CrimeGirl © @CrimeGirI Twitter profile | Pikagi

Pikagi

CrimeGirl ©

@CrimeGirI

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“Well-known tweeting Barrister” @theBarCouncil | Founded @FreeFromFearUK | a fo ben, bid bont | 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

Closer than you think

https://t.co/XHE49ay5uO

Joined November 2011

Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

4 months

I played a small role in uncovering a private prosecution scandal involving false allegations of selling puppies a few years ago. A sham charity had been set up, and was using dodgy solicitors to scam people (and central public funds) out of thousands.

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Last Seen Profiles

@ian_t_adams

@buritaro28

@connectdotslove

@stw_pdg

@imlucasfields

@senpai_waffle

@rxbeerto

@VgaManzanares

@splawik_9

@genejm29

@povinequalscot

@snoozrz

@mtgazone

@RubinsteinOk

@MemoriesCreates

@Sheadixon

@rickeyallenV

@Ryo_cos76

@MedLabNigeria

@Ireokojie_

@NaisKnives

@SFCsupervisor

@MarsNetwork_Spa

@_ChickenRacing_

@NHLTradeRumors

@RwandaSingapore

@Reiza_Patters

@NilyaMalsi

@simplytimaa

@Mistressmarvel1

@Sophie_fennec

@SentinelDVPN

@PrestonMcMurry

@Vorzimmerdame2

@MarziaPie

@NSBSport

@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

2 years

When you’re Ukrainian in 🇬🇧 v when you’re Afghan in 🇬🇧

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

1 year

This will remain one of my all-time favourite internet videos 🎥

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

7 months

Paedophile Thames Valley Police officer filmed himself raping and sexually abusing a child he had groomed online. He was prosecuted and jailed. There, fixed it for you.

@NationalWorld

NationalWorld

7 months

Police officer who recorded himself having sex with 13-year-old girl ‘close to tears’ as he gets jail

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

16 days

Every time I put on weight I too tell my friends I’ve been drinking custard (again)

@MarcherMedia1

#Marcher

16 days

Ohh Vanessa, how could you?

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

1 month

My child explained to me today that Jesus died but then he was alive again and that’s what Easter is about. And now he’s up in heaven helping God out. I asked what God needed help with and received the response “tucking people into bed when they die and giving them a cuddle”.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

11 months

Husband: what did you do at school today? Child: nothing Husband: oh Me: no you need to use the vulnerable witness toolkit and go to the section on cross examining young children Husband: give over? Me: seriously, watch this *demonstrates* Child: *tells me all about day*

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

7 months

Here is my proposal thank you I won’t be taking questions

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

3 months

@NHSguy And her little brother went on to work for the NHS. What a wonderful legacy that was for her to leave.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

23 days

JUDGE: well where is he? COUNSEL: his train broke down near Wigan. He got off it and he is available to attend remotely via his telephone and wishes to attend JUDGE: very well turn the link on LIAM: ALRIGHT JUDGE ME OLE BEAN JUDGE: turn the link off

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

29 days

Dear autocorrect I never, ever want to write ‘fucking he’ll’ Yours, etc.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

9 months

Why isn’t the fact a hostile actor/state now has the personal data of every single person registered to vote between 2014-2022 in the UK not headline news, and why did it take a minimum of 10 months to tell everyone?

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

8 months

PHONE RINGS SOLICITOR: hello LIAM’S NAN: hi it’s Liam’s Nan SOLICITOR: you ok? has he been nicked? LIAM’S NAN: why do you assume something bad has happened? SOLICITOR: it’s 2am and you’re ringing a criminal defence solicitor LIAM’S NAN: yes he’s been nicked

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

7 months

GAS COMPANY: WE NEED TO INSTALL A SMART METER Me: my house is incompatible GAS CO: WE WILL INSTALL THE METER ME: NO GAS CO: BOOK YOUR APT ME: NO GAS CO: WE ARE COMING TO INSTALL YOUR METER ME: 😒 GAS CO: YOUR HOUSE IS INCOMPATIBLE WITH SMART METERS ME: I FUCKING KNOW

