@hayesbrown.bsky.social @HayesBrown Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

7 years

This is going to be the dumbest dystopia.

285

1K

6K

Last Seen Profiles

@zzzdxme

@cesarmiyy

@Vekaa6922961854

@seibutsu_seigyo

@SimplefullCraft

@abdullah_w47093

@MissingInNG

@park_eunrii

@Wolfi852349

@shayanpatil2

@OVRLRDcomics

@BudeFc

@BuletinTV3

@korkichii

@anne_clarke

@lunatricxxx

@Rachel_lynnP

@ALASTORHAZBlN

@DartmouthMHCDS

@MoSportsHall

@SiCAWRE

@hate2luvdk

@TOPDANDY2023

@CoviandinaSAS

@pleindevies

@PokemonWizarddd

@Abzrondo9

@TheBugzyMalone

@tiafisher_

@comentababybrun

@Tmxb_

@crushcupid

@gdgtokyo

@prolifejewess

@ohaewonz

@CherylSydney894

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

I’m still stuck on using tear gas in the middle of a pandemic that hits the respiratory system

531

45K

242K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

the wind is antifa

Charlie Gile

@CharlieGileNBC

4 years

We have gas in Atlanta. Most of it is blowing back onto police.

2K

29K

150K

274

13K

96K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

my cousin’s friend took the vaccine and two weeks later BOOM! he got bitten by a møøse. do your research.

2K

8K

92K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

2 years

So something interesting that could be developing at the UN: Ukraine appears to be laying the groundwork to challenge whether the Russian Federation is the legitimate successor to the USSR’s seat and veto on the Security Council

793

13K

71K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

So what you’re telling me is that Zaila Avant-garde is not only the spelling bee champion, she is also The Most Interesting 14 Year-Old in America

272

9K

51K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

Biden including a $15 minimum wage in his stimulus plan is huge Biden moving to abolish the tipped minimum wage and sub-minimum wage for people with disabilities in his stimulus package is even bigger IMO

270

6K

44K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

Rep. Sean Patrick Maloney out here with that strong New York Irish cop energy as he gets Sondland to say clearly that the investigations Trump wanted would benefit Trump

2K

10K

42K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

Warner Bros. Your franchise is in shambles. Make Superman black. Destroy the internet. Do it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Do it.

662

4K

36K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

2 years

It was a very stressful few hours okay

109

1K

37K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

5 years

OR YOU COULD NOT HIT ON THEM. AND TREAT THEM LIKE PEERS. MAYBE THAT WILL WORK.

146

5K

36K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

does...does gen z know about "metrosexual"? that there was a time we had to make up a whole term for "man who grooms himself?"

282

2K

35K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

5 years

ANGEL: ok we've got death, childbirth, and strife, any other punishments for the humans GOD: i call it the "empty carbohydrate." they eat it and it will do nothing to fuel their body ANGEL: and it will taste terrible? GOD: it will be the center of their fucking world

58

4K

34K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

guy who invented daylight savings time: and then in the fall you get an extra hour to sleep! us: wow yeah that sounds great him: [under his breath] and in exchange you get months of darknesss and sadness us: wait what? him: what?

65

5K

24K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

GOD: [designing marsupials] ok ok. are u ready for this one? GOD: [holds up kangaroo] LOOK AT IT. ANGEL: stop. i can't. GOD: And... ANGEL: ??? GOD: IT'S GOT POCKETS ANGEL: STOP. WHAT.

109

5K

24K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

5 years

Manti Te'o's girlfriend didn't not die for Deadspin to go out like this

96

4K

23K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

1) the trans community must halt all uranium enrichment 2) the trans community must close down the plutonium enrichment facility at Fordow 3) the trans community must allow the IAEA access to all areas related to any nuclear program, civilian or military

150

3K

23K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

5 years

Honestly this story has everything: - rich people in trouble - proof you were right about Those Rich Kids at your college - prosecution under the RICO Act - a Balkan water polo coach - a chance to yell about systemic inequality - FULL HOUSE JOKES WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR.

169

3K

20K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

this is from the episode where lisa sees a politician take a bribe and tears up her speech about american exceptionalism in anguish that the country she loves is actually rife with corruption at the top

Mike Pompeo

@mikepompeo

4 years

8K

1K

8K

118

3K

19K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

I can’t believe this didn’t work.

139

2K

18K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

millennial culture is being hyped to get your second vaccine dose because any side effects mean you can be unproductive without feeling deeply guilty

126

2K

18K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

noooo don’t throw away your literal chains stopppppp

Faytuks News

@Faytuks

4 years

Angry police across France have thrown their handcuffs on the ground as they feel "insulted" by claims that they tolerate brutality and racism.

