Stew @stewnotstu Twitter profile

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

I want to arrive everywhere like Celine Dion.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

1 year

I’m obsessed with the sassiness of the Spanish army. The guy leading the second group is living his best life!

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Stew

@stewnotstu

6 years

Some rude bloke who practically shoved me out of the way to get a seat on the tube has just tripped up the stairs at Vauxhall stn, dropping his phone and shattering the screen! I couldn’t be happier. Have a good day folks 😁

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 months

My lovely, brave, gorgeous, hardworking mate Lesley lost her fight against cancer this weekend. I worked closely with her during the pandemic, and we formed a really close bond. She always had me howling with laughter until I had tears in my eyes. I’ll miss her terribly. 😢 xxx

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

I’m staying at my mum’s place for a week. We’ve just nipped out for an hour and she’s left the TV on for the dogs. If you have a dog, would you/do you do the same thing?

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

Me surrounded by happy couples at midnight tomorrow.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

When you asked for Malbec and they give you the house red Merlot.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

2 years

I was trying to be cute but somehow ended up just looking really angry 😂

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Stew

@stewnotstu

8 months

Finished #TheReckoning last night. Steve Coogan is phenomenal as Savile. I also feel that Siobhan Finneran needs to get the recognition that she fully deserves. She never fails to deliver.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

6 years

Me: I hate workplace gossip. Also me:

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

Beard and body getting thicker by the day! 🐻

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Stew

@stewnotstu

10 months

My neighbours opposite are moving. They’ve just collard me outside to remind me to pull down the blind when I use my bathroom, because even though it’s frosted glass, they’ve been able to see EVERYTHING for the last 3 yrs and had a good giggle about it 😳

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Stew

@stewnotstu

6 years

9/11 is one of those monumental moments in life where everyone knows where they were at the time. I was full of a cold and lying under a duvet on my sofa. The news broke and I was instantly glued to the tv, unable to comprehend what I was seeing. I still can't.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

Just got off the phone to my dad. My cousin Karen sadly lost her fight against cancer this evening. She was 46 years old. I know we all take it for granted but life really is precious and we should cherish our loved ones. Cancer is a cunt! I feel so sad 😢

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Stew

@stewnotstu

2 years

Arriving back in my home town to explain why I’m still not married to people I only see once a year. Such fun. 🎅🏼🎄

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Stew

@stewnotstu

6 years

My younger brother came out to everybody via Facebook yesterday. In my day you just stood in front of your parents and 💩 yourself! Ha. Anyway, the tidal wave of love and support he’s received from his friends and our extended family has restored my faith in humanity ☺️

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

The TV was on in the background and in the middle of sex I answered a question on The Weakest Link . My bf at the time was so offended that he didn’t speak to me for about 2 days 🤣

ᴶᵃʸ 🕊

@ThatBoiiJayy__

5 years

Sco pa tu manaa

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Stew

@stewnotstu

6 years

@joedeal_ The realisation on her face kills me every time 😂

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

Huge thanks to everyone who took the time to like my post and message me with such kind and supportive words. I really wasn't expecting that reaction at all 😘🤗

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Julie Goodyear. 🎄🎅🏼🎁

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

I’m thinking about joining the church 😏

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Stew

@stewnotstu

6 years

It’s #WorldBeardDay so get a load of my big ginger one! 😉

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Stew

@stewnotstu

1 year

I was in a restaurant at the weekend and the waitress mentioned that another table had asked her if I was Wayne Rooney. I mean if your eyesight wasn’t the best and you were sat at the other side of a busy room, then maybe. 😂

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Stew

@stewnotstu

2 years

Oh Adam 😍

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

True story.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

I just asked my taxi driver what he does for a living. He told me that he’s a taxi driver. I’m clearly not made for drunken small talk.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

When he wants to cuddle afterwards.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

1 year

Victoria Wood would have been 70 today. Clive James said of Wood: “As a TV dramatist alone, she is on a par with Alan Bennett, while as a creator of comedy programmes she changed the field for women and indeed for everybody” ❤️

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

Did I ever tell you about the time I was involved in a short film about Steroid addiction but the promotional stills made it look like I’d taken part in a Triga porno?

