Sami Shah @samishah Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Sami Shah

4 months

Rooster attacks, porn in school, and more racism than you can hope to handle! It's a free comedy special: via @YouTube

Sami Shah: Successful Comedian | Full Stand up Comedy Special

Sami Shah discusses woke whites, having a baby in his 40s, and why roosters are dangerous. Filmed live at the Chinese Museum in Melbourne, at the Melbourne I...

www.youtube.com

2

4

12

Last Seen Profiles

@MrRyanLeister

@chiffhon

@ViaGenPets_

@MM1_28

@RamoneGreen1

@Abdulrahman0_0_

@samha_ico

@StefanW0lves

@LThomp24

@joaohugopires

@PaigeEli7

@cbzEbxsD8x0kqBu

@ILO_OSH

@PMCroninHudson

@poerky

@norm__bar

@naddttae

@TomasFelixNeal1

@lerygguk

@DLockwood25

@Torat_IDF

@vodra

@katya_zamo

@UNTFootball

@jjkislover

@PatrickCon65640

@mystalkerisadik

@DetectivePingu

@Heily_Dorer

@KemilyKauanne

@JE0NPINKY

@bib_bund

@ChukwuebukaFEnt

@jchebly_

@RealBenCarson

@anittaginza

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Just one. I’m telling you. We eat just one billionaire and the rest will fall into line.

250

2K

11K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

In two days Melbourne’s had a double rainbow, a blood moon, and now a lockdown. In ancient times we’d sacrifice a leader to the elder gods by now. #justsaying

240

656

6K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

There’s no world in which Australians returning from Europe or America would be threatened with jail time.

92

944

5K

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

I haven’t seen a single person from yesterday’s St Kilda beach gathering named in the press. No one blaming them for not knowing enough English, or being a result of multiculturalism. It is ... and I say this with all sincerity ... fucking bullshit.

75

643

5K

Sami Shah

@samishah

7 years

Open mic night at the Whitesplain Improv

97

962

4K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

NSW couldn’t even vaccinate without being corrupt about it

42

571

4K

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

Back in the old days this would be the time Harry and Meghan would make their move, kill Charles, throw William in prison, and declare a new era after a few days of killings. Honestly, no one has a sense of tradition anymore.

93

575

4K

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

“As a baby Albo used to be naked sometimes. DO YOU WANT A PM WHO IS A NUDIST PERVERT?” - Aus Journalism right now

39

321

3K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Remember when governments were increasing surveillance and the justification was, if you’ve got nothing to hide what are you scared of? Same but ICAC.

25

616

3K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Scott Morrison: I’m committed to hearing women Women: we are getting raped and can’t get justice Scott Morrison: yes, Facebook is bad

18

480

3K

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

5 years ago this guy made me a citizen. We’ve both been fired from our jobs since then.

50

102

3K

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

Changing the definition of “close contact” to distract from the failure to order enough rapid antigen tests when we needed them is exactly the kind of solution a marketing guy comes up with.

37

513

3K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

I don’t mind when someone’s Anti Vax if they then are also against ALL modern medicine. Like, all of it. I want consistency. If you bash your head, or have weak eyesight, too bad. Cancer, IBS, a sprained wrist. It doesn’t matter. You can’t go to a doctor ever, for anything.

75

229

3K

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

I don't wanna raid my super, I wanna raid rich people's homes for goods and supplies

38

240

3K

Sami Shah

@samishah

7 years

Muslims in Muslims countries should take a long look at average Americans standing up for minorities. Too few in our countries do the same.

63

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

5 years

All the countries that hate refugees are keen on starting wars that create refugees

28

720

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

Scary to watch Australian right wing embracing a kid in America who gunned people down, a day after an Australian terrorist was sentenced to life in prison for gunning people down in Christchurch.

42

427

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Imagine the Sky News and Fed Government rage if the BLM protests were even mildly as aggressive

13

309

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

I like how conspiracy theorists were all like "Dictator Dan", meanwhile Scott Morrison

3

338

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

If she won’t give you $170 million for a hospital in Wagga Wagga does she even love you

18

198

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

You people are so fucking weird. Everyone here curses like a sailor with a stubbed toe, but one “shit” on ABC and it’s boomers clutching pearls. Grow up you fucking shitting losers.