502

255

1K

146

2K

16K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

7 years

Overlooked in all of this: KellyAnne Conway seems to think Inspector Gadget was an inspector of gadgets, not a gadget-filled inspector

227

6K

16K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

5 years

the people of the North when Grey Worm and Missandei roll up

57

2K

15K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

2 years

He’s here He’s there He’s teaching how to share ROY KENNNNNNNT ROY KENNNNNNNT

49

2K

16K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

1 year

It only took them [checks notes] 55 days, 17 hours, and roughly 25 minutes to delete this

163

3K

15K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

Trump says if we brought George Washington back, Democrats would vote against him 100% I mean. Does he still own slaves?

169

2K

14K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

This is a rejection of the very concept of civil disobedience

@attackerman.bsky.social

@attackerman

4 years

Barr: “When people resist law enforcement, they’re not peaceful.”

431

486

2K

77

3K

14K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

So...Juneteenth. In the city where the Tulsa Massacre took place in 1921. As he’s pushing back against anti-racism that he sees as a threat to his presidency. This symbolism sucks.

Kaitlan Collins

@kaitlancollins

4 years

President Trump says his first rally since March 2nd will be in Tulsa, Oklahoma next Friday.

3K

1K

4K

274

4K

13K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

7 years

Trump: [tweets about the NFL] everyone: ugh pls focus on real issues Trump: [tweets about North Korea] everyone: wait shit no stop

96

3K

13K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

5 years

I dunno but people clap to it on the 1 and 3

127

2K

13K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

I can’t believe this is a thing I’m about to tweet in a US context but: any plan to disband a police/paramilitary force needs to learn from the lessons of de-Baathification in Iraq and figure out what to do with former security forces, preferably with a DDR program in mind

The Appeal

@theappeal

4 years

BREAKING: A veto-proof majority of Minneapolis City Council members will announce today their commitment to disbanding the city’s embattled police department following the killing of George Floyd.

4K

20K

51K

228

4K

13K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

I dropped my wallet on the street last night. No sign of it after retracing my steps three times. Our apartment buzzer just rang. No response when I answer. I go down and it’s an older deaf man with a note. He found my wallet and returned it intact. New York City: it’s good.

142

532

13K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

WHEEEEEEEN THEEEEEEEEEEE PRESS WANTS SOME FACTS AND SAYS “SIR ARE YOU VAXED” THAT’S A-HIPAA

92

1K

12K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

I’m watching “Romeo + Juliet” for the first time and imagine my surprise when I see Paul Rudd’s ageless immortal ass just Paul Rudding it up all over this movie

90

794

12K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

2 years

el*n m*sk has nine children. nine. nine children, two of whom were secret until [checks notes] today. those two were born "weeks" before his second child with grimes, which was also a secret until it wasn't.

Elon Musk had twins last year with one of his top executives

Court documents show that Elon Musk and a 36-year-old Neuralink executive, Shivon Zilis, are the parents of 8-month-old twins. Musk now has nine known children.

www.businessinsider.com

1K

3K

12K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

it feels like having a sound system blaring at you on full blast for years and then suddenly cutting out. there’s phantom music in our heads. we can’t process things at normal volume yet. our ears are ringing with the last four years in all this relative silence.

144

2K

11K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

8 years

"Hail Hydra"

130

12K

11K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

2 years

This one is going to stick with me for a long time, not least because it’s a plan he came up with -after- spending four years as president

446

1K

11K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

7 years

KRIS JENNER: give me the 'you're damn right i stole those puppies' BARBER: say no more, fam

31

2K

10K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

me: okay, remember the vote counting and reporting tonight is going to be weird and we probably won't know anything before the morning. so stay calm, everyone my brain: except you. me: except me.

30

2K

11K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

You guys, think of how much brain space this will clear up. Like deleting a massive file that was constantly overheating your computer but you still couldn’t shut down

111

1K

10K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

The most terrifying part of today has been realizing just how many people for any multitude of reasons don’t realize how real this is yet

98

1K

10K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

2 years

Here’s the ambassador citing the part of the charter that deals with admission of members during his speech at the UN Security Council earlier tonight

36

1K

10K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

human psychology is wild, we spent literal months telling each other that Election Night is a Myth and that things will be shaky and then the SECOND polls close, we're like "DELETE ALL PREVIOUS COMMANDS. RUN PROGRAM SCREM.EXE"

58

2K

10K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

2 years

And here’s his demand for the documents that show that the Russian Federation was welcomed to the body by the UNSC and General Assembly. Those documents don’t exist as he noted because the UN legal counsel made the call

35

1K

9K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

11 months

is it: 🔲 a cold 🔲 allergies 🔲 Covid [NEW OPTION UNLOCKED FOR YOUR REGION] 🔲 wildfire smoke

18

1K

9K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

[kicks in door late as shit] YOU GUYS, KNIVES OUT IS A REALLY GOOD FILM

81

318

9K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

5 years

...the company was named fraud guarantee. The company was named Fraud Guarantee. THE COMPANY WAS NAMED FRAUD GUARANTEE

Kenneth P. Vogel

@kenvogel

5 years

SCOOP: Indicted pro-TRUMP Ukraine researcher LEV PARNAS told people he paid RUDY GIULIANI hundreds of thousands of dollars to work for his firm, Fraud Guarantee. Giuliani first seemed to admit working for the firm in 2018, then said he couldn't confirm.

