Ali Woods @AliWoodsGigs Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 month

TICKETS ON SALE FOR MY FIRST EVER UK STAND UP TOUR! Honestly this is a mad dream. Hope to see you there x

4

14

49

Last Seen Profiles

@JJ_Stellies

@newsthistweet

@Royaalito

@testngteam

@nao504993812515

@sandrapulido23

@TrapBabyLing

@YardenMichaeli

@xsoyee

@beugshin

@iam_Godwin2

@Charlie_L03

@aiesecintogo

@kimdher

@UHDPresident

@dariansymone

@FalklandHouse

@NormaFloAllende

@Miratlas_SAS

@shyrabvnks

@stw_pdg

@Luterran

@equalityfl

@Lauraduqu75

@MILKURIEM

@DenisCoghlan

@LondonYon

@sxW9O5SMYijgiN4

@FranRom66286449

@entah57439945

@Amandailunga1

@AthiMtongana

@elijah_rushing

@Metcalf79

@CamBacote11

@LeagueJoxn

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

5 months

When you’re the wokest one in your family

789

4K

50K

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

5 months

Scandalous start to Christmas. Sister opened the roses and there were 0 Tangy Orange Cremes, and only 1 Caramel. She’s crying, I’m distraught, dad’s had to go for a walk

48

285

9K

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 months

I loved doing Fanny Studies at uni! Oral exam was stressful tho

47

92

4K

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

5 months

Northerners in the South during Winter

57

339

4K

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 year

Andrew Tate replying to Greta Thunberg

40

247

4K

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 months

How English people outside of London talk about London

257

310

3K

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

5 months

When you’re older so your mum starts giving you the family gossip

12

242

2K

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 months

The two friendship groups when you’re 30

9

179

2K

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

5 months

Trying to avoid depression in January

20

137

2K

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

8 months

sᴜᴘᴇʀ ᴛᴠ

@superTV247

8 months

Channel 4 have an extended Dispatches Special tomorrow which reportedly involves a ‘mass expose of an obscene amount of high profile comedians’ who have ‘incredibly shocking accusations held against them, including footage that’s been collected over the last 3 years’…

399

779

6K

4

58

2K

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

5 years

Catherine of Aragon is trending and fair play to Love Island for securing such a big name

3

263

1K

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 year

My sister absolutely loves Eurovision and it’s been a little dream of mine to get her tickets. Today has been a great day!

33

6

900

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

5 months

Opened the quality street and there’s a naked choc in there! What happened to our once Great Britain 😔

5

12

764

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

24 days

When I’m down I always think of the phrase “comparison is the thief of joy.” Wish I came up with that but I’m just a dumb stupid idiot

9

54

666

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 year

It’s May 2023 and somehow the current UK headlines are about Rolf Harris, Phillip Schofield & Madeleine McCann

13

80

619

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

5 months

Working the week between Christmas and New Year’s

4

22

433

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 month

How English people sound in England Vs Anywhere else in the world

4

65

433

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

2 months

When you try to speak French in Paris

12

27

283

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

2 years

Such a privilege to open for British comedy legend Russell Kane these last two nights! I don’t have an agent, so when comics I grew up watching on TV give me opportunities like this because they wanna help bring through new talent, it’s honestly the best feeling in the world ❤️

20

8

271

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

12 days

Northerners after buying a pint in London

12

31

267

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

2 years

Finally did my first weekend 20 mins spot at @comedystoreuk and still can’t believe it ended like it did! 6 years since I got boo’d off at king gong. 5 years since I beat it. 4 years since I was offered my first 5 mins spot. This was such a quality moment, appreciate it x

23

5

243

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 years

Guy in da queue for da club after lockdown

5

41

239

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 year

When you’re shown to your seat at lunch but it’s a buffet

5

11

235

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

11 months

My first ever stand-up comedy special is out now! Free to watch on my YouTube channel: It’s completely self-produced, so if you could give this a share, it would mean the world to me x

8

130

227

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 years

Women in comedy, if you feel I am close with a comedian who has abused you, sexually or otherwise, please feel free to DM me and I will try to help put a stop to this behaviour however I can. I implore my male colleagues to make their stance on this clear: it’s unacceptable.

