Wiffle Ball Helmet @wffleballhelmet Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

7 years

My safe word is “Andretti is slowing on the backstretch.”

39

457

639

Last Seen Profiles

@AhadSidd256

@kedisiolanabla

@AaliyahGipson2

@rara39218419310

@FEJiSnizjhKmc6I

@MikeSylvestri02

@pikasshu_

@r0se102

@penikma89063156

@negitorojarashi

@quickghy

@pengudelivery

@PMIMitt

@dividedwef73121

@Momoesnerd

@uLeadconference

@Hyper_RPG

@Chinita_Juliet

@srosrw

@w_calicoats

@djjoustra

@Jhondecarlos1

@LaReinaCreole

@stw_pdg

@nari_0915

@jandakembangstw

@SharonOoja

@mexusmx

@VTEXcommerce

@Hammer_kill_

@Colunga_Lozano

@PeterKovar71

@IDaEko2Vp4YGWfR

@winrinawinning

@forevawinning20

@sakavinga

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

4 months

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land in the cold, dark vacuum of space where no one can hear you scream.

16

229

1K

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 months

Chicago style is best. Argue with a wall.

608

25

840

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

Marijuana is a gateway drug to deez.

14

44

697

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

When is National Shut the Fuck Up Day?

50

207

553

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 months

That glass of wine that sat out all night because I fell asleep watching TV? That’s breakfast wine now.

31

74

597

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

@kristirn1 @thejasminebrand I already wear Wrangler, but this makes me want to get even more Wrangler.

1

5

399

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

Not gonna lie. Making my way in the world today takes everything I’ve got.

21

65

353

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

About a month ago, a good friend of mine with pancreatic cancer called me and asked me to come over. We wound up mostly laughing, talking, and watching TV together. Exchanged a big hug before I left. I didn’t know, but that was the last time I would see her.

41

6

235

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

If God didn’t want us to be drunk all the time, then why did he make life so shitty?

9

72

224

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

4 years

@RaeOfLite @RedStethoscope @JPTHANOSSNAP How would you like it prepared? 😲

8

0

214

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

4 years

Sex poetry Twitter be like: Lick the pussy of her heart Fuck her in the butt with your words Or something like that.

31

59

198

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

@PopeyesChicken Y’all still have red beans and rice, though, right?

6

2

192

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

Hey everybody, I’m getting hitched in the morning. 🥰

41

11

214

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

Your mom is a category 4.

12

70

174

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

I’m sorry, but if your video game was made after 1992, I don’t know how to play it.

11

58

183

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

@AngrierWHStaff

0

4

161

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

11 months

Was in a pretty dark place this time last summer. I’m not anymore. And I’m grateful for that.

28

3

168

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

Goodbye, sweet girl. 🐾 😢

64

0

163

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

4 years

I JUST WITNESSED A MURDER AT THE WEST TAMPA POST OFFICE. 😲

21

27

154

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

3 months

@zablotny @trevorshowvan @GPBinNL @TableBoston Not to mention everything that followed. They’ve turned a $250 loss into thousands. At least. That is nuts.

2

4

161

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

I swear, one of my least favorite parts of being an Alabama fan sometimes is the behavior of other Alabama fans.

10

9

153

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

6 months

Ask me what I’m gonna do today.

17

8

153

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

4 years

Can’t make this shit up. I went down to the park this morning to shoot some baskets just to get some sort of exercise. This weird Billy Corgan-looking dude just comes out of nowhere, grabs the ball, and punts it 60+ yards, and then walks off without saying a word.

31

28

140

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

4 years

@kwok_xian @TheRickWilson “among other millionaires” is the real hidden gem in this quote. 😂

1

3

135

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

6 years

Hmmmm. Like a tweet by @Billbrowder , immediately gain two followers who don’t look like bots at all. 🤷‍♂️😅🙄

11

7

122

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

@DadoLedgeNnoni @raebachmusic LoL. I don’t need your blood, and I definitely don’t need your sperm. Thanks, though. 😂😂😂. Seriously. Y’all are weird. 🤣

2

0

125

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

@uncle_june He disrespected the Bing.

1

0

125

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

10 months

She was rare. Like a Walmart buggy without serious handling issues.

5

41

120

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

Happy Side Chick Saturday to all who celebrate.

9

35

122

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

3 years

Do people who talk a lot early in the morning know they don’t have to?

9

24

117

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

3 years

@Longuistics1 @FrankieBorrelli This maybe the greatest meme I have ever seen.

0

114

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

I’m a guy, and therefore, I reply.

6

44

110

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

Friendships are a lot like mashed potatoes. Once you stick your dick in them, they are ruined.

12

39

108

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

3 years

I was just diagnosed with an ear infection because apparently I’m 4. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get some pink medicine from the pharmacy and stop at McDonald’s for a happy meal.

13

3

110

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

Mothafucka. I said it’s time for tea and cake.

10

7

105

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

@raebachmusic Bro, most of us got vaxxed months ago. Are we supposed to just keep posting about it for no reason? 😂

0

101

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

To celebrate my 45th birthday, I reheated fish in the office toaster oven.

27

22

105

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

I’m a total slut for mental and emotional stability.

7

47

105

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

@uncle_june

1

0

103

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

4 months

Sears used to sell a whole goddamn house you could order in the mail.

Historic Vids

@historyinmemes

4 months

Amazon sells these tiny house kits for around $20,000

1K

9K

82K

11

21

106

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

Oh sure, it’s ok for Lady and the Tramp to eat spaghetti in an alley and fuck in the park, but when I do it they call the cops.

5

22

93

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

3 months

Happy birthday to me!! 🥳 🥂

44

1

100

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

My god. I just got a buggy at Walmart where the wheels rolled freely and straight. Is this a sign? What does it mean?

