Matt Owen @MJowen174 Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Matt Owen

@MJowen174

1 month

If you could RT this, that would be splendid 👍👍

Matt Owen

@MJowen174

1 month

Hello! The below news means I need more writing work - I’ve taken the liberty of including my writing CV. Available for all the writing gigs: if you need help polishing your Fringe show, a wedding speech, or maybe you’re a telly person in need of someone…

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Last Seen Profiles

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 years

Looking forward to Carrie Johnson giving birth tomorrow morning.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

5 years

Any chance Chris Grayling could organise Nigel Farage's walk.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

1 year

ISN’T RAW SEWAGE BRILLIANT

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

1 month

I’d get a pen name before writing this kind of thing, Soph.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

3 months

Listening to Sara Cox earlier, understandably shaken by Steve Wright’s passing. “We’re going to try and do Steve proud by playing the music he loved”. First up ‘Wichita Lineman”. Oh man.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

3 years

I wonder if the Olympic swimmers go and have a hot Bovril from the leisure centre drinks machine afterwards.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 years

Government to re-introduce white dog shit.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

3 years

13 seconds in. Absolute solid gold content.

Nick Harvey

@mrnickharvey

3 years

Whoever #TheCoughingMP is, I’d vote for him.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

Maybe we deserve to be wiped out as a species.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

3 years

I hate this dull period between Christmas and New Year 2022.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

5 months

Not everyone realises that every episode of Jools Holland’s Annual Hootenanny is recorded in June 2005.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 years

This picture of Keir Starmer having a carvery with Jim Callaghan is the final straw.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

7 years

They prefer their earlier stuff.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

I’ve never understood why people like BBQs. They’re shit.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

Protecting the NHS by opening the pubs for the first time in 3 months on a Saturday.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 years

Only a matter of time before Mick Lynch gets monstered by the media for living in a house with running water.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

7 months

I should’ve known…

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

3 months

THIS IS WHAT THEY SHOULD’VE CALLED THOSE OVERGROUND LINES CHURCHILL LINE STEAK & KIDNEY PIE DEL BOY FALLS THROUGH THE BAR SPITFIRE LINE CARVERY LINE THATCHER LINE

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

11 months

Tank Holiday

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 years

Government announce £96 billion HS2 replacement bus service to Leeds.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

Sounds like a middle class man trying to have a casual conversation with his builders.

Matt Hancock

@MattHancock

4 years

Thanks to the nation’s resolve, horseracing is back from Monday Wonderful news for our wonderful sport

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

Eat nowt to help out.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

There’s a lot of horseshit being spoken about the “NHS working normally”. I’ve had 4 outpatients appointments cancelled. I’m not saying it’s wrong, but I wish Hancock would stop shitting us.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

3 years

I love all this.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 months

Well, at least it’s a choice for him.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

7 months

Burgers do not belong in brioche buns.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

6 years

Have you been injured attempting to leave the Customs Union?

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

Moaning Minnies A Short, Sharp Shock Hanging’s Too Good For ‘em Getting Glassed In A Nightclub The Smell Of Their Cooking Medium Range Stag Weekends While You’re Down There Luv That Richard Branson’s A Very Clever Man Big Ben, Mate Australian Points Based System, mate

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

11 months

Try “People”.

At least 30 migrants feared dead in Canary Islands disaster

The Western Africa-Atlantic migration route is considered one of the world's deadliest.

www.bbc.co.uk

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

Massively relieved - just heard that Dad’s COVID test came back negative. Thank you for your kind words xx

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 months

Met Police Investigate Ernst Stavro Blofeld Following ITV’s Boxing Day Showing Of You Only Live Twice

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

Peter’s never had toys...so here he is getting stuck in.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 years

“He got us through Covid and Brexit” - yeah, he actually caused one of those and fucked the other one.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

FUCK! NOT SWEEP!

