i’ll take “what is moral obligation” for 500, alex
- award-winning game designer
- countercolonial cultural arsonist
- lapsed poet
- a little bit rowdy
this is such an interesting time to be alive. we concreted the internet as our second equal and primary reality but it's full of ghosts now
we try to talk to them and they pass right through
it's a haunted world of dead things who look real but don't really see us
this is a really interesting post+thread that perfectly reflects my lifelong experiences being a woman in gaming spaces
many women chiming in in the comments
/r/GirlGamers is a really interesting and thoughtful subreddit, I really like it
(thread link below)
CEOs were paid, on average, about 21 times as much as a typical worker in 1965
today, they’re compensated over 344 times as much - over 1000% more than they used to be
they take over 1000% more than was formerly normal and acceptable to the average worker
sit with that
i'm vaguely perturbed by it but more interested than bothered
the death of individualised sites had already nailed the coffin shut on the Dream of the internet, so i observe this as merely an advanced stage of rot
i believe we'll make a new, better place. these are death throes
i was vaguetweeting weeks ago about a huge media org that fucked us over bad
gave me exclusive content requests + deadlines, set up meetings then ghosted me & cost us 1000s of dollars
i was going to keep quiet but you know what
@PCGamer
don't treat women like shit challenge
Celebrate 30 years of PC Gamer magazine with us in our latest magazine issue. Look back on three glorious decades of being your trusted source for all things PC gaming.
✨ OUT TODAY ✨
im not saying thisll go away. our psychic dimension is haunted now. we've fragmented bits of ourselves, our humanity, into the digital ether. the shards echo
but the internet has always been a fundamentally supernatural place. we simply opened a new gate. we'll learn to live new
i can't tell you how many times me being my friendly&playful self has resulted in a sense of entitlement
people catching feelings is not a big deal, it happens
it's the anger & lashing out that follows, the diminishing of worth when sex is off the table, that is a huge problem
currently living two lives:
one paralysed in abject horror at the atrocities going on
one functioning somewhat as normal as i keep needing to work, parent, maintain my mental health to keep doing those things
but the horror. our language doesn’t have words. this is void.
seeing women as objects of sexual potentiality & objects of conquest by default is a failing of our society
again, aint nothing wrong with burgeoning romance - i met my husband playing games - but retaliation against rejection being tolerated&normalised is fucked
& happens alot
real talk:
some of the literal worst game devs i've ever met are employed as at specialist universities teaching games
they have no business doing that and institutions have no business charging students upwards of $40k per year for the instruction
please be careful out there
david helgason,
@unity
founder and member of the board:
"We, a platform service provider, failed to account to account for corner cases that would literally BANKRUPT OUR CLIENTS."
i've literally never seen something so wildly incompetent and unprofessional on such a grand scale
if you're interested in interactive explorations of the internet as a supernatural and horror space, i'm making a whole ass game where you can do just that -
@darkwebSTREAMER
check it out 🙏
"bros before hoes" is a really gross phrase in context of this (and is a common quote in gaming circles)
feeling like it's okay to eject someone who rejected your sexual advances from a friendship circle -- and okay to ask others to eject them -- is egomaniacal
people don't owe you shit. it's not a "betrayal" for someone to reject your advances. they didn't owe you anything. they didn't break rules.
acting like it's a betrayal for others to continue to engage with them is sexually entitled behaviour and it SUCKS
while im here, it also sucks when someone's partner takes issue with you existing in a friendship circle by virtue of your gender
& happens a lot in gaming communities
"my partner isn't comfortable with us being friends" is pretty red-flaggy, despite how common it is in society
daily reminder that piracy opens access to life-changing media for those who wouldnt otherwise have the means to access it
piracy is anti-capitalist & primarily an egalitarian mode of distribution, no matter how much creators & industrialists hand-wring about it
defend piracy🏴☠️
this tracks
really good players tended to be secure & comfortable and chill
the most reeeee boys/men tended to be low-middle of the pack, or hypercompetitive wannabe pros who couldn't crack the top
"e-girls" came out of "girls being friends with boys who weren't misogynists"
this is a really excellent and compassionate analysis of how men in particular can come to problematic interactions and dynamics with women who enter into their circles
gaming together can be particularly intimate & those rare connections can be established more easily+quickly
steam generated 6.6 BILLION DOLLARS in gross revenue in 2021
they can spend 5 billion dollars & have a billy & a half left over for the year
they still take 30% of sales from tiny devs barely making rent
keep defending them though as benevolent pillars of the games community
1/ i just wanna quietly say that i spent a year designing generative text systems specifically to make organic NPC dialogue
i also refused a massive amount of investors+VC who tried to buy/invest in the tech
partly because i was afraid of what companies might do with it
me, the perpetually confused bi girl, being like, "well you may as well lock up all the humans then cuz apparently NO ONE IS SAFE"
your gender should not have a default element of threat level & if you or your partner perceive gender as threat you've got some issues to work on
i'm a bit tired of talking about my experiences being a woman in games lately because, people, i do way fucking cooler things. WAY cooler.
