parker lyons @tweetsbyparker Twitter profile

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

6 months

you can accomplish a lot with 2 years of daily effort and work

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

in honor of removing the device indicator in tweets, I want to pay tribute to dorothy

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

my mom: “please don’t rile up the dogs when we get home” me as soon as i see the dogs:

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

10 months

i’m sorry i can’t think of a joke funnier than twitter failing to get the necessary permits to change their building signage and the police shutting it down just in time for “er” to remain

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

elon facetiming his kids to tell them the news

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

5 months

back to work

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

11 months

“so the guy that used to make people eat bugs on tv is challenging a doctor that made vaccines accessible for impoverished kids to debate a guy that thinks 5G is a government spy implant and you’ll never guess who dogpiles on to the bet…”

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

the libertarianism leaving VC’s bodies when their banks default

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

8 months

maybe selling an $8 megaphone to anyone in the public square and offering them direct monetary incentive for impressions during hyper-sensitive geopolitical events isn’t all that beneficial to society or the health of the public conversation

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

“oh come on, there’s no way the user will do that” the user:

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

if you were wondering about the current state of twitter, many folks just received their separation agreements in their spam folders, pointing to a URL that was registered this morning from a vendor with a 1 star BBB rating. if still there, I would have reported this as phishing.

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

q4 swag drop

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

11 months

oh i finally get it he was planning on sinking it

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

6 months

there’s only one man i want to see be the CEO of OpenAI

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

“so he argued with this ex-twitter employee that was checking on his employment status and responds by saying he was lazy and used his disability as an excuse but turns out the guy is iceland’s person of the year and has a termination clause of $100M-“

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

this is so embarrassing after today

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

when I respond to your slack after 5pm

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

Schrödinger's Layoffs: i won’t check my emails

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

become ungovernable

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

💙🫡

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

@JustCallMeSio the origin of this message is so much more powerful than people know - but that would take due diligence and respect to understand

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

10 months

when you forget to lock your ceo’s old handle after a name change

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

by the way - layoffs aren’t funny. but twitter is. twitter is raw. twitter is reactionary. twitter is first. twitter is real. this is the twitter that we built. i’m sorry or you’re welcome.

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

@uglynewyork girls when they see that halo 2 shirt

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

i mean it’s one flight to sf, michael. what could it cost, $10?

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

Good morning Twitter employee. You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

you’ll see a lot of tech companies that have frozen hiring making exceptions for twitter talent because it’s 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕘𝕠𝕠𝕕.

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

they move fast

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

L 　 a 　　　 w 　　　　 y 　　　　　e 　　 r 　　　　　. 　　　　 U 　　　 p 　　　 . ･｡･ﾟ｡°*. ｡*･｡

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

i just hope it fits

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

5 years

what’s shakin’ SF? #earthquake

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

is this a bad time to tell them we still have email access

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

11 months

greta won

BBC Breaking News

@BBCBreaking

11 months

Andrew Tate charged with rape and human trafficking

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

y’all made this so viral he had an engineer fix it. i love it here.

parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

this is so embarrassing after today

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

it’s time

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

first all hands

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

11 months

the 4 remaining twitter engineers

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

first day of my 90-day weekend

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

pumped for our 2023 all hands

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

welcome to the team, new hires

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

pick up @elonmusk

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

don’t tweet anything career limiting. don’t tweet anything career limiting. don’t tweet anything career limiting. don’t tweet anything career limiting. don’t tweet anything career limiting. don’t tweet anything career limiting.

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

“clearly they didn’t need that many engineers if the site is still up”

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

i shared some gratitude with my direct team today that i’d like to share publicly so that folks understand how far these relationships go: story time before bed 👇📖

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

“i’ve never watched succession, what’s it about?”

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

TWITTER FILES: EMPLOYEE HOOKUPS EDITION

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

“wow this is a beautiful UI for such a small team” the backend:

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

linkedin recruiters are like: I hope you were able to LAY OFF the halloween candy this week! You MUSK have heard the news about Twitter and I’m here to offer you a new NEST. We have a ton of roles available at a VERIFIED company that will pay you more than $8/mo! Let me know!

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

new role? i’m @Intuit . starting 2/1!

