Mr R, my love since I was 15, my husband and life mate of 57 years, passed from this life at 3:04 a.m. I was with him, rubbing his feverish forehead with a cool cloth and telling him I’d love him forever. I am now a widow and am oddly shattered & numb at the same time.
@loudoggrn71
@dst6n01
Those were my concerns, along w/ pregnancy, which were genuine, but nothing like black mothers face. Our son mouthed off to an AZ Hwy patrolman about a speeding ticket while driving home from CA college. Being white, he lived to tell about it.
#HonorBlackMoms
#WhitePrivilege
I apologize in advance if I take awhile to respond to comments from all of you who’ve followed this journey & provided such comfort & support to keep me going through the worst & most difficult time of my life. You’ll never know exactly how much it’s meant to me not to be alone.
@CalltoActivism
@topmom100
Thank you for sharing that wonderful story of kindness, especially these days when we seem to be surrounded by so much negativity. ❤️
@Humes1Elaine
@AprilKihlstrom
@themaxburns
We rescued 11 yr old Aussie Angel over Thanksgiving weekend so she wouldn’t be euthanized after losing her elderly human. She’s brought much pup joy back onto our lives.
@AprilKihlstrom
@Humes1Elaine
@themaxburns
We had a ten pound rescued dog that was the same. He ripped off a door frame his first week with us. Both sides. We took him to school for confidence & adopted a brother for company. They were together 16 yrs. Lost them last March & July. 😥
Mr R has left the building. I was surprised how quick & respectful it was. I took the hospice nurse’s advice to leave the room while they moved him, so kissed him goodbye then went in the bedroom w/my friend until it was time for him to go & I watched the tail lights disappear.💔
This🧵 is the obituary I wrote at 4 am last week sitting in the dark by Mr R’s bedside. After 100+ books it was the hardest thing I’ve ever written: Jay Mitchel Ross, 79, passed away peacefully at his Olympia,Washington home with JoAnn, his wife of fifty-seven years, by his side.
This won’t mean much to those not as old as Mr R & me, but I wrote to The Platters (not original ones we danced to as teenage sweethearts.) asking if t could possibly obtain rights to use Only You for Mr R’s Celebration of Life. Just got a lovely, sympathetic call granting them.
@Joe22415262
The absence has already hit. My neighbor friend came to be with me when the funeral home people arrived and revealed something we’d wondered about. My first thought was “I have to tell Jay.” Then looked at the empty hospital bed and realized that he was no longer here.😢💔
I’ve written 100+ books over 39 yrs. Writing Mr R’s obituary tonight, trying to pack a life of adventure, creativity, kindness, generosity, & humor into a few brief paragraphs while seated beside him, listening to his ragged breathing, was the hardest thing I’ve ever written.💔
@marytherese5
I heard Ron Johnson breaks into teachers’ houses, tries on women’s underwear, & takes selfies. Which is why he wants all schools open so teachers will be away from home during the day. This is also a totally false story, but voters should hear it & make up their own minds.
@AmyPennza
Awww. That sure flipped the original takeaway of the evil MIL. It’s a lovely story, & I think we all bring bits of past lives, good & bad, with us. My family was abusively disfunctional, so in my stories, I create families I would’ve loved to live with.
@lacunalingua
@chrislhayes
@GOP
By his third day, he’d decided two things: That his former friends were rascist,deplorable people (before Hillary used the description), and he didn’t really need to be on FB.
A flock of hundreds of migrating robins landed & got drunk on our pyracantha berries in Phnx. We spent 2 hrs scooping them out the pool they’d stagger into. “Drunk birds are causing havoc in a Minnesota town”
Pic I just chose for Mr R’s online obit. It was on the ferry going to San Juan Island to a rental house on the water. Perfect day; perfect time, with no sadness in sight. The second is one of him on the deck of the house at sunset.
@1aprildaniels
@pnrhauser
What April said. I’ve been published 35 yrs, 100+ books for most major pubs w/ agents & some years w/out. I now have two. This is a HUGE red flag.
@SuzieqVayglo
@CBSNews
@traciemac_Bmore
It says they were forced to have abortions or babies. I wrote a MIRA book covering 12+ yrs about a nun who had a baby from a rape, then gave the infant girl to her sister to adopt. Took me 5 yrs to figure out how to write a pregnant nun while keeping her the hero of the story.
