Alana Massey @AlanaMassey Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@tamarynnn

@edocolombo

@aXoZerr

@SVille_Football

@RTVCCanarias

@autenreith_ivan

@Ivanxum

@OMGitsEllar

@ZoologyDave

@GrzegorzKosmos

@hazardofc

@Odadee_Official

@Maverickisone

@RasKeniba

@hiroron317

@machosec

@3_quintal

@kennithbinge

@TechQuotesDaily

@serdala

@hazesfilm

@PTICienciaDigit

@CSP_CastleRock

@KYVAN82

@nomi__owo

@supercell

@fuchen2624

@MirBranno

@cole4sd

@billyeichner

@giacomo_ran

@Yann_Le_Gall

@Denkjewel

@norasakavic

@davin_goodman

@HirezOps

Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

Things are shit but the #1 artist in America is a black woman who escaped domestic violence through sex work, so let's fight another day

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

2020 is off to a rough start but things will turn around in February when the bat quarters come out

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

Theaters:Come see Ghostbusters reboot! Men: FUCK ACTION MOVIES W/ GIRLS Theaters: K, you're not invited to Wonder Woman Men: BUT MY RIGHTS!

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

An upsetting thing about my life is that I’ll never be able to roast my exes as well as my dad can. “It felt like talking to a skateboard” and “I always wondered if he was just quiet or a coward...now we know” and “we liked him for the same reasons you did, which no one knows”

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

This is actually his full legal name

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

Happy 4 year anniversary to the time I had sex in a swamp and got a UTI that resisted 3 antibiotics and spread to my kidneys!

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

My favorite cruel act is referring to Game of Thrones as "Throne Games" in convos with men, having them correct me, then continue saying it.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

Domestic violence is not a warning sign. It is a violent crime, a social injustice, and worth eradicating all by itself.

The New Yorker

@NewYorker

7 years

It’s time to recognize domestic violence and misogynistic anger for the warning signs they often are. #TNYarchive

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

I want to know what his talents are

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

6 years

Say what you will about Vanilla Ice, "Stop, collaborate, and listen" is simple but solid praxis for those seeking to be allies.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

A gathering of two or more average looking white men is referred to by biologists as "a podcast."

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

I just want to announce that for the first time in my life, I canceled a free 7-day trial subscription before the week was out. So yes, anyone can turn their whole fucking life around.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

Him on Bumble versus him standing outside the bar for your first date

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

The face of a man who I learned, after incurring great cost and shedding many tears, has been faking an injury in order to be picked up and carried up the stairs to his favorite side of his favorite bed.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

I don't get why it's a big deal that this is Pennywise. Looks like every other clown that tried to ruin my life.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

When @laurenduca said, "Oh honey" to Tucker Carlson, an angel got its wings.

Teen Vogue Writer Battles Tucker Carlson: ‘You’re Actually Being a Partisan Hack’

Teen Vogue writer Lauren Duca faced off with Fox's Tucker Carlson tonight and they got into a fierce back and forth about Ivanka Trump and things that Duca has written.

www.mediaite.com

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

6 years

Beloved celebrity who is routinely treated terribly on Twitter but ignores it all until austerely & randomly selecting one fucking idiot who thought they were a bitch they could sleep on and dragging them to Hell is the best Twitter.

Louis Tomlinson

@Louis_Tomlinson

6 years

@KarlPhillips_ Shut up dickhead. Cheer up

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

One of my absolute favorite things in the world is how when a baby or small child is really tired, we earnestly say, “They had a big day,” because they like, went on a swing, briefly saw a squirrel and heard a leaf crunch. As a culture, we 100% agree to the day size assessment ❤️

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

Girls are brave. Women are brave.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

The moral of this show is to always listen to the gingers early #GoT

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

Woke up to the memory of a time in college when a very proper, VERY English friend was trying to recall the name of a character in a children’s show. “The green one, you know?Disagreeable, quite shouty? Lives in the rubbish.” She meant Oscar the Grouch.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

I found it. I found The Worst Job In Media.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

We live in a rotten world worth fighting for.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

Mom: What did you do today? Me: I went online. Mom: Oh, what did you do there? Me:

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

Unequivocally: yes.