4

16

227

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

29 days

Telling a boomer you work from home

13

25

218

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

3 months

Queen Liz was propping this royal family up like Fergie at man united. Absolute shambles

3

12

196

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

2 months

When someone’s annoying phone call becomes interesting

6

23

197

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

2 years

COMEDIANS If you’re getting no agent interest, don’t sweat it and just do your thing. I’ve been repeatedly told I’m not a good fit or just not responded to, but in Edinburgh I sold 93% of all my tickets and had a lovely time! It’s all your own work, so keep on going & enjoy it!

8

3

191

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 year

Changing my personality in my head every 5 minutes

0

11

175

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

23 days

Forgetting your headphones in a city

1

9

180

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

25 days

UK weather

3

17

170

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 months

How it feels when you have your first healthy meal in weeks

5

17

160

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 years

F*ckboys during quarantine

6

26

157

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 year

I’ve quit my job to do comedy full time! Thank you so much to my amazing friends at Propeller for making it such a great place to work for so many years ❤️ Honestly I’m so happy, it’s hard to put it into words. Here’s to the future! X

16

2

159

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

9 years

@MYSADCAT my cat is sad because dad still prefers his old watch to the one she got him for his birthday http://t.co/kSD0vaGX30

0

22

148

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

3 months

Posh people pretending to be poor in London With the tall @JoshBerryComedy

2

11

152

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

3 years

Quote of the day 🥰

4

147

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 months

Guys in their 30s who become obsessed with health With the dashing @JoshBerryComedy

3

17

145

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

3 years

Normal people vs British people reacting to snow

5

34

138

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 month

When you see a cathedral on holiday

2

6

141

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

2 years

Storm Eunice providing great content

2

21

138

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

30 days

First time gigging with the legend @Kathbum and I asked for a selfie but I couldn’t work my own phone so she took the photo. All round great moment for me!

7

9

130

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

5 months

Gym instructors who say weird things to motivate you With @fredasquith

3

8

120

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

8 days

All my criticisms of the UK leaving my body as soon as there’s consistent sun and I’m on my way to a beer garden

3

21

127

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

2 months

Your boyfriend after 15 minutes in a museum

2

6

116

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

5 years

@laurabailey @imteddybless Haha 😂 can’t wait til it gets rescheduled to 2021

2

1

108

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

5 months

Your most unhealthy mate in the first week of January

2

3

113

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

3 months

March is like…

1

12

105

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

3 years

I call this piece ‘Leaving your 20s’

5

104

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

5 months

That guy just trying to get a kiss on New Year’s Eve

6

2

101

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

3 months

Comparing your office commute in London

2

7

102

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

6 months

Being unemployed is a lifestyle choice

Chris Mason

@ChrisMasonBBC

6 months

BREAKING: Suella Braverman sacked

643

1K

5K

1

8

101

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 year

This sketch was 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿my🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 idea

Seán Burke

@SeanBurkeShow

1 year

When the English claim stuff that’s not theirs. (W/ @AliWoodsGigs )

8

66

753

3

5

98

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

2 years

First show was a SELL OUT 🙌 Sorry to all the peeps at today’s show who had to wait outside but THANK YOU so much for coming! What a way to kick off, ya beauties

10

1

98

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

27 days

Trying to argue with a posh man

4

7

99

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

16 days

Suddenly realising I’ve watched 4 hours of TV cause I couldn’t be bothered to watch a 1.5 hours film

1

3

98

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 years

This is what the ‘holidays are coming’ truck is gonna look like in 2020

2

14

95

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 months

@mrhorsdusujet Thankfully I’ve never been to London

11

0

95

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 months

Snow Days at school in the UK

5

12

95

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 months

Your friend will post ‘You are my world, I love you more than life itself. Thank you for making my dreams come true ❤️ x’ And it’s literally just a bloke who looks like this:

