jump aside @JodiesJumpsuit Twitter profile

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4 years

I love everything about this video: -the raccoons behaving like lazy cats -the dude patiently poking them while marvelling at their girth -the total lack of urgency for everyone involved

blogTO

@blogTO

5 years

Ten raccoons managed to get stuck inside a Toronto porch - 📹 Gates Wildlife Control #Toronto #Raccoon #Raccoons

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7 years

My son is playing by himself in his room and he is narrating his imaginary play activities in a voice like a French Werner Herzog: “We open ze barrel of monkeys, and we find zem all dead inside. Ze worst discovery of all. Who has done zis to zeese monkeys? Who is zis monster?”

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6 years

Please stop giving some useless neckbeard with 18 followers from Supervirgin Wisconsin a platform here because he tweets inane shit like “feminists should not be allowed to have toast” life already deplatformed him stop interfering with nature

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5 years

Alex Trebek is rightfully revered for many reasons, but never forget he has let generations of Canadians enjoy vicariously the best job on television: politely telling Americans they don’t know as much as they think they do

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5 years

If you’re Canadian and use milk bags and have never cut the tip off the bag by sawing it with a steak knife because nothing else was available, you’re lying

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6 years

I know we’re all hating on Elon Musk but can we not appreciate his absolute ingenuity in being able to make himself the villain in the Cave Boys story

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5 years

What extreme hot take did you have about a tv show when you were a little kid? When I was five, I was angry and frustrated that no one on the island would do the dirty deed and kill Gilligan, as I would have in that situation

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3 months

I want to be clear: moving Roll Up The Rim To Win to an app was a betrayal. The intimacy and community of fishing a scrap of paper cup with bite marks on it from your cup holder and getting a free coffee in return was a sacrosanct. This is an insult to our nation’s traditions

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6 years

The least believable thing about Revenge of the Sith is Padme gracefully prancing while full term pregnant with twins and tearfully begging Anakin to reconsider as opposed to waddling out of her spaceship and screaming, “WHAT THE FUCK ANAKIN”

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2 years

For a convoy that hates Toronto, they seemed quite surprised that Toronto hates them back.

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2 months

Just bake your donuts on site again and stop with this nonsense

CP24

@CP24

2 months

Tim Hortons launches pizza nationally to 'stretch the brand' to afternoon, night

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2 months

Listen, Tim Horton’s execs: you are obviously panicking because the bizarre and off brand marketing schemes and food items are not resulting in the profits you desire. Have you considered that this is a problem entirely of your own invention?

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6 years

This got big while I was at work and I ain’t got no Soundcloud so here’s a pic of a neighbourhood cat I met on the way home

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3 years

If you took OAC high school courses, you may be eligible for the AZ vaccine

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8 years

"Cross Guy" Pokestop

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2 years

Little did Pierre Trudeau know that when he agreed to include the notwithstanding clause in the Canadian charter of Rights and Freedoms that the person who would use it like a hammer was at that very moment selling hash out of the back of his car in plaza parking lot

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1 year

I don’t know if people outside Canada genuinely understand the visceral reactions Canadians, particularly from southern Ontario, have about anything related to Paul Bernardo. It is hard to explain, but ever present, even after decades.

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11 months

As a Canadian woman in her early 40’s I feel I have been denied a birthright the women who came before me enjoyed: these are my prime Danier Leather years, but there are none to be found anymore

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6 years

Ahem: I will not wade into the Bert & Ernie controversy but I will point out that all of you are missing out on the fact that Canadian Gen X and early millennials had Casey from Mr. Dressup as our first non-binary puppet character

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5 years

I love it when Christian Conservatives shit on their own faith’s origin story

Tomi Lahren

@TomiLahren

5 years

If you traipse your kid 2,000 miles in dangerous conditions you're not only a criminal, you're a shitty parent.

