Kyle Keegan @realKyleKeegan Twitter profile

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Kyle Keegan

2 years

40 years into the Reaganites’ abandonment of the public school system, we are exactly where the smart people said we would be. 20th in everything instead of 1st. America is the greatest opportunity squandered in human history.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

The hundreds of thousands of infants and toddlers in foster care waiting to find parents think the domestic supply is more than adequate as it is.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

I send this out once a month, because it’s that important.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

And so here we are.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

I wanna marry the Ukrainian soccer mom who, as we speak, is picking off a Russian general from her apartment window with a Kalashnikov she took off the corpse of the Russian soldier she killed from behind with her hands this morning.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

5 months

Republicans: “Why do these people keep having kids they can’t afford?!” Also Republicans: “Let’s force these people to have more kids they can’t afford!”

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Can we just declare Christian Nationalism a terrorist organization already?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Lauren Boebert has to be asking herself, “Was it worth sleeping with Ted Cruz for just one term?”

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

I dont know who needs to hear this, but the search warrant was issued by a federal judge, not by Biden’s DOJ.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Who else hopes Cipollone flipping on Trump will be like John Dean taking down Nixon?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Not sure who needs to hear this, but the Second Amendment never had anything to do with arming citizens to protect themselves against the government.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

19 days

BREAKING: Commander Biden invites Kristi Noem for private meeting at White House.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 year

Mark Meadows’ texts are gonna make Hunter Biden’s laptop look like Mike Lindell’s evidence of voter fraud.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

This seems obvious but I’ll say it. Never trust a gun owner who objects to background checks, registration requirements or red flag laws.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Mommy knows best.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Turns out Ivermectin is just for horse worms after all.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Sinema is the poster girl for the evils of dark money.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

I bet Don, Jr.’s burner phone is more interesting than Hunter’s laptop.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 year

Please Dear Baby Jesus let Mike Lindell win the RNC Chair.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

First Science, and now Math. MAGA’s struggles continue.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Alex Jones’ text messages will be everything Republicans wish Hunter Biden’s laptop could be.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Can we just agree to never elect a businessman as president again?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Why aren’t more people asking who is reviewing those 15 boxes from Mar a Lago and what is in them? He didn’t just randomly pack up 15 boxes of documents. Those are the documents he didn’t want discovered.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Someone remind me of the difference between Donald Trump and Charles Manson.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

How is it that Germany was able to ban Nazi flags and symbols decades ago but we still can’t seem to do it?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 year

Republicans had no problem at all with gun dealers until we traded one for a gay black American.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

If you have religious objections to getting the vaccine, your New Year’s resolution needs to be to find a new religion.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Stock market is down over 20% this year, but Exxon just hit an all-time high today. You do the math.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Science, History, Literature, and now Math. What subject will MAGA ban next?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

BREAKING: Secret Service to claim Major Biden ate the tweets.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Mo Brooks wore a Kevlar vest to J6. Maybe now he can tell us what he knew and when he knew it.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Go figure. Turns out it wasn’t ANTIFA after all.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

To everyone who has told me over the last six years that calling MAGA Nazis was an exaggeration, I have two things to say: I told you so and you’re welcome.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

I think, therefore I am … … not a Republican.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Has anyone figured out who ordered the Capitol Police not to fire their weapons? That decision is a real head scratcher for me.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 year

If there was evidence of a crime by Biden on the laptop, the republicans who claim to have been in possession of it would have released the evidence a long time ago. Who is still falling for this crap?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 months

Why doesn’t Trump just do a home equity loan on the $1.5 billion Mar a Lago?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 year

I blame this mass shooting on the mental illness of Republican lawmakers.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 year

Let’s be clear. Jesus would hate Greg Abbott’s fucking guts.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 year

He who had sex with Lauren Boebert while she was still married should not cast the first stone.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 year

BREAKING: Elon Musk gives Tesla engineers until tomorrow at 6:00 p.m. to “make the fucking cars stop catching on fire.”