FadiappierreT☂︎☂︎☂︎☂︎

@fadiapierre

5 years

@nattyover @AlanaMassey @GretaThunberg

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

6 years

I once had a guy take a condom off during sex. When I saw and tried to get him off me, he raped me so violently I bled enough for it to soak through and down my tights to my shoes when I left. Take your grains of salt and choke on them, Sullivan.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

Who is going to to tell him

Bernie Sanders

@SenSanders

7 years

If you cannot win an election based on your ideas, then get the hell out of politics.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

Am I supposed to eat it or fuck it

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

6 years

"Unlimited Paid Time Off" is Silicon Valley's version of the Marshmallow Test on its workers, testing their will and devotion. A truly worker-centric model of care for personal lives of employees would be "# Of Days Mandatory Paid Time Off."

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

Let them learn

AR Democrat-Gazette

@ArkansasOnline

5 years

VIDEO: Multiple raccoons take over the library at Arkansas State »

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

3 years

All I’m looking for in a pharmacy is my life-saving prescription drugs and...

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

2 years

Nothing but RESPECT for my new King Charles

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

He’s taken a hostage.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

6 years

What if the problem isn't stimulants but the mandate for productivity What if the problem isn't benzos but the mandate to stay calm in actual chaos What if the problem isn't opioids but the mandate to work like a machine that can't suffer to keep you and your loved ones alive

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

2 months

I have not been this nervous submitting an essay since applying early admission to NYU 20 years ago. Wish me and Keith luck that Brian might do us the honor, and pursue adopting him yourself because he deserves the best and that might be you and not me! It’s Brian’s life!

Pennsylvania SPCA

@PSPCA

2 months

There's no other way to put it - Brian is sad. It's been 5 months since he has been looking for a forever home and with every day that passes, we can see the light in his eye dim little by little. We know his people are out there somewhere. We hope they find him today.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

I am obsessed with the name of this spider killing spray I just bought.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

No one will beat my friend's dad at consoling heartbreak after she explained her breakup & he yelled, "That's it, he is OFF THE PRAYER LIST"

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

@doree That's a dress I could go out with my girls in...and immediately start accusing the elderly in town of witchcraft.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

6 years

Black voters don't exist to save white voters from themselves, it is time to more actively punish our white voting family and friends who make so close a race possible.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

Do you have a favorite celebrity who is sexy/has definitely done sex but still has decidedly virgin energy? Mine are David Byrne and Keanu Reeves. I’m deeply disinterested in replies protesting my picks (boring! Not the game’s premise!) but show me your fave famous virgin vibe

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

8 years

"Sir, your first wife is here. She doesn't look pleased."

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

Please stop using clinical and diagnostic language to describe other people’s personalities. Not all vanity is narcissism, not all immaturity is histrionic, not all perceived failures to contribute equally to a relationship are borderline.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

3 years

Garth Brooks has been one of the most vocal and generous supporters of progressive causes for his entire career, he constantly maxes out his campaign contributions and then gives bajillions to lefty shit. I’ll not have him besmirched here.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

She is always doing freak bitch shit on her Instagram, she was slutting it up so iconically in 2010 there were 5 major contenders for who her kid’s dad was AND SHE HAS STILL NEVER TOLD and basically said that fathers are a health hazard to children’s self-esteem. Would die for.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

The nurse who took this photo said, "You better send this to your big nasty dick boyfriend, show him what he done to you."

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

I live in vacation home hotbed for NYC’s rich who fled. So far I have witnessed them verbally abuse grocery store workers, haggle w/ their NYC maids, and one offered me $300 for this when I was offering spritzes to cashiers & which I’ve always stocked cause I’m immunocompromised

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

A white man murders a black man and his STATED RACIST MURDER MOTIVE gets fewer words in @NYDailyNews than the dead man's prior arrests.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

3 years

Men, what is preventing you from dressing like this

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

This early Game of Thrones pic should be cover of "Boxcar Children 6: Blue Bay Mystery" where the kids find an odd shipwrecked castaway boy

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

"Alana, nothing good ever came out of the state of Arkansas and then chose to go back." - My mom, a born and bred Arkansan, on a guy she never even met but that I was pretty torn up about.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

Hello, I wrote about how I used to get paid to consensually watch men jerk off for a major part of my income and why I was NOT what the likes of Louis CK would be "cured" by:

Sex Workers Are Not A Life Hack for 'Helping' Sexual Predators

The problem is power, not sexual proclivities.

www.self.com

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

3 years

Has anything fucked you up more than learning how the name Siobhan is pronounced

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

6 years

Emerging and established writers: Don't ever let anyone (writer or otherwise) tell you that writing marketing emails, web copy, e-commerce descriptions, social media posts, or brand blogs is "beneath" you or anyone else. We're all out here trying to live, don't be ghouls.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

9 years

God bless the photo editor who was like "Let's clear up right away that the man who said this is a complete moron" http://t.co/oG80S9HnPR

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

This older Russian woman going back years on my Insta grid and only liking photos of my dad is god-level mind gamer

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

I kill myself immediately and without hesitation.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

The takeaway: Don't have sex in swamps, always finish your full round of antibiotics, and also Superbug Bacteria are coming for us all, HIDE

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

If Heaven is real, it is these two illiterate ginger cats coming to bear one another good tidings and butcher the spelling of each other’s (and their own) names in the process, on loop, into eternity

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

3 years

I woke up and thought I’d shit the bed AND developed Covid symptoms in one night because I couldn’t smell said shit when in reality I had simply fallen asleep eating a chocolate frosted Pop-Tart and rolled all over it, a memoir.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

Pro Tip: No respectful conversation starts by calling human beings “revolting.”

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

6 years

If you were in your early 20s between 2008 and 2013 and confused about why you're so unhappy: Yes it was the Great Recession, but ALSO all of our best dance party music (LCD Soundsystem, MGMT, Passion Pit, Daft Punk) was about the pain of loss and the inevitability of death.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

🎶Can you keep up? Baby boys, make me lose my breath 🎶

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

The really beautiful thing is, my parents are always absolutely 100% in "if you like him, we like him" mode and they welcome then with open arms and take them on int'l family vacations then the MINUTE it goes south and I'm ready to spar, they have WORDS

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

8 years

People calling Trump a 2nd grader don't know any 2nd graders: they like fair play, have good intentions, and are curious about the world.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

This milk has precisely the energy I intend to bring into this spring.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

8 years

We need to stop asking famous women which inspiring woman made her into a feminist and start asking her which act by a mediocre man did

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

James Comey is the new patron saint of Women Who Get Called Petty For Screenshotting All That Nonsense Just In Case It Adds Up

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

America

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

3 years

Made tiny friend on the road, transported him safely off the road he was crossing, going to lay down and let the earth eat me because it doesn’t get better than this

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

I spent 35 years completely oblivious to even the most basic plot of Pride & Prejudice beyond “there’s a feisty girl and a rude fellow in the rain” and today I said “fuck it” and I’m watching the 2005 movie and NO ONE TOLD ME THERE ARE FIVE SISTERS, I LIVE FOR PILES OF SISTERS

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

6 years

Teens are actually really good: part 69,666,420

The Root

@TheRoot

6 years

Maryland HS teacher fired after students use social media to uncover his white supremacist ties:

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

3 years

I can’t believe that Cruella’s parents were eaten in front of her by over a hundred rabid Dalmatians, no wonder

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

Real fuckin hard knock life hours for this goon over here

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

So ethical non-monogamy is a real and frequently misunderstood relational dynamic. Also a thing is that all guys I match with who reveal that that's their deal have LOST THEIR SHIT when I say I'm game but want to confirm boundaries with their primary partner first for my comfort.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

6 years

Guess how many big media dudes DMed me to say this was great but wouldn't RT or fave it? Well, I made 11th hour additions to my book about how men conceive of women's accomplishments and they're all named in Chapter 6!

Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

6 years

If this mini-doc profile of me at my house featuring my sequin cropped halter doesn't convince you to buy my paperback, I don't know what will

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

6 years

“That shit will fuck you UP, man. Fuck.” -Woodstock bartender, discussing Charlotte’s Web with local bikers.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

I did it for seven years. Twitter is more degrading overall.

