Author of Goodnight Loon: Poems & Parodies to Survive Trump, and Goodnight Loon II. Attorney, author, pianist, parodist. Lyrics are mine, typos are Siri's.
Dear
#G7
We'd trade you a Trump for Trudeau or Macron
We'd trade for Merkel or for leaders unknown
We'd trade him for schnitzel or bangers & mash
We'd trade him for nada or unwanted trash
We'd trade for your worst whatever you had
Oh, screw it: just take him. Return him to Vlad
I am Jewish. I am a New Yorker. I am an attorney. I am a liberal.
I am everything the bigots list in their stereotypes of us.
And I will not be silenced. Hatred will not win. We will vote for leaders who care about all lives
Know what would be great? If a bunch of stars scheduled a Live Aid type concert for the Fourth of July, right when the orange moron was speaking, to raise money for migrant children, women in need of healthcare, and everybody else endangered by his attack on democracy.
OMG: Joe Biden, just now, on trumps refusal to say heโll leave if voted out โ The federal government is perfectly capable of escorting trespassers out of the White Houseโ. ๐
Sigh: Yes, AR-15 stands for Armalite Rifle, but when your child is rendered so unrecognizable from dozens of bullets in her tiny body that only her sneakers can ID her, you don't care what it stands for, you care that no civilian needs or should have one.
Hillary Clinton tweeted the death of her brother, and of course a lot of magatts responded with vicious comments. I donโt care what your politics are, if somebody dies, you offer your respect and condolences, or you just stay silent. What is wrong with these people?
OMG, I absolutely love
@amyklobuchar
. In her rally in Michigan supporting Joe Biden, she said โwe are going to build a blue wall in the Midwest, and Donald Trump is going to pay for itโ.
Dear G7:
We'd trade you a Trump for Trudeau or Macron
We'd trade for Merkel or for leaders unknown
We'd trade him for schnitzel or bangers & mash
We'd trade him for nada or unwanted trash
We'd trade for your worst whatever you had
Oh, screw it: just take him. Return him to Vlad
Caitlyn Jenner came to NY last week to support a bill banning transgender women from competing in sports.
Then yesterday, she competed in a women's golf tournament.
Kids in cages: Evangelicals, silent
Three mass shootings in 1 year target Jews: Evangelicals, silent
A "prez" breaks 9 out of the 10 Commandments: Evangelicals, silent
Netflix shows a possibly gay Jesus:
#cancelonetflix
I think y'all are outraged about the wrong things.
Let this sink in:
A man who can't spell hamburger, smoking, forest, counsel, border, or warming; who does not know the difference between "there" and "their"; who cannot figure out umbrellas
Says our top intel officers need to "go back to school" b/c they disagree with him,
Dear Christians: if you oppose birth control, donโt use it. If you donโt believe in evolution, donโt study. If you donโt like abortion, donโt have one. If you donโt want to marry someone of the same sex, donโt.
But, you have no right to tell others how to live, learn, or love.
I just went out to get some bagels, everyone was wearing masks, everyone was 6 feet apart. Nobody was screaming that they โwonโt be muzzled โ, No one threatened workers with automatic weapons. everyone got their bagels and left happy
why does the south think this is so hard?
If you don't want an abortion, don't have one.
If you don't want to marry someone of the same sex, don't.
But don't you dare tell me you're for "freedom" or "values" or "small government" when you want the government to control one's most intimate choices.
I urge you to read the entire indictment. What they did to Ruby Freeman is despicable. They showed up at her home. They sent Blacks for trump. They sent a priest. All to coerce and intimidate her into breaking the law for them. She deserves our gratitude. They deserve jail
I donโt know who needs to hear this, but if somebody makes you sign a waiver saying โyou might die from a horrible disease if you attend this event, and I prohibit you from wearing a mask there, so come, but you cannot sue me if you doโ, maybe you should not attend that event
Dear Gentiles: in this tough time, everybody should be thinking of something they can donate.
We in the Jewish community have gotten together, and decided that we are donating Jared Kushner to you. We will throw in Steven Miller, just pay shipping and handling
youโre welcome.
As somebody whose family was murdered in the Holocaust, let me tell you definitively:
being asked to stay home and watch TV, or to wear a face mask if you go out, is not like Nazi Germany. Carrying a sign bearing the slogan written over Auschwitz, that is like Nazi Germany
@Dennis_Kosuth
This was the sign above the gate to Auschwitz death camp: arbeit macht frei. Itโs German for "work sets you free"
Trumpโs cult comparing the genocide of 6 million to stay at home orders is an incredible lack of self awareness and overt antisemitism that is beyond reprehensible.
Dear gentiles: We in the Jewish have met, and decided we are returning Ivanka to you. Return to sender. To lessen the blow, weโll throw in Laura Loomer, Ben Shapiro and Alan Dershowitz.
Dear MAGA: Why red X's: of all things? I know, you feel you must 'mark' yourselves bc Q. shadow bans other made up BS , but you could've chosen a Q, a red check, an elephant, anything. Why, of all symbols, do you pick a red X, the universal symbol for "wrong answer"? Morons.