but let me share a message sent to my game's email (listed on our biz card) from the show last weekend
/1
nah most gamers are lovely normal human beings who we work very hard for
there is a small but very loud online subset of gamers who have main character syndrome who have convinced themselves that They Are The Many and devs are tired
i LOVED this about the show. the male lead in a combat role isn't some big tough guy, he's just trying to get through - but he's not a "wimp stereotype" either
something i noticed in particular was his voice - frequently high-pitched and/or soft. it was so unusual to my ear.
dont love everything about the Fallout show as a lore snob, but i think its worth mentioning that both leads are great, and that "constantly anxious to the point of visible nausea" isnt a personality type we tend to let young Black guys play, especially as leads
i'll note that there are definitely women who enter groups with the knowledge of this "power" & who wield it intentionally & without regard for fallout
gaming communities can be so toxic BECAUSE they can be intimate spaces for hurting people seeking connection and validation
i think the reason we see so comparatively little innovation in video games these days are that many devs think, "what does a video game look like?" and try to make that
instead of thinking, "what could a video game be?" the way the pioneers did back in the day
a lot of people in these comments claiming a studio/game aint indie if it gets publisher money
i don’t think people understand HOW HARD A DOGFIGHT it is to be a tiny unresourced team & convince a company to part with 100s of thousands of dollars
getting funding is PART of dev
The term ‘indie game’ has become completely meaningless.
I see people claiming games are indie because they have pixel graphics - but they are games published by multi billion dollar legacy studios.
It used to be a badge of honour, now it’s a marketing byline.
@rliumd
@CatDocMD
I would argue sharing is not for Twitter clout but to raise awareness of what the lived experience of domestic abuse is like for some women. The more we share openly the more society is forced to comprehend the scope and reality of the problem.
this ego fragility is fed by our societal narratives & normalised by the regularity of such behaviours & our willingness to defend them
"i was so nice to her"
"bros before hoes"
"she only plays for attention"
"she's just there for your man"
when we participate, we propagate
all of these issues are fundamentally ego-driven.
fear of rejection. need for validation. protection against failure. insulation from competition. etc.
why do i often talk about the problem with games degrees?
why'd i recently pull out of talking on a panel when i found out it was hosted by a university pushing their games courses?
because i DO NOT BELIEVE in going $40k+ into debt to work in a field that DOES NOT REQUIRE THEM
@AChillGhost
my god i hope so
also, "dispensed with a prepared text on the grounds that it was boring"
i am using this as a form email response whenever someone sends me bureaucracy now
@pcgamer
these orgs have so much power over us
when they toss us around, cost us money, make commitments they don't keep, lift us up just to break our hearts
we usually don't say anything because we don't want to feel their wrath in future
it's an abusive relationship & i'm tired of it
Remote work risks wiping $800 billion from the value of office buildings in major cities worldwide by 2030 as the post-pandemic trend pushes up office vacancy rates and drives down rents, according to a new report
@pcgamer
ive heard dozens of similar experiences from indies
& we dont say anything because we dont wanna be "the problem child"
we don't want other orgs to be afraid to touch us because we spoke up about being mistreated
this is our livelihoods, we work years, we rely on their support
@pcgamer
i am not going to protect whoever is running this shit.
i mean, if you miss ROBERTA WILLIAMS in a historical roundup of influence you are not qualified to be calling shit in this industry
sorry, that's the facts
@rliumd
@CatDocMD
Keeping mortifying stories "behind closed doors" has been so much the problem in our society for so long. It protects the victimizers more than the victims in most cases (with glaring exceptions, of course).
