Ryan O’Flanagan @ryanoflan Twitter profile

Last Seen Profiles

@Speedkills_03

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@MamaMazzoni

@SacBIRMINGHAM

@valkyfernal

Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

My old man neighbor just told me that he thought this was a bulletproof vest company. He thought every Saturday I got a new box of bulletproof vests delivered

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

Riddler: Hello Batman Batman: Actually it's THE Batman now Riddler: Oh Batman: Riddler: Batman: I went to Ohio State

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

Smash that like button

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

it's true - despite being on tv for 30 seconds in 2014, i am still on hinge

moon girl🔻🌱

@veganmoongirl

4 years

LA is so wild lmao

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

If you apologize and someone says “you’re fine” they want to kill you

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

Terminator is an Easter movie. That’s why he says “I still love Easter, baby”

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

God I can’t wait to lean on a bar and get my elbows absolutely soaked

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

Fuck it I’m naming this cat Saddam Hussein. I’m not gonna let one jerk ruin a really pretty name

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

Just tried to tear down a statue on Hollywood Blvd and it was a real guy spray painted silver. He’s mad

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

Hey I’ve been driving around LA shooting off fireworks to celebrate covid being over. Do u guys like it

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

Everything must go

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

I love video games

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

12 years

I hope you all have a great weekend! Except you, Lisa Kudrow. Fuck you

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

I don’t deserve this diarrhea right now I am truly the nicest guy

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

Today is my 10 year anniversary in LA and so far my only regret is pursuing comedy and acting. The weather is great

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

6 years

It sucks so bad that there is a creature called a “wolf spider”

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

Have just been informed that the guy who booked the college show I did last night apologized to the students this morning

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

Please come to my new restaurant

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

If I were a professional basketball player my thing would be apologizing every time my shoes squeaked

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

I like girls with bangs but it’s so hard to search for bangs on pornhub

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

Why do we call it “my wife has to shit” and not Honey Must Turd

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

1 year

Oh it’s because we’re all kinda worried about each other

Zoltan Kaszas

@ZoltanCOMEDY

1 year

Something magical happens in your 30s where you're fully comfortable saying "I love you" to your dude friends.

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

An airline for men in their 30s called Receding Airlines

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

1 year

jennifer coolidge should be the next joker

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

Just saw a black guys penis in the gym locker room and wow, the rumors are true. I’m gay

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

I believe in a person’s right to choose but I also believe if you’re not vaccinated you’re a fucking moron

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

“Great squat!” -Doc Brown as a personal trainer

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

It’s honestly a shame that I’m single. I have so much love* to give** *cum **cum

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

6 years

I like when toilet water is blue so when you pee in it, it turns purple. also should I see a doctor

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

1 year

They wouldn’t let me into hot yoga they said I had to go to ugly yoga 😔

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

Me to my penis at the end of 2020

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

the nice thing about December is all your problems become Christmas problems. like right now i have Christmas ants

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

I rap battle myself and it hurts

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

Take a tour of my sick bachelor pad courtesy of @comedycentral ! I love you @frankiemuniz #AloneTogether #StayHome

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

I think Jim Carrey’s catchphrase in Bruce Almighty should’ve been “Aaaaaalmighty thennn!!”

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

My biggest fear with glory holes is simply getting my penis cut off with a sword

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

1 year

Somehow calling dollar general Dolly G’s has not caught on

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

5 years

Honestly Dana you dodged a bullet

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

6 years

Just fuckin bombed at therapy

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

Important PSA about birds

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

Just smashed a murder hornet to pieces then realized it was some kids drone

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

I watched Karate Kid for the first time

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

Norm was literally the only good comedian. RIP

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

sports like to pretend that yellow is gold. "purple and gold" no lakers that is canary yellow my boys

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

6 years

I'm gonna be 80 years old on 6/9/69 and you bet your tight ass i'm gonna party

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

Please, James and the Giant Peach was my father. Call me Jim and the Giant Peach

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

1 year

You’re in her DMs I’m googling what does a speaker of the house do We are not the same