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 months

I’m 45 and I just swore in front of my dad and he shouted at me like I was 12. “STEWART! It’s not like you to swear and I don’t like hearing it” 😬 He doesn’t know the fucking half of it.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

Rain for two weeks! I feel lucky (and thankful) to have parents that live in sunnier climes. I’ll be right here again in a matter of days and I can’t friggin wait! ✈️ 🇬🇷 😁

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Stew

@stewnotstu

8 months

That was beautiful. 🥰 #Strictly

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

Apparently it’s National Kiss a Ginger Day. So, if you see me out and about today, feel free to plant one on me 👨🏻‍🦰😘 No tongues!

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

I’m off to my mates 50th birthday party tonight. I’ve promised myself I’m not drinking much and I’ll get an earlyish night. Me at 2am.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

I’ve just had an instant message from a colleague at work saying “it’s lovely to have you back, Stew” So I/autocorrect replied with “Thank you, it’s lovely to bareback too” 😳

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

So I started a new job today. Colleague: So how old are you Stew? Me: I’m 41 Colleague: Are you married or have a girlfriend? Me:

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

Have you noticed that whenever you’re really annoyed about something, you always catch your clothes on a door handle on the way out of a room? Morning 😁

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

Agreed.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

I’m dying to have an argument with someone, just so I can walk off like Bet. 🤣

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Stew

@stewnotstu

2 years

Glanced outside earlier and noticed my car had been tampered with. I was fuming at first but then I had to laugh. Even my car is getting more 🍆 than me. 😂

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

Just had an electrician round to check out an issue with the fuse box. I don’t remember a single word of what he said the problem was, but he did have big arms and a great beard, so that’s helpful.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

Girls think childbirth is painful. Try catching your willy with the clippers whilst tidying up your ginger garden! OUCH! 😳

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Stew

@stewnotstu

7 years

I was chatting to the girl scanning my stuff in the supermarket. I yawned and she said “Oh its knackering isn't it, just being alive!" 😂

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Stew

@stewnotstu

6 years

1am: Too hot 2am: Start to drift off 3am: Need a pee 4am: BIRDS! 5am: Pollen attack 6am: Alarm Good Morning 😁

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

I’ve decided that I want Andrew Scott to be my boyfriend in 2020. Can somebody make all the necessary arrangements? Thanks. 😍

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

Never gets old, no matter how many times I hear it. #🐱

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

A handsome joiner has just arrived at my new place to plane some doors. He’s just mentioned his girlfriend. How can he be so hurtful?

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Stew

@stewnotstu

3 years

This is the 41st bit of me that’s been hacked out since 2016. Take my advice kids, avoid sunbeds and always wear your sunscreen!

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

I do my mates a favour by going to their place to look after their dog and this is the kind of filth they leave pinned to the door for me! What sort of boy do they think I am? 🤷🏼‍♂️

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

When your boss asks if you’ve completed any of the work that she needed you to do over the weekend 😬

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Stew

@stewnotstu

3 months

20 years ago I would have been on my way out at this time on a Saturday night. Now I’m sat here reading the Wikipedia pages of the actors from Falcon Crest.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

6 years

When you call your bank and the 6th person you’ve spoken to asks if you’re the account holder!!

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Stew

@stewnotstu

1 year

@FatGayFriend I was just highlighting the campness of it all.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

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Stew

@stewnotstu

3 years

After gaining 2.5 stone during lockdown, I’ve finally sorted out my outfit for being seen in public next week.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more important environmental message.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

9 months

I start my new job today. I’ve just got ready and splashed coffee all over my freshly ironed white shirt, so that’s brilliant. Wish me luck! 😁

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

I’ve just walked the wrong way around IKEA. I’ve never felt so hated in my life.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

A full 15 years since I was a cheeseburger in Shameless. Where does the time go? 🤷🏼‍♂️

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Stew

@stewnotstu

2 years

Anyone else go and sit in a toilet cubicle at work just to compose yourself and stop yourself from turning your desk over and walking? 😤

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Stew

@stewnotstu

11 months

Having to sit and listen to a Teams meeting that definitely could have been an email.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

8 years

When you open the Facebook app and see photo's from the camera roll across the top of your page and your heart stops for a second 😳