(cw) this is a huge fucking issue. huge
online moderation services across the internet, both in games & social media/community spaces, normalise and permit the absolutely vile abuse of women on bigoted grounds
it's not normal or "banter" to make rape or death threats. do better
i’ve soent over a decade closely studying human cultures across geography and time
this girl is right, we were NOT meant to live this way
this is not freedom or abundance or security
this is insanity and destitution and constant threat
9-5 is spiritual murder
@pcgamer
so yeah, i was gonna be quiet and eat shit
but then i saw this org talk about being the trusted voice
and going over thirty fucking years of game history
AND NOT ONE WOMAN LISTED IN INFLUENTIAL VOICES???
remember the brief moment in time not long ago where industry was desperate for employees & bargaining conditions were insanely good for workers?
remember how FAST they clapped back, how quickly mass layoffs were organised across the most powerful companies?
not an accident 🙃
@pcgamer
but i swore to myself when i was very young i would never let anyone have any power over me
no matter who they were, what influence they had, what they could give me
i'd never let someone treat me badly and eat shit
it's been hard in this industry to retain that
but i will.
yall still out here ready to defend steam to the death over its goodwill&right to monetise whatever it wants however much it wants
or are we ready to have the conversation that its fundamentally an exploitative company that doesnt give a fuck about the industry that sustains it?
to be aware of the situation and to still stay silent is to be complicit.
i reiterate - today's culture of video games and much of the money tied up in industry are inextricably entwined with the military-industrial complex
as such we have a duty to speak up for the dying
now since i may or may not be trading our game's media livelihood for this thread
it would be badass if you would go support our game
@darkwebSTREAMER
grassroots-style by
- following us on twitter
- sharing with your friends + favourite influencers
- joining our discord 🙏
@EmilyVanDuyne
@clhubes
i feel like it's worth saying that my mum never played with me. she did so many lovely things for me. but she never played with me & i always remember it. that deep disappointment
i play with my kid a lot now. i rarely want to. but i always remember that feeling and so i say yes
The games industry has built much of its fortune on the glorification and normalisation of war.
We have a duty to speak up.
Those who would prevent it are not just complacent. They are complicit.
@pcgamer
so yeah, as a woman who just got wrecked by PC Gamer to the tune of losing out on $1000s + mental health
chasing their dumbass deadlines, getting ghosted after they invited us to the biggest thing we've ever been invited to (PC Gamer Show Top 25 Most Wanted Games showcase?!)
@pcgamer
i have the privilege of not being owned by anyone, not being beholden to anyone
theres no publisher here who can tell me to shut up (& maybe i should be afraid of them becoming afraid of us but fuck it, our game is gonna wreck shit with or without em & i believe that to my core)
update on the situation:
PCGamer reached out & we had a long convo. i heard & empathised with their reasons while remaining concerned about process
we had a long talk about duty of care. i have hope this won't happen again.
@darkwebSTREAMER
will be in the upcoming showcase 🙏
i was vaguetweeting weeks ago about a huge media org that fucked us over bad
gave me exclusive content requests + deadlines, set up meetings then ghosted me & cost us 1000s of dollars
i was going to keep quiet but you know what
@PCGamer
don't treat women like shit challenge
this was a panel on "being a woman in games", by the way
i cannot explain to you the layers of irony
it is wild that every time i give a panel on what it's like to be a woman in games I COME AWAY WITH A BRAND NEW ANECDOTE. EVERY TIME. FREEBIES
we don’t have to be the way everyone else is
we don’t have to run our businesses the way everyone else does
we can be the example, we can be the change. we can lead.