898

6K

13K

196

2K

9K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

I have never more wanted to skip ahead like five days and see where things are

38

546

9K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

Shoutout to every digital journalist who’s just realized how many articles they now have out there full of broken embeds

51

866

8K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

2 years

shoutout to every one struggling at 6:45 PM not to turn into the sleepy time tea bear complete with little hat

34

894

8K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

2 years

Mississippi, where Black people make up the highest percentage of its population than any other state, can no longer effectively teach why that is

philip lewis

@Phil_Lewis_

2 years

Now: Mississippi Senate just passed legislation that would prohibit the teaching of critical race theory in K-12 public schools and in the state’s public universities and community colleges.

77

241

331

58

2K

7K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

2 years

I’m sorry but “Rich Nephew” is a very funny name for an anti-corruption czar

Shemuel Meir

@ShemuelMeir

2 years

11

14

175

53

1K

7K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

you, a fool: it’s laurel you, also a fool: it’s yanny me, who is wise: it’s

37

2K

7K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

2 years

The UN Charter was never amended after the USSR broke up. It still references the Soviet Union as one of the permanent members of the UN Security Council. The Russian Federation just ascended to that seat after 1991.

45

1K

7K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

2 years

Trans…formers?

Lily Simpson is putting the T(rans) in YouTube

@LilySimpson1312

2 years

I mean this sounds awesome

887

4K

48K

169

753

7K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

1 year

what could go wrong about a tax that must be paid before access to the polls.

Best of Dying Twiter

@bestofdyingtwit

1 year

…

101

280

3K

66

822

7K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

7 years

This photo of Trump and the first Vader scene in "Rogue One" is beyond iconic (📷:: Jim Watson / AFP / Getty Images)

65

3K

7K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

Anderson taking a sip of coffee at 2:44 is what elevates this to art

Andy Kaczynski

@KFILE

4 years

Quite the fact check from @ddale8 of Trump’s speech.

574

9K

24K

82

2K

7K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

This is my new favorite tweet on this website

262

852

6K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

5 years

damn if this isn't the most searing indictment of digital media hiring i have seen

Sesame Street

@sesamestreet

5 years

Negotiating that new year salary increase like:

325

6K

20K

24

1K

6K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

Twitter is a great tool for figuring out who aced the writing section but bombed the critical reading section on standardized tests

22

1K

6K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

the mole in the Cruz group chat earlier today:

35

512

6K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

My screen time is crazy high right now and I can both feel and see how it’s affecting me negatively but I can’t look away from the disasters unfolding in the little box in my hand

54

700

6K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

The idea of sending the “healthy” back to work falls apart when you take into account that we do not know who the healthy are because of the lack of testing

26

1K

6K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

If Infow*rs hasn’t violated your terms of service maybe you need to review the terms of service I am just spitballing

22

748

6K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

2 years

So that could (maybe??) be Ukraine’s goal? To have the UNGA pass a resolution declaring that either the USSR’s seat is empty or that some other state should be the -real- successor to the Soviet’s

38

598

6K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

The problem the Trump campaign is facing in its legal challenge is you get in very big trouble when you lie in court.

48

1K

6K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

Oh no the company that decided to stop making six racist books is being rewarded by having all their other books sell like hot cakes Whatever is the lesson that we should draw from this

Dinesh D'Souza

@DineshDSouza

3 years

Karma is a bitch department. Dr. Seuss Books Hold 42 of Top 50 on Amazon Sales Ranking Chart

2K

807

4K

88

800

6K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

7 years

Omfg. Bolivia, who called today's Syria meeting at the UN, holds up Colin Powell's 2003 picture, saying to remember that ISIS was the result

132

4K

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

WHEEEEEEEEN THEEEEEEEEE white Google man Files a suit that is panned That's Damore

Google Memo Author James Damore Sues Company For Discrimination Against White Males

"Damore, Gudeman, and other class members were ostracized, belittled, and punished for their heterodox political views, and for the added sin of their birth circumstances of being Caucasians and/or...

www.buzzfeednews.com

122

1K

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

oh so this is how we die. neat.

