Wankernomics @wankernomics Twitter profile

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Hi there! Welcome to Wankernomics. If you’re new around here, here’s some pre-reading to help get you onboarded.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

As in: "He's walking back through his teeth!"

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Being able to quickly draw a meaningless Venn diagram is a great way to look impressive in meetings. Here's one we prepared for Qantas.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

5 months

"That an absolutely terrible idea but let's waste a quarter of an hour discussing it anyway"

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Happy Monday! Try to work this phrase into an email or meeting today.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

11 months

"A technical network outage meant some customers were unable to have connectivity" #Optus #yes

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Ever wondered how you'd sound if you talked at home like you do at work?

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Absolutely vital that you never let slip that you've got absolutely no fucking idea what you're doing in your job.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

The Government is seeking the services of a suitably qualified consultancy to advise on whether the government overuses the services of consultancies. Please read & share this important tender notice, prepared by Wankernomics for the AFRs Power issue.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Continuing upskilling for success at

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

8 months

JUST IN: The Right to Disconnect laws have been expanded to make saying “Happy Friday” illegal

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

11 months

DId you get it right?

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

If you want to be successful in the working world, you'll need to know how to speak like a wanker.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

8 months

If you want to be successful at work you’ll need to know how to speak like a wanker. For more tips, come to the new Wankernomics show “As Per Amy Last Email”, touring Australia from next month.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

11 months

How do you create a values-led organisation? Put up a poster in the staff kitchen with the words Respect, Honesty, Innovation, Inclusion and Collaboration. You could even chuck in Innovation, Accountability and Curiosity if you want to be bold. Oh yeah, include the word Bold

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

2 months

Got a meeting coming up at work? Here are 5 ways to sound like a fuckwit. 🧵

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

8 months

Everyone when they're trying to sound smart at work

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

9 months

"I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas" but in corporate speak. 🧵 #buzzwords #jargon #corporatespeak

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Remember, always make something sound much more important than it actually is. #Wankernomics

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

4 months

Get ready to cascade your learnings and align your mission statements, Wankernomics is coming to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this August! Tickets are on sale NOW (link in bio)

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 month

We are now providing a translation service, as part of our ongoing commitment to wankery.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Using passive aggressive language can help you climb the corporate ladder: a short seminar from your overpaid Wankernomics consultants.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

The golden rule of meetings? Always say something that's way more complex than it needs to be.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

7 months

The new Wankernomics show “As Per My Last Email” kicked off at the Adelaide Fringe last night to a sold out house Extra show added for tonight!!! If you’re in Adelaide don’t miss Wankernomics. Tix here:

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

8 months

One of the foundational skills for success at work is being able to speak like an absolute fuckwit.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

2 months

Wankernomics is coming to the UK! We can’t wait to teach Britons how to thrive at work with nothing more than an obnoxious LinkedIn profile, a passive-aggressive email and the phrase ‘circle back’. Don’t miss this! Get your tickets now at

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

11 months

Stuck in a boring meeting? Try randomly saying one of these phrases. Then sit back and watch everyone pretend they know what you’re talking about.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Add this phrase to your toolkit!

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

7 months

"Oooh. Fancy!"

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

4 months

How to announce you've sacked 9% of your workforce at a Telecommunications company

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

"I have a few thoughts that I think can add value here ..."

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Kick off your Friday with this helpful business mantra

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

"Our customers will love it"

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

11 months

We all know someone who loves using the word 'wheelhouse' at work. No fucking idea what it means though. Anyone know?

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Speak like a wanker at work? Why not leverage the same bullshit at home? #Wankernomics

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

10 months

"I haven't drilled down to that level of granuality yet"

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Never waste an opportunity to bamboozle your colleagues with a meaningless pie-chart

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

If someone asks, ‘How are you?’ never say ‘Good thanks’ or ‘I’m moderately busy at the moment’. Use one of these responses instead.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

If you want to work your way up to senior management, you'll need to know how to 'let someone go' #corporatespeak #jargon #winning

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

A bit of #inspo to kick off your Friday morning

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

10 months

How's that quarterly report coming along?

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

11 months

We are beyond excited to announce the new Wankernomics Christmas cards. Get your colleagues, clients and that wanker in middle management a card they’ll actually relate to with these best-of-breed greeting card solutions. See the full range here:

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

11 months

Got a brainstorm session today? Try randomly dropping in this phrase. Works best when preceded by the phrase, "Guys ... we're not thinking big enough here". Also consider how you can squeeze in the word 'disruptive'.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Start the week off right with this great little #Wankernomics tip 👊

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Want to climb the corporate ladder? A great way to hone your corporate language skills is to practice at home. #Wankernomics #buzzwords #jargon #corporatelanguage

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

6 months

Started a tipping comp at work? Make sure you use it as an opportunity to promote yourself

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

2 months

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

2 months

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

2 months

Last week we announced a show there. A few hours later it was sold out. Whoops! We massively underestimated the number of wankers in London. So we thought we should circle back and announce some extra London shows moving forward. Get in quick at

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

5 months

"Plans for the weekend?"

