Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊 @Lcars24 Twitter profile

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

3 years

MORALITY is doing what is right, regardless of what you are told. RELIGION is doing what you are told, regardless of what is right.

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Last Seen Profiles

@polidashboard

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@StevenM03162837

@kathlands

Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

Donald Trump is a problem solver the way Godzilla is a city planner. —Trevor Noah

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@Lcars24

2 years

My wife and I are on the couch watching TV. I hear my phone that I left in the kitchen get a text, so I get up to look. It came from my wife: "Please bring the chips on your way back."

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

It must be hard for people learning to spell in English. For example, there is one silent K in "knight", two silent Ks in "knickknack," and three silent Ks in "Republican."

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

Republican politicians should be praying to God to forgive them for letting the gun lobby run this country. —Jimmy Kimmel

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

Donald Trump is a problem solver the way Godzilla is a city planner. —Trevor Noah

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox. —Jon Stewart

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

Donald Trump, the master of self-congratulation. His picture should be next to NARCISSIST in the dictionary. —Stephen King

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

The U.S is #18 in mathematics worldwide. At least we're in the top ten.

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

Trump's no friend of the working man. If you're working for wages, brothers and sisters, he couldn't give Shit One about you. —Stephen King

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@Lcars24

4 years

You never realize how important character is in the presidency until you have a president without it. Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA)

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@Lcars24

4 years

The Republicans have gone from Abraham Lincoln to Sarah Palin to Donald Trump. No wonder they don’t believe in evolution. —Andy Borowitz

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

It’s been obvious from the very first moment he stepped onto the political stage that Donald Trump is a racist. And that racism is at the core of his political ideology. It’s not a side dish. It’s the main course. —Seth Meyers

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

The Republicans have gone from Abraham Lincoln to Sarah Palin to Donald Trump. No wonder they don’t believe in evolution. —Andy Borowitz

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

The Republicans have gone from Abraham Lincoln to Sarah Palin to Donald Trump. No wonder they don’t believe in evolution. —Andy Borowitz

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

When are the benchwarmers in Washington going to do something about the river of blood produced by gun violence? Change the laws or change the ones who make the laws. —Stephen King

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@Lcars24

5 years

When adults tell me, “I have the right to own a gun,” all I can hear is, “My right to own a gun outweighs your student's right to live.” All I hear is, “mine,” “mine,” “mine,” “mine.” —Emma González

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@Lcars24

2 years

If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate. —Stephen Colbert

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@Lcars24

2 years

Border wall? Kids torn away from their parents? Trade war? If brains were black powder, Donald Trump couldn’t blow his nose. —Stephen King

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@Lcars24

5 years

When adults tell me, “I have the right to own a gun,” all I can hear is, “My right to own a gun outweighs your student's right to live.” All I hear is, “mine,” “mine,” “mine,” “mine.” —Emma González

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home. I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening! She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed.

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

Here is the truth: The Earth is round, Saddam Hussein did not attack us on 9/11, Elvis is dead, Obama was born in the United States, and the climate crisis is real. —Al Gore

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

The Republicans have gone from Abraham Lincoln to Sarah Palin to Donald Trump. No wonder they don’t believe in evolution. —Andy Borowitz

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

The Republicans have gone from Abraham Lincoln to Sarah Palin to Donald Trump. No wonder they don’t believe in evolution. —Andy Borowitz

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

As you know, Trump is being accused of sexual misconduct by a slew of women. Of course, that is a case of “he said” and “she said, she said, she said, she said, she said." —Jimmy Kimmel

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

Here is the truth: The Earth is round, Saddam Hussein did not attack us on 9/11, Elvis is dead, Obama was born in the United States, and the climate crisis is real. —Al Gore

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

5 years

The Republicans have gone from Abraham Lincoln to Sarah Palin to Donald Trump. No wonder they don’t believe in evolution. —Andy Borowitz

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

5 years

When adults tell me, “I have the right to own a gun,” all I can hear is, “My right to own a gun outweighs your student's right to live.” All I hear is, “mine,” “mine,” “mine,” “mine.” —Emma González

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

5 years

When adults tell me, “I have the right to own a gun,” all I can hear is, “My right to own a gun outweighs your student's right to live.” All I hear is, “mine,” “mine,” “mine,” “mine.” —Emma González

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

5 months

Having Trump as President is like tapping the drunkest guy at the party to be the designated driver. —Stephen King

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

Having Trump as president is like tapping the drunkest guy at the party to be the designated driver. —Stephen King

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox. —Jon Stewart

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

Having Trump as president is like tapping the drunkest guy at the party to be the designated driver. —Stephen King

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

When I was a little kid, I thought "This little piggy went to market" meant it went shopping. It does not.