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

showing my dog that i already threw the ball

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

the Planters CEO just sent a company-wide email telling all employees they have until 5pm tomorrow to decide if they’re “all about deez nuts” or take a reasonable severance

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

how i’m gonna sleep tonight knowing that my decision is what’s best for me and i’ll love my tweople no matter what they do

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

when elon walks by your desk to see what you’re working on

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

best sports highlight of the year

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

my mom sent me this for my first day at my new job tomorrow and i’m about to cry myself to sleep goodnight

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

one of the many benefits of hiring an ex-twitter employee is that they are absolutely unfazed by whatever “fire drill” you think is going on. they’ve seen worse.

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

trying to get something simple done at a big company

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

working at twitter before 2022 after 2022

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

fair and balanced

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

back to work.

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

(deactivated)

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

10 months

get this shit off my linkedin

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

you’ll see a lot tomorrow about numbers and layoff percentages but these are the people behind them. this is the level of connection and it’s going nowhere anytime soon. i love life because i love the people i’ve surrounded myself with! take care.

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

how my memes are gonna play on twitter with 25% of our engineers

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

when you’re fighting for free speech but owe $1B in annual interest

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

me and my squad tryna figure this game out

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

say what you want, but @paraga and @nedsegal ’s ability to execute on their jobs for the past few months despite this certain end result is astounding and something i’ll remember and try to mimic for the rest of my career. that’s what mission, passion and community drives.

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

does he…does he think we forgot about the poll?

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

just over a year ago i was diagnosed with a severe and rare fungal infection called histoplasmosis, which combined with a rare blood disorder called HLH that led to 2 months of hospitalization, chemo, dozens of blood and platelet transfusions, multiple emergency surgeries and 70

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

you’re a real weirdo if you’re rooting for people to lose their jobs

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

did y’all catch this in the twitter files? hope someone looks into this

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

10 months

oooooh i finally get the rebrand

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

11 months

when you’re mad that all the employees you fired got new jobs

Dexerto

@Dexerto

11 months

Twitter is accusing Meta of several things, including poaching/stealing employees to copy their platform Here is the full letter:

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

the past and next 12 hours

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

11 months

LinkedIn watching everyone else’s app get cloned

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

this just confirms my view of how talented twitter’s design team used to be. they were thoughtful in all aspects of testing, accessibility and research before pushing significant change to production. there’s a balance of velocity and thoroughness but this ain’t it.

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

i’m out of excuses, but i don’t plan on ever running out of my gratitude toward those relationships that i’ll foster and so richly benefit from for the rest of my life. 💙🫡

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

⠀ ( •_• ) |￣￣ᵒᵒᵒ￣￣￣￣￣￣| | there are no bad | | teams, just bad | | leaders. ㅤㅤㅤ | |________________ₒₒₒ___| | | | |__|__| (__][__)

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

9am

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

launching directly to prod

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

the remaining infrastructure engineers at twitter

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

the 10th floor at 2pm

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

you know your work matters when the world cares so damn much about what’s going on there

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

“it’s still so amazing that they could fire so many twitter employees and the site works perfectly fine”

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

The plan? Offer severance to your employees but never send any agreements, which gives you time to declare bankruptcy before lawsuit settlements.

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

I'm Fricking Alive! (A Love Story)

I’m Fricking Alive! (A Love Story)

I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis in high school and — after years of trial and error with medication — successfully achieved…

medium.com

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

so [twitter employee], how’s your new boss?

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

legend has it on the next full moon you can see all the deactivated yubikeys make their final ascent to unlock heaven’s gates

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

#HalfTeam

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

now we wait for elon’s predictably nonsensical technical assessment for what went wrong and why legacy twitter is to blame

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

watching the birdwatch vs. community notes argument

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

2 years

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

lol someone found the old pitch decks in the google drive

Elon Musk

@elonmusk

1 year

The ability of Twitter advertising to reach the most influential people in the world is often not fully appreciated. While a few other social networks are technically bigger, Twitter is where the writers & leaders spend their time.

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parker lyons

@tweetsbyparker

1 year

Microsoft should buy ChatGPT and make Clippy unstoppable

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