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3 years

1945-1960: boomers 1960-1978: Gen X 1979-1982: The Unknown, Both Aged and Young, Both Analog and Internet, Shapeshifters, Tricksters, Are They Human And Do They Experience The Dimension of Time? 1983-2000: millennials

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5 years

This blew up, so here’s a pic of a young Alex Trebek when he was the Corny Collins Of Canadian music back in the 1960’s

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3 years

Congratulations to all the millennial gentlemen just finding out about side effects of the birth control pill after decades of assuming it was just a tic tac

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7 months

Made In Canada

@MadelnCanada

7 months

What’s the most iconic photo in Canadian history? 🤔 🇨🇦

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4 years

Today when we woke up, our cat was doing poorly. I spent the day looking after him and telling him he was loved. The vet appointment was scheduled for a half hour from now. He died in our arms an hour ago. Thanks for being the best cat in the whole world, Miles.

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3 years

You know, De Grasse would be an excellent street name to replace Dundas

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3 years

The screaming sounds you hear from Ontario are because our Premier has just refused Red Cross help from the feds

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6 years

If the polls are correct, four years after laughing at Toronto for essentially burning their hand on a hot stove, the rest of the province is going to ignore Toronto’s warnings and press it’s face against the same hot stove

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5 years

Due to popular demand and seasonal viral conditions, it’s time for No, That’s Pneumonia

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@JodiesJumpsuit

5 years

@NatticusMaximus @MikePMoffatt Y’all are making a strong case for me to do my annual thread: Mother Jump’s Guide to No, That’s Pneumonia

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6 years

Padme throwing Anakin’s stuff out of her spaceship piece by piece while cussing him out over the intercom is the scene we needed but never got is only one of a hundred reasons that I hate the prequels

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5 years

Kawhi really just “littlest hobo”’d Toronto, and that’s why we’re OK with it

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4 years

So if I understand this correctly, today in Toronto a conspiracy-minded idiot decided to open his BBQ dining room didn’t get fined for his stunt, but the Parkdale community fridge got shut down.

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3 years

I hope Ontario understands that Doug Ford blaming the disastrous vaccine roll out in the province on the federal government is like blaming the grocery delivery service for why supper has not been made.

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11 months

I am begging the NDP to just even attempt to remember who they are supposed to represent, god damn

Steve Saretsky

@SteveSaretsky

11 months

NDP leader @theJagmeetSingh wants government subsidies for mortgage borrowers facing rising payments…

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7 years

This bit of dialogue from the 1997 movie 'Volcano' is the gold standard that every disaster movie should aspire to

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2 years

Oddly enough, a two week strike in schools could possibly help our sick children and overburdened hospital systems than anything the provincial government is doing atm

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2 years

Telling my kid we didn’t put him in hockey because we couldn’t afford paying into multiple sexual assault slush funds

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5 years

@anne_theriault I wonder how many women’s first brush with feminism actually began with how unfair the Penny situation was

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1 year

Toronto renters make up almost half of its population. This should be the single most pressing issue in the mayoral race.

blogTO

@blogTO

1 year

Average Toronto rent prices just skyrocketed by a shocking amount #Toronto #TorontoRealEstate #RealEstate

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4 years

So this tweet took off, and thereby I am granted an additional tweet to bother you with: Tell someone, anyone, how much they mean to you or how they’ve made your life better tonight. It’s the right time of year for it. Let’s all have roly-poly wonderful 2020. Thanks!

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3 years

So there are people at Nathan Phillips Square with megaphones shouting at the parents they’re sterilizing their children at the kids vaccination pop up. And the cops are just watching. This is unacceptable

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2 years

Hey remember when Doug Ford demanded all the gas stations put ugly stickers blaming the federal government for gas prices on their pumps and then it rained and all the stickers peeled off anyway?

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4 years

I’m not going to call you a “grandma killer” because you want to open things back up before they’re ready. I’ll call you “mom who works at the grocery store killer” or “nurse killer” or “child of emergency responders killer”, because you can’t waive that away as you do grandmas.

