Alison Spittle Profile Banner
Alison Spittle Profile
Alison Spittle

@AlisonSpittle

29,788
Followers
3,641
Following
3,884
Media
52,000
Statuses

#wet next tour dates in Cardiff and Southampton #soup 1.25pm all fringe @monkeybarrel @edfringe Rep 📝 @casarottoramsay Comedy @ebdonmgt 🇮🇪 @lisarichards

I don't check my DMs.
Joined January 2010
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
3 years
This looks like an episode of naked attraction.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
2 years
I wish there was a Shazam to find out why a couple are having an argument in public.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
2 years
This is in Dublin isn't it?
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
3 years
Fourth day of self isolating
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 years
Paying my respects at the savita memorial on Friday. A man walked by clutching his girlfriend and loudly sneered "it's a bit over the top". His girlfriend looked back at me and I realised I was staring in to eyes of someone who's been faking orgasms for a couple of months
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
3 years
My admiration for this driver knows no bounds.
@Error4019082820
Error 404
3 years
🤬فقط في مصر 🤬
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 months
The English flatmate has sat down after popping his head in. He is in it for the long haul. #LateLateToyShow
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
3 years
Get rid of the Angelus
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
Wait wait wait #WildMountainThyme is based on a play called outside Mullingar? Mountains? The Flipping Sea? Ridey Men? How far outside Mullingar is this place?
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
Living in England during the Corona virus whilst consuming Irish media.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
1 year
Needs to be a massive documentary on the financial abuse of pop stars from the 90s. Something is going on there. Also on the treatment of X factor contestants. It's fucked up.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 years
Thanks for the advice guys.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
Irish comedy needs a purge, lads. I stand behind anyone that's telling their story. I'm so sorry you've been let down. It's a disgrace.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
3 years
Lockdown day dreams I want to go to a supermarket in Spain or Portugal and marvel at the crisps flavours and cheap wine.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
2 years
All I'm saying is if you came out of the big brother house to that reception, Davina would be interviewing you in the studio.
@vicderbyshire
Victoria Derbyshire
2 years
The Prime Minister @BorisJohnson arriving with wife Carrie at St Paul’s Cathedral for the Platinum Thanksgiving Service is booed by some in the crowd @BBCNews
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 months
The little English accents. #LateLateToyShow
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 months
Lovely of the new Argentinan president to make an appearance #LateLateToyShow
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
2 years
Should we all do a big scream out of our doors for Christmas?
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 years
Hotels should have toothpaste instead of showercaps.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
1 year
As @karen_hobbs told me. I'm up the duf duf duf duf duf duf duf duf duf dufs.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
3 years
I love @lizzo
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
#covideoparty has paid my rent and I'm very thankful for all of ye. It's been a joy to do and I appreciate it. That's all. Thanks
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
7 years
I bet by the time I come up with an #Ophelia joke it will have killed someone. And what use is it to me then?
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
I've been pressured for years and years. Don't DM me today unless you're a woman in comedy. I'm spent, I can't hold your hand anymore. I'm not responsible for any of this don't involve me, I'm opting out, I felt I didn't have that choice because of my gender but I do.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 years
Tara Flynn deserves every penny of that fundraiser and fuck anyone that begrudges her that. I know the woman and she has sacrificed more then you'll ever know. She was this country's punching bag for 3 years. I don't know how anyone could take what she took and remain unbroken.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 years
Reader, we got her with a badge. She's a yes lady!
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 months
A new English flatmate in the mix, he's asked us that our prime minister #LateLateToyShow
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
Five times a day I have a conversation with myself that ends with "is this my residual Catholicism? Or mental illness?"
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
3 years
When you find out he has a swollen bollock due to the vaccine.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 years
Have to respect the person who brought in a full blown takeaway to the cinema to watch a film about the famine. #Black47Film
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
Not sure about the UK government's new slogan.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
So I made a thread of a disastrous DM slide from a fella called Olly Fair warning, he gets a bit nasty but it's a long saga. Instastories give you the chance to soundtrack the pictures. So just imagine limp bizkit as the soundtrack. Enjoy xxx
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
7 years
Hey, I will not apologise for being on telly and not giving you a boner. It's none of my business. You have Google, sort yourself out.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
3 years
Dublin, has the dog shit got worse over the lockdowns? The paths are riddled.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
I miss Dublin
@electionlit
Alan Kinsella
4 years
From Yesterday...an attempt by a cyclist to set up an accident
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
Am I doing this Pope meme right?