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

Well here’s as much of this sketch as Twitter will allow I suppose

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

1 year

This is he

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

This is how you spell my name in emojis- 🦏🍮🔁

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

I love the @IRSnews

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

7 years

Slogan pitch: "Macy's - we're usually how you get into the mall"

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

History fact: the most prepared man of all time was a guy named Al Everbee. And that’s why we say “ready as Al Everbee”

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

They sell old Native American teeth at this gift shop in South Dakota! Had to get one, I love Sioux veneers

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

Ok fine I’ll host jeopardy but only if I can go “what? no” when someone gets one wrong

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

One time I stood up for myself and I felt so bad about it

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

Doing comedy Doing comedy during covid not during covid 🤝 I shouldn’t be doing comedy

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

I went to the dentist today and jokingly said “do I have to take off my face mask” and she simply said “yes” and then I did and we proceeded in silence

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

Wow @frankiemuniz can you confirm

Elon Musk

@elonmusk

4 years

The left is losing the middle

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

Sometimes I’ll accidentally nap for two hours and think, well hey I didn’t eat any snacks for two whole hours. Healthy boy

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

Just saw a comic put his cruise ship dates on his tour flyer. Might rent a small boat and go check him out

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

7 years

One of my favorite pastimes is waking up in a hotel room and realizing my door was ajar the entire night

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

Last night I told the bartender my last name was O’Flanagan and he goes “tonight is your night bro!” and I thought he might hook up some free drinks and then my tab was $182

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

I made a compilation of my favorite flowers

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

If the rock is ever president he must go by Dwayne “The President” Johnson

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

She’s a 10 but I’m gay

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

Everyone needs to stay home, or keep gatherings small and practice social distancing. Except for my boys, I’ll see u guys tonight let’s fuckin rage

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

I’m 34 today! Take that Jesus u crucified ass bitch

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

i loved christmas as a kid. the lights. the music. sitting on santa's lap at the mall. feeling his hard cock against my tender virgin ass. gingerbread houses. etc

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

My favorite part of a date is watching the girl go from “aw he’s such a good listener” to “oh no he’s too stupid to say any words”

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

6 years

I wanna reach the point financially where if I burn toast, I don't have to eat it

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

Sorry to interrupt but here’s a new sketch

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

I don’t think this court is very supreme at all i actually think it sucks

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

Who am I wearing? Oh, it’s Amazon Basics

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

Normalize blessing people after they fart in a bathroom stall

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

When someone starts a sentence with “I will say this…” and then they say it, I’m like damn. They were right

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

Get out and vote

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

I gave the DARE speech in front of the whole school in 5th grade and now I’m a huge fan of every single drug

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

ok fancy website, i'll use the same password i use for everything but with an exclamation point at the end

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

Fuck yes. That’s what’s up. Been waiting for this. I’m doing molly tonight

CNN

@CNN

2 years

A California court has ruled bees can legally be considered fish under specific circumstances. Expanding the definition of fish to include invertebrates makes them eligible for greater protection from the Fish and Game Commission, the court wrote.

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

Do my neighbors think I’m cool when I play the one song I know on guitar exactly once per day

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

My friend was describing his Taco Bell order and I was like stoppp dude you’re making my ass water

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

I hope I don’t get married so late in life that my friends are too old to do molly at my wedding

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

If I ever say “I didn’t like this movie at first but then it grew on me” it means I googled it afterwards and learned what happened

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

2 years

Working out listening to Rage Against the Machine because I love resistance bands

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

From now on when I have to shit really bad I’ll say “ah I got a trump in the bunker”

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

Monday motivation 🎢

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

4 years

Meditation: all the same regrets and anxiety, but with your eyes closed

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

If your last name is Dumpty and you name your kid Humpty you are an asshole

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Ryan O’Flanagan

@ryanoflan

3 years

Trump lost now he has to be vice president 🤣 fucking loser

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