69

140

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

Australian media: Every racial slur is just jokes! Get over it! Also Australian media: Voldemort is a slur and we need to be more respectful

1

240

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Rudd and Turnbull are my new favourite hecklers

23

238

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Publishing a suicide victim’s writing to question their mental health is a great way of revealing your own questionable mental health through your publishing decisions

23

287

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Based on polls it seems at least half of Australia agrees that buying expensive watches is much worse than raping

38

334

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

Seriously, why are religious groups tax exempt? If making up stuff gets you out of paying taxes, why aren’t the Arts tax exempt?

51

266

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

The people carrying nooses and signs calling for hangings and violence definitely flinched at Adam Goodes' imaginary spear

8

134

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

Things like dropping Jonah From Tongah and Fawlty Towers are the distraction. It’s the kind of useless change companies will do instead of committing to real diverse progress. And it will trivialise the goals of the protest movement.

38

292

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

A lot of people pointing out how it’s over for Porter now, and Linda Reynold’s is done for, and the government can’t bounce back from this which means a lot of people don’t pay attention to all of human history

28

125

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Australia has some of the dumbest propaganda-shills masquerading as journalists in the world

Grace Tame goes too far with petty snipe at PM

Grace Tame has done some wonderful things, but publicly slamming the Prime Minister and questioning his cabinet reshuffle aren’t among them.

www.couriermail.com.au

54

183

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

Celebrity deaths rarely hit me hard, but Bourdain’s four years ago today still hurts.

50

125

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

8 months

Racism, in Australia, is somehow seen as the worst accusation to make against someone, and yet a minor problem to experience.

44

409

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Crazy that Christian Porter could possibly have accepted funds from ISIS

47

254

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

Am I doing this right?

43

90

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Vaccine rollout is worse in New Zealand says Prime Minister who once told women to be grateful they aren’t being shot at like in other countries

15

233

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

This really is an irony-free country

26

314

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

This is a perfect case study of why Australian media needs to have more non-white journalists and reporters in its ranks.

The Today Show

@TheTodayShow

4 years

#BREAKING : Unlawful assembly declared as police try to control crowds. #9Today

326

140

632

75

240

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Is every old white guy in Australia legally required to write an opinion column about “rule of law” this week?

62

132

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Reminding everyone that these Sydney vs Melbourne fights are distracting us from the true enemy: Queensland. We need to join forces against them before it’s too late.

68

124

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

Received so many lovely messages over the last few days, but this is the one that made me cry

44

91

2K

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

If you hate Melbourne’s multiculturalism, then ... leave? One racist fucking off is a lot more practical than millions going ... where exactly?

26

119

1K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Honestly feel terrible celebrating our end of lockdown in VIC while NSW is still stuck in such dire circumstances

132

55

1K

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

I’m drunk on Aldi wine, have the hair of an extra in a 90s hacker movie, and I’m cooking Aloo Qeema in a bathrobe. How’s your isolation going?

80

42

1K

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

I like how Australia’s Labor looks at all the lessons NZ Labour has to teach and goes, “Nah, we’re good being the shit version.”

17

145

1K

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

There was no crackdown on those weirdos gathering to protest 5G at the height of lockdown. Just a reminder for tomorrow.

21

256

1K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Remember when they literally ran a trial by media to overturn the trial by rule of law for Pell

16

290

1K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Yesterday I had wine in the afternoon, napped too long, roamed around the apartment in my underwear all evening, and then didn’t sleep all night. Lockdown Sami is back baby!

16

23

1K

Sami Shah

@samishah

7 months

In this industry it’s impossible to find someone universally loved and respected. Cal was that impossibility. I love her so and will miss my friend. Goodbye Cal.

11

67

1K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

The amount I’ll lose between last week and this week in comedy gigs is basically the month’s rent. I’ve got savings, but I know a lot of friends who don’t. This is a gig economy for so many of us, and the economy has stalled completely.