Lysinely👾

@Lysinely

7 years

@AlanaMassey @arthur_affect Sex work is usually degrading. Ask those who've done it.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

Live footage of Tucker Carlson (plaid jacket) attempting to confront @laurenduca (suit)

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

If a justice system must rely heavily on testimony from a morally bankrupt billionaire sadist rapist in order to convict OTHER rich rapists because victims & witnesses corroborating testimony is insufficiently valuable then Jeff's neck is the least broken part of the whole thing.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

6 years

I wrote about how #SESTA will absolutely decimate access to safety info, community, and safe working conditions that I myself used to get out of danger during sex work and the hypocrisy of celebs who endorse it

If You Care About Sex Trafficking, Stop Listening to Celebrities and Start Supporting Sex Workers

You can't listen to trafficking survivors if you're talking over them.

www.allure.com

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

8 years

The world would tip off its axis with the weight of brilliance if women could spend time sharing their ideas & not defending their humanity.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

I have found myself in the company of a queen. All hail her majesty, Pumpernickel.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

Everyone who has ever actually read a real tampon box knows that there is nothing that could make them more scary than the real and extremely disturbing warning on them to be hyper vigilant lest you get toxic shock syndrome and DIE HORRIBLY WITHIN MINUTES.

Meg Vondriska

@menwritewomen

5 years

this is more terrifying than the clown, tbh #submission (IT, Stephen King)

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

Pro Tip: Basic decency is not emotional labor.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

got as far as the "It's a hard knock life" scene rewatching Annie for the first time in 20 years and like, who among us would not become a malevolent alcoholic grifter if we were the sole care provider for 15+ kids under 12? justice for comrade hannigan.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

Friends and enemies alike: I don’t work for the US Treasury or the Federal Reserve! I don’t decide what goes on the currency, stop emailing my little wife!

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

My fall style inspiration

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

In 2017, if someone refuses to call you their girlfriend but you're doing girlfriend work, both emotionally and as routine, dump them.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

Companies that employ you feel no sense of loyalty toward you and would drop you in a second for their bottom line, treat them the same way

ilana kaplan

@lanikaps

7 years

what's the best career advice you've ever received?

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

When covid hit LA hard in April, my best friend Eva started walking around w/ duffel bags of sandwiches and water for the unhoused in her area and If you know her, OF COURSE she did. Some pals joined up now they serve 15K meals and 10K hygiene kits a month. They contain this:

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

Saying you were gay in the 1950s could get you arrested and involuntary committed so nah

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

I love how the premise of Garfield was that he was a real humorless piece of shit cat and everyone just got the fuck on board for life.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

3 years

Her full-length gritty origin story WHEN

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

You issued $640 billion in mortgage-backed securities before the 2008 financial crisis.

Bank of America News

@BofA_News

7 years

We are withdrawing our funding

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

4 years

This filmed at my high school the summer me + several nerds had to do PE summer school to make room for a Speech & Debate class period. Production painted our lockers red overnight in a low-budge spray that destroyed my favorite Quicksilver shorts and Vans. They’re the villains.

Variety

@Variety

4 years

Who is the villain in #BringItOn ? "The villain is your own behavior. The villain is your own ethical moral compass. Like, how are you going to behave in a situation? Are you going to choose well or chose poorly"

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

6 years

Whenever I’m sad or overwhelmed, I look at this photo of Bjork and her son in their magic country and feel peace again.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

It's true, punching Nazis is not ideal. Killing Nazis and putting their surviving leadership on trial for the world is ideal.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

5 years

Look I’m excited about the Geri/Mel B sex too, but the most intimate act in Spice Girls history was on Victoria’s charming moving-to-LA press tour in ‘07 when asked a celeb she hated. Not missing a beat, she said she’d like to cut Eddie Murphy’s dick off for mistreating Mel B.

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

3 years

After 5 hours in the ER, I was bid adieu with, “remember that it’s normal that when you wake up tomorrow, it’s going to hurt A LOT WORSE. Also, expect nightmares.” I can’t tell you how in love I am with seat belts, air bags, and all of you supportive baby angels!

Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

3 years

Hey friends, if I’m not answering texts, it’s cause this happened and I’m in the hospital. Thank you to my seatbelt and airbags for saving my life and to the nice man who cut it off me because it had trapped me inside and thanks to my sun roof, which I crawled out through! Yay!

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Alana Massey

@AlanaMassey

7 years

Ask the most vocal male feminist ally in your industry what his salary is

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