Nix 🕊 @startingfromnix Twitter profile

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

2 months

Wrote about practice and repetition

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

2 years

alpha overheard in a Trader Joe’s: “bro? what’s the point of making 6 figures if you don’t buy your gf flowers from time to time?”

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@startingfromnix

1 year

Do u ever just hear someone speak and you're just like: you're so smart??? how did you become like this? Eloquence is a measure of how well someone can connect their ideas. It's very telling when people are exceptional because they also communicate their thinking patterns well

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@startingfromnix

1 year

“people can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves” is one of the most transformational ideas — everything is a mirror

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@startingfromnix

1 year

what I find really fascinating about long term friendships and relationships is that you actually see multiple mutations/versions of people across time - phases, curiosities, experimentation. Witnessing evolutions feels like depth

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@startingfromnix

1 year

Something I've realized is it's essential to intentionally consume high quality content - philosophy, art, music, film, literature. A corporate job can really dim the quality of your creative pursuits, which is why people say they become more "boring" over time

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@startingfromnix

1 year

I like the idea of "don't save the candles" meaning: don't hold up your present joy, hoarding it for an unspecified future day/time when you feel ready. burn the candles, spend time with the people you love, dance more. joy is abundant, but time is limited to feel it

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@startingfromnix

1 year

kinda wild how you can make one decision and it can be years before you understand how meaningfully that altered the trajectory of your life

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

1 year

I think you can clearly tell how much someone loves/cares for you by the types of pictures they take of you. It’s not just beautiful posed ones, but when you’re doing the smallest things like eating or napping or staring out the window

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@startingfromnix

3 months

“any love I made you feel is yours to keep”

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@startingfromnix

1 year

You could theoretically change your life at any moment. Move here, date that person, work on that startup, write that blog, dye your hair, adopt a dog. Should I stay, should I go? I don’t know if this agency is freedom or burden. Perhaps all the best things are both.

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@startingfromnix

1 year

was talking to my best friend recently about how the way we take photos has changed — from focusing on aesthetics or the most shareable, to capturing the mundane, daily, sweet moments, especially that of family. Instagram era is out, photobook era is in.

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

2 years

women will really shoot their shot by making eye contact for 0.1 seconds and call it a day

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@startingfromnix

4 months

@kytalli Reminds me of that tweet that went like “whatever love I made you feel is yours to keep” - some moments are sealed into the past in beautiful ways!

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

1 year

Everything boils down to delightful and positive communication of thought — work: documentation, love: communication of attraction, value

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

1 year

saw this creator talking about 'slow burn' vs 'fast friendships' and it intuitively made so much sense to me:

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@startingfromnix

1 year

one of my female work mentors told me this: Stop trying to be nice all the time - it only eats into you and makes you resentful. Instead, tell the truth with clarity. You think that being nice is earning you respect/favors, but standing up for yourself will earn you more

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@startingfromnix

1 year

some lessons I learned in 2022: - The body is fragile, learn to treat it properly and care for it well. We are not immortal. - Connection is rarer than you think. You can like many people and not be able to connect deeply - Maintenance of relationships are *hard* in adulthood

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@startingfromnix

1 year

whenever I see a very close adult friendship group w 5+ people i'm always shocked because friendships are so hard to maintain, much less groups. almost all my friends are individual now

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@startingfromnix

1 year

everyone talks about imposter syndrome but no one talks about 'boring syndrome' where you feel like other people may live more vivid, varied, richer lives than you

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@startingfromnix

1 year

old friendships have such a purity to them — they just love you for your core essence or being rather than all your accomplishments or job title or money or power

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@startingfromnix

1 year

I'm writing a new essay on how the emotional quality of the past (nostalgia) and the future (yearning) affects the way we perceive time and how quickly it moves

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@startingfromnix

1 year

Saw this girl on a video discussing how she realized a bad friend is one “who studies you and uses your personality as self enrichment/enlargement rather than genuine two-way friendship”

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@startingfromnix

1 year

Sometimes you have to sacrifice being understood for being authentic. And that's the beginning of all wisdom

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@startingfromnix

1 year

“and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?” - Bukowski

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@startingfromnix

1 year

Read somewhere that heartbreak is most painful because of 'losing a shared language' with someone: inside jokes, secret meanings, and unique expressions that completely vanish. So many things to say and no one to say it to. Thought that was so accurate and apt I had to share it