2

3

97

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 month

How Americans sound in America vs Anywhere else in the world

4

8

97

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 year

First collab with the fabulous @SeanBurkeShow

Seán Burke

@SeanBurkeShow

1 year

Irish people who complain about England while living there. (W/ @AliWoodsGigs )

8

44

711

1

6

95

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

2 months

Me having four days off for Easter

1

4

95

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

15 days

Trying to work at a coffee shop but the next table’s gossip is too spicy

0

18

96

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

19 days

How people who watch videos on their phone without headphones think

1

16

96

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 months

@marknelsoncomic Unfortunately I think this is the end for me. It’s been a pleasure mark. The fact we never met made this even more special

0

95

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 years

For those missing the footy as much as me 😢

4

34

87

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 years

Excuses to end a FaceTime. You’re welcome x

2

13

89

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

2 months

British people when they’re in a country that has better weather, food, everything’s cheaper and people are more attractive (the rest of the world)

2

15

87

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 year

We sold out @lsqtheatre with a month to go!👇

10

3

86

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 month

I am stunned

10

2

84

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 month

Had something I wrote filmed for TV for the first time ever and it was exactly how I imagined it ❤️ Thank you @ITV for having me!

5

10

84

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 years

All British people in November

2

19

83

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

3 years

One hell of a ride in the DMs with this person 😍

11

0

82

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

3 years

I love how the objective of golf is to play as little golf as possible

0

10

80

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

5 months

Guys who wear shorts in winter

2

7

79

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 month

April is like…

1

3

79

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

6 years

Absolutely over the moon to come runner up to a genuinely lovely and talented guy in Leicester Square New Comedian of the Year! All the acts were brilliant and once again an advertisement for a profoundly supportive and talented industry!

14

6

75

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 years

I tried to fry an egg on the pavement but I live in Shoreditch so it just ended up scrambled and put on some toast for £9.50

1

5

76

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 year

You wait ages for one agent, then two come along at once! Hugely excited to announce I am now working with the magnificent @gleamfutures for all my social media comedy work, and the wonderful @gag_reflex for all my live comedy work. Great way to start the week!

4

3

77

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 year

MY OWN SHOW AT LEICESTER SQUARE THEATRE 🚨 Thursday 6th April 7pm - 9pm I booked this and paid for it all myself so I would really appreciate it if you could help by sharing! Me and my debt collectors would love a full room

0

37

75

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

2 years

Asked my mum if she liked the show: ‘Sorry no. What can I say? I laughed, but I just don’t enjoy watching you on stage.’ Fair.

5

0

73

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

16 days

Woke up to a quarter of a million (!) followers on instagram for silly videos where I pull faces Man comedy really is dead!

6

9

72

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 years

Done a sketch, RTs appreciated x

1

35

71

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

2 months

British people as soon as they land in any foreign country

1

2

72

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 month

When someone’s annoying phone call becomes interesting PART TWO

2

5

70

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

3 years

‘Do I exercise regularly? You tell me mate’

3

5

68

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

5 months

Playing a board game with your competitive friend

1

2

70

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 month

POV: You go to the dentist for a routine check-up With @CheeseCakePCK

0

15

70

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 years

I am gargantuan. @sainsburys what you saying?

1

11

69

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 months

@SoozUK Peak year for cucks like me

0

68

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

3 years

Going to my mate’s virtual wedding today

4

1

69

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

4 years

25 years since the PlayStation 1 came out and now my feed is full of pics of my first love ❤️

1

6

65

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

3 years

Look we can either have a big dinner or have sex tonight I don’t have capacity to do both anymore

2

4

69

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

1 month

Trying to take the piss out of everyone’s job

1

12

65

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

2 years

Right I have nothing to funny to say here as usual but I did a stupid fitness challenge for @AIDIFpod of no drink and junk food and exercising, it’s finally done and I’ll be damned if everyone doesn’t see how I look before I put it back on. Anyway safe

13

0

62

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

2 years

If Popeye was a trap artist

1

2

62

Ali Woods

@AliWoodsGigs

2 years

Bumped into this chatty man 🥰

3

0

62