BREAKING: Don Jr story that he "met with Russians to discuss Russians adoptions in America" is true: Shortly after the meeting, Putin adopted a 71-year old baby.
I don't know who needs to hear this, well, I do: but when they send the head attorney from the Hague - the team who took down Slobodan Milosevic- after you, that's the opposite of "not doing anything".
Today, acting president Cuomo, his voice breaking, spoke about the horrifying number of New Yorkers, 799, that died in the past 24 hours because of Covid-19
Also today, Trump, a gigantic smile on his face, bragged about how high his TV ratings are because of Covid.
Just saw on the news, the orange moron visited a factory in Maine that produces COVID-19 test kits. Everything in the room had to be discarded, because the idiot refused to wear a mask. Hundreds of kits rendered unusable because he is an idiot
So, the syphilitic, sociopathic orange traitor announced heโs going to sign an order decreeing that Judaism is not a religion, but considered a separate race. Is it OK if I call him a Nazi now?
Do you think the syphilitic orange idiot realizes that when he screams in caps lock โmake America great againโ that heโs admitting that after 3 1/2 years of his colossal failure that we are not great?
Ever notice that everything Trump says, at a rally, in a tweet, on Fox, is all about who to hate? Democrats, Mexicans, Muslims, our allies...he literally cannot say anything other than how great he is, and demanding that we hate everybody who does not worship him.
Dear
#MichiganTerrorists
You have a 1A right to peaceably assemble
You have NO right to storm a State building with assault weapons, threaten peace officers or Governor Whitmer.
You have NO right to infect others with COVID19.
Arrest these terorists!
Ever just look at trump and think โgood lord, how can somebody make it through72 years on this earth, and yet still be so mind-numbingly dumb and ignorant?!โ
Dear conservatives:
A zygote is not a child
A blastocyst is not a child
An embryo is not a child
A fetus is not a child.
An 11-year-old is a child
Forcing a raped 11-year-old to give birth, supporting the death penalty, refusing healthcare, medical care, etc. is not pro life
Do you think Trump is destroying the country purposely, because Putin told him to, or inadvertently out of sheer incompetence the way he did with everything else he ran?
If you never read King Lear, it's about a king who goes insane, and gives away his kingdom to anybody who says false, but nice things about him, and misguidingly and ruthlessly punishes anybody who tells him the truth. Does that remind you of anybody?
Dear G20:
We'd trade you a Trump for Trudeau or Macron
We'd trade for Merkel or for leaders unknown
We'd trade him for schnitzel or bangers & mash
We'd trade him for nada or unwanted trash
We'd trade for your worst whatever you had
Oh, screw it: just take him. Return him to Vlad
They named a ship after John McCain, and a street after President Obama. What do you think they will name for Trump?
My guess, a porta potty and a crayon: traitor orange, or the Donald J Trump chemical toilet.
I will never trash a Democratic candidate. But Tulsi Garbage is not a Democrat. She is far right fascist who supports trump, Russia and Syria.
Raise your hand if you want Tulsi Garbage to drop out of the race
What a shock. Patrick Crusius was another white man supremacist obsessed with building a wall. Another Trump supporter radicalized.
The danger is not immigrants. The danger is not Baltimore. The danger is the crime infested White House and the racists he radicalizes
Zero chance Epstein died by suicide. Not at MCC, where the elite guards guard terrorists, and not on suicide watch. I have personally seen the place. These guys literally guard the mastermind behind the first WTC attack. Zero chance they missed something. Literally, zero chance
Dear Gentiles, we are pleased to announce a clearance sale! We will be giving you Ivanka, Kushner, Ben Shapiro, Loony Laura Loomer, Roseann, Steven Miller, and, call now, and we will throw in Alan Dershowitz.
Youโre welcome! Love, the Jewish community.
A Teleprompter did not make him say England used to be called Great Britain;
that hurricanes are wet;
that Puerto Rico is surrounded by water;
that Finland rakes its forests;
or that California diverts water to the ocean
Itโs not the Teleprompter, Fox. Heโs just a moron
@williamlegate
Exactly. People told kids just shut up about Vietnam, civil rights movement, and marriage equality. Each time the youth won. they will again.
Three children shot dead at Covenant School, a private Christian school in Nashville.
After every school shooting, GOP offer "prayer" and say "school shooting are caused by too little Christianity in schools.
It's not the lack of Jesus, it's the deluge of guns.
Kyle Rittenhouse had his mommy drive him across state lines with a military weapon to hunt humans.
He was 'defending' nothing and no one.
His victims were and are exactly that. Victims.
Not "arsonists" or "looters". Victims. Of a racist, anti-Semitic, inhuman mass murderer.
I will probably get in Twitter trouble for this, but what the heck:
Dear
@TomiLahren
: I have read your countless tweets bragging about ancestry, claiming they discovered America.
No. Weโve seen your family tree. Your parents were related before they met at that bar.