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@startingfromnix

1 year

All the smartest people I know set very intentional boundaries. I personally adapted some examples online to create some template answers for graceful/kind/healthy boundary setting (physical, time, mental, spiritual)

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@startingfromnix

1 year

I think something I’m increasingly learning in my 20s is that individual friendships are so much more nourishing and intensely peaceful than trying to fit into big groups — feel so at home when it’s 1:1

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@startingfromnix

1 year

I don't think it's something that just *happens* to the brain as we age. It's a slow degradation of creative input which would make anyone start to think in rote ways

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@startingfromnix

1 year

paradoxically, before you can fully enter a new relationship (platonic/romantic) with the right amount of openness, it's essential to learn how to be alone

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@startingfromnix

5 months

always shocks me how potent small windows of opportunity are - e.g., if I didn’t go to that party I never would’ve met you, or if I didn’t put my effort into Y it wouldn’t have materialized at the right timing

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@startingfromnix

1 year

Someone told me recently that their mind is stuck at a certain age and time — like they still internally feel like their 18 year old self when they’re like 28. Does that feeling ever go away? don't think anyone I've ever met thinks they are mentally and physically the same age

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

11 months

On maintenance

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

1 year

sometimes you just meet someone with a particularly beautiful way of thinking and you just *know* they are destined for greatness in whatever space they carve out for themselves

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@startingfromnix

1 year

every deep relationship you have with anyone else is actually just a portal into the relationship you have with yourself:

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@startingfromnix

1 year

being in your 20s is just vacillating between thinking "why do I work so hard" and "I'm not working hard enough" 24/7

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@startingfromnix

1 year

ugh I wish we could have nyc's thriving/open/exhilirating social scene combined with sf's proximity to nature/wonderful views/weather + startup energy. Would be the ultimate city

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

10 months

I keep reminding myself over and over that you can’t afford to be lethargic about your life bc time just slips by unannounced. Terrifying.

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

1 year

so many people trying to fit everything in their life (work! love! fitness! spirituality!) start to feel deeply ambivalent because it soon becomes apparent how much effort it takes to integrate and how little time we actually have

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

1 year

the best advice for finding the right people: Don’t surround yourself with “smarter” people. The trick is to surround yourself with people who are free in ways you’re not. (Ribbonfarm)

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

2 years

my investment banking and consulting friends complain they work too much and can’t find meaning, my software engineering friends complain they work too little and can’t find meaning

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

1 year

But sometimes people w a lot of history get accustomed to a specific version of another person and find it hard to continue to evolve to support the person's current self e.g., you think someone's most distinctive quality is X and you can't let it go even when they change to Y

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@startingfromnix

1 year

I used to think heaviness (eg really deep thinking/existentialism/intellectualizing everything) was the only way to mark the self as 'valuable' or interesting but now I think lightness, play, silliness, willingness to experiment is a much more powerful mindset

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@startingfromnix

1 year

Part of deciphering who you are is to pay attention to what moves you. What causes you to pause, your emotional register to change and expand/become more tender. Emotional resonance is hard to fake and hard to inherit from other people actually

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@startingfromnix

1 year

I think the hardest thing to do is to maintain something at the level at which you reach it from sheer effort (e.g, fitness, vocab, relationships, skill). Preventing decay is much more difficult than simply attaining the thing in the first place

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@startingfromnix

1 year

There’s this beautiful Alan Watts quote, “Belief clings, faith lets go”. I sometimes wonder when the days shifted from holding on so tight to finally letting go

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@startingfromnix

2 years

being overdressed in sf and underdressed in ny in the same outfit

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@startingfromnix

1 year

Thinking about when Jung said: "the world will ask you who you are, and if you don't know, the world will tell you." & when Audrey Lorde wrote "If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive."