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

1 year

This lawyer got ChatGPT to write the submissions (plainly nonsense) and in doing so, it fabricated authority citations. When the (angry) Judge requested the cases, the lawyer went back and got ChatGPT to FABRICATE THE CASES. Someone is going to jail…. 👀

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

7 months

If someone robs your mum tomorrow, batters her in the head, takes her bag Or burgles your home, is caught in the act They can’t go to prison, because the prisons are full This government has failed you I’m so sorry, we’ve been shouting about it for years. They didn’t listen.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

4 months

@Sandford_Police The police social media accounts are so bad nowadays that for a second you very nearly had me

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

3 months

Change isn’t always good

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

2 months

CHILD: mummy I can’t sleep MUM: why not darling CHILD: I’m scared of monsters MUM: do you know what monsters are most scared of? CHILD: what 😳 MUM: lawyers CHILD: 😱 …. mummy, you’re a lawyer MUM: yep CHILD: 😊 💪 😴 💤 🛌

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

4 months

I’m going to tell you the story of one of the worst nights in two police officers’ careers. We’ll call them PC Smith and Special PC (SPC) Jones. They work for the English Transport Coppers (ETC) The antihero of the piece will be called Liam.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

2 months

Teaching children about their bodies in an age-appropriate way helps safeguard them against abuse from predatory adults and helps them understand the changes that take place biologically as they begin to approach puberty.

@andreajenkyns

Andrea Jenkyns MP 🇬🇧

2 months

I do not want primary school children full stop to have sex education. Nor do I want children to be taught about changing gender. We need to protect their innocence and childhood.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

3 months

Being a woman. 👇 It doesn’t matter how high you climb, or how exceptional you are, an inadequate man filled with his own self importance will *always*come along to mansplain why you are wrong.

@EmiliaRxse

Emi

3 months

Imagine being a Female PGA Professional and some guy comes up to you telling you how to swing 😂 She's a better person than I am because no way could I hold in my reaction

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

3 months

LIAM: I WANT TO WRITE A SORRY LETTER COUNSEL: to the victim? LIAM: NAH FUCK HIM HE DESERVED IT COUNSEL: who then LIAM: TO THE COPPER WHO NICKED ME. I WAS DRUNK. I SAID HIS WIFE’S A SLAG COUNSEL: oh LIAM: SHES NOT A SLAG. SHES REALLY NICE SHE TAUGHT ME WHEN I WAS IN INFANTS.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

6 months

I prosecute burglaries. ‘Normal’ occupier present burgs, aggravated burglaries, home robberies, the nasty shit. I really implore @thetimes to take this nonsense down. Ring doorbell cameras are absolutely vital bits of kit and have helped bring justice to countless victims.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

5 months

As I’m a barrister who deals constantly with children who have been groomed online, the kids have been given toy laptops that work entirely offline and have games that of the sort made in the 80s (think MS-DOS). They are legit thrilled. My parents think it’s hilarious. Job done.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

1 year

I see Lee has opened Katy up to the savagery of the press and now they are digging into her parents’ jobs, their house and the cost of her education. This is a lesson in why you should safeguard your employees and in particular those most junior, not exploit them.

@LeeAndersonMP_

Lee Anderson MP

@LeeAndersonMP_

1 year

Katy works for me. She is single & earns less than 30k, rents a room for £775pcm in Central London, has student debt, £120 a month on travelling to work saves money every month, goes on foreign holidays & does not need to use a foodbank. Katy makes my point really well.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

2 years

It is not illegal to come here and claim asylum •

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

10 months

It looks like we have lost @BarristerSecret from Twitter. If so, I would like to hope you come back in another guise to keep tabs on us all, and I take the opportunity (assuming you are still out there) to thank you for everything you have done for the junior bar over the years.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

