Mamangu akifanya makosa kama hii then niteseke baadaye tunaweza kosana mbaya sana.
Yaani I had the chance to be born with s silver spoon na wewe nyege zako zikakupeleka kwa mvuta bangi Dandora.
Yesterday I went drinking with 2 girls. One born 2001 and the other born 2002, both KMTC students.
All I can say is the future of this country is not bright.
Morio alitumiwa 5100 on Sato from a new number.
Sato no calls or reversal. Jana tukiona games bado no call or reversal.
Akaitisha whitecap sita sita na choma 1kg.
Leo ndio amepigiwa simu na budake akaambiwa ati ni jirani anataka amnunulie solar flood light.
😭😭😭
Tuliiba simiti 60 na foreman mkamba tukauza mia tano tano. Tukagawana equally. The following day Mutiso akapee manager his 15k akamwambia niliuza simiti najaribu kum bribe asiseme.
Manager akaniita akaniambia "ukipata deal kama hii tunapiga na wewe wachana na huyo mjinga"
Wangui Ngirici gave my sister personal bursary ya 30,000. My mum didn't vote for her, my sister didn't register as a voter.
I'm never trusting women bruuuh. Ata mamangu 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Women are not people.
We were joking in office, the HR told me "Arnold umeanza kupata kipara na hujaoa, hakuna msichana atakukubali"
I responded "Nitaoa single mum ako 35+ kama wewe"
She reported me to the CEO.
Kuna morio wangu aliamua kusurprise dem yake. Akapita backstreet tao saa sita usiku akachukua six pack ya Guinness na ya guarana. Huyooo hadi Ngong. Kufika akaambiwa na watchie, usiende huko, yule mzee humlipia nyumba ako huko.
Ilibidi wakate hiyo waters na watchie.
Morio is me.
Sasa mimi niteseke kupata pesa in my 20s and early 30s, madem agemates wanakuliwa na wababa then tukifika 35, niko na kakitu anataka nimuoe.
Kwangu sio retirement home.
I'm going for those 22 yr old hunnies.
Unakulanga dem kama huyu, ukiwa shot ya pili dakika ya 15 unashindwa nini unafanya, ndio umwage unaanza kufikiria kienyeji yule hukam magizani.
Ukimwaga unajiangusha nahuko unaanza kukumbuka pesa umetumia na that garbage pussy unalala hadi asubuhi.
Nime apply job ya Civil Engineer huko kwenu for the 6th time. I personally dropped my CV ndio isipotelee Posta.
This round msiponipee kazi najileta Barabara Plaza tumalizane kiwanaume.
We promised...We delivered....The Dualling of Eastern Bypass will soon enable motorist drive from JKIA to Thika road via Utawala in less than 40 minutes...Construction progress currently at 72%
Kijana alitoka campus at 25 anataka kuanzia 2-0 na mumama ako 38.
Unafikiria mbona hajaolewa at 38?
Mbona baba za watoto wamemuacha?
You think you're a better man than those men?
You think you're deputy Jesus?
I was today years old when I learnt that the Sportpesa cofounder and CEO Karauri is a son of former Tigania MP, Adams Karauri.
Enyewe hii Kenya kuanzia zero or negative to make it utapigana hadi na shetani na ukishinda malaika akuvunje mguu.
Amerix just tells boys not to marry single mums, quit alcohol, unfat, save and invest.
The only men pressed by this are men who started 1-0 like you, fat men and male feminists who want to impress TL hoes.
Otherwise why would you be concerned?
The only reason Amerix has a career in teaching "masculinity" classes on here is because his baby mama woke up one day, took everything and left. This is a terrible experience for any man, but it his personal experience. He needs to get over it and start a new life.
William Ruto is very smart. He won't avenge publicly but the things he'll do to Uhuru, Kenyatta family, Joho, Atwoli, Matiang'i, Kibicho, Junet, Ngilu and the rest ni shetani tu anajua.
@ntsa_kenya
yesterday I travelled from Nairobi to Nakuru and I noticed these "TEAM SWAT" matatus are overspeeding and carelessly overlapping/overtaking.
This is a disaster in waiting. What happened to the speed governors?
@Ma3Route
@KindikiKithure
@kipmurkomen
My Kirinyaga people hukua crackheads tupu.
Wale vijana walikua wa Mungiki ya 2008 wenye walihepa wasiuliwe hua wanarudi home wanauawa the same day.
Unawekaje grudge 16 years.
Winnie Odinga needed humbling.