The Sooty Show

@Sootyandco

4 years

Hello Twitter friends - thinking of you if you’re stuck at home at the moment. You’re not alone 🐾🐾

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

1 year

The King will now throw the crown over his shoulder and whoever catches it will be the next King.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

6 months

Just seen one of the surgical team. Got the all-clear 👍🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺🍺

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 years

She uses the iPlayer to watch the stuff she’s crossed off.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

3 years

This Minder reboot looks appalling.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

7 years

We stand together as a nation and refuse to be terrorised by Katie Hopkins' columns and TV appearances.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

All the anti-BBC arseholes should be made to use the ITV Hub once a day.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

Looks as though Dad’s being discharged from hospital today. Massive sigh of relief.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 months

I remember that old luvvie cardiac surgeon of mine poncing around my chest cavity, putting in a woke new aortic valve.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

6 months

Will no-one think of the £105k Range Rover owners?

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 months

Buying smack from the milkman School days started with punishment beatings Watching films whilst undergoing electro-convulse therapy Recorded the top 40 on an abacus Water fights with Moshe Dayan Fish & chips served in a coal scuttle There was only one breed of dog

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

1 year

My choice for the BBC Chair

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

3 years

A cricket commentator has just said “it’s not rocket surgery”.;

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 months

Look at his face…JUST LOOK AT HIS FACE

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

8 months

I’m BACK Baby!

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

When someone stands up for millions of people threatened with poverty it’s “grandstanding” when some gives a press conference in the No.10 Rose Garden to tell us why he’s above the law that’s alright.

Good Morning Britain

@GMB

4 years

'People are going to be suffering no matter where they come from.' @claudelittner believes @AndyBurnhamGM should accept what is being offered by the government and work together during the pandemic. He says it is important to focus on protecting lives and the NHS.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

Ha!

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

3 years

To all the misogynistic arseholes having a go at Kay Burley for doing her job and reporting on the Hancock thing - she suffered actual consequences, suspended from work when she fucked up. Whereas Hancock and his ilk are getting away with it. Every, single time.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 years

LOOK AT HIM

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

3 years

No covering jumble sales for the local rag for her. Straight in. That’s how it works.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

Beautiful.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

3 years

“£5000 Fine Introduced For Going Abroad” = “Rich People Given Green Light To Go On Holiday”

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

1 month

When my folks lived in Bexhill I’d wander into town. It was there I saw the greatest man ever. A bloke in his early sixties, he ran a fantastically untidy bookshop, and every 20 minutes or so he’d walk over to the pub across the road, get himself a pint and go back into his shop.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 years

It’s tragic to think a generation of lads will never experience the sheer joy of finding a dirty magazine in a hedge.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 years

I love Private Eye…oh.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

Ok, ⁦ @GailMyerscough ⁩ and myself have news - meet Peter.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

No. The moment of maximum risk was you saying it was ok to shake hands with everyone at the start of the outbreak, and your old man appearing on national television and telling everyone to go down the pub

Coronavirus: Boris Johnson says this is moment of maximum risk

The PM returns as ministers pledge £60,000 for the families of NHS and care staff who die with Covid-19.

www.bbc.co.uk

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 years

“MY CV IS A PICTURE OF MY BROTHER”

LBC

@LBC

2 years

Rachel Johnson says she agrees with Jacob Rees-Mogg's drive to get civil servants back in the office, insisting too many people are "on their pelotons", "watching Netflix" and "home working"

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

8 months

Charging people to use a telly in hospital. That can fuck off.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

Eamonn Holmes not believing “the mainstream media” - you know, the “mainstream media” that’s kept him wedged-up for fuck knows how many years.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 years

The time I met Barry Cryer, @AlanKelloggs introduced us and mentioned the fact I was a gag writer. Barry patted me on the arm and told me “ah, you’re one of us”. That’ll do.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

6 years

Esther McVey resigned, which means she’ll be sanctioned and won’t receive any benefit for 137 weeks.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 months

Met Police investigate Post Office scandal because it was on the telly in the canteen.