23

151

1K

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

Baked a delicious lasagna, and dropped the whole thing on the floor as I took it out of the oven. Now I’ve ordered Maccas. Fucking 2020.

104

19

1K

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

“No trial by media” say newspapers and TV channels that have run trials by media against migrants, refugees, black people, indigenous people, women, women of colour, minorities...

19

275

1K

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

God I miss lockdown

34

43

1K

Sami Shah

@samishah

5 years

When the only non-White person on the panel calls out your racism, don't get "offended", try learning why you might be racist. Also, if you're going to talk about indigenous issues, try having an indigenous person on. HOW IS THIS STILL HAVING TO BE STATED

50

216

955

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

Was it for 4 hours?

Sky News Australia

@SkyNewsAust

2 years

Sky News can reveal the Prime Minister is monitoring for COVID symptoms after a positive case attended Kirribilli House, in Sydney.

541

123

366

36

109

1K

Sami Shah

@samishah

5 years

I started crying again watching this. All our hearts.

SBS News

@SBSNews

5 years

This small group of kids started an impromptu haka in tribute to two of their peers slain in the Christchurch shooting. Soon they were joined by scores of fellow students to form a deafening chorus.

1K

19K

54K

38

237

960

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

The big ass news: My divorce is final! Last year's lockdown was hell for me, because I spent it alone and mostly dehydrated from crying. But here I am a year later; having survived another lockdown, and well hydrated. And to celebrate...

31

4

987

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

This is amazing. All the federal government had to do was secure enough vaccines in time. We did the rest. We locked down for insanely long periods. Lost jobs. Lost our freaking minds. And now they’re tossing the vaccination ball to retail outlets?

24

178

949

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

Great. Now I gotta find 5 friends. Thanks for nothing Daniel Andrews.

21

71

903

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Am using Microsoft Teams for the first time in my life. Never hated anything more. It’s like they took all we have learned about intuitive design and said “Yes but what if we don’t”

73

82

918

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

Making up for that time my previous employer made me apologise for telling a Neo Nazi who tried doxxing my wife to go fuck himself.

40

61

860

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Everyone I know is struggling. Even the kids are starting to break down bad. All this could have been avoided if the vaccination plan had been more than lies and bluster. Meanwhile, politicians actively pushing anti-vax strategies are being indulged for their election value.

7

70

896

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Brace yourself Melbourne, here come all the “we got this” tweets that’ll make you really want to not got this out of spite

15

65

833

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

Criticising your country because you want it to be better is patriotic. Pass it on, no takebacks.

5

179

821

Sami Shah

@samishah

5 years

I’ve been working on a documentary on Free Speech. Every white person interviewed, except for Ginger Gorman, said their biggest fears were Political Correctness or identity politics. Every poc said it was rise of Nazis and hate speech leading to attacks.

34

220

730

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

A lot of journalists were upset at us for making fun of Morrison’s religious faith. My rebuttal in Gadfly

26

151

776

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

Which fucking loser is going “the last 3 years weren’t enough. I need to see how they campaign for the next 4 weeks to make up my mind”?!

1

57

781

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

I don’t understand why West Australia is doing whatever it can to protect itself from Covid, when it can let it rip and fuck up the rest of the country like Sydney

12

53

780

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

Normalize this response to all new podcasts

Stereogum

@stereogum

4 years

Fyre Fest's Billy McFarland placed in solitary confinement for launching podcast

84

270

2K

3

132

762

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

Donald Trump still paid $750 more in tax than News Corp did

10

164

754

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

Remember January? Man, that was a time. We were so young and carefree.

22

51

735

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

If the NSW government put half the energy into governance that it does into fighting comedians

0

78

747

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

It’s hard to stand out as the dumbest person alive these days, but god bless Adam for trying to so hard

Adam Creighton

@Adam_Creighton

4 years

"Melburnians are enduring the longest, most draconian restrictions any Western leader has imposed on citizens".