32

10

98

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

From now on, me and my leftovers are gonna party like it’s 1979.

14

16

97

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

I’m gonna turn 44 in 44 minutes. 😲

40

2

95

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

3 years

Shower sex may be overrated, but shower beer is not.

13

30

86

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

3 years

I’m 43. I’m still waiting for someone to approach me on the street and offer me free drugs like the Just Say No people said.

10

9

91

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 months

I have a pork shoulder on the smoker because I wanted to start the year with a fun game of “What time will dinner finally be ready?”

8

13

94

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

@lankylibs Florida Man is real. Florida Man is here.

5

3

85

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

Friendly reminder that if you put a wheel or two on or over the line when you park, it’s ok to back out and try it again. You are not limited to a single attempt.

11

23

89

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

3 months

I’m smiling because I just took a leak in the woods.

12

6

90

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

6 months

Eat a whole tin of Danish butter cookies and chill?

7

21

85

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

At 10,000 followers I’m going to offer you the same garbage content that I’m currently providing.

13

17

82

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

9 months

I actually look forward to Monday so I can take a break from mismanaging my fantasy football teams and get back to mismanaging my life.

2

16

87

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

4 years

Oh good. Those people are fighting on the internet again.

6

29

75

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

6 years

@IndyCar

0

1

81

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

3 years

I made everything except the beer and the bbq sauce. Peas came from my garden.

14

1

83

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

4 years

@LouiseMensch @realDonaldTrump @GovBillWeld I was proud to vote for Gov Weld just prior to switching party affiliation later in March. The fact that he is getting 10 percent after suspending his campaign is remarkable.

1

6

78

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

I’m wearing a Marvel Comics t shirt to DC-themed Six Flags if anyone is looking for a badass.

6

33

81

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 months

How it started. How it’s going.

8

7

82

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

4 years

I mean at this point, am I supposed to go live with my auntie and uncle in Bel Air?

5

6

80

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

This is not a parody account. I’m really like this.

1

27

77

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

The strongest people at the gym are the ones that grunt the loudest. Everyone knows this.

7

20

73

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

Sometimes I moonlight as a seat filler at award shows.

17

1

78

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

I’m 44, and I’m still like this every time I come out of the shower.

Fascinating

@fasc1nate

2 years

Baby elephants typically don't learn to control their trunks until they're about a year old, which may result in behavior like this.

3K

49K

412K

10

17

78

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

Also, Beansie has a new friend. Meet Rosita Chiquita

10

2

79

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

Amazon only exists because nobody at Sears thought “Hey, why don’t we just put this catalog on the internet.”

4

19

78

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

@PopeyesChicken

2

0

72

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

4 years

I mean, if it’s about being proud of being from the South, why not fly a flag with a biscuit on it or something? Why does it have to be a flag of something we should definitely not be proud of?

12

16

75

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

9 months

Drinking moonshine and sweet tea from a mason jar like some kind of hilljack.

14

1

75

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

4 years

To be honest, I hate it when people call it food porn. That brisket may be delicious, but I don’t want to stick my dick in it.

13

9

67

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

@Super70sSports The risk of getting slung off was overrated. The real danger was stumbling if you were a pusher.

9

0

75

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

A lot of people don’t know that we have bears in Florida, and some of them have gotten very comfortable around humans.

10

15

70

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

Look at you. Saying creepy shit on the internet you would never have the balls to say in the wild.

5

25

68

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

I’m worried that the Chinese spy balloon is going to try to look at my wiener.

15

19

68

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

4 years

@ThatEricAlper Song 2 by Blur

2

0

66

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

No, Kathryn, I don’t want to talk to you before you’ve had your coffee. In all fairness, I don’t want to talk to you after you’ve had it, either, but here we are.

3

19

67

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

These Burger King tacos taste like I am going to get the shits later.

13

17

62

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

Gonna pour one out for my homie Paco (RIP) today. 🍺. Album gonna drop soon. 💿

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

Gang shit. 💪

5

0

27

13

0

67

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

6 months

Ohhh. So sorry. You exceeded the maximum distance away to qualify for a door hold.

5

20

65

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

10 months

Look at the camera? Not on your life, pal.

5

1

68

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

If you’re looking for a sugar daddy, you’ve come to the wrong place. I’m an aspartame daddy at best.

14

15

59

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 months

🌽 🍞

9

4

67

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

My favorite thing about squeeze bottle relish is how it won’t come out at all unless you squeeze the bottle hard enough to make it explode all over you.

6

14

62

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

4 months

They tryna tell me Jesus liked feet?

15

21

66

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

Does Alabama still play Arkansas tomorrow or did they cancel that game? I can’t tell because all anyone wants to talk about is LSU.

11

5

63

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

How come it’s never peanut butter jelly time anymore?

10

19

60

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

@Eve6 I think of him every time I get a birthday card with a five dollar bill.

0

64

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 years

Reply guy > quote tweet guy.

7

23

54

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

Best part of drinking a shake through a paper straw is when you just give up on the straw and take the lid off and just drink it straight from the cup.

8

12

65

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

1 year

My favorite thing about automatic faucets in public restrooms is how they stay on long enough to rinse some of the soap off of your hands.

4

22

63

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

2 years

If you got slapped on stage at the Oscars, you may be entitled to compensation.

4

16

58

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

5 months

Me making a minor, insignificant revision to a Microsoft Word document. Microsoft Word: “Hey, let’s also spontaneously change the font size alignment, and formatting!” Me: “Hey, I didn’t want all that, change it back!” MsW: “LoL. No.”

8

15

66

Wiffle Ball Helmet

@wffleballhelmet

3 years

@TWHomeGarden @hoplitnet