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

It must be hard for people learning to spell in English. For example, there is one silent K in "knight", four silent Ks in "knickknack," and three silent Ks in "Republican."

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox. —Jon Stewart

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

New Zealand is raising its minimum wage to $20 a hour and increasing the top tax rate for the country’s highest earners to 39%. —The Guardian

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

12 days

The Republicans have gone from Abraham Lincoln to Sarah Palin to Donald Trump to Kari Lake to Marjorie Taylor Green and Lauren Boebert. No wonder they don’t believe in evolution.

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

MORALITY is doing what is right, regardless of what you are told. RELIGION is doing what you are told, regardless of what is right.

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

The Republicans have gone from Abraham Lincoln to Sarah Palin to Donald Trump. No wonder they don’t believe in evolution. —Andy Borowitz

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 months

In Trump's challenge to Colorado, his lawyers will argue before SCOTUS that Trump was not an officer of the United States, had taken no oath to support the Constitution, and didn't provide aid or comfort to those who stormed the Capitol. How corrupt do they think SCOTUS is?

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@Lcars24

2 years

Yes, Dr. King was pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails. —Stephen Colbert, after the organizer of Gun Appreciation Day claimed the day honored the legacy of Martin Luther King

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

1 year

Once upon a time, children, the Republicans didn't like the Russians. —Stephen King

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

5 months

Though P.T. Barnum is famous for saying, “There’s a sucker born every minute,” Donald Trump is famous for proving it. —Stephen Colbert

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

Aliens could say, “Take us to your leader,” and 70% of Republicans would drive them to Mar-a-Lago. ―Bill Maher

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@Lcars24

4 months

If you are not defending our nation in uniform, you do not need an assault weapon. Period. —Sen. Tammy Duckworth (D-IL)

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

The American Government is just like a car. If you want it to go forward you put it in (D), and if you want it to go backwards you put it in (R).

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

Students who acquire large debts putting themselves through school are unlikely to think about changing society. When you trap people in a system of debt, they can't afford the time to think. —Noam Chomsky

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 months

Donald is a bigot’s bigot, a hypocrite’s hypocrite, a liar’s liar, a con man’s con man, a tax cheat's tax cheat, a traitor’s traitor, a rapist’s rapist, a pedophile’s pedophile, a crybaby's crybaby, an Adderall addict, Putin's puppet, and a weak man's idea of a strong man.

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

Things that inspired Trump’s voters: * Birther Movement * Calling Mexicans drug dealers and rapists * Mocking a reporter’s handicap * Calling on Russia to hack Hillary’s e-mail * Name-calling * Insulting McCain's war record * Advocating war crimes * Doubling down on proven lies

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

Donald Trump is a problem solver the way Godzilla is a city planner. —Trevor Noah

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

If Trump were any more full of shit, he'd be covered in maggots instead of MAGAts.

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

When adults tell me, “I have the right to own a gun,” all I can hear is, “My right to own a gun outweighs your student's right to live.” All I hear is, “mine,” “mine,” “mine,” “mine.” —Emma González

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead. —Thomas Paine

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

1 year

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. —Steven Wright

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

Quarantine has turned us into dogs. We roam the house all day looking for food, we are told "no" if we get too close to strangers, and we get really excited about car rides.

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

Christians are always wearing a cross and hoping for Jesus to return. Is a cross really something Jesus wants to see?

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

@robreiner Once upon a time, children, the Republicans didn't like the Russians. —Stephen King

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

Q: What do the Republicans stand for? A: The Russian national anthem.

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 months

We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox. —Jon Stewart

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

What message do you suppose God was trying to convey by placing a fly on Pence's head during the debate?

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

5 years

The Republicans have gone from Abraham Lincoln to Sarah Palin to Donald Trump. No wonder they don’t believe in evolution. —Andy Borowitz

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

When adults tell me, “I have the right to own a gun,” all I can hear is, “My right to own a gun outweighs your student's right to live.” All I hear is, “mine,” “mine,” “mine,” “mine.” —Emma González

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

Donald Trump is a problem solver the way Godzilla is a city planner. —Trevor Noah

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

@joncoopertweets Expulsion from Congress. Period.

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

Donald Trump is a problem solver the way Godzilla is a city planner. —Trevor Noah

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

Ivanka Trump was walking a dog on the White House lawn one sunny day. A Secret Service agent saw her and said, "Good Morning, Ma'am." "Good morning. "That's a very cute dog, ma'am." "Oh, thank you. I got it for the President." "Excellent trade, Ma'am."