@ChristieRidgway
He passed peacefully. Now I hope he’s already having grand new adventures, waiting for me to show up as he promised again last week he would. Then we can have many new wonadventures together again.
I told hospice social worker I was feeling pressure from people wanting to know date of Mr R’s Life Celebration, when I wasn’t ready to celebrate & she pointed out they were outside a wall wanting to celebrate our remarkable love, while I was inside needing to grieve.
#widow
She pointed out it’s a dark time here in the PNW, so waiting for summer could be a good thing & now my focus should be taking care of me. I’ve been told that continually over these months, but lying in bed with Paws, I’ve decided to let go & give myself that permission.
#widow
I told Mr R yesterday that I had no idea what happens next, but he damn well better be there waiting for me when I arrive. He said he would. I said promise? He said yes. I reminded him what we’ve always believed. That we’ve done this dance before and we’ll do it again.
@meganysta
@TheCaroCarson
@SamanthaDarby
Oh, adding one more thing to thread, that 5 yr old grew up to be a Senate staffer for Harry Reid & worked as communications director for the patent & trade office during the Obama Administration.
@dlopez0301
@AmyPennza
Oh, thank YOU! That’s one of the nicest remarks I’ve ever received about my books. I’m so sorry about the divorce, but glad I could bring you some escape & comfort.
Just got THE CALL that aspiration came back normal! 8th & final surgery will be on the 24th! It’s been a long year (15 months w/ original incorrect diagnosis) & smooches to all for the prayers, vibes, white light, & positive thoughts. You’re proof Twitter can be a caring place.
🧵Introducing myself to this club no one wants to belong to.I’m newly widowed after having my teenage sweetheart & husband of 57 yrs die on home hospice yesterday at 3:04 am while I cooling his feverish forehead with a cool damp cloth after 6 nights of keeping vigil.
#widow
@eunique
@dee_carney
LOL When our son remarried, his son designated ring bearer. He was way more excited than we thought a three year old boy would be, but ok. The day of the tux fittings, he asked where his bear suit was. He’d been looking forward to being dressed as a bear at his dad’s wedding. 🐻
@RABlack12
I can’t see anything when I write & my 146th book is out August 22. I write what I’d see if I could see my characters. It’s like directing a movie rather than acting in one. Granted, it takes extra steps, but reviewers & readers often comment how visual my descriptions are.
Mr R’s oxygen level is now down to 63. As hard as this is, I’m grateful to be on hospice because in a hospital they’d probably put an uncomfortable cannula on him, dragging the inevitable out even more. 😥
@jsavite
@BeautyBind
Michelle Obama is, hands down, the best First Lady of my lifetime (and I remember Mamie Eisenhower), but you could name any one going back to Martha Washington, and she’d rate above our current one.
6🧵In lieu of flowers, Jay requested donations in his memory be sent to the Thurston County Food Bank, PO Box 11549, Olympia, WA 98508-1549 or online at
Serious question to readers. If you read a book mid-series, and you like it, do you go back & read the earlier books, waiting to see those characters’ stories unfold, even if you already know they’re happily together? As all romance characters should be.
@meganysta
@TheCaroCarson
@SamanthaDarby
When I said I was, she said “Come with me.” Apparently there were no people for Dem machines. As we walked past everyone in that LONG line, son said, in a loud, excited kid voice, “See, Mom, it’s a LOT better to be a Democrat!” All in the line laughed. 2/2
Grief is so unpredictable. As I was moving a dark wash to the dryer, I remembered Mr R—who did the laundry all 57 yrs of our marriage—warning me, when he was in the care home, to check the drum because things could stick to the top. Now I’m crying. I miss him so terribly. 😢😢😢
@lupittaa5
I remarried my ex in 1976. It adds up to a total of 53 yrs, with two divorced years between years 9 & 11. So it can work. Which is why I’ve written several reunion novels. Though I’ll admit we’re probably the exception.
Accomplished today: paid off balances due on 4 credit cards by annoying phone process because I can’t read Mr R’s tiny Parkinson’s writing passwords for online & wrote out check & put in a stamped envelope for mailing 2023 HOA tomorrow. All from bed. But that’s something, right?
🧵Mr R rang his bell for me because he thought he was dying. Which he is. I asked if he meant tonight. He said yes. I asked should I call 911? After 11 last experience, he said no. So I promised to stay with him & stroked his held his hand & told him about all who care for him.