5 months

Today the Judge was my age, the defence barrister was my age and I was the prosecutor and I had a sudden concern that we were all just pretending to do our jobs and really we were actually still in University doing a mock case in fancy dress and when does that go away please

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

1 year

@amandajplatell Others have explained that CID don’t wear uniform. Others have pointed out that she is wearing a plain, dark, knee length dress. I will point out that one woman cattily dragging another woman in a more senior authority position down is a nasty look, & I will defend her, as (ct)

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

15 days

LIAM: RECEPTIONIST SAID YOU BEEN BURGLED SOLICITOR: my car was broken into in the car park LIAM: I WILL DEAL WITH IT SOLICITOR: sorry what LIAM: A LINE HAS BEEN CROSSED SOLICITOR: no lines are crossed when you commit crime? LIAM: NOT THE POINT IS IT. BASICS.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

6 months

COUNSEL: I don’t understand how you went to Dubai. You have stringent licence conditions LIAM: PROMISE YOU WONT TELL COUNSEL: don’t tell me LIAM: I WENT WITH ME PROBATION OFFICER COUNSEL: piss off, very funny LIAM: LOOK HERE SHE IS ON T’BEACH COUNSEL: fucking hell.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

22 days

LIAM: WHAT THEY GOT, HIT ME SOLICITOR: LIAM: WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING SOLICITOR: LIAM: STOP LAUGHIN’ N TELL ME SOLICITOR: the courier wrote your surname and postcode on the actual kg block of coke LIAM: FUCKIN HELL WHAT AN IDIOT. DID THEY HIRE HIM FROM AMAZON. FUCK ME

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

4 months

JUDGE: Mr Liam has been taking a note, do you wish to pause to take his instructions COUNSEL: no, thank you JUDGE: you should SOLICITOR: 𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 ‘𝘤𝘶𝘯𝘵’ & 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘵. COUNSEL: I am fully instructed JUDGE: very well

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

9 months

Brought my kids to the garage due to a lack of childcare and now a nice mechanic is teaching two children u5 how to change a cam belt while swearing profusely in a thick scouse accent, saying ‘sorry’ every time he does it. Can’t wait to hear them repeat what they’ve learned later

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

2 months

CUSTODY SGT: hello this is Sgt Smith from Middlesborough custody suite, we have a Tom Jones here asking for you SOLICITOR: I don’t have a client called Tom Jones. Put him on LIAM: ITS ME SOLICITOR: for God’s sake Liam. Tom Jones? LIAM: YES I CHOSE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE WELSH

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

4 months

Somewhere, the lawyer instructed to advise Michelle Mone on criminal liability, a lawyer who was just trying to enjoy their NYD peacefully is now cursing loudly and explaining to their family why unguarded public statements drafted by clients are a very, very bad idea

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

3 months

POLICE OFFICER: we all sort of like Liam COUNSEL: huh POLICE OFFICER: straight forward criminal, never resists arrest, whistles and saunters along into the car, chats about the weather and the car’s engine, always no comment in IV COUNSEL: right PC: he does his job, I do mine

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

8 months

FREEMAN OF THE LAND: I do not accept your authority, nor the authority of this court. PROSECUTION COUNSEL: then why did you attend this court in response to the Summons issued in your name? FREEMAN OF THE LAND: FREEMAN’S WIFE: see? I told you to stop with this rubbish.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

1 year

As a criminal lawyer I have been in cases where vulnerable women have been raped (I say this w/o ‘allegedly’ as penile penetration was proven + the women did not have capacity to consent) by male carers and patients. Self-ID must never be a gateway to access female patients.