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

Donald Trump is the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on America. —Preet Bharara

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

The Republicans have gone from Abraham Lincoln to Sarah Palin to Donald Trump. No wonder they don’t believe in evolution. —Andy Borowitz

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

2 years

We have to see that we're a part of each other, and we have to take care of each other. The reason why they have universal health care in Canada and Britain, these other places? Because they believe if one suffers, everybody suffers. —Michael Moore

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

Q: How do you hide money from a Republican? A: Put it in a science textbook.

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

5 years

Nothing would please the Kremlin more than to have the people of this country choose a second-rate president. —Richard M. Nixon

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

One difference between Nixon and Trump: When the Republicans nominated Nixon, they didn’t actually KNOW he was a crook. —Stephen King

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

People who think Trump can handle a pandemic haven’t seen him try to operate an umbrella. —John Pavlovitz

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

When I was a little kid, I thought "This little piggy went to market" meant it went shopping. It does not.

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

Donald Trump is a problem solver the way Godzilla is a city planner. —Trevor Noah

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

The Republicans have gone from Abraham Lincoln to Sarah Palin to Donald Trump. No wonder they don’t believe in evolution. —Andy Borowitz

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

4 years

The country is simply run by sociopaths. —Noam Chomsky, April 7, 2020

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@Lcars24

3 years

The Republicans have gone from Abraham Lincoln to Sarah Palin to Donald Trump. No wonder they don’t believe in evolution. —Andy Borowitz

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

Just been to the gym and there's a new machine. Only used it for an hour, as I started to feel sick. It's good though. It does everything: Kit-Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers, etc.

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@Lcars24

3 years

Ever wonder if megachurches launder money? —Eric Garland

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@Lcars24

5 years

T rump R ussian spies in Oval Office E moluments clause violated A bduction of toddlers S ucking up to dictators O bstruction of Justice N ot honoring oath of office

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@Lcars24

3 years

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. —Dwight D. Eisenhower

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@Lcars24

3 years

Karen enters a store. CLERK: M'am, you're not allowed in unless you wear a mask. KAREN: I have a medical condition that prevents me from wearing a mask! CLERK: I'm really sorry you have a medical condition that prevents you from entering this store, then.

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@Lcars24

3 years

I dream of a world where the truth is what shapes people's politics rather than politics shaping what people think is true. —Neil deGrasse Tyson

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@Lcars24

3 years

You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. —Milton Berle

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@Lcars24

1 year

The U.S. government is like a car. If you want it to go forward you put it in (D), and if you want it to go backward you put it in (R).

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@Lcars24

2 years

Mary's father has 5 daughters, 1. Nana 2. Nene 3. Nini 4. Nono What is the fifth daughters name?

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@Lcars24

5 years

Remember, Donald Trump only plays a billionaire on television. He’s not a billionaire. —Greg Palast, investigative reporter

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

3 years

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.The only married person was Otis, and he was the town drunk.

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@Lcars24

2 years

What do atheists say when people sneeze?

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@Lcars24

11 months

The Republicans have gone from Abraham Lincoln to Sarah Palin to Donald Trump to Kari Lake to Marjorie Taylor Green to Lauren Boebert to Herschel Walker. No wonder they don’t believe in evolution.

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@Lcars24

4 years

@sdr_medco No, I’m not a racist. I am the least racist person you have ever interviewed. —Donald Trump, Jan. 15, 2018 When Donald and Ivana came to the casino, the bosses would order all the black people off the floor. —Kip Brown, a former employee at Trump’s Castle

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@Lcars24

3 years

Having Trump as president is like tapping the drunkest guy at the party to be the designated driver. —Stephen King

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@Lcars24

3 years

Ever wonder if megachurches launder money? Shouldn't churches be taxed and subject to auditing?

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@Lcars24

3 years

When adults tell me, “I have the right to own a gun,” all I can hear is, “My right to own a gun outweighs your student's right to live.” All I hear is, “mine,” “mine,” “mine,” “mine.” —Emma González

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Bill Morris 🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

@Lcars24

1 year

Though P.T. Barnum is famous for saying, “There’s a sucker born every minute,” Donald Trump is famous for proving it. —Stephen Colbert

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@Lcars24

3 years

I picked up a hitchhiker the other day. He said, "You're brave. How do you know I'm not a serial killer?" I said, "The chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical!"

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@Lcars24

1 year

I just sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 47th time.

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@Lcars24

5 years

🎵 Trump the Tragic Braggart Lived beyond his means, And frolicked in the dressing rooms Of teenage beauty queens. Little Vladik Putin Loved that rascal Trump And brought him cash and prostitutes And other fancy stuff. 1/4

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