Trumpers are now using a red X in their profiles. Have you ever seen a red X next to something and had it mean something good? No, it always means:
wrong answer
failed the test
invalid
No good
So, really the perfect symbol for them.
Gayle King to Stacey Abrams now: โ tell us about your dating situationโ
Stacey Abrams; โ I havenโt been focused on that this month, I have been focused on saving democracyโ
Trump singing America the Beautiful
O beautiful bodacious guys
Hamburger ways & rain
Diet cokes & KFC aboard my private plane
America, America it is all about me
I send my tweets from toilet seats
I want my KFC
I am an attorney, have a published semi successful book, and Iโve always tried to be a good person. But, Little has made me a proud or than the fact that the nickname I made up,
#MarALardass
, is trending
๐ถWe will, we will smock you!
We will, we will smock you!
Trumpy you're a dim man, dumb man say
With your tweets gonna be in the Pen one day
Got a fat orange face, big disgrace
But Mueller's will indict you, a conspiracy case.
We will, we will smock you...๐ถ
#SmockingGun
Donald said today that whether or not states got crucial medical supplies would depend on โhow well governors treat himโ.
โwe will give you a ventilator, but we need a favor firstโ
Say it with me.
#QuidProCovid19
Even before this, hobby lobby was famous for being run by an anti-Semitic sexist bastard who stole money, and forced his employees to work during the pandemic against a closure orders.
Granted, I was raised in a liberal Jewish household, but I still find it hard to believe that the school, Christian or not, would take an all male group to Washington to say โwomen, you donโt get to make your healthcare decisions, I will decide for youโ.
Bernie literally spent this afternoon after the news came out raging against the media, berating reporters, and then sent a despicable tweet attacking โestablishment Democratsโ
screaming at/attacking the press, and attacking Democrats. Who does that sound like?
Dear Gentliles:
As our Chanukah gift to you, we are returning Ivanka to you, along with Loony Laura Loomer, and self-proclaimed "more Jewish than Soros" fake member Rudy Jew-liani.
And Rudy, screw you, you anti-Semitic piece of trump.
Love, the Jewish Community
The only thing better than seeing Dr. Fauci repeatedly own Gym Jordan, telling him "you're ranting again" is seeing Maxine Waters telling Jim "shut your mouth"
Governor Cuomo just now to trump: โThreaten us? What are you going to threaten to do, when you havenโt done anything positive in the first place?โ
I am a New Yorker. Which means, I have known Donald Trump and Rudy Giuliani were corrupt, crooked, adulterous morons for 30 years.
America, welcome to the party!
If you want to know how to bankrupt 12 companies and three casinos, how to tank three marriages, pay off a porn star, how to obstruct justice, commit treason, or whine like a 73-year-old infant, ask Trump
but, if you want to know how to treat coronoavirus, ask a doctor
I will never understand maga thinking that a guy who spends four hours on his "hair", 21 hours a day whining, and wears more makeup than Tammy Fae Bakker is the ultimate alpha male.
@RepKenBuck
Listen up, "Buck". Threatening civilians with your "poor phallic substitute" AR-15 is exactly why no civilian should have one. Even if it is bedazzled and looks like something even Liberace would say "Honey, that's just gaudy, even for me."
After being added to a list of the โweakโ by a MAGAtt who dubs himself โtoxically masculineโ, I must ask: I cook, write, play the piano, will bring somebody soup if theyโre sick. Does that make me less of a man?
My father was hospitalized with pneumonia this morning, and I just found out he had a heart attack on top of it. They are doing a CAT scan now. So far the new year sucks.
if you are religious, please keep us in your prayers. If not, please keep us in your hopes.
๐ถ Old fat Donald sent a tweet EIEIO
Whining from his toilet seat
EIEIO
with the caps lock here and a fake news there
here, a bitch there a moan
Someone should take his phone
Old fat Donald sent a tweet
EIEIO๐ถ
To all people saying a pride flag is โsinfulโ, but staying silent re confederate flags or flags adorned with swastikas: Iโm straight, but I would much rather fly a flag that stands for love and equality than one that stands for hatred and divisiveness. ๐ณ๏ธโ๐
Joe Biden was VP for 8 years, in government for decades before, and in public service for year after. He has been vetted and investigated every way imaginable. And, btw, praised by Tara "what is my last name today" for years before now.
#IBelieveJoe
#IBelieveBiden
Dear MagaMorons demanding that Nancy Pelosi be impeached.
1) She did not break the law
And
Wait for it
>
>
>
<
2) You can't impeach a Congresswoman, morons. The Constitution limits impeachment to the Executive Branch.
FFS, read something before you tweet this crap!
Serious question for non-Jews: do you realize how frightened we feel as we see tens of thousands of protesters chanting for intifada, chanting to drive Jews into the sea? Do you realize they are not pro Palestinian, but advocating genocide against Jews?
I am *not* saying Cuomo is innocent: the allegations warrant full and independent investigation.
But I don't recall AOC demanding Bernie resign over tons of harassment claims against him.
Booting Cuomo won't get NY Gov. AOC or Cynthia Nixon. It will get you GOP, mark my words.