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6 years

If you respond seriously to this tweet you’re part of the problem

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6 years

If you’re wondering what it’s like to wait for US midterm election results as someone who isn’t American, it’s kinda like watching your neighbours decide if they’re gonna throw water or gasoline on the fire that has erupted on the old couch they have on their porch

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5 years

Me: “Look, Kirk’s dad is Thor” My kid: “What’s his name?” Me: “Chris Hemsworth” Kid: “And Kirk’s name?” Me: “Chris Pine” Kid: “And Starlord?” Me: “Chris Pratt” Kid: “And Captain America?” Me: “Chris Evans” Kid: *visibly disgusted* “OK, Millennial” Me: *gasps in terror*

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1 year

Canadians: I can’t afford to buy a house because house prices are insane and rent prices are so high that we can’t save money Federal government: here’s a tax free savings account for that money you don’t have

Liberal Party

@liberal_party

1 year

For many, the dream of homeownership feels like it’s moving further out of reach. That’s why today, we are launching the new Tax-free First Home Savings Account, to help young Canadians and first-time home buyers save up to $40,000 – tax-free! Learn more:

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7 years

And the kids for next semester knew exactly what to do if he started it up again. I don’t think he did. The end. Happy Halloween!

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13 days

Everyone in Toronto tomorrow when the TTC strike hits

Kevín

@KevOnStage

14 days

I am so sorry I cannot stop watching this video. There’s an old boss I wish I could send this too.

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1 month

I just need to understand, as a renter I am expected to interrogate my landlord about their residence status?

Jack Hauen

@jackhauen

1 month

The CRA confirms that tenants are responsible for withholding 25% of their foreign landlords' rent and paying it to the CRA — something almost no one was aware of a month ago. "The Government of Canada continuously reviews the tax system to ensure it is both fair and efficient."

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9 years

The Hottest Club in TO is Mystery Tunnel. It has reinforced walls, a generator, & the DJ is a Catholic WW2 ghost. http://t.co/smEOUSjjrH

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6 years

As someone who got “most likely to write ‘cynicism for dummies’” in the yearbook, listen: this is true, don’t waste half your life thinking being sour and mean is a replacement for a personality.

Mara Wilson

@MaraWilson

6 years

Just because you’re cynical and don’t like things doesn’t mean you’re smart. She was well entrenched in high school bullshit: Pretending not to care IS high school bullshit.

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5 years

The rage that burned in my little size 6X chest as Gilligan would destroy whatever the Professor had been working on all episode and the Skipper wouldn’t even break Little Buddy’s neck

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@JodiesJumpsuit

3 years

If Canada approves the Pfizer vaccine for kids 5-11, can we please roll it out through the elementary schools like we used to? So much more efficient that way.

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@JodiesJumpsuit

3 years

Not even attempting the vaccine portal, I prefer to get my second dose the old fashioned way: wandering the city aimlessly, interrogating everyone in the shoppers drug mart, camping out at a Rexall, picking fights with god

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6 years

“He may be a shit boyfriend now, but maybe if you buy a house together he might mellow out” what complete and absurd nonsense.

CBC News

@CBCNews

6 years

Why Doug Ford may govern more as a moderate than a 'radical conservative'

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1 year

The fact media has to repeatedly point out the murdered tenants did not deserve to be murdered by their landlord shows how truly deranged the housing crisis discourse has become.

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6 years

I just want a mayor who prioritizes public transit, pedestrians, public housing, public schools, daycares, recreation centres, and libraries over some rando sitting in their car complaining it isn’t going fast enough, is that too much to ask?

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7 years

Just a gentle reminder that when Canadian Scouts were roped into something similar they responded with quiet but devastating disapproval

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10 months

Toronto used to have a real nightlife throughout the city, but the pot shops, the pandemic and the rents killed it. And it isn’t going to come back until at least half of the pot shops shutter their doors in this town. Let me explain.