(found on facebook, uncredited)
@pcgamer
so yeah, i wasn't going to say anything because i didn't want to hurt my team
i didn't wanna not have a PC Gamer article on darkwebSTREAMER
i didnt want other orgs to be afraid
but you know what
@pcgamer
as a woman trying to change the industry, influence the industry
as a woman who is exquisitely aware of all the hard work & suffering & labour of women who came before me in this industry
as a woman aware of all the shit-eating we've had to do
fuck it, i'm not protecting this
really didn't think i'd see a full Nazi-scale holocaust in my lifetime... but here we are
i studied Nazi Germany and the Holocaust for over six straight years. this is it, folks.
who will you be in history? did you turn a blind eye?
we're afraid of them?
fuck it.
be afraid of us.
it's not hard to be decent. it's not hard to be kind. if you're in the position to promise an indie the world, you best be prepared to back that shit up. anything else is straight cruel.
i want to clarify:
we DID NOT pay PC Gamer any money. they explicitly told us we were invited, it was curated, we didn't need to spend money
but i had to grapple with trailer rush fees & foregoing the merch we were going to sell at PAX and SXSW as Indie Showcase Award winners
something interesting happens when you begin to succeed a lot
a lot of people in your life stop celebrating victories with you
the first couple, people tend to get really excited. but when it happens too much, people start to brush it off, leaving you feeling quite isolated
1/
🌹 roberta williams
🌹 jane jensen
🌹 lori ann cole
the sierra 3 who truly made me fall in love with video games.
who showed me what kind of stories games could tell, how they could make you feel, how they could expand your understanding of the world and the people in it
♥️
i cannot express to you how creepy feeling it is to realise that someone you briefly spoke to at your game booth
is sitting in your audience while you're giving a panel
and thinks you're exchanging meaningful looks between each other during
this is how people get murdered
@wdavis81x
some millionaire dude i went to an event dinner with once looked me in the eyes and asked if i'd considered letting men into the Women Leaders In Games network
then later came up & started talking about how men could provide "fresh perspectives"
i literally laughed in his face
in the first pitch meeting i walked into - with a large public company interested in acquiring mine - i was talking about the possibilities for emergent narrative & gameplay with the tech
they started talking about how many of their writers the tech could replace
i'm a writer.
@OnFireSemmler
Oh hey, forensic anthropologist here - you really need to study up on your science! "Male bodies" and "female bodies" are largely a myth
There are common features, sure. But even looking at bones it's impossible to tell m/f with certainty
Don't justify your bigotry with science
i was horrified. i had never considered that as a possible use case beyond "boy this helps me, a lone writer, get a lot more done!"
but not REPLACING people. it was about pursuing higher-level writing applications instead of getting stuck wasting time on "content padding".
the dangerous part happens when people think there is a relationship that isn't there, when there is intimacy that isn't there, when there is some sort of formal connection that isn't there
people begin feeling entitled to that (fictional) connection
lonely people can get angry
at the end of the day, i hope my talking about this publicly makes organisations reflect on their interactions with small teams like ours
and prevents this kind of thing happening to someone else
not at all of us will take being treated like trash lightly and you never know who
when i was a little girl i loved games but i wanted the games to LOVE ME. i wanted the characters i interacted with to learn who i was, what i cared about, acknowledge it the way a friend would.
(it's why i got into games & procgen & emergent narrative - to manifest that future)
are you guys really attempting to flee the sinking ship by jumping onto one captained by ZUCKERBERG?
can we like, move forwards, not backwards, for once?
anyway you won’t see me over there
i just had a conversation about event safety and the times i feel most vulnerable at events.
people often ask what they can do to help women and other targeted groups be safe at events
there's something you can do that almost no one ever does - let's change that
1/
so, enough time has passed now for me to talk about why i decided to leave Blizzard. a mixed year with great teammates, but a management that mistreated, lied to me, gaslit me, gave me a fake promotion, and HR that refused to help.
buckle up friendos. 💪
i've talked about this a bunch lately
it can be legitimately frightening to put job ads out there when you're from a country whose exchange rate or relative COL makes your pay offers look significantly below average in USD
please remember this is a global industry <3
Thread incoming about how we as a community need to do better 🧵
Recently, we listed a job posting on our website from a company that was offering a rate of $5.20/hr.
Our community members alerted us to this and we reached out to the company to verify.
After a conversation...
be me
be with your husband for 18 years
have a child with him
be sitting there minding your own business when your visiting stepfather says, “be honest, you just got with <husband> because he was famous right”
what the actual fuck 🙃😂
so the idea that someone i didn't even know was in the audience was making up a story of how we were 'connecting' across the room as i spoke on the panel is, frankly, a lil bit terrifying :)
i know they might even be reading this tweet right now
they're in my city so uh, scary?