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
5 years
The state of London Irish. #Ibelieveher
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
5 years
I've a special affinity with women who chose obscure confirmation names.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
3 years
Just got these in the post today, feels so apt.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
1 year
I beg you @bbc put on a traitors extra slice show with the next series.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
Huli in Mullingar are serving Christmas dinner to people free of charge on Christmas Day from 1pm -3pm. It's for anyone that needs a meal and company that day. I'm helping out and they're looking for someone to do a bit of music for the patrons. Anyone know anyone?
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
5 years
Hi, I see you've made a complaint about our company on Twitter. Could you DM us your reference number and a novella on your terrible experience with us. So we can copy and paste apologies to you while maintaining we hold no responsibility. Thanks, First Name
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
I'm on the cover of Life magazine being honest about the scourge of English sausages.... Only messing it's sexism in comedy. Xxxx Thanks @liadanhynes for a lovely interview.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
Clocks go back this week, I'm setting mine to 500 BC when this country had some Fulacht Fiadhs.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
Is there any other word than boyfriend that's acceptable? Please help me. Sometimes I use partner but I'm not a lawyer.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
2 years
Anyone around spitalfields. I'm hanging out with Ireland's greatest pop export since Samantha Mumba until half five. Today. @cmatbaby
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
Me as the rte player buffers #LateLateToyShow
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
I tweeted a joke implying wankers have cheese boards. It was a comment I said in jest, one that I don't truly believe. However the mob has spoken and I'm packing my bags for cancel island. Comedy is dead, look out for my Patreon.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 months
The host calling a child a big lick. I love this country #LateLateToyShow
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
3 years
Me leaving a beautician after being upsold during a treatment.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
3 years
I'm very angry over the mother and baby homes. Everything I want to say feels redundant yet I want people to know I'm angry because they relied on people being silent. It's weird feeling.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
By the way lads, have I ever shown ye this? (I have, I know I have) #CovideoParty
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
5 years
Just landed in Dublin. The whiff of Lizzo sadness hits me when I step on the runway. It's intense and I know my country is in pain right now. Sending prayers.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
8 years
saw a guy put his coffee cup in to my basket and laugh to his mate. He walked into Bunsen. I went out picked it up & put in on his table. 💪
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
I call this "child abuse but make it fashion" Who's dressing up for #CovideoParty tonight? 9pm GMT netflix Matilda
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 years
If I call you Daddy, Leo. Will you lend me a deposit for a house?
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
My takeaway got to my flat before me and I arrived to this. My flatmate is an absolute dote.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 years
I've just done a gig with the guilty feminist in the palladium in London and I've no joy. I'm surrounded by fantastic people but I can't wait to get back to Ireland. My head is stuck in my phone watching my country fight for women. I'm overwhelmed. Repeal this thing.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
7 years
#wotya I won the comedy woman of the year award. My ma hasn't cried as much since Danielle got run over in eastenders.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
5 years
Imagine if a radio station had two women co-presenting a show.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
7 years
The laundries shutting down?
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 years
I would lay my life down for the women of Ireland. Thank you to the brave men and women of Ireland.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
5 years
I'm sitting beside the toilet in Pret, giving out the code for the door. I'm the hero, London deserves.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
2 years
My mam whenever I say lateral flow test in her house.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 years
Reader, I got him fucked off twitter.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
3 years
Some children were vaping on the top deck of the bus, the bus driver came upstairs and said "were you smoking?" The head child said "yeah, now bounce, bossman". The bus is now parked and waiting for the police. The child remains unbothered vaping. I need to harness this energy
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
3 years
Me and the audience at a stand up gig.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
TAKE HIM TO CHURCH HOZIER!!