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

Are you allergic to anything weird? I’m massively allergic to latex and I discovered this the hard way! 🤣

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Stew

@stewnotstu

3 years

Just been reminded by my Spanish ex about the time we went into Holland and Barrett and he announced to the assistant that I had a problem with my foreskin. I didn’t. He actually meant my forehead. 🤣 Happy times.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

6 years

Work’s Christmas party later. I MUST remember not to get too smashed and tell Sandra she’s a lazy bitch, Barbara that I’ve carried her for the last 4 years and David’s ginger jokes are mind numbing. *Names changed to protect the innocent*

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

I’m standing at my open window lapping up the cold air and rain like I’ve just crawled across the Sahara. We’ve had like two hot days. Get a grip Stewart!

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Stew

@stewnotstu

6 years

He’s drawn me like one of his French girls 😍

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

I’d never even heard of the word ‘furlough’ until this week. 🤷🏼‍♂️

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

Just had dinner with my dad and his new gf. She spent the whole meal cutting up his food, laughing really loudly, talking over me and calling me by my brothers name. She won’t be lasting long.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

3 years

Lying in bed and listening to the stormy weather outside is ace. Goodnight. 😴

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

My mum lives abroad and when she leaves the UK and gets back home, the reunion with her pups is the cutest thing 😍

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

If you need any pointers on matching your mask with your outfit, just ask Dame Shirley 😍

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

I can’t stop laughing at this ridiculousness 🤣

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Stew

@stewnotstu

3 years

Have you ever met someone who likes to tell you how much they pay for all their stuff and EVERYTHING that they buy is incredibly expensive! It’s exhausting 🙄😴

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

My first full day back in Manchester. Let’s do this. 😁

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Stew

@stewnotstu

6 months

I was dog sitting last night. I’d forgotten how much of a comfort it is hearing the sound of paws clattering down the hallway when they’re coming to investigate what’s going on 🐶🥰

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Stew

@stewnotstu

3 years

Good Morning everyone :) I’m 9lbs down so I can finally fasten my favourite jacket without it nearly suffocating me. Yay! Have a great week 😁

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

I’m definitely an . .

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Stew

@stewnotstu

6 years

London. I’ve loved you and loathed you in equal measure. I’ve met friends for life and had a truly unforgettable time. However, all good things must come to an end. Notice handed in. I’ll be gone by the end of December. Manchester, I’m coming home ❤️

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 months

The heating has packed in at work, so this old thing is keeping me alive this morning. 🥶

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Stew

@stewnotstu

2 years

Have you ever looked at someone that you were once totally smitten with and thought WTF was I thinking? It’s literally just happened to me. Weird feeling.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

I’m treating myself to a beard trim and this cutie keeps staring at me 😍

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

I only ever drink Lemon Fanta when I’m on holiday. It’s the only thing that seems to quench my thirst. I never touch it at home. I know, fascinating, right? 😆

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Stew

@stewnotstu

6 years

I used to tell my mum she was boring for staying in on Sunday nights and watching Heartbeat. 25 yrs later I’m sat here watching Call The Midwife and you couldn’t pay me to go out!

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Stew

@stewnotstu

6 years

I was off work yesterday. 😷 I think I spent about £60 entering daytime telly competitions out of sheer boredom. If Alison Hammond isn’t knocking on my door with an over sized cheque next week, I’m going to be fuming!

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

Got up early to go to the new flat and wait for the carpet fitter. I made myself look extra pretty just in case he was ‘the one’ and he’s just called to say he’ll be here at 2pm. Men! 🤷🏼‍♂️

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Stew

@stewnotstu

6 years

I just watched Gods Own Country. I’m on my own. Im slightly hungover. Im crying my eyes out. What a beautiful little story.

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Stew

@stewnotstu

5 years

I noticed my debit card was missing last night and some absolute c**t has helped him/herself to nearly £200 worth of shopping at various stores around Piccadilly. I’m getting it refunded but it boils my piss that some scumbag went on a shopping spree with my card 🤬

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Stew

@stewnotstu

3 years

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Stew

@stewnotstu

4 years

For someone who doesn’t usually have any trouble opening his legs, I must say, I’m finding it hard to peel them apart in this muggy heat. 🥵

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