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@startingfromnix

1 year

I think about this paragraph by @raynefq all the time

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

10 months

On shaping your own taste

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

1 year

My friend and I came to the same realization that if you're really empathetic/a good listener, it is such a double edged sword. People trust you more and you have really deep relationships, but some people treat you like a free therapist

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@startingfromnix

4 months

“Life punishes the vague wish and rewards the specific ask”

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@startingfromnix

1 year

I’ve been thinking about how the spectrum for *what intimacy is* looks different for every person. I call it "the intimacy threshold":

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@startingfromnix

1 year

new essay on feeling behind, coming out soon

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@startingfromnix

1 year

It’s hard to outcompete people who truly enjoy what they do. There’s such fluidity, momentum, energy behind it, it propels them much further than someone pursuing things halfheartedly

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@startingfromnix

3 months

If you’ve felt it once you’ll feel it again.

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@startingfromnix

5 months

genuinely think that for a young person to reach or unlock their full potential there needs to be 1-2 people who really *believe* in them or try to train them after seeing a spark of unpolished brilliance. no man is an island

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

1 year

I think the maturity of a friendship is interesting - it's incredibly non linear. One year you could feel so close and the next very distant. But it's about the longevity and the depth of a friendship that ends up counting the most

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

1 year

my take is that sometimes slow burn friendships feel less 'tangible or real' because you aren't in their proximity, but they can sometimes be very strong and lasting bonds vs fast friendships which sometimes form simply out of circumstance

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@startingfromnix

1 year

When we’re young we’re seduced by volatility, novelty. when we grow older we’re increasingly drawn to reliability, the textures of ordinary life, finding beauty in familiarity. The world gets smaller, but in a way we still see more

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Nix 🕊

@startingfromnix

11 months

the more people I meet the more I realize that compatibility and connection is very rare — like you could even meet a friend of a friend (already vetted to have similar interests) and simply not vibe, it’s very individual and specific

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@startingfromnix

2 years

funny how as an adult after shedding hobbies for work and relationships etc due to time constraints, we start to slowly transition back into doing things we loved when we were children

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@startingfromnix

1 year

saw this girl on Tiktok say she doesn’t tolerate 2 things in friends: 1. People who always have FOMO even when they’re hanging out with you (constantly refreshing Instagram) 2. People who lack identity (and copy other people to try to gain it)

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@startingfromnix

1 year

weirdest thing about the gym is that you can see the exact 5 people every day for a year and know precisely nothing about them

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@startingfromnix

1 year

slow burn: maybe more infrequent meetups over longer timeframes (years vs months) fast friendships: intensely close friendships that form very speedily

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@startingfromnix

5 months

when u spend time with exceptional people sometimes it feels like they're rearranging the neurons in your head lol

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@startingfromnix

10 months

green flag: if they actively cultivate your curiosity - if they listen intently to your ideas and help you build on them, like adding layers onto a scaffolding, filling in the gaps. if they like spending time in your brain they will anticipate what captivates you

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@startingfromnix

1 year

When someone is quietly confident, when they have a concise sense of their own identity — they don’t need to speak loudly about their successes or wealth or intensity. I know who I am. I know what I need. I know what I want. That internal tranquility is so rare. It's magnetic.

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@startingfromnix

1 year

if you're trying to figure out how you feel about someone, it's very wise to figure out how your nervous system feels activated around them (calm? anxious? uneasy?) it's actually very telling once you articulate what it feels like

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@startingfromnix

1 year

if you want intimacy it requires vulnerability. if you want growth it requires accountability. If you want sociability it requires going out on a limb. Anything good requires effort and a little discomfort. If you can't stomach difficulty then you don't *really* want it

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@startingfromnix

1 year

I have a lot of slow burn friendships that run very deepnand are immensely meaningful. Fast friendships are great sometimes as well for the record, but I think there's almost no test of distance/time to prove whether you are actually close or just friends out of convenience

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@startingfromnix

1 year

Thinking about how we have different versions of ourselves for each occasion and even each person. the 'child' self around parents, the 'outgoing' or 'shy' friend, or the more 'dressy' or 'casual' friend. It's all so relative and can change at any moment

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@startingfromnix

1 year

When newer friends/relationships have fewer biases, less history to evaluate, less context. So they're more willing to reflect back a current belief of yours rather than reinforce some older beliefs

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@startingfromnix

1 year

I’ve been living in SF for close to 2 years now This year one of my goals was to visit all the city parks and do as many walks as possible 🏞 Ongoing thread of my favorite walks in sf (some are soo underrated) 📷 All photos taken by me 🌳 Alta Plaza Park: panoramic views!