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1 year

Fuck it. Move the Ontario Science Centre to Ontario Place. Move the CN Tower to Black Creek Pioneer Village. ROM and AGO? Switch buildings. The OCAD Lego building is now the City Archives. Bay Station is now Fort York, or will be when I am proclaimed Mayor

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6 years

Shout out to Toronto for having a barrel run of shitty things happen to it in 2018 and the people every single damn time rising to the occasion and being patient and decent and kind and genuinely considerate to each other. Thank you.

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5 years

One last thing: if your man is over the age of thirty and decides to join in on slagging Jagged Little Pill, tell him Radiohead’s Kid A was just Sad Noises for Sad Boyses and watch them shut down in rage and grief

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4 years

With Tim Horton’s spying on us, and Pizza Pizza snitching on us, a weary nation turns their eyes to Swiss Chalet in trepidation

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6 years

Ford Nation is comprised of all the people who didn’t even watch a single episode of Street Cents

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2 months

@likeadad Stand at any Tim Hortons and ask every customer coming in what they wished the store sold that it currently does not. I expect the answer would be 95% food items that used to be on the menu, not ones that never were. Ignore existing customers to chase new ones at your own risk.

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9 months

Now we gotta save Ontario Place and the Science Centre

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5 years

If you had told me twenty five years ago that Keanu Reeves would become a philosopher king we get solace from in 2019, I would have laughed in your face

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1 year

If Toronto elects Olivia Chow on Monday, all bets are off on what Doug Ford will do Tuesday. He could take strong mayor powers away. He could demand the election be redone. He could de-amalgamate the city. The options are endless

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6 years

Journalists: people know so little about Andrea Horwath that most don’t even know how to spell her last name, yet we’re notified on every platform whenever Doug Ford blinks. Give us more stories about this woman we know nothing about: the polls prove there’s an audience.

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1 year

Cool when does Doug Ford announce free tuition for nurses and PSWs?

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1 year

I do not understand the convoy protest on the very simple basis that I simply would not visit Ottawa in January and I certainly wouldn’t return to Ottawa in January to commemorate the time I went to Ottawa in January

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2 years

If you were living in Toronto in the early 2000’s you can now consider yourself part of the Pixar Animated Universe

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6 years

Toronto twitter is now ready to fight anyone not from Toronto making disparaging remarks about Toronto

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4 years

I’ve been getting a number of messages about this recently, so I want to let you all know: if you’re still social distancing and following rules like it is still April, you’re not alone. You’re not being silly. Plenty of people are doing the same and have the same concerns.

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@JodiesJumpsuit

7 years

Needless to say he stopped rubbing his crotch against our desks. And oh, how we were the worst class he ever had, he said. But the damage was done. The tale of his truth-telling khakis spread round the school quickly.

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@JodiesJumpsuit

3 years

Our positivity rate is 10 percent. If you can get a vaccine, get one. No one is telling you to trample an essential worker on the way to the vaccine, just get one if you are eligible. No one wants an accounting of your privilege, just get the vaccine, we’re at 10%.

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@JodiesJumpsuit

3 years

Saying that lockdowns don’t work and pointing to Ontario as an example is like saying fire extinguishers don’t work because the person you’re using as an example doesn’t know how to operate one

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24 days

The Anne of Green Gables Extended Universe

Paris Marx

@parismarx

24 days

so if the US has star wars and the UK has harry potter and australia has mad max, what does canada have?

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7 years

So one day before the teacher walked into class, I rubbed chalk against the front of the desks.

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4 years

This morning, when our alarm didn’t go off at the regular time, our cat fished an empty cat food can out of the recycling bin, carried it in his teeth to our bedroom, and banged it against the floor until we got up

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2 months

It feels like if you don’t dramatically pivot from your current strategy, you’ll be handing ever more market share to McDonald’s while destroying a national brand through sheer incompetence.

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1 year

He attacked a woman in the forest behind my childhood home during his years as the Scarborough rapist. He lured and killed girls a couple years older than myself at the time. He’s the reason we had the bus drivers drop women off where they wanted at night, not just bus stops.

