John Banville @John_Banville Twitter profile

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John Banville

5 years

I very much enjoy the fine nuanced work of novelist Donal Ryan, but occasionally he does look like he's contemplating the best way to deal with one of his men who has betrayed him.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

A phone call from my agent asking if I've heard whether I'm up for the Bad Sex award. "But how could they possibly know?" I ask. "It's the bad sex in fiction award, John," he says. Pause. "Of course. I knew that."

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

Nobel prize day. I was woken by a phone call from Colm Toibin this morning doing his Swedish chef from the Muppets voice. Fool me once etc.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

2 years

It was bad enough that the novel is dead, now Bono has gone and murdered poetry.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

11 months

When she asked "Firstly, are you okay?" my immediate response was of course "No, Holly, I'm very much not okay. The novel is dead and Colm Toibin still thinks it's his birthday and hasn't left my house in two days."

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John Banville

@John_Banville

10 months

I see Ryan Tubridy compared getting paid in advance to do events in car show rooms as being equivalent to a book deal. But I don't remember being paid to write a book then not writing it. Have I been doing book deals wrong all this time?

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John Banville

@John_Banville

8 years

-Do you know what's dead? -What? -The novel. -Fuck off. -Died last night. -It didn't. -It did. -Jazus. Roddy Doyle on the death of the novel

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

I won the Nobel prize for Literature, by a lot.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

5 years

After much thought I now believe it was Colm Toibin doing a squeaky voice.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

I have a joke about John Boyne, but he sent me a letter via his solicitor, and, well....

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

This Christmas I will be sending Michael Colgan a dictionary with the words “contrite” “proper” and “apology” circled.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

I feel a certain amount of sympathy for John Boyne. As research for one of my novels I had to investigate modes of vehicular transport. I inadvertently took a description of a vehicle from something called Mario Kart. We've all been there.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

5 years

Having been subject to a vile hoax, at least now I have the small consolation that John Boyne considers me to be the world's greatest living writer. I feel a warm glow. It's not unlike having the comfort of a very tiny hot water bottle.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

3 years

Disgusted by the news about that fake Cormac McCarthy account. What kind of monster would do such a thing?

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John Banville

@John_Banville

2 years

This seems to be a remarkably transactional and feudalistic view of relationships. (confused face emoji)

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John Banville

@John_Banville

11 months

When you sit down to write your novel and you decide to make it simply one of the best openings of a book ever. RIP Cormac McCarthy.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

Watched Normal People with Colm Toibin (because the cinemas are closed). Colm didn't think there was enough shame in it. I had to break the news to him that the avocado toast generation doesn't know what shame is.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

8 years

Barry Egan types the words "tarnished halo." He looks up and sees his signed photo of John Delaney. A single tear rolls down his cheek.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

7 years

When you think you hear a female playwright trying to break into your theatre.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

1 year

It's Colm Toibin's birthday. He and I are heading to Merrion Square with a bag of cans to celebrate.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

-Michael Colgan, with his non-apology in the Sindo, eh? -A rag that cossets a so called "elite", then lets an odious member of that "elite" write narcissistic indefensible shite which you have to pay to read. -Pint? -Nah, I feel sick.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

3 years

I see Facebook is dead now, just like the novel.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

9 years

I suppose fiction is what happens in the interstices between prosaic experiential impulses and the realm of ideas. I am so drunk right now.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

How long before Ian McEwan announces he is working on a Covid 19 novel told from the perspective of the virus?

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John Banville

@John_Banville

7 years

"Then I suggested we get a novelist to review a book by someone who isn't a close personal friend of theirs."

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

EDITOR: John, these pages you've faxed me are blank. ME: But of course. It's a repudiation of the novel form. A conscious deconstructive act. EDITOR: You sent me the wrong document again, didn't you? (PAUSE) ME: Yes. Yes I did.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

8 years

"Surely the novel is a moribund and yet paradoxically hegemonistic cultural artefact." Fintan O' Toole with more of his locker room talk.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

Conor McGregor may call for a lockdown, but I shall only take such demands seriously when I see a ranting, bare chested, blood spattered Fintan O'Toole call for the same.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

7 years

That feeling when a celebrity hasn't died in ages and you're at a loose end.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

3 years

I WON THE NOBEL PRIZE FOR LITERATURE!

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

3 years

I WON THE ELECTION!

