I knew I raised this boy right when I offered to buy him a brand new truck but he wanted to save his own money and buy one himself. And thatโs exactly what he did. ๐๐ง
These sheep are losing it. Some dude at the gas station just let the door slam in my face because I didnโt have a mask on. I may be little, but he learned just how fierce I am ๐๐๐ง
If yโall see me at the pool in my bikini, I just want yโall to remember that I like food, and it costs nothing to mind your own business ๐๐ปโโ๏ธ๐ง
A cop followed me alllll the way to work. Ya girl was getting kinda nervous like I had a kilo in the trunk or something. He pulls up next to me at the red light, rolls his window down and sticks his tongue out at me. It was my damn client. ๐ฉ๐๐ง
I just want a guy to see me eating a 12 pack of nuggets in my parked car in the Target parking lot and think โThatโs her. Sheโs the one.โ ๐๐ง
Yeah you might have a fun party to go to tonight, but I just danced with a 4yr old in my kitchen to Monster Mash while eating ice cream sandwiches, soโฆ. ๐ป๐งก๐ค๐ง
Awkward people are really sexy. They stumble, apologize, know obscure facts, and say all the wrong things.
Just trying to sell myself here.
๐๐๐ง
After cutting a little boys hair:
Me: Iโm gonna use the blow dryer on you so itโll blow the loose hairs off and you wonโt be itchy.
Little boy *looks at dad*: Daddy maybe Miss Tracy can blow you too!!
Dad: ๐ฎ
Me: ๐คญ๐ฒ
All the other clients: ๐ณ
๐ง
Since the day my boys were born I always told them I loved them to the moon and stars and back. So for Christmas they got me a moon and stars ring โญ๏ธ๐๐ง
Some kid on COD just told me: โIโm gonna kick your ass grandma!!โ
Now this little fucker is crying because I destroyed him. ๐ญ๐๐ง
#NoMercy
Idk what I have, but I wouldnโt wish this shit on my worst enemy. I canโt eat, all I can drink is water and apple juice, wtf. Anywho, Iโm going back to bed now. ๐คง๐ง
Me at 18: As long as I can get home by 3am, Iโll be fine
Me now: Sorry, I canโt go out. Itโs 7pm, Iโve taken my bra off and Iโve already exfoliated. ๐๐ง
What happened to the good olโ days when someone would flash their lights at me so I wouldnโt get a ticket?? Do the new people not know about this?? ๐๐๐ง