2K

337

1K

18

99

705

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

Again: if you don’t like multiculturalism, leave Melbourne. Move to Queensland. Inbreed until your family tree is a stump. Eat flavourless food. Fuck off. You lost this battle.

47

53

700

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

Daisy Cousens takes time out of cosplaying as a plantation owner or whatever she does to post support for a terrorist. Imagine if a brown media personality posted support for ISIS like this.

59

168

694

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

How do people have lots of money? How do they do that?

231

32

716

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

After the Ben Roberts-Smith case, it’s now clear how wildly unrealistic the SAS TV show is. The next season should involve kicking old people off cliffs, shooting stray dogs, drinking from a prosthetic leg, and then courting Kerry Stokes.

0

118

717

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

Yesterday was three years since the Christchurch mosque massacres. Every year since, I'm reminded of Dr. Naeem Rashid from Abottabad, Pakistan. He charged the terrorist, allowing many to escape and flee. He was awarded the New Zealand Cross posthumously.

0

79

678

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

They never invite anti-racists on these show. It’s always racists and clowns. Because TV producers know there’s spectacle value in bigotry, regardless of how it normalises and increases the reach of that bigotry.

15

94

660

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

Big “it’s not hot where I am so global warming is a hoax” energy

18

32

661

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Is Chris Uhlmann a parody account like that Sky News one?

29

39

652

Sami Shah

@samishah

5 years

An editor of European appearance wrote a headline of racist appearance

The Australian

@australian

5 years

Seven have been hospitalised after a car carrying six youths of African appearance collided with another car in Melbourne

187

13

34

14

139

619

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

This is actual cancel culture

David Marler

@Qldaah

3 years

If this were all a work of fiction, you could not script a greater entrance for the archvillain than this. #March4Justice #auspol

45

173

635

33

136

636

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

9 years in Australia today.

25

6

651

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

My daughter just asked me if most what being an adult involves looking for parking

28

30

648

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Federal Labor confused by this “spine” thing Dan Andrews apparently has

13

41

640

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

One of the only responsible columns written about Glady Berejiklian’s overdue departure and the media and politicians’ disingenuous hand wringing:

27

108

633

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

The Chaser #Waron2020 continues with Ghislaine Maxwell's first day in jail! She's a bit paranoid for some reason.

6

104

607

Sami Shah

@samishah

4 years

Apparently Andrew Bolt's angry at me. I can't read it because I don't have a Herald Sun subscription. Someone copy paste it to me please?

118

39

579

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Who the fuck is going on cruise ships still?!

ABC News

@ABC

3 years

JUST IN: Six passengers on Royal Caribbean’s Adventure of the Seas ship have tested positive for COVID-19 during routine testing.

232

262

623

40

55

618

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

As someone with IBS, I live in fear of “code brown”

12

18

615

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

When your 12yo daughter is bored in lockdown

31

4

600

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

In 2013, Immigration Minister Scott Morrison told Manus Island detainees they would never see Australia. This led to a riot which killed Reza Berati. Saying things that increase misery and tensions is the brand.

11

129

590

Sami Shah

@samishah

5 years

49. A Teacher. A Futsol player. A Software engineer. A PhD. A Fathers. A Mothers. A 3 year old. A 4 year old. A 14 year old. Immigrants. Refugees. Kiwis born. Muslims.

The faces of the victims

These are the names of those who have died or are missing.

www.nzherald.co.nz

13

281

545

Sami Shah

@samishah

2 years

Has anyone described as a “larrikin” ever not turned out to be an asshole

20

29

584

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

“The most brutal dictator of all ... DICTATOR DAN!” The League of Dictators has a new member! Watch the full sketch at #chaserwaron2020

12

110

567

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

209

48

556

Sami Shah

@samishah

3 years

Prime Minister Scott Morrison rejects cash incentive for Vaccinations, meaning he’ll definitely be announcing cash incentives for vaccinations in a few weeks.

0

60

555

Sami Shah

@samishah

5 years

Some Australians are more offended by tweets about Manus than the actual abuse and suffering on Manus. Reveals a lot about their priorities.

17

127

515

Sami Shah

@samishah