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

10 months

Our Wankernomics Christmas cards are back! Our first print-run sold out in 3 hours, so get in quick on our new batch. The perfect Christmas cards for your co-workers, clients, and that wanker from finance who says ‘circle back’. Get yours here:

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

10 months

Gotta get that LinkedIn profile working for you. #jargon #buzzwords #corporatespeak

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

3 months

The first rule of LinkedIn is to be inexplicably fucking excited about everything.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

2 months

We are excited to launch this exciting new chapter in our brand's journey . . #wankernomics #jargon #buzzwords

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

9 months

"Reach out if you need anything"

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

3 months

We need to have a conversation around why people use the word 'around' instead of 'about' when they're at work. . #wankernomics #workhumour #buzzwords #jargon #workhumor #worklife

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

5 months

What the fuck is a silo doing in an office building anyway?

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

11 months

Everyone's a fucking stakeholder these days.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

8 months

If you want to be promoted to a management position, you'll need to know how to talk as if it's playtime at a kindergarten.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Keep this in mind when you're pitching an idea to your boss today. #Wankernomics

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Thousands of people have been asking us about the new Wankernomics logo. Here’s a brief explainer about the design process and the deeper symbolism behind this sophisticated new marque. #Wankernomics

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

6 months

"Got a sec?" #wankernomics #worklife #workhumour #jargon #buzzwords #workhumor

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

8 months

Welfare groups are also pushing for new ‘Right Not to Hear the Phrase Moving Forward’ laws to be passed

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

2 months

Always be sure to say you're outcome-focused, even if you're more of an income-focused kinda person

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

11 months

Have you broken down a silo today?

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

8 months

"Shall we take this offline and circle back later?" . . #jargon #buzzwords #workhumour #worklife #officehumour

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

10 months

"Mission statement accomplished!"

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

8 months

"Can I get visibility on the numbers before COP please?" . . #worklife #officehumour #jargon #buzzwords #worktalk

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Make sure to press that follow button to get daily tips on how to accelerate your career!

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 month

We love end-to-end, 360 degree, holistic solutions

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

7 months

what the fuck is a memo? #worklife #buzzwords #jargon #officehumour

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

3 months

To be successful in the modern workplace, you need to know how to turn a simple word into an unnecessarily complex 5-word phrase.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

7 months

"On email if you need anything!" . #worklife #worktalk #officehumour #jargon #buzzwords #wankernomics

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

9 months

"When did you get in?"

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

4 months

All aboard!! Toot toot!

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Um … some people saying they can see a middle finger in the logo??? Not sure where you got that from! Those three vertical structures represent our central value pillars: integrity, honesty and respect. Obviously.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

3 months

Does this sound about right to you? #wankernomics #worklife #meetings #corporatelife #workhumour

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

5 months

This is an actual job ad. Not nearly enough use of the word scrum in our opinion.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

10 months

"Can I get back to you with more granulaity this afternoon?"

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

Happy Fri-yay! Here's a little bit of #inspo to get you ready for the weekend.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

4 months

"Let's unpack the learnings and drill down on the deliverables moving forward" 🤮 🤮 #buzzwords #jargon #worklife #workhumour

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

7 months

Holy shit Adelaide you’re amazing … the entire run of Wankernomics at the Adelaide Fringe has sold out! Melbourne and Canberra you’re next. Don’t miss out on your chance to learn how to navigate workplace hell. Get tickets at (link in bio)

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

21 days

Missing out on job offers? You're not describing your work history on LinkedIn correctly. . #Wankernomics #buzzwords #LinkedIn #worklife #jargon #workhumor

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

8 months

"Just reaching out to touch base" . #worklife #jargon #buzzwords #officelife #work #workhumour

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

2 months

While it adds absolutely nothing to the meaning of your sentence, an essential rule of modern work is that you must use the phrase 'moving forward' (or 'going forward') wherever humanly possible.

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

1 year

A great way to practice sounding like a wanker at work is to weave work-related phrases into your home life #wankernomics

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

5 months

"Shall we meet at your offices?"

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Wankernomics

@wankernomics

9 months

If you want to be successful in the workplace, you're going to need to know how to speak like an absolute fuckwit. For more tips and tricks, come to the new Wankernomics live show "Wankernomics 2.0: As Per My Last Email" Tickets at