And if you don't subscribe, and you fancy it, you can sign up here. It's just £2.99 a month, or £32.99 a year, which is better than a kick in the nethers. And cheaper, too. I usually pay £10-20 for someone to kick my nethers.
This is such a haunting photo. Whatever you think about Thanos’ record as overlord of the universe, it's impossible not to feel sorry for him as a person.
Fully agreed. Daniel Craig did five Bond films and never wore anything as iconic as Benoit Blanc’s swimsuit in Glass Onion. It’s his equivalent of Roger Moore’s safari suit.
Dear
@sainsburys
— I will feel so much safer shopping in your stores now I know there’s no chance of bumping into Laurence Fox. Thank you. Yours, a loyal customer
A lot of people are clearly worried about this latest announcement from Elon Musk, and how it will impact their Twitter experience. Well, allow me to explain in this handy thread. 1/601
Did you know? The Sith Eternal fleet seen in
#StarWars
:
#TheRiseofSkywalker
was created by Sith cultists on Exegol, who indoctrinated Exegol’s population with Sith values and raised and trained their children to become officers, mechanics and soldiers for the Final Order
Delighted to announce that I’m forming a new political party: The Nigel Farage Can Fuck Right Off Party. Our policies:
* Nigel Farage can fuck right off.
* That’s it.
Vote for me.
I studied film at university. Every tutor, bar one, loathed Spielberg. A housemate of mine wrote his dissertation on Spielberg and when he told his tutor this, he took off his glasses, sighed, and spat ‘Spielberg!’ with contempt in his voice. The only rational response:
steven spielberg is so obviously and transparently an epochal generational talent that it’s become a cool signifier of how interesting you are to say you don’t like him. the cinephile version of saying the beatles are overrated. like okay, congrats on your bad taste!
This. Won’t hear a bad word said against Billy Zane. For a few years we ran an agony uncle column in Empire called Listen To Your Friend Billy Zane, and Billy wrote every single reply — to genuine reader problems and issues — himself. He was a pleasure to deal with and very wise.
One lovely touch in GLASS ONION is that when we meet Miles Bron, he's playing Blackbird on 'the guitar Paul wrote it on'. But he's playing right-handed, while Macca is perhaps the most famous left-handed musician of all time. A clue,
@rianjohnson
, or did he just have it refitted?
I am deeply in love with WandaVision. The ability of Elizabeth Olsen, Paul Bettany, Teyonah Paris, Kathryn Hahn and the rest of the cast to ride its tonal switches from goofy meta-sitcom to deeply unsettling weirdness is highly impressive. Can’t wait to see where it goes.
Hey BBC, ITV, Sky... have you... have you tried *not* inviting Farage onto radio programmes and TV shows? It’s remarkably easy to do. I’ve never invited him onto the Empire Podcast, for example. Not even once. Not even by accident. Give it a go! You might like it!
Just to clarify once and for all, because I know it's a big topic of discussion today:
ALIEN is a horror movie.
ALIENS is an action horror movie.
ALIEN 3 is a colourful and raunchy campus comedy.
ALIEN RESURRECTION is a dazzling musical with an animated bear.
Happy to help.
TOM CRUISE: The internet, I give to you the trailer for my new film, which features footage of me flying fighter jets FOR REAL. I hope you enj—
THE INTERNET: Not now, Tom. An evil wizard has trapped the souls of Taylor Swift and Judi Dench inside some fucked-up feline videogame.
Holy shit. Prime Video not only has ads at the beginning of their movies BUT SLAP BANG IN THE MIDDLE. That is an absolute disgrace. Apparently my £95 a year isn’t enough.
One thing about the shift to streaming is that it’s largely doing away with one of the great pleasures in life: flicking through the TV channels, happening upon a movie you love that’s just started (or is even halfway through), and riding that train all the way until the end.
Universal truth: if you go on a film set, no matter where it is in the world, no matter the time of year, no matter how cold it is, there will always be a crew member wearing shorts.
@awarmann
@screenrant
UPDATE: no, it’s there. They’ve amended the name of the author, but that’s it. HEY,
@SCREENRANT
, HOW ABOUT DELETING THIS, YOU COLOSSAL SHITBAGS?
This has, in the common parlance of Twitter, blown up, which is cool, even if an alarming number of people think I’m being serious about Thanos, that giant purple prick. Does this mean I have to get a Soundcloud now?
TOM HOOPER: And that’s why I want to direct CATS.
STUDIO EXEC: Awesome! Just a quick question.
TH: Fire away.
SE: You’re not a dog wearing a human suit, making this movie as anti-cat propaganda, right?
TH: HAHAHA NO
SE: Great! We start Monday.
TH: Woof!
SE: What?
TH: Nothing.
Shaun Of The Dead can't be twenty years old, because that would mean it's been twenty years since Shaun Of The Dead came out, which would mean that twenty years had elapsed since I first saw Shaun Of The Dead, which would mean that I am twenty years older than I was when Shaun Of
Revisiting The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists. So goshdarned funny. We should have been up to our barnacles in sequels by now. The plank for all of those who ignored it when it came out in 2012.