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@startingfromnix

1 year

“Faith and fear both require you to believe in something that hasn’t happened yet”

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@startingfromnix

1 year

A picture is just capturing what they notice and pay attention to. And it’s never just an “objective” outward beauty but the smallest actions that make you, you

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@startingfromnix

1 year

Adult friendships are hard because everyone has their own priorities, timeline, pace. Everyone's stage of life can be so different even if we're all at the same age. We feel too young or too old. Too fast or too slow. Stifled or outgrown. Living your own pace is a challenge.

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@startingfromnix

1 year

sometimes all u need is a solid 2 hour walk and you feel 30x better

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@startingfromnix

1 year

In a world that is increasingly accelerating — social media eyeballs and immediate gratification and a pressure to live a full, intense, rapid life — I think slowing down might be the greatest antidote and greatest rebellion

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@startingfromnix

1 year

do you think you can tell on first meeting someone that they're going to be important to you/special to you? I've had that feeling a few times on a first impression and wondering if that's normal practice or rare

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@startingfromnix

1 year

That’s also why anyone who comments on your ambitions in a negative light is quite limited in their own thinking — they’ve set a ceiling for themselves too, not just you

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@startingfromnix

1 year

Which was a very refreshing lens for me. With old friendships we seek to renew understanding, updating old models. With new friendships we seek to contextualize the past, weave it into the 'blank slate'

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@startingfromnix

1 year

No value judgment - old friends and new friends alike are precious. Just ruminating on how the levels of understanding vary, how relationships are built from different 'layers' of mental models + context-bits of personality, enough to form a whole person

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@startingfromnix

1 year

after I got really sick something shifted within me and I no longer felt *fear* to do anything I wanted to do I'm not sure how to articulate this but: the reality of losing my ordinary life made me a lot less afraid of living out my dream one

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@startingfromnix

3 months

to have the type of relationships you want, you have to know how to search well and how to identify what you like when you see it

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@startingfromnix

8 months

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@startingfromnix

1 year

we underestimate often how *hard* it is to meaningfully change even 1% of our behaviors, eg something like food preferences or sleep schedules. A lot of habits run very deep

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@startingfromnix

3 months

"life is not a dress rehearsal" @sama

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@startingfromnix

2 years

the real competitive advantage in life is internal approval. you cannot compete with someone who is secure with who they are, what they want, and what they bring

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@startingfromnix

1 year

The fear of looking stupid is holding you back. Once you own your own embarrassment, you’ll feel a lot more free

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@startingfromnix

1 year

the phrase 'if they wanted to they would' has been circulating around and I disagree in the way it's positioned. the more intuitive explanation for imbalance in relationships of any sort is the 'glass theory':

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@startingfromnix

2 years

actually think true compatibility with people (platonic/romantic) is extremely rare and magical. we were just fooled into thinking it was easy from literature, social media, etc.

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@startingfromnix

5 months

“Things don’t just become great by accident”

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@startingfromnix

1 year

a trend I've been noticing more and more is that people glorify struggling a lot in order to 'prove' that they did something of value or to feel worthy. I wonder how we can make the switch to leaning into ease rather than relying on pain to make something 'worth getting'

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@startingfromnix

2 years

a piece of underrated advice I got was that you have to fully own your own cringe in order to own your life

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@startingfromnix

1 year

A note on compatibility: To be compatible with someone does not mean paying attention to exactly the same things, but they must be curious about what you find beautiful, striking, and potent. They must be curious about where your attention goes

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@startingfromnix

1 year

having a clear mind and being able to think creatively is one of the greatest privileges that one can have but it’s so often neglected

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@startingfromnix

7 months

“you never meet the same person twice, not even in the same person”

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@startingfromnix

1 year

The way serendipity works is just magical. Things resurfacing after years or very random connections or one meeting on the street being something that changes your life. but I do think you can engineer serendipity in some ways:

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@startingfromnix

2 years

we don't talk enough about finding friends in adulthood, how complex it is to find sustainable connection and resonance. how to set boundaries with friends and how to open up to new types of perspectives as well

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@startingfromnix

1 year

Now my mindset is capturing the “things I want to remember” > “things I want to post” which is largely places, people, and subtle actions from loved ones.

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