Christina Catherine Martinez @xtina_catherine Twitter profile

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

9 months

"Martinez is a polymath of unquantifiable largesse, breaking brains one cultural consumer at a time." 🥳

BOMB Magazine | Christina Catherine Martinez

The writer, comedienne, and art critic on the performance of book-writing and embodying her craft.

bombmagazine.org

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Men only want one thing and it’s to open both windows so we can get a cross-breeze going

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

My ex was so boring his pronouns should have been ho/hum

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Cancel culture is just free market principles applied to morals you'd think conservatives would LOVE that

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

I got colon cancer at 26. It’s not just an “old people” disease. It’s hard to get or even ask for a colonoscopy if you’re young, if you’re poor, if you’re black, if you grew up with shame around bodies, or all of the above, but you fight to get that fucking camera up your ass

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

*for reference only, the car has been sold

A24

@A24films_

3 years

We’re looking for some tweets to turn into movies.

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Couple of teen girls eating fries outside the laundromat flagged me down to say “Excuse me, ma’am? You look SO GOOD” 🙈😂

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

me, on roof: I’m about to do a livestream comedy show my neighbor, also on roof: oh, I was about to burn my tax papers, should I wait? me: no

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

No I don’t take horse dewormer I’m not fucking insane I take horse tranquilizers like a normal creative professional living in a major city

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Sexy attire? I thought you said A SEXY TIRE

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 months

I love her aggressively curious yet non-antagonistic approach to Hot Studies

Visakan Veerasamy

@visakanv

4 months

excellent minute of a comedian getting a hot girl to do a side by side comparison of hot girl mannerisms

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Dog actress

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

1 year

we noticed you from across the bar and we really dig your vibe

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Don’t forget, New Year’s Eve is a fake holiday made up by Big Sequin

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Thought I was jealous of all my friends but I just had't eaten lunch yet

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Did stand up for a bunch of drunk sailors and it was exactly as fun as it sounds 💦

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

I'm seeing a therapist *romantically

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Made it a point to not do ANY frivolous spending in New York and that’s how I made it out of here with only the essentials i.e. a clown suit and chicken bag

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

But is he emotionally available

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

1 year

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

1 year

Unpopular opinion but I’m not comfortable with movies writ large - pretending is scary and I don’t have object permanence. Storytelling is just movies for ears, so I’ve taken itupon myself to stop relaying events or phenomena of any kind

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

So fucking tired of finding the poetry in the everyday

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

I grew up in LA the rest of you need to go home and help smooth things out

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

gm

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

One more time for the road—I’m selling my car. Please direct all inquiries to Instagram

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

I read a magazine in the bath and it was amazing, it was like… a website that knew when to stop heaven

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

He said “you dress like a man, baby!”

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Also I got one of these

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

I found a little piece of paper in my coat pocket and on one side it says “lemons - parsley - broth - bread? - cheap red wine - little steaks - onion - carrots - celery - limes - mushrooms - goat cheese” and on the other side it says “Where does the fear come from?”

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Writers get away with everything

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

Men only want one thing and it’s to put a pin in this for later

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

I refuse to be intrigued by the monolith

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Every Insta ad for skincare / shit fashion looks like this

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

I want to make a porn of just guys jumping up to hit stop signs and things

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

anyway buy my book

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Performative apathy is more cringe than misguided earnestness no further questions at this time

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Dropping the morning routine

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Copy editors looooooove changing "like" to "such as" such as they got nothing better to do smdh

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

Fuck your 12 foot skeleton

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Felt very tender doing back-to-back gallery visits for the first time in months so I just put on every tough thing I own

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

I look like an NRA ho

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Ten years ago today / today

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

When I got to the show tonight the producer pulled me aside and said they received a request that I not put the microphone in my vagina and I said is that like a note for everyone and she said no they told me to tell you specifically

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

Working through the holidays

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

@evavictor doin’ a face mask but inspired to pop off... Cautionary Tale Cool Aunt

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Status: married to the game

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Time for a refresh

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Wrong kid died

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

I made a comedy special. Come see it in LA before the streaming wars begin

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Just a couple gals who love shapes and colors

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

I selected all of the images with traffic lights in them and still I am lonely

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

How old is too old to be “down for whatever”

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Bought a caftan and now I think it’s good to die alone?

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

I’m in print in the LA Times today✨

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

The truth is in there

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Maybe Pete Davidson just LISTENS ever think of that

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

The only Goya I support:

Alexandra Halaby🇵🇸

@iskandrah

4 years

Goya Foods is the largest Hispanic food company in the United States. Many customers have responded to this statement of support for Trump by promising to boycott the corporation. #BoycottGoya

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

I’m here to warn you about men who warn you about men who like Infinite Jest—they’re DeLillo’s boys, and they’re dangerous

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

1 year

I’m not ready to take my career to the next level

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Guy said to me last night “your beauty is so explicit as to suggest nothing beyond itself” and I said “you stole that from Joan Didion‘s essay on the Hoover dam” and he said “ OK well you’re pretty as the Hoover dam”

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Who knew?