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John Banville

@John_Banville

2 years

A timely grammar lesson before the schools reopen tomorrow. It's "I'm excited ABOUT my children taking part in the greatest mass infection event in Irish history" not "I'm excited FOR my children taking part in the greatest mass infection event in Irish history".

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John Banville

@John_Banville

8 years

An interviewee can justifiably start a question to a female author with "How do you juggle..." but only in reference to flaming sticks.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

STAY THE FUCK HOME. Unless you want to be as dead as the novel.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

That feeling when you're in mid lecture and you realise you might have left the immersion on.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

Discussing fiction writing with Colm Toibin. "I don't know which is better, John. The almost psychic omnipresence of a dead father, or the actual live presence of an embittered mother." "Why not put in both?" "Ooh, nice." "And a funny bit with a dog."

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John Banville

@John_Banville

8 years

Having a relative who nobody talks about because they left the priesthood. #GrowingUpIrish

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John Banville

@John_Banville

5 years

Someone just rang to tell me that the Man Booker was a tie between Margaret Atwood and Bernardine Evaristo. Really now? How naïve do they think I am?

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

In the words of W.B. Yeats, from a little known verse in an early draft of The Second Coming: "I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it." #BGEIBA

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

"You're feeling a bit peaky, Colm? Why don't you just go home and inject yourself with some Dettol?"

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

Went to see Star Wars the Rise of Skywalker with Colm Toibin based on a resounding endorsement from Paul Howard. Since seeing it I have politely declined Paul's wine recommendations for Christmas.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

7 years

A quiet moment with Colm Toibin in Woodies.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

7 years

"She has to depend on Arlene Foster now. Arlene Foster!"

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John Banville

@John_Banville

7 years

-I see Chuck Berry- -Fuckin' stop. -But Chuck Berry- -I'm tryin' to have a quiet pint. Just once. Just once can I not have a quiet pint?

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

"Apparently light can zap the virus. Maybe we could all swallow pen lights or 'stick them where the sun don't shine' as the saying goes - which is a pity when you think about it because sunlight would probably help cure-- stop laughing, Colm, I'm trying to be serious here."

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John Banville

@John_Banville

3 years

Me: The novel is dead Stephen Donnelly: 👍

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John Banville

@John_Banville

7 years

Colm Toibin has taken his two favourite bushes indoors to keep them safe. #Ophelia

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John Banville

@John_Banville

7 years

"I know I promised you yokes on your rider, but Banville and Sebastian Barry broke into your dressing room."

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John Banville

@John_Banville

7 years

"Then Colgan said he was a big supporter of women in Irish theatre."

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

Imagine writing for free for the sake of "exposure", when one can simply lie naked in the cold and expire from a similarly titled malady? Both paths are equally undesirable.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

8 years

Went to see Ghostbusters with Colm Toibin. I was appalled. "It's I am not afraid of any ghosts" I shouted at one point.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

2 years

Donal Ryan's new novel has just been published, and very good it is too, but there is one thing about Donal that I simply can't get out of my head....

John Banville

@John_Banville

5 years

I very much enjoy the fine nuanced work of novelist Donal Ryan, but occasionally he does look like he's contemplating the best way to deal with one of his men who has betrayed him.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

7 years

Colm Toibin has asked me to go and see Wonder Woman with him. A fine suggestion. I haven't spoken to Edna O' Brien in ages.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

Colm Toibin has come around to mine to practise his lifetime achievement acceptance speech for tonight's Irish Book Awards. When I told him that a clenched fist and a shout of "Wexford representing!" may not suffice he looked a little downcast.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

3 years

What have I allegedly said now?

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

Here is Roddy Doyle, the gang's accountant. He'll eventually do a panicked runner to the airport with a suitcase filled with money and two pairs of jocks.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

Here is Sebastian Barry, the old beaten down, rumpled, yet still attractive detective who has made it his life's work to take down Donal Ryan's organisation.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

Went for coffee with Roddy Doyle. I confess I was feeling rather glum, and it showed. "Who died?" Roddy chuckled. Then his face darkened, and he clutched my arm with undue fervour. There was a strange hunger in his eyes. "No, seriously. John. Who died?"

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

Then Arlene Foster said "Northern Ireland must leave the EU on the same terms as the rest of the UK."