@RosieDuffield1

Rosie Duffield MP

@RosieDuffield1

1 year

Pinning this. The words of @hen10freeman , a disabled woman who has every right to expect her intimate physical care to be carried out by only women as she wishes. This is the hill.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

2 years

I wouldn’t give Suella Braverman a mini pupillage let alone the running of the country

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

4 months

You need to update your website, @HollandCooper . Knitwear made in China isn’t “British” and I suspect isn’t what your customers think they are paying for. Bit of a scam.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

7 months

The first time I defended a “Liam” I had his social services file disclosed to me, and I got to the part where his mum had neglected him so badly he was routinely arriving at school anaemic, dirty, hungry, with no coat. He was a little bag of bones shivering in the playground.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

6 months

The demonstration of how quickly ‘street homeless’ people were given shelter during covid shows that with political will and investment, no one would be living on the street. Applying punitive measures does nothing but criminalise destitution and mental illness.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

11 months

@stubbsy72 I hear waterboarding works well for teenagers, but it isn’t article 3 compliant.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

10 months

@RishiSunak HOW is it that you cannot see that it is TORY immigration law changes and policies that literally CREATES this sort of behaviour and fosters a fetid subculture where expensive corruption is the only way to secure any sort of entry to the UK. OPEN SAFE AND LEGAL ROUTES

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

6 years

Short thread about @PoppyLegion . Every year they sell poppies - you’d have to live in a cave to miss that fact. You may abstain from donating to them or buying a poppy because you think they are really rich, as everyone buys poppies, so they don’t need your money.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

2 months

SOLICITOR: oh hi Liam! Why are you here? You don’t have an appointment today LIAM: JUST POPPED IN TO SHOW YOU ME NEW PUPPY SOLICITOR: is it in that shoe box? If it’s small enough to fit in that it should be with its mum. Let me see? LIAM: SOLICITOR: Liam that’s a chinchilla.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

1 month

COUNSEL: you’re banned from driving LIAM: YEP COUNSEL: and you were drunk LIAM: YEP COUNSEL: what you’re telling me is that you swapped seats with the real driver after the car had stopped because..? LIAM: HE WAS DRUNKER THAN ME AND TBF I FORGOT I WAS BANNED COUNSEL: right.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

9 months

DEFENDANT: BUT HOW DID THEY KNOW IT WAS ME? COUNSEL: you robbed the bookies you are a regular at, and you have a very distinctive accent. DEFENDANT: ah COUNSEL: and when the cashier said “don’t do this Jimmy” you replied “I’M SORRY CARL I’M SKINT.” DEFENDANT: DID I NOW. OH.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

14 days

PROSECUTION COUNSEL: do you accept that you had a CCJ LIAM: NO! PROS CSL: you had a CCJ in 2013 LIAM: CLEAN AS A WHISTLE ME, GET CHECKED ON THE REGULAR, NEVER HAD THAT, HOW DARE YOU HHJ: a CCJ is a County Court Judgment LIAM: I THOUGHT HE WERE ON ABOUT STDs HHJ: we gathered

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

1 year

ME: what do you want to do today CHILD: go to the church ME: that’s nice, to see the baby Jesus? CHILD: NO I WANT TO SEE ALL THE DEAD PEOPLE IN THE GROUND ME: great ok but if people ask can you say it’s to see the baby Jesus CHILD: no.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

13 days

DUTY SGT: 📞 hello SOLICITOR: I’ve had Liam on, he’s seen the ‘wanted’ campaign DUTY SGT: yes SOLICITOR: he says you deliberately used the mugshot of him where he looks terrible DUTY SGT: we did do that yes SOLICITOR: he’s on his way to the nick if you promise to take it off

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

12 days

SOLICITOR: you’re going to be pleading guilty LIAM: WHY THO. HOW CAN THEY PROVE ALL 7 NUMBERS ARE ME SOLICITOR: you’ve called me from every single one. So it’s that or you can find another solicitor LIAM: never. Never doing that. I’ve rung you off all the burners? Fuck. Sorry.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

2 years

I want to explain why Criminal barristers are striking. Imagine you work in an office and the pay is poor, but the work is FANTASTIC, necessary work and your colleagues are great. The bosses vary depending on the day, some are awful, some brilliant.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