I talked to Mr R while bathing, shaving, & shampooing him after he died, then more after funeral home men took him away. While raging & sobbing, I ordered pretty 5x7 journal to keep talking w/ him. It came next day & after 7 wks Tue, all 160 pgs are filled. I’ve bought more.💔✒️
@mikelm_LBT
I’m very sorry. I can’t imagine going through this twice. Sometimes life sucks. I have learned this is a very large club no one would want to join. But that discovery has also led to shared comfort from those who’ve taken the painful path and survived.
It’s official! I’m going HOME!!!Thanks & smooches to all who’ve been pulling for me. It meant so much & kept my spirits up. I’ve still got 3-4 months & 6th surgery before this long, strange journey ends, but I’ll be spending them w/ Mister R at home w/nurses checking in. 🚗🏠
I’ve learned that it’s possible to keep vigil for Mr R for 6 nights fueled on chocolate-coated espresso beans & Salvadoran tacos dear neighbors brought over from their Christmas dinner. I haven’t been hungry, so they were the first food I’ve had for days & were delicious.🌮🌮🌮
Bone killing disease. 8 surgeries, 8 1/2 months w/out a hip. 66 days in hospital, 2 wks in hellouse nursing home/rehab where they nearly killed me, 14 wks IV antibiotics for 2 hospital Superbugs.Just turned in
@HQNBooks
OR wine county/WWII France, 6 POV characters, 119,791 words.
I won’t know for certain until lab tests come back in 2 or 3 days, but today’s aspiration came out clear, so if nothing unexpected pops up, I should receive my 8th & final surgery on the 24th! Thanks and smooches to all for your continued support!
Last night when it hit home that he was truly gone, I began swinging between rage screaming at all the drs who wouldn’t listen for 18 months & heart shattered keening, like those women
who throw themselves into their husbands’ graves.
Dowager Siamese Empress Paws always behaves as if life is all about her. But when I started crying again while she was lying on my legs, she turned around to let me pat her face. She was always more Mr R’s cat than mine. I think we’re comforting each other.
5🧵Besides JoAnn, he is survived by his son, Patrick Christopher Ross, grandchildren Marisa and Parker, and sister Dena Elliot. A celebration of his life will be announced at a future time.
@lacunalingua
@chrislhayes
@GOP
He was immediately hammered by a slew of blazing rhetoric. (We all know it.). Being a reasonable guy, he made the mistake of engaging. Said she was just telling kids what our moms did. To eat their veggies. Not take away parental rights.
@B_oySix
President Kennedy. We were sent home from h.s. school & I stayed glued to the TV for days and saw Jack Ruby shoot Lee Harvey Oswald on live TV. Cronkite wept when reporting the death. I still wonder where we’d be as a nation now were it not for that horrific day.
The spirit of Christmas: Knowing I’ve been staying up all night w/ Mr R, a friend dropped by last night (night 4) at 11 w/ chocolate truffles (I’ve been living on handfuls of chocolate covered espresso beans) & sat w/ me for 90 minutes until I sent her home to her family.
After 38 years, I just resigned my RWA membership. As I tweeted earlier, it feels like a divorce, but after listening to the board meeting reading, then
@lesliekelly
’s thread about all she and
@deesdavis
did to try to save the organization, I had no choice.
#RWAResignation
We’ll find each other again, just like that day a 15 yr old me looked up at a boy across a counter & the first thing I thought was “there you are!” He later said he thought the exact same thing & was so dizzy when he left he had to hold onto a car fender to keep from fainting.
As many know, 2019 was a challenging year for me as I wrote—VERY slowly—between 7 surgeries. I sent pages of overdue HQN WF to agents Friday because I love them, but was very afraid I’d lost judgement. Some encouraging response: “This sparkles... It is so alive and rich.”
#relief
I can’t go into details yet, but positive thoughts or vibes, prayers, spells, anything that suits, for Mr R would be very welcome. After stressful weeks of testing, both physical and neurological, life’s becoming more and more worrisome. 😥
I hit a milestone yesterday. For the 1st time since 3/19/19 & 8 surgeries after avascular necrosis killed my hip & top of my femur, leaving me held together by a plate & cement covered wires, I walked a mile. Not all at once, & much of it w/ my walker, but it’s a goal met. ☺️☺️☺️
Surgeon couldn’t predict how well I’d be walking in a yr since he’d never had a patient go through what I had & live. Yesterday, walking a few steps w/out walker or sticks, I told PT guy what dr said. He said the same. We’re in uncharted territory. No retreat; No surrender.