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5 years

Ok so this went viral, so here’s a picture of the glorious Dini Petty in a pink jumpsuit. Before she was a talk show host, she was the first female traffic reporter to pilot her own helicopter! A Canadian treasure.

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7 years

So when I was in high school long ago there was this one male teacher who would walk around the class and rest his junk, through his pants, on the edge of your desk, if you were a girl.

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3 years

Christine Elliott should be haunted by that “however” for the rest of her life. It should be shouted by protestors to drown her out wherever she goes. It should be said to her face when she campaigns in her riding, immediately before having the door slammed in her face.

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6 years

These “Open For Business” signs are about as sensible as someone putting a “I’m looking for a job” sign in their living room window and waiting for someone to knock on their door to offer them one

Robert Benzie

@robertbenzie

6 years

Premier Doug Ford unveils the first of Ontario's new "open for business" signs today in Sarnia. #onpoli

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6 years

Good morning! I woke up to find that I made my country’s first woman Prime Minister LOL, so now I’m trying to figure out if I can get UberEats to deliver an ice cream cake for breakfast

Kim Campbell

@AKimCampbell

6 years

LOL!

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5 months

Fuck around for over a decade on property taxes to the point Toronto has the lowest property taxes in the region, eventually you’re gonna find out, this isn’t hard, this is something every mayor has been running from, yes, even Rob

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4 years

I know someone who had to run a short errand to the Eaton Centre and back. They took the streetcar directly there and back and didn’t browse. They got five dings on the covid alert app and had to get tested. And yet somehow the govt is pushing for schools to reopen.

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@JodiesJumpsuit

4 years

Just a reminder that millennials are full adults, not teenagers or children, and the oldest of us are pushing forty. We are not young and irresponsible. We’ve had to keep our shit together amid crises and massive shifts of society almost non-stop our entire adult lives.

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11 months

I love that Toronto is just dunking on this tweet repeatedly with variations on “nothing changed you just slightly turned your head to the left”

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐏𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞 🇺🇸

@creation247

1 year

This is a reminder that Toronto once looked like this... what changed?

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4 years

I absolutely cannot understand why people would insist on holding weddings in a situation like this in which there can be a body count.

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@JodiesJumpsuit

3 years

If your Sex Ed was supplemented by listening to Dr. Sue on Sunday nights and reading the columns in NOW and EYE weekly, you may qualify for the AZ vaccine

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@JodiesJumpsuit

3 years

Ontario, this isn’t like the Hunger Games at all: number one, the Hunger Games was an organized and efficient system

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@JodiesJumpsuit

1 year

High Park will be closed off to all cars, cyclists and pedestrians this weekend as we drop over a hundred mayoral candidates into it and make them fight to the death in a municipal Hunger Games the whole city, nay, the whole country, will enjoy

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@JodiesJumpsuit

7 years

Halfway through the period the class not only believed the claims of the students, the evidence was as plain as a line of white chalk rubbed against the crotch of khaki pants.

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@JodiesJumpsuit

6 years

Back in Lorrie’s day a man only cried immediately after masturbating, so you can understand why he is so confused and alarmed when other men shed tears in public

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@JodiesJumpsuit

6 years

Every Canadian remembers their first pair of shoes. Your father, sweating and nervous at the Rochester Bus Station, tying your laces and saying, “We’ve practiced this at home, but now it’s for real. Go kick the doors in the washroom like a good girl or we’ll all be in jail”

Eamon Javers

@EamonJavers

6 years

Trump says Canadians are smuggling US goods into Canada to avoid tariffs: “They buy shoes and they wear ‘em. They scuff ‘em up to make ‘em sound old, or look old.”

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6 years

The problem with the stupid “men are forced into man caves due to a lack of male spaces” is that it presumes the rest of the home is a female space as opposed to a family or community space. Its a whiny abdication of male responsibility to those spaces.

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