The A.V. Club

@TheAVClub

6 years

MIT scientists created a "psychopath" AI by feeding it violent content from Reddit

1K

3K

7K

84

1K

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

my dearest hope for the missing $5K Japanese whiskey is that it was drank by some beleaguered low-level foreign service officers

98

190

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

7 years

spicer: I HOLD IN MY HAND THE NAMES OF FORTY TERROR ATTACKS THE MEDIA HAS REFUSED TO REPORT ON media: can we see that list? spicer: ...no.

101

2K

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

9 years

A black president lives in the White House that's lit up by a rainbow. America. http://t.co/vouFAeV3iX

99

3K

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

1 year

I just texted my cousin and…I think the answer is yes???

John M. Cunningham

@jmcunning

1 year

Wait, is the woman in this @nytdavidbrooks anecdote @HayesBrown 's cousin?

7

42

945

31

407

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

“I'm simply saying the racists believe he's a racist” is gonna go down in political dunk history

Andrew Gillum

@AndrewGillum

6 years

As my grandmother used to say — a hit dog will holler.

5K

43K

144K

67

924

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

8 years

HRC: And that one's...Charizard? aide: [slams flashcard on table] IT'S MAGMAR DO YOU EVEN WANT TO WIN THIS RACE

Liz Kreutz

@LizKreutzNews

8 years

Per an aide, Clinton was briefed by staffers on Pokemon Go yesterday while flying back to DC.

48

306

473

34

3K

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

2 years

Do I think it would work? Hell if I know but it’s fascinating and will be wild to see how it develops. Especially since it took IIRC ten years for the PRC’s supporters to overcome US opposition and procedural delays in the UNGA.

27

397

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

7 years

A Tale of Two T-Shirts: A 5 Train Story

59

469

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

2 years

amazing. simply stunning work that would in past ages been confined to a newsletter with maybe 200 readers or spoken aloud at a party where the topic of conversation is awkwardly and abruptly changed.

155

398

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

10 months

@eiffeltyler @delia_cai It is literally my favorite joke in the movie

3

16

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

tl;dr: this isn't world war III! It is, however, a thing that will: - likely trigger more, not fewer, attacks on US personnel - increase the tit-for-tat btwn US and Iran - result in cyberattacks, attacks on oil lanes, etc - push Iraq closer to Iran - see blowback agains Israel

60

925

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

5 years

I’m just gonna go ahead and set my international relations degree on fire now thanks

Aaron Rupar

@atrupar

5 years

Trump offers an interesting historical interpretation of the fall of the Soviet Union: "Remember the Soviet Union? When it was all together. Before they decided, 'we have to call ourselves Russia.'"

782

807

2K

125

658

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

A) he’s an alien from another world, his skin color can be whatever. make him literally orca colored who cares. B) a black Kal-El who lands in RURAL KANSAS as a baby and still decides for Truth, Justice and the American Way is 9000x more interesting

101

383

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

8 years

ANGEL: Sir have you made up your mind as to which team you want to win GOD: ANGEL: You have no idea GOD: I have no idea send some rain

10

2K

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

The first black slaves got to Jamestown in 1619, so we will be at the point where black people in the US have been free longer than they were slaves in ~about~ 2112. Mark your calendars now, friends.

38

2K

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

The bar and restaurant industry has been gutted this last year. Making it so that when its safe for those people to go back to work that they can make an actual living wage instead of hoping their customers aren’t jerks is exactly what they deserve

27

332

5K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

This is the best quote/sentence you will read in any story about Trump’s new Supreme Court nominee via @dvergano + @Zhirji28

62

2K

4K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

3 years

And because I’m not allowed to swear in my copy, let me just be extra clear here on Twitter dot com: Sha’Carri’s suspension is bullshit

Opinion | Weed shouldn't keep Sha'Carri Richardson from the Olympics

The Tokyo Olympics would be lessened without Richardson's presence on the track.

www.msnbc.com

99

699

4K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

"Trump told advisers on Sunday that he was getting bored being in the hospital and was tiring of watching coverage of his hospitalization."

Infectious Trump briefly leaves hospital to greet fans as confusion continues over his health

The president’s medical team said that he had begun a steroid treatment after twice suffering bouts of low oxygen but also was doing well and could soon be discharged from Walter Reed National...

www.washingtonpost.com

1K

2K

4K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

He got bored. So they let him leave the hospital to wave at people. Because he was bored.

98

743

4K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

6 years

Let nobody say that Croatia...coasted to the semi-finals ... I said COASTED TO TH- Look Croatia has the 15th longest coastline in the world despite its small size that is the genesis of this pun

87

464

4K

@hayesbrown.bsky.social

@HayesBrown

4 years

Did y’all just have that...lying around? Like was it in someone’s garage since 2018