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

When you take a moment to contemplate the fact that the novel is well and truly dead.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

9 years

Went to see Mad Max Fury Road with Colm Toibin. I had no idea what was going on, and Colm ate all my Maltesers. :-(

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John Banville

@John_Banville

5 years

"Did you use the Swedish chef from the Muppets voice when you rang him, Colm? Tell me you did."

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

-I ate those plums. -What plums? -The one's that were in the icebox. Forgive me. They were delicious, so sweet and so cold. -Did nobody die? Why are we talking about plums? -Do you like wheelbarrows? -Why? -So much depends on them. -Fuck off.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

I don't know what Elon Musk is. Surely it couldn't be worse than Lynx Africa?

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

Happy birthday to me, I am still alive. Unlike the novel.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

5 years

And here is Kevin Barry, looking as if he betrayed Donal Ryan while thinking that he's gotten away with it.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

A big thank you to the Guardian for accidentally letting us know that Sebastian Barry is the new laureate for Irish fiction. I now have to clean some coffee off my floor.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

5 years

And here's Martin McDonagh, the brash ambitious young loudmouth of the gang who nobody likes because he's a brash ambitious young loudmouth. Basically Martin McDonagh.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

Flight attendant: Any doctors on this flight? Dad: That could have been you. Son: Not now dad. Dad: Why not now? Son: We're in a Pat McCabe novel and you're a projection of my darkest self. Dad: Kill them all.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

5 years

Here is a picture of Julian Gough being told by Donal Ryan that Kevin Barry has betrayed him, and asking Mr Gough to "deal with the problem."

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John Banville

@John_Banville

3 years

Happy new year motherfuckers. Roddy Doyle made me say that. He said it would make me feel great. I just feel soiled.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

Then he said "Yes, this does break international law in a very specific and limited way".

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John Banville

@John_Banville

9 years

No one else can wear an all white leather ensemble quite like Johnny Logan can. Or so I had to tell Colm Toibin once. Worst Halloween ever.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

5 years

When Kevin Myers told me he had a new weekend job I scarcely imagined....

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

Went to see Justice League with Colm Toibin. "It made no sense," I protested. "Life makes no sense, John." "But a work of art must have narrative logic. No one wears their underpants outside their trousers." "Martin Amis does." "True."

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

Here is Colm Toibin, the leader of a rival gang, wondering how best he may place himself in order to take advantage of the possible split in Donal Ryan's organisation.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

3 years

He tried it again!

John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

Nobel prize day. I was woken by a phone call from Colm Toibin this morning doing his Swedish chef from the Muppets voice. Fool me once etc.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

7 years

Recipe for a Michael Harding column 1. I bought some underpants. 2. I saw a robin. 3. I met a cheeky waitress. Mix contents together. Voilà.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

8 years

The organisers are currently sending the Sydney Rose back in her time machine, to the future where she so clearly belongs. #RoseofTralee

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

I actually am John Banville.

Aidan Moher

@adribbleofink

4 years

Tell me a story about yourself the sounds like a lie but is absolutely true.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

9 years

VLADIMIR: No sign of Godot, bae. ESTRAGON: Major fail on his part. VLADIMIR: Totes.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

7 years

As the young internet literate people are prone to saying these days - "I shall just leave this here."

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John Banville

@John_Banville

8 years

Anyway, back to the grind. These children won't ignore themselves.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

Golf, a game that has been bringing together people who don't believe in accountability for centuries. #golfgate

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John Banville

@John_Banville

9 years

The No side of this referendum debate has used more red herrings than one would find in your average detective novel. And I should know.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

9 years

Writing, a process which requires both a delving into, and diminution of the self. It has taken me six months to write my letter to Santa.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

4 years

Tell me this, do you ever open a book at all?

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John Banville

@John_Banville

7 years

Congratulations to Sebastian Barry. I am delighted for him. (later tonight I shall go to my "special place" and repeatedly punch a cushion)

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John Banville

@John_Banville

7 years

"I see some people keep putting the words 'Leo Varadkar' and 'progressive' in the same sentence."

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

EDITOR: John, these pages you've sent me are blank. ME: But of course. It's a repudiation of the novel form. A conscious deconstructive act. EDITOR: You sent me the wrong document again, didn't you? (PAUSE) ME: Yes. Yes I did.

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John Banville

@John_Banville

6 years

Shithole. Dear @realDonaldTrump , for a man who once said "I know words, I have the best words', perhaps you might want to rethink that assertion.

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John Banville

@John_Banville