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

1 year

“Christina Catherine Martinez is NOT your typical art critic😏” (emphasis mine) @LAmag Feb 2023

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Aaron Sorkin told me it’s ok to shop at Cider

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

GOOD MORNING I wrote an aesthetic critique on the architectural stylings of shopping malls masquerading as mini European cities I LOVE YOU LOS ANGELES. VOTE TODAY AND TOMORROW

Can anything stop Rick Caruso from turning L.A. into the Cheesecake Factory?

The outcropping of residential communities appropriating Renaissance architecture are inspired less by culture than by control. And they’re ugly.

www.latimes.com

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 months

reggie millers belly button tattoo

@BIMBOMINDSET

3 months

we’ve loved men like this forever. we need a moment for weird looking women

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Yes it is

mim chimpski

@miemross

3 years

@xtina_catherine is this you?

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

I’m having a very hard day. Could you say something kind? Is this thing on?

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

My dream prank is to meet a handsome stranger, bring him back to my place and somehow have a photo of him framed on my nightstand

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

What’s the LA comedy scene like? I once received a tote bag that said THE MOON IS FEMINIST ART as payment for a show

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

Incest

Ana Samways

@AnaSamways

8 years

What’s considered trashy if you're poor, but classy if you're rich?

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

My ex's pronouns are ho/hum

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

The CDC says fully vaccinated male artists can chain-smoke behind a warehouse with people half their age

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Releasing a lot of Hot Topic trauma tn

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Boys like watches. They like showing their wrists to each other and going “oh shit”

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

I spend one whole half of a precious hour blow drying my own hair and don’t even like it. I take one tiny dip in the ocean and Gaia gifts me with a gorgeous ‘do

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

This is a costume but I think I want to look like this all the time? Even the toothpick?

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

I ❤️ comedy

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

My neighbor knocked on the door and when I answered he just said “open your mouth”, so I did, and he put a homemade chocolate chip cookie in it and left

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Getting older is so strange. I feel the hottest I’ve ever been, and also I am missing a birthday party due to gas

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 months

I wrote about my maman Agnès Varda for @bookforum

The Daily

@CriterionDaily

4 months

AGNÈS VARDA: DIRECTOR’S INSPIRATION presents “a body of work from a groundbreaking artist through the aesthetic of a mood board. It mostly works, capturing the spirit of Varda’s difficult, feminist & paradoxically coy ethos.” @xtina_catherine @bookforum —

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

You can sit out the holidays. You can go to Mexico with a nice man for thanksgiving and drink Margaritas on the beach. You can change your phone number and not tell your family until January. These are just my plans, feel free to make your own 💋

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

COMEDIAN ABSOLUTELY *ROASTS* BRUSSELS SPROUTS

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

The trick to traveling alone is to ask only influencer-looking types to take your photo. Aesthetically, they’ll have your back. They can’t help it.

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

On this, my 36th birthday, after twenty years of never straying the path, my mother did *not* send me an Urban Outfitters gift card. Today I am woman.

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

them: you wrote a book? me: it’s a cake

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

DUNE felt like the papyrus font directed a three-hour episode of Xena: Warrior Princess but removed all the irony and hired a cardigan on Xanax to do the fight choreography

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

1 year

My neck my back my inner child and my crack

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

Propaganda

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

types of attractive mens: sleep apnea melted ice cream face gut-but-it’s-somehow-rock-hard butthole mouth eyes out to here speech impediment kings

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

4 years

I’ll never forget the little old man who went up at a dive bar mic around 2 AM after waiting for hours, the crowd restless and drunk and not paying attention. He shuffled up to the mic and said “When life gives you lemonade, that’s white privilege” and everyone HOWLED

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

I’m not hot I’m TV Ugly which is the same thing if you’re cool

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Should I be a total bitch next year?

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

James Corden’s Carpool Bukkake

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

My Instagram friend Ulrika Andersson painted this from a photo @heyangella took of me in my happy place—writing at a tennis club in the desert

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Not to be a bitch but I’ve read two books in 2021

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

Instead of labeling things “cringe” you can just wear a T-shirt that says “I’m embarrassed of my own emotions therefore other people’s affect gives me anxiety” ✨

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

First note my agent gave me on my pilot was “the male characters all kind of blend together” and it’s like yeah… they kinda do that

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

3 years

New Year’s Eve is a fake holiday propped up by the sequin industrial complex✨

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

9 months

Was working on Grace&Frankie and stood nearly nose-to-nose with Jane Fonda while the director was taking forever to frame a shot. We looked at each other in silence for three full minutes, finally she says “You’re really pretty” 💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼

Joey

@gothamhiphop

9 months

What’s your favorite interaction you’ve had with a celebrity?

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Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

Thank you all for being sweet the other day, it really helped lift the fog. As a gesture of gratitude and vulnerability, here’s what I was upset about

Christina Catherine Martinez

@xtina_catherine

2 years

I’m having a very hard day. Could you say something kind? Is this thing on?

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