Judi Dench was on Graham Norton last night to push her new book about her life and work with Shakespeare. After making the point we quote Shakespeare daily without knowing it, this happened:
While we’re talking about Meat Loaf, he cameoed memorably in TENACIOUS D IN THE PICK OF DESTINY. Specifically the opening number, Kickapoo, which is legitimately one of my favourite songs, and which I find myself singing A LOT. Take it away, JB and Meat.
Our team of producers is offering to cover the budget for a remake of The Last Jedi in order to save Star Wars. Share this and spread the word to let
@RobertIger
&
@Disney
know you want this! This isn't a joke, we're ready to have the convo now!
#RemakeTheLastJedi
#StarWars
What's one controversial thing that you would do if you were the show the runner of
#DoctorWho
for a series?
For me it would be making The Doctor being half human thing canon and exploring that a little...
What movie scenes are so famous/notorious that you heard about them before you saw them? The chestburster in ALIEN, for sure. The shower scene in PSYCHO. Russian roulette in THE DEER HUNTER. Any more for any more?
I say 'yarp' on a daily basis, but I almost never say 'narp'. Huh. Maybe that's because I'm just a beaming ray of sunshine. Be a yarper, not a narper.
#advice
#lifecoach
#inspiration
And this almost goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. I don’t imagine there are many of us who haven’t been touched, in some way, by cancer. It took my dad, for one. So get yourself checked (advice I should heed myself), and also join me in a hearty chorus of
#FuckCancer
.
Actually, we don't. Because the movie is literally just out, for the love of Christ. In fact, it's not even out in the States. So cool your jets, slow your roll, houl yer fuckin' whisht.
Just read an article in The Guardian about all the escaped/loose snakes roaming around the streets of London, turning up in people’s showers and beds etc. I’ve bought the movie rights. The film will be called FUCK. THAT.
Going to take a leaf out of some pretty cool books and start a daily thread of film recommendations. Fair warning: every day I’ll be recommending Avengers: Infinity War.
The good news is, I’m so relieved to find that I’m not the only one inundated by tweets from sexbots telling me they’re 300 metres away.
The bad news is, they’ve got the house surrounded. Supplies are running low. Escape seems almost impossible. Send help.
Absolutely floored by the death of Chadwick Boseman. What an actor he was. What an inspirational figure. I can’t even begin to comprehend the courage he showed in making movies while battlin cancer. And what movies. T’Challa, and Black Panther, changed so much in particular. RIP
@lucyj_ford
There was a much bigger storyline at one point featuring the ‘other’ squad of pilots who were contenders for the mission. When that got stripped away, as I understand it, so did Manny.
I’ve now watched - so you didn’t have to do it — every Oscar nominated film. Other than Darkest Hour and 3 Billboards — a bigger load of old bollocks I’ve never seen in my life. No wonder TV is destroying Hollywood.
TERMINATOR SALVATION: “This is the start of a brand new Terminator trilogy!”
TERMINATOR GENISYS: “OK, *this* is the start of a brand new Terminator trilogy!”
TERMINATOR 6: “OK, now hear us out...”
A tale in three acts.
ACT ONE: an excerpt from the Empire Podcast, July 1, 2022. The day Minions: The Rise Of Gru was released.
ACT TWO: first trip to the cinema with our little daughter, 11am approx. this morning
ACT THREE: 5pm today
Resistance is futile, and then some.
INDIE DIRECTOR: So, I’d like you—
ROBERT PATTINSON: I’m in.
INDIE DIRECTOR: Great! But don’t you want to know what it’s about?
ROBERT PATTINSON: Nope.
INDIE DIRECTOR: You’re a fisherman who wanks off bears in his spar—
ROBERT PATTINSON: [placing fingers on director’s lips] Ssssh.
This shot from "Top Secret!" is an beautiful gag using deep focus and an oversized prop... and I only now fully realized that it's satirizing split diopter / split focus shots in thrillers.
A reminder that Paddington 2 is eligible for this year’s Oscars, will receive zero nominations, yet is almost certainly a hundred times better than whichever movie will end up winning Best Picture.
Today’s the big day. An event so momentous that it’s occupied my every waking thought for weeks is finally happening. Send positive thoughts, because I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. Yes, it’s the Better Call Saul finale spoiler pod! And also, our little daughter is moving in.
Boris Johnson forgets that the Hulk only fights for the good of the whole. Mad and strong can also be dense and destructive. The Hulk works best when he is in unison with a team, and is a disaster when he is alone. Plus...he’s always got Dr. Banner with science and reason.
I know I default to this idea a lot, but the dad in that Coca-Cola Christmas ad absolutely dies when he gets knocked into the freezing cold ocean, doesn’t he? The rest of the ad, with his trip to the North Pole, is his dying fantasy before his brain shuts down. Merry Christmas.