2 months

Enid Blyton’s gone a bit dark

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

6 months

@tomhfh Hi Tom. I’m junior junior counsel to a party on this inquiry and I can confirm sometimes I’m working on it at 1am. The fact that advocacy and oral submissions are only heard between the hours you have quoted has absolutely no bearing on work done for it. Glad to clear that up.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

4 months

Sub-postmasters compelled to stand in a courtroom and be told that they are dishonest thieves deserve to stand in the Court of Appeal and be told that they leave THAT courtroom with their good name fully restored. The govt should not paper-shuffle that process away from them.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

5 months

The people who used to live in my house keep setting up companies at my address. Unhappily for them I am a very aggressive lawyer and am not taking any of that shit.

@ConorGogarty

Conor Gogarty

5 months

This is a bonkers piece of money-laundering. Rhos Road is a quiet, nondescript street in the suburbs of Swansea. It also happens to be where 36 fake companies have been registered in the last few weeks. A thread...

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CrimeGirl ©

4 months

Booths (Northern people’s Waitrose-but-better) is staying true to its Northern roots by removing self-service check outs so that customers get a chat as they pay, protecting jobs at the same time. ❤️

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

1 month

One of the immense privileges of being a Barrister, clerk, or member of staff at one of the Inns of Court is that you get access to a part of London that is forever locked in time; Temple becomes yours.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

3 months

COUNSEL: what’s this? LIAM: LETTER FROM ME NEIGHBOUR FOR ‘T JUDGE. HE’S A DOCTOR. 😃 COUNSEL: have you read it? LIAM: NO COUNSEL: he says living next door is ‘𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘋𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦’𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘩 𝘤𝘪𝘳𝘤𝘭𝘦’ LIAM: IS THAT GOOD?

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CrimeGirl ©

1 month

Having a really bad Easter for reasons I won’t go into on here, but I just wanted to say that we experienced the unicorn of ambulance responses over the weekend and we are massively grateful to the ambulance service, the fab paramedics and the NHS in general. Look. ⏰ 🚑

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CrimeGirl ©

2 months

Guys… I just exuded so much barrister-stress that someone else’s service dog crossed the restaurant and came to comfort me 🤦🏻‍♀️

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

9 months

Don’t worry if your exam results are terrible today kids, do what my husband did and marry a barrister

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

1 year

It’s 0845 and I’ve already been told I’m not my child’s best friend twice and disinvited to a birthday party that I am both hosting and paying for. It’s going to be a long bank holiday weekend

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CrimeGirl ©

7 months

Liam: I HEARD THE NEWS Counsel: about the prisons? Liam: YES I HEARD IF I DO MORE CRIMES NOW I WILL NOT GO TO JAIL Counsel: is that what everyone thinks Liam: YES Counsel: terrific

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

7 months

And that is why all these years later I’m still a criminal lawyer, despite the working conditions, the systemic underfunding of the CJS.. knowing very I could do something else that pays much better… because of all the Liams.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

2 months

COUNSEL: you don’t seem upset about going to prison LIAM: I DO WELL IN CONTROLLED CONDITIONS COUNSEL: right LIAM: LIKE A HOUSE PLANT. COUNSEL: yes LIAM: OR LIKE THE WEED GROWIN’ IN ME NAN’S GARDEN SHED WHAT SHE DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT COUNSEL: stop talking now

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

1 year

CHILD: WHO IS THAT MAN ON THE PHONE Me: the man is A, my clerk CHILD: NOT DADDY Me: no, my clerk CHILD: WHAT IS CLERK Me: He is very important. He works with mummy and tells her what to do and where to go CHILD: OH. *pause* DADDY IS NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT. Me: correct.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

8 months

Just over 8 years ago a senior barrister took a very junior higher courts advocate under his wing, gave her the equivalent of a pupillage and turned her into a barrister. Today he was announced as a Circuit Judge. Congratulations, and thank you for everything.