She was soo proud and arrogant.
During the campaign period, I never heard Ruto's kids insulting Raila.
Perhaps, bad upbringing.
Kuna dem psycho alinifungia kwake 4 days.
Alikubali nitoke after gacuthe imekataa kusimama kabisaa ata akiiweka Kwa mdomo. Tulitoa nguo akaenda akaficha kwa friend yake.
Nilikua nashinda na leso.
This man wanted to commit suicide at Nairobi-Naivasha SGR railway line. He remained there for 5 days but realised there has never been a single train using that line since it was opened.
President Uhuru Kenyatta and white elephant projects.
Ferdinand Waititu paid for a dairy cattle benchmarking trip to Rwanda only for MCAs to learn that Rwandese farmers import their heifers from Kiambu county.
Wapi makofi ya Waititu jameni.
.👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
#TheseGovernors
Kikuyu aunts are the most tribalistic and materialistic lot you'll ever find.
They be like mmmmmmmmh yaani Ciru aliolewa na jaruo/baruya/ ikamba/ ukafi/ sumari etc.
But wait till that lady is married by a rich old white man, aki Ciru aliangukia kimzungu kiko na pesa Kama saitani.
A famous Eldoret Tycoon realized his wife was being chewed by a lawyer. He hired spies to track her and set up secret cameras. He compiled a 1hr video of the wife having sex with the guy.
Man invited the wife's family and friends for a party, wakikula akawawekea hiyo video.
Martha Karua kalikua kashajiona rais wa Kenya. Kalikua kameona vile Baba atapiga ndore 2024 kaachiwe kiti.
Boniface Mwangi alikua ameona vile atakua first lady ama ni first Ben10.
😂😂😂😂😂
No Governor, senator, MP, Women rep or MCA should be brought to Nairobi for Coronavirus treatment, take them to their county hospitals so that they understand the importance of improving healthcare for everyone.
Sheila Mwanyigha and Sanaipei Tande thought they would be young & hot forever. They followed the feminist route thinking they're special.
Saai wako 45, hua wanapost thirst traps advertising themselves like Maasai cows Kwa soko ya Ntulele.
Unapost dem yako mkiwa Kwa private jet then msee anasema amemdinya hadi akachoka. Na watu wanaconfirm ni ukweli.
Naweza ruka kutoka Kwa hiyo ndege bila parachute.
Hello CS Mutahi Kagwe, if I'm not wrong, President Uhuru Kenyatta's kids are youths, Ruto's kids are youths, Raila Odinga's son is a youth, can you mobilize them first and we will join them.
Ama ulikua unamaanisha sisi watoto wa maskini pekee?
Men, ukienda klabu waiters and waitresses wanalipwa na commission, nunua Kwa morio.
Foolish men want to impress waitresses thus ladies go with 2k+ commission, 3k tip + ile 500 ya mshahara.
Morio anaenda home na 500 pekee na ako na family na dem ni wa 21 yrs with no kids.
Corporate women are frauds.
Saai kuna mwenye ako Kwa ofisi akijifanya vile ako busy na deep down ashajinunulia maua anategea saa nne iletwe na nduthi na ajifanye ako very surprised.
One of my morios alioa dem wa form 4 na alipata D+ but ni mrembo na haga kubwa ta sere. Mans complains daily how dumb the wife is, ati you can't have any conversation, kazi ni Nigerian movies tu.
Ninja kila jioni heri ikununulie pombe hadi saa tatu juu haitaki kwenda home.
My friend went to pay dowry at Kangema, Murang'a county last Saturday. During negotiations, he was told to pay an extra 100K as kid's upbringing expenses.
Man didn't know the lady had a kid.
My man ain't speaking since Saturday, he's just swallowing alcohol.
😂😂😂 Nyashinski is goals😂😂😂
Unakula life na hawa hoes, mnavuta mihadarati, unawaongezea mileage, unawaharibu kabisa. Then time ikifika unawaangusha kama chuma moto unaoa decent God fearing lady. Hoes wanabaki kua bitter feminists.
Okay. Just allow me to give up on my Kikuyu brothers. This one stole a crate of whitecap from the lorry that overturned at Roysambu akaenda kuuza kwa jam.
Mundu wa Nyumba na pesa ni kama kurogwa.
I support CS Mutahi Kagwe's decision to fire KEMRI scientist Dr. Lutomya. How can a Luhya hold such a high position? These are posts reserved for Kikuyus. In fact Kikuyus should lead all major dockets in this country. Let's welcome Kamau Wa Samosa to lead the research team.
