment. The Vikings are Minnesotas team
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
What a great fucking day for high school hockey am I right. I’m all horned up
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
@MNHockeyStar Yeah none of this it/as/shim shit
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Holy fuck I would rather eat nails for breakfast lunch and dinner than listen to this dishwasher for a millisecond
@NHL
NHL
2 years
MARCH ON MASON 😤 #NHLFaceOff 📺: @ESPNPlus ➡️
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
@FollowThePuck No that’s section 222
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Alex Bump Prior Lake GP:16 G:19 A:16 Dylan Godbout Hill-Murray GP:15 G:17 A:13 This is my top five. Who did I miss
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
Maple Grove- A team that is experienced from their state championship run last year. They lost some good pieces but they still have finalist Finn Brink. A well-sized team that throws around its weight. They also have a good netminder in Jack Roach. #sneaky
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Hearing that the Hermantown Hawks are signing forward Krill Kaprizov to a 1 year 15 million contract. This still leaves them with plenty of flexibility to sign NHL caliber players. @KevinWeekes first
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
@MNHockeyStar Dave just drink the pain away… plenty of gin to go around.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
6 months
@MNHockeyStar Why would UMD players transfer to Minnetonka? Typo Dave…get off the sauce this early in the day!
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
Is Buffalo a sneaky juggernaut? First Wayzata now Rogers…
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Gavin Bloomdahl has the brain of snail
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
@KarlEastHockey I would say a fat joke about Steve but it looks like he’s already got a lot on his plate…
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Alex bump for his 5th fucking goal this kid is porn
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
Orono-The Spartans had an outstanding season finishing 23-5, and with that, they are going to the X. In net Brock Peyton has put up great numbers posting 15 of their 20 wins. Senior Brady Walker leads the way with 48 points (170 in his career) They are my sneaky team to watch
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
Wow fucking Margenau just sold MG. He must have been at McGoverns slugging Guinness before the game. Buddy was seeing two pucks on that pinch. It saddens me to see Brink gone…
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
Top 3 Student Sections I want to see at the X 1. St.Thomas -Boys in their uniforms -NO GIRLS! -Always loud!
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
5 months
Games of the day Coon Rapids at Champlin Park? Wayzata at Hill-Murray Duluth East at Holy Family Chan at Tonka⭐️ Mahtomedi at STA Andover at Rodgers
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Holy shit did rapids hold on by the tip of their dicks. Hell of a game and most likely section final game.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Lots of great games on tonight Rogers vs Centennial Moorhead vs Roseau or Champlin Park vs White Bear Lake but the game of the night maybe even the year Hermantown vs Grand Rapids at the IRA. Can’t wait to sit in my couch with a nice cold beer and a bag of chips and watch this.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
@MNHockeyStar Dave when is the last time a BIG 10 team won a national championship? Durrrrrr 👹
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
I already have a boner for the game tomorrow… Rapids vs Andover you already know that’s gonna be a good one
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
🚨Breaking news🚨 According to my sources I have been informed early this morning that the Hermantown Hawks are finally moving up to 7AA. This comes after a 3rd place finish this year. Another thing to keep a eye on is the transfer portal I’m hearing a couple big names linked🦅
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 months
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
@epboyshockey Looks like it’s time to pick up someone before the trade deadline. #rikubrown #Mlags #bensteeves #jacksonblake
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
Well that just happened
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
3 months
@MNHockeyLife @Romuald_Images Got to watch this kid a couple times in Duluth. He’s the real deal, didn’t have a great team in front of him but kept them in games.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
Let’s fucking go! 12 pack of ultras in and I am fucking buzzing ,ready for the warriors to take a gigantic smelly shit on cathedral #EricCumsock
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
No kidding,nothing worse than those tight leather seats and the fresh smell of diesel on a nice cold Minnesota day. God knows these kids can afford a coach bus. Actually the city should just donate a coach bus to Alex Bump’s mom for giving birth to such a fucking rocket of a son.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
@Denfeld_Hockey @FollowThePuck We already know what the outcome of this game is gonna be. #gethunted #rollsreversed
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
@MNHockeyStar Just got a chub
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
BSM vs Hermantown is going to be a fucking wagon tonight 2 of the top 10 teams in the state high level talent on both sides. Sneak in some liquor to the game and have a good time! Remember don’t drink and drive people unless you really need to! #pinkwhitney #bigdealbrew
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
Andover- A team that is run by its first line of Conway,Casey and Thoreson. They have an absurd 246 points this year. With a talented defenseman in May-Robinson, the Huskies could do some serious damage but the way the seeding is they will most likely have to get past Minnetonka.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 months
No Morehead in the tourney is gonna be more weird than this fact -A dung beetle can bury a ball of dung 250 times their weight! But seriously I’m gonna miss seeing this cum potato at the tournament! 🥔
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
The Wild are a fucking disappointment.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Section 222 really pulled out the 2-4-6-8 crimson girls are overweight chant. An absolute disgusting/amazing act
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Joshua Giuliani you can stay over anytime there’s always an open spot in my bed with me.I will give you a nice gentle back massage while you sip some of the worlds finest chardonnay
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
And now Hermantown fucking murdering New Prague
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
Dumba just sent camel toe Joe out of this stratosphere. What a fucking hit. Now we need something to skate over Robertsons neck…
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
The Minneapolis Hockey team,what a stupid fucking name.
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
Well well well Maple Grove vs Andover Gunderson-Brink-Giuliani vs Casey-Thoreson-Knox I’m gonna cream. Game of the day let’s fucking go
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
1 year
Fucking pussies that don’t know shit… just jealous I have a ring and they don’t #soft
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@MattCooke2000
Matt Cooke
2 years
My prediction Joey DelGreco Rapids GP:16 G:18 A:26 Daimon Garner Warroad GP:16 G:30 A:21. Max Strand Roseau GP:15 G:24 A:22
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