Everyone keeps asking when the Celebration of Mr R’s life will be, but I’m honestly not ready to host a party, that from all the descriptions, look like wedding planning. I’m going to the funeral home w/ a friend tomorrow & have to decide. I want to just say no. Or not yet.
Mid-twenties aide thought I was being metaphorical when I mentioned the Cuyahoga River burning. Then I showed her these photos & told her that’s partly why we old people created Earth Day & pushed for an EPA. She asked why she’d never been taught that in school or college. 🙄🤯
Dr removed wound vac & 3’ long dressing today. If nothing goes wrong, he’ll remove 1/2 staples tomorrow. If it stays ok, other 1/2 go the next day. If nothing goes wrong that day, I GET TO HOME! w/ IV antibiotics next day. Final surgery in the fall. Please keep fingers crossed!
Tom Hanks plays heroes because he’s such a good person who always knows the right thing to do. Mr R had a '58 Fiat in college. It had a 4 cylinder, 36 hp engine, and he’d drive it over the Cascade Mt passes, following buses in the snow. Here he is at Crater Lake.
I’m taking a short break from Twitter because I can’t stop crying and even I find my grief tedious. Love to all of you who’ve been a rock and anchor during a very difficult time. (And I think that’s an unintentional extended metaphor, though grammarians might disagree.)
@VABVOX
I LOVE it! I took 12 yrs of classical piano instruction. 8 yrs of ballet, but dropped out of tap after 2 years when, as much as I loved the old MGM movies, I accepted that I was missing a tap gene, Tap is hard!
@lacunalingua
@chrislhayes
@GOP
My husband decided it might be nice to have a FB page to catch up with his HS & college pals. His first post showed him on the river in the beautiful wooden kayak he made. He received many likes. Encouraged, 2nd post was about Michelle’s garden.
@StilettoKitten
I’m so sorry. My husband went blind from a very rare side effect of a new Parkinson’s medicine several years ago. No one knew if he’d get his sight back, but the situation gradually reversed and he can see fine now. Hoping the same for your brother. Neuro issues are so scary!
Mr R & I spent 90 minutes w/ the very kind introductory hospice nurse. Formerly a midwife,she said she brought people into the world, now she’s helping them leave. I’m so very grateful, but came to realize we’re now in a parallel world very different from the one we’ve known. 💔
I walked (properly, heel/toe with right arm swing) around the house, turning corners & a full turn, with the first of 3 canes I ordered to try out that just arrived. Mr R followed w/ wheelchair, in case I needed to sit down. I didn’t.
🧵The sleeping pill kicked in and he’s snoring, but I’m with him, with 61 yrs of stories to tell, 57 of them married ones. Because for now, all my stories are for him & about this life we’ve spent together and neither of us have any doubt that whatever happens…
@glittersnicket
I’m a princess driving a race car. I’m also a boomer who likes blowing things up on my PSP. I’ve been playing video games continually since Pong & have never had an urge to buy an assault rifle & go on a shooting rampage.
@Aizehinomo
@RdotSpoon
Yrs ago, I wrote for a newspaper that sent me to cover annual police vs firefighters charity tug a war with a pool between. Firemen in Phoenix used off time to work out & play basketball. Watching them in body tight T-shirts & shorts, getting wet, was best assignment ever!
Surgeon called. Radiologists are “freaking out” re CT scan but he thinks since my blood work was perfect, it’s only collected blood trying to cure my broken femur. Please think positive thoughts/vibes because if Tuesday’s aspiration shows a reinfection I’ll never have a hip. 😢
I still need a walker, but walked 1635 steps at PT this morning & a total of 6,356 steps last week (up 1198 from previous week), which worked out to 2.86 miles. Slow, but steady. Patience had never been one of my strengths, but the universe must’ve decided I needed a lesson.
My aspiration and bloodwork were FINALLY all in the normal range! Surgery will be scheduled for sometime in either February or March when my surgeon can book an operating room for the many hours-long operation. Hopefully this 8th surgery will be the final one.
@justinbaragona
That sound you hear in the background is an unqualified former president calling into the show. Does Hannity have a derogatory nickname yet? He will now.