Nairobi ladies don't want to hustle. All they want is beach life in Lamu, Diani and Kilifi, Instagram pictures at Maasai Mara, road trips to sandy deserts, eating and drinking in Sarova and of course a rich boyfriend to pay for all those in exchange for a wet crack.
FACT: we don't have real feminists in Kenya. What we have are bitter women who made bad virginal decisions at their early lives, hated men for that and are trying to drag young girls into their mess of single lives and lesbianism.
The likes of Caroline Mutoko and Njoki Ndungu.
Boniface Mwangi was assured of a CS position.
Man alikua ashaanza kupiga hesabu akiwa na Prado ziko na siren driving on the wrong side of Thika superhighway.
Lakini Mungu halalangi Kutus.
Kutusi nīmūranjigwa😂😂😂
Aoko aside, Haka before kamalizane na Babu Owino, Ledama, Junet and other goons, katakua kanavaa dress bila panty kuma inapigwa na upepo inapiga mbinja kama Priscilla wa Imani
If you think I can't marry a Kikuyu lady after Sarah Wairimu is suspected to have murdered her husband Tob Cohen, you're absofuckinglutely wrong. I'm broke as hell, why would she kill me? The only inheritance she can get is my mshwari & tala loans na deni ya kibanda.
Kalenjins have connections to Australia.
Kisiis have connections to the US.
Luos have connections to Canada.
Kambas have connections to Mlolongo and Pipeline.
Jacque Maribe defines Nairobi girls, they all have 3 guys.
1. Corporate guy- Itumbi. Huyu ni wa kupeana connections za job.
2. Babydaddy - Eric Omondi. Kazi ni kulipa child support.
3. Kitombi Sugu - Jowie. Huyu kazi ni twa twa. Huyu anapiga kitu inatoa moshi ama freno kama FH
What Sonko revealed today is just a tip of the iceberg. Anne Thumbi was nominated as an MCA because she was Ken Okoth's clandestine not because she merited.
The same thing is happening in political nominations, govt jobs, govt tenders etc.
Kenyans, fuck your qualifications!
Modern Kikuyus don't hate Luos.
Modern Kikuyus don't hate Raila because of the things they were taught when young.
Modern Kikuyus don't have any problems with any tribe ruling,
They just don't like any unruly, arrogant, chaotic, chest thumping, proud humans.
Sitawahi katia dem tunaishi ploti moja. This one will kill me with sex. Kila siku ni " babe kuna baridi nakam tulale pamoja" "beb usipike food leo nimepika food mob" "nakam tuone movie" "nimekumiss nakam kukuona tu" "nimekununulia cans za Guinness" "nakam kukupigia pasi"
No scandal has ever hurt me like this. It's right in my village. Ksh 5M was set aside for construction of the bridge. This structure was still there but very rusty, they just painted it blue and 3months later BOOM grand opening of a new bridge.
#CongratulationsGovernor
How will I explain to my kids that Uhuru's sister(belongs to disadvantaged group) supplied those "mobile clinics" at ksh 1 billion while Prof, Kivutha Kibwana constructed this at ksh 135 million?
What's
#JamhuriDay
it's
#NotyetJamhuri
!!
Someone tell Waiguru the residents of Kirinyaga elected her because they thought President Uhuru Kenyatta would be spending his nights at Kirinyaga and bring development there. Now that she got married to Kamotho no one gives a flying fcuk about her!
#WaiguruSuesKingKaka
Maybe I'm an idiot but I'm not buying this story.
No man will beat a lady because she's dressed like a man, otherwise we would be having 100 cases daily.
Tafuteni pesa ya NGO polepole.
This is our own staff in Usikimye. She was attacked last night in Gacharage because the men at the stage were angry with her dressing. She dresses like a man they said. Weve spent the day in hospital, unfortunately there is bleeding in one of her eyes and her sight is blurry 1/
I met a lady from Dandora who later invited me over to her place. Time ya mechi kufika majambazi wawili wakatokea chini ya bed. Maze nilishikwa vita na wakaniibia ata nguo. Maasai ndio walinipea zile shuka zao. Juu ilikua usiku na sikua na any nilitembea hadi Umo mguu chuma.
Wendy Waeni watching porn at 13 years? Wow just wow! Not that I didn't watch porn at 13 but yangu ilikua kuwekea madem kioo chini naona urwaro na nice wiki mzima.
Technology tu.
#joemwangi