BBC News (UK)

@BBCNews

4 months

Post Office scandal: Met Police investigate 'potential fraud offences'

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

8 years

"Heathrow's New Runway May Be On Ramp Over M25" - this is going to be Brilliant.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

How the media works, No.7983.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

10 months

One of the greatest things that ever happened to me was when I was sat in a Glasgow cafe - I’d ordered sausages and mash, and it was served up “Desperate Dan” style, sausages sticking out of a huge lump of mash, along with a bucket of gravy.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

9 years

My Grandfather didn't mine slate so £14 fry-ups could be served up on it by over-bearded waiters.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

1 month

Some good news. Surgeon just rang and told me they’re very pleased with the echocardiogram I had in February. All the clever plumbing they did has worked, and they don’t want to see my head until September. Once again, thank you very much the NHS.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

The latest film in the franchise is a massive improvement on Alien:Covenant.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

5 years

The Netflix film section is like your early nineties video shop when all the good titles are out.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

3 years

The privilege - pissing out of each and every pore.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 years

There’s a brilliant bit - blink and you’ll miss it - in The Thick Of It in which Malcolm Tucker, about to tear shreds off someone, is dead nice to a member of the cleaning stuff. He knows who the real shithouses are.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

1 year

“Stop trying to impress Big Suze, Jeremy”

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

8 months

Ok, 85-90% chance of getting through tomorrow’s surgery. I wish I was in the pub.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

5 years

Can’t divulge details, however what I can say is that I’ve been commissioned to write an book. Which is nice. Thank you all the encouragers 👍

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

1 year

Just found this vid of Pete’s first day with us. He was straight in the toy box (he’d never had toys).

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

9 months

Lee Anderson will always be a bent plain clothes copper from the 1974-era Red Riding trilogy.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

3 years

“I just hope it doesn’t backfire” = “I’m part of the machinery which will make it backfire”.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

6 months

Sue Cook has pulled out

Eugene

@eugeneh84

6 months

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

1 month

YOUR BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE BONNIE - HE’S HAD THEM CUT OFF

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 months

I know some might say Twitter can be a bit of a fire of the bin, but I met ⁦ @GailMyerscough ⁩ on here, and to prove it, here’s something what I wrote about it

I met my wife on Twitter. Don’t ask me how, but it’s made us deliriously happy | Matt Owen

What started as idle chat three years ago, ended up with a magical day at Manchester register office

www.theguardian.com

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

3 years

Well I feel extremely blessed today. Had a telephone consultation with my specialist and learned that after 20 years, my heart valve replacement is still going strong, and my aorta is fine. As I say, I feel incredibly blessed.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

7 years

I love The Cannonball Run.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 years

There you are. You fucking fools.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 years

I don’t think anyone gets over the mental scars Sunday-night-before-school brought us.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

2 months

Richard Tice looks like an unlikeable character from an eighties soap who opens up a wine bar.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

5 years

SPOILERS: He fucks everything right up

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

1 month

This is the nearest thing we’ve had to proper satires on proper telly for a very, very long time. It’s quite brilliant.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

Dear The BBC I know's it's really not that important in the scheme of things. But How about making a shedload of great comedy, drama, documentaries and sport (vintage and otherwise) available on the iPlayer? I think this would go down very well. Ta.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

Open a Wetherspoons in central London, get them all in there and fire it into the sun.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

Dad rushed into hospital last night, not well and he has a high temperature. Being tested for COVID. We wait...

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

9 months

Thank you for your support - I really appreciate it, and thanks for being so kind to Gail. Ok, so here we are - I have Endocarditis (for a third time). Which is six weeks IV anti-biotics in the hospital and a valve replacement. It’s taking me a while to process this shit.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174

4 years

These school skiing holidays. Are these “normal” schools? I think our school managed a trip to Butlin’s in Barry Island.

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Matt Owen

@MJowen174