@Hozier
Hozier
4 years
You won’t drag me into your weird, obsessive little culture war, mate. I wrote a message in solidarity of a group who’s life expectancy ranges in the 30’s solely due to murder and suicide (is it any wonder). Is your back not *aching* from bending to punch so fucking low.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
I will never not be scandalised by the state of chipper chips in London. A stain on the city.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
. @TwitterSupport , a great bunch of lads.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
Right Paddy's Day is a big one We're doing a massive #CovideoParty with @ExtraOrdFilm @NetflixUK premiere. 9pm GMT with a live seance on Instagram after. The dress code is Irish or ghosty. Prize for best dressed and a monster poll (16 choices) for Wednesday's movie. 🇮🇪👻RT x
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
Thought of the day "Imagine when we're old being the last ones left alive in a WhatsApp group"
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 years
"Yeah, my time in Goa really changed me"
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
I encourage every Irish young person to lash it in to everyone full tilt #liveline
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
#chromatica on the second track Lady Gaga reveals her favourite family fortunes presenter.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
5 years
😭😭😭😭 I cry every time I see her excel, the world is hers. I'm so excited for her 😍😍😍😍
@BBC6Music
BBC Radio 6 Music
5 years
How @Lizzo won Glastonbury 💅 We could have put the entire set on this montage so go inhale every cookie crumb of it on @BBCiPlayer
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
5 years
Fat women's bodies aren't punchlines.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
Every time I go to a night club in Athlone I feel creatively renewed. I get five years with of stuff from one night.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
Where were ye when Diana died? I was 8 in Mullingar, saw the newsreader crying on GMTV. Woke my dad up like a royal announcer "Princess Diana is dead" first time I saw him cry "not her, not now" I was like what did my dad know about her? #CovideoParty
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
5 years
Flipping @TarynDeVere made a beautiful headpiece for me. 😍😍😍😍
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
1 year
At the tube today, I thought this was a poem that I didn't understand. A minute later, I walked down a broken escalator and it all made sense.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 years
@ireland You have been the best curator of the Ireland account ever
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
Dorothy Perkins looks like it's going. Debenhams gone. Marks are the only lads that stock sizes for fat women on the Irish high street? We'll be cavorting in bin bags, weaving multi packs of knickers from ivy, foraging for bras in the undergrowth.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
3 years
I'm watching house of Gucci in a posh cinema on my own. I brought my own flask of tea and microwaved popcorn. I feel like I've broken into someone's mansion to watch a film.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
5 years
Trans women are women. Xxxx
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
1 year
Which chain restaurant/hotel/shop do you feel a strangely strong reaction to? I love premier inns. I love the room design, the pink strip light on the headboard, the plug location, HDMI port, the bed, the bar stool bedside table, the big stuffed cylinder. It's wonderful.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 years
Look at these heroes, passers-by and @RadQueersResist . They spent the afternoon outside the rotunda hospital blocking those prolife lads banners from view. They are champs!
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
I adore Niall Horan, he's a credit to Westmeath.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
5 years
Ireland, we need to milkshake our racists.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
We're watching Legally Blonde on netflixuk tonight at 9pm GMT. Get snacks and get tweeting on #CovideoParty let's watch it together alone. Gonna do an instalive after and we'll have a big chat with comedian guests…
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
5 years
😭 oh lord I'm done, Sunday times gave the play five stars. 😭 Blown away, @dublinfringe thanks so much x
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 months
#LateLateToyShow Ireland's call
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
6 months
The English flatmate has sat down after popping his head in. He is in it for the long haul. #LateLateToyShow
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
No poll for Wednesday we're watching 13th 9pm on netflix x #covideoparty
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
2 years
It's gonna take them 40 minutes to say he was shot in the head.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
8 months
Loads of pro-pirate-actor-man twitter accounts stopped tweeting June 2022. It looks like someone paid for that woman to get destroyed on the internet. That sounds illegal, it should be.
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
5 years
Solidarity with Northern Irish people The GFA is class and needs to be cherished. #WeAreIrishtoo
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
I love Melissa McCarthy so much that even when it's a shit film, I'm just happy to zone out, think of her improvising, enjoying herself and getting her money. I'm going to sleep on this good feeling and not look at the news. Night night x
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@AlisonSpittle
Alison Spittle
4 years
I love doing #CovideoParty I also love money and chocolate pretzels. The kind people at @FlipzIreland are combining all of my loves by sponsoring the next few Fridays of #CovideoParty and the best thing is you get free samples in the post! Everyone wins #Ad #getflipzandchill
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