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CrimeGirl ©

13 days

SOLICITOR: you’ll be further arrested for abstracting electricity LIAM: YOU FUCKIN’ WHAT SOLICITOR: the police noticed your handiwork on Nan’s meter LIAM: DO THEY WANT NAN TO DIE OF COLD? ELECTRICITY IS A BASIC ‘UMAN RIGHT. AM NOT HAVIN THAT ITS A CRIME, THATS A FUCKIN’ JOKE

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

4 months

Crown court problems over the last two weeks 1- roof fell in 2- no water 3- no internet 4- entire row of chairs came free from floor bolts and collapsed while professionals were sitting on them [now taped off] What will tomorrow bring? This is what happens when you underspend.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

2 months

@ask_aubry Get out now before he murders you for deviating from some other schedule of his later in life. Do not have children with this man. If you or anyone you know lives under this much control, and you’re in the UK, there are organisations who can help you - including the police.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

9 months

COUNSEL: the police have analysed the cocaine and found it to be 93% pure *DEFENDANT BEAMS PROUDLY* COUNSEL: no, that’s a bad thing. This is a bad thing. We are not proud of this. DEFENDANT: oh

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

18 days

I really dislike the promulgation of irrelevant AI images throughout social media. It stops people believing real photographs, like this one of me arriving at court on Tuesday.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

6 months

𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭-𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 If you are a professional who begins emails with ‘I know you’re on leave, but’ or worse, deliberately ignores auto-replies & complains that emails sent during leave have not been actioned, then please 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱. Life is too short. Give people 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

2 years

Criminal Barristers have voted for an all out strike and days of action (non attendance at the Crown Court). This may well be a first in history. It’s a shame it’s come to this. None of us are happy about this.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

2 months

Seriously @Channel4 you have the prosecution barrister WALKING AROUND during his opening speech? This 👏 is 👏 not 👏 America 👏 #C4TheJury

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

5 months

CHILD: mummy you put the baddies in jail ME: the Judge puts them in jail, I just tell the Judge what they did CHILD: sometimes you get baddies out of jail? ME: it’s the Judge who lets them out I just tell the Judge why they should CHILD: so you don’t do ANYTHING then.

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CrimeGirl ©

7 months

LIAM: I WANT TO PLEAD GUILTY COUNSEL: fab ok LIAM: I WANT TO GROW UP & GO STRAIGHT. COUNSEL: alright, now I’m worried. Are you OK? Who is the current Prime Minister? LIAM: HOW SHOULD I KNOW? WE HAVE HAD MORE PRIME MINISTERS IN THE LAST YEAR THAN ME MAM HAS HAD DAYS SOBER

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

17 days

So there we have it. A pathetic, racist government, lashing out at the most vulnerable people it can grasp, in the pointless last performance of its death throes. Afghans and citizens of any country who work with our forces abroad, cast aside as human detritus. Fool Britannia.

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CrimeGirl ©

4 months

and Liam went to prison, where people think he’s winding them up when he tells them what he’s in there for.

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CrimeGirl ©

14 days

SOLICITOR: Liam, you are at court for several charges of stealing push bikes. It might be considered a little bit of a piss take for you to have ridden here on one of the said allegedly stolen push bikes, and slung it against the Youth Court steps. LIAM: IT WAS TOO FAR TO WALK

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CrimeGirl ©

4 months

There is little more depressing than the Times’ comments section; full of boomers lamenting interest rates dropping in 2024 because THEY have paid their houses off and are enjoying seeing their savings grow. They have absolutely no idea of what it’s like on the other side.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

3 months

I'm afraid I don't do trigger warnings, so if you are of a delicate constitution I would avoid reading what I tweet - I work in crime, it is grim, it is depressing and it is real and it must not be hidden or apologised for. Generally my feed is light-hearted but not always.

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

4 months

Insufficient people have read this tweet by @JosieProc so I’m sharing it for a wider audience. I couldn’t read it aloud to my husband without losing it in hysterics.

Tweet media one

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@CrimeGirI

CrimeGirl ©

4 months

Absolute scenes as I rushed out of my remote-court waiting room fully robed to accept my weekly shop delivery at my front door dressed like a complete maniac. I at least took the wig off but the situation wasn’t greatly improved. The poor woman’s face.

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CrimeGirl ©

4 months

Our rivers and beaches are full of shit, if you’re burgled the culprit won’t be found, or if he is found he won’t be tried for years. Then he’ll be released early because the prisons are full. A baby died due to multi-agency underfunding but sure, let’s throw millions at Rwanda.

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CrimeGirl ©

5 months

I’m just here to tell you that my aunt got her “old fart’s bus pass”, celebrated by immediately using it for an “epic free trip”, got absolutely off her tits pissed, lost it and had to pay a shit load for her ticket home. On day one. Merry Christmas. I love my family.🎄

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CrimeGirl ©

22 days

LIAM: SO WHAT YOU’RE TELLING ME IS THAT THE POLICE STOPPED THIS LAD AND TOOK HIS PHONE AND THEN HE WENT BACK TO O2 AND GOT A DUPLICATE SIM TO THE ONE WHAT THE POLICE WERE WATCHING, AND JUST CARRIED ON COURIERING TO ME USING THE NEW SIM COUNSEL: yes LIAM: WHAT A FUCKING KNOB

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CrimeGirl ©

5 months

I am now logging off until the New Year - I hope you all have fantastic Christmases and NYEs. I will pop back on to post one tweet but that’s it. From me and my Liams, have a lovely December, and if it’s a hard time for you then I’m thinking of you. ❤️ 🎄

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CrimeGirl ©

1 year

DEFENDANT *rants angrily in Romanian for an extensive period of time* BARRISTER: soooo… you gonna interpret? INTERPRETER: no I will not interpret he is talking absolute shit BARRISTER: can you.. ask him to stop? INTERPRETER: I would like to hit him but this is not allowed.

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CrimeGirl ©

4 months

I once defended a man who killed his partner when he was psychotic. He was so psychotic that he had no idea. Once he had been secured and given antipsychotics his memory began to come back, but in shards, a broken mirror. I had to tell him what he had done. I broke his heart.

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CrimeGirl ©

15 days

LIAM: I NEED YOU TO FIND OUT WHAT IM WANTED FOR SOLICITOR: why do you think you are wanted? LIAM: THEY SPAN NAN’S GAFF AGAIN SOLICITOR: did they put shoe covers on? LIAM: NAH, SHES FUMIN’ SOLICITOR: you better hand yourself in before she finds you LIAM: SAFER IN A CELL, ME

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CrimeGirl ©

2 years

For the Press: Barristers will be protesting at 1000hrs next Monday outside the following court centres: The Old Bailey Cardiff Crown Court Manchester Crown Square Birmingham Crown Court Bristol Crown Court Leeds Crown Court 📸 📺 📻 ⚖️ @BarristerSecret

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CrimeGirl ©

7 months

LIAM: I AM HAVING A BABY COUNSEL: with who?! LIAM: DON’T BE ANGRY.. I DID TRY TO END IT, HONEST COUNSEL: oh my god Liam you’re on a restraining order. LIAM: CAN A BABY BE EVIDENCE THO

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CrimeGirl ©

9 months

I’m taking a break from social media for a few weeks because I did what all crim barristers do but none should, and back-to-backed demanding trials involving fatalities/complexities without any break at all, and naturally then hit the wall. Catch you on the flip side ✌️

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CrimeGirl ©

2 years

I need you to understand something Criminal barristers aren’t in unions Quite a lot of crim bar vote Tory, are Tory councillors or have voted Tory in the past This isn’t political Things have REALLY got this bad We are doing it because we have to #BarristerStrikes

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CrimeGirl ©

1 year

FAR RIGHT SEX OFFENDERS For all its talk of protesting against refugee paedophiles, the far right has long been a hotbed of sex offenders. List [not exhaustive]:

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