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

It’s time to expand the Supreme Court, and pick five black women to serve.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 months

The only thing dumber than a MAGAt is a Progressive who votes third-party when Democracy is on the line.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Surely Mar a Lago has an interior surveillance system, so if the FBI planted evidence, we should have video proof of it by the end of the day today. Right?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Garland is entering an advanced level of the investigation. Patience, Grasshoppers.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

I don’t know why Clarence Thomas is taking all the heat. I’m sure he’s only one of three or four Justices that used Ginni as a liaison to the coup planners.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

BREAKING: Jesus was just arrested in Florida for handing out water at a polling station. Easter is cancelled.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Anthony Fauci just emasculated his detractors and MAGA in general on MSNBC.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

29 days

Marge voted against funding border security so she could impeach Mayorkas for a lack of border security. Do I have that right?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

When Republicans say Democrats are “weaponizing” the DOJ, what they really mean is Republican politicians should be able to commit crimes without any punishment.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

BREAKING: Mike Lindell just announced that the Trump Reinstatement is postponed until he gets his phone back.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

I can’t get enough of this guy. “Ukraine has shown who they are. Russia has shown what they’ve become.” —Zelenskyy

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

I wonder if there’s any connection between the Saudis financing Musk’s purchase and Twitter’s sudden tolerance for anti-semitism.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

“I barely know that loser Steve Bannon”— Trump, tomorrow

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

11 months

It’s looks like the Wagner Tourist Group is planning a peaceful protest in the Kremlin.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

I said a lot of harsh things about Trump while he was in office, but now I realize, after calm reflection, that they weren’t harsh enough.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Are any of you dead yet?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 year

Is anyone else tired of hearing MAGA use the word “Patriot” to mean white supremacist redneck criminals?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

How much longer can the U.S. possibly stay off the U.N. Human Rights watch list?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 year

Zelenskyy’s skills as an orator make Donald Trump look like Herschel Walker.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Claiming that giving a black woman a seat on the Supreme Court is racist … is racist. And it proves why we need one.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 year

This never gets old.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

China, Russia and Iran, combined, don’t pose one-tenth the threat to America as MAGA does.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

MAGA is no longer even pretending that it’s end game is not ethnic cleansing and genocide.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

I don’t know what Dark Brandon smoked before his speech today, but I hope to god he doesn’t run out of it.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 year

Are all Republicans just going to be sore losers from now on forever?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Donald Trump is despised worldwide, except for a few dictators and a shrinking mob of mouth-breathing criminals. There, fixed it for you, Nick.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Today the crowd that “backs the blue” but wants to defund the FBI wants us to remember 9/11 but forget about J6.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

5 months

So I guess if SCOTUS reverses Colorado and says Trump has absolute immunity for acts as President, then Dark Brandon would be free to suspend the Constitution and deploy the Military to take over the Red States.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

11 months

If a charge under the Espionage Act doesn’t put a dent in Trump’s poll numbers, then we’ll know for sure that whole “Patriot” thing is just a bunch of bullshit.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

I bet MTG’s (soon-to-be) ex-husband knows some stuff. Let’s hope this divorce is messy.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 month

“Because of you, okay? They learned it from watching you.”

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Do you remember that time Chuck Grassley was so old that he forgot the coup plot was supposed to be a secret?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Does anyone else want to know more about that time Lauren Boebert ate her dog because she couldn’t find her gun?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

So let me get this straight. The FBI planted documents so that Trump could write a memoir?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

THIS JUST IN: The missing Secret Service texts have just been found in a box under a bed at Mar a Lago.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 year

Just making sure everyone has this written down.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

10 months

Let’s be clear. Jesus would hate Greg Abbott’s fucking guts.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Is it too early in the Trump investigation to start talking about whether life in prison or execution is the appropriate punishment here?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Failing to hold Trump accountable would be like letting Hitler walk out of the bunker a free man.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 year

BREAKING: Kevin McCarthy blames vaccine side effects for his loss in the first Speaker vote.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

There’s one group Republicans hate more than any other: Fact Checkers

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 months

China having my personal data is scary, but Mnuchin and Trump having it is scarier.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 months

Biden should have declared March 31 to be Separation of Church and State Day.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 month

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Elon is slipping down the Trump rabbit hole of doubling down on wrong.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Buckle up for another week of Christofascism. The Supreme Court just legalized pressuring school kids to participate in Christian prayers.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

26 days

Turns out Congress can actually get stuff done when Trump is tied up in court all day.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

1 year

Did MTG have some work done? Or did they just bathe her?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

6 months

Who’s gonna tell conservatives that the “domestic supply of infants” is low because they fucked up the country so bad since 1980 that no one wants to bring a child into it?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

I can’t decide which is worse. People who defend the Afghan Taliban or people who defend Texas Republicans.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

What kind of inbred Neanderthals live in Lauren Boebert’s district, for Christ’s sake?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

Hey, Canada, can we trade you Wyoming for nothing?

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

5 months

BREAKING: Mike Johnson has issued a House subpoena for an un-blurred version of the Senate staffer sex tape.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

4 months

There’s only one group of people that minimizes pipe bombs. And that’s pipe bombers.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

4 months

I just hope Democrats control Congress on the day Trump dies, so there won’t be any discussion of Trump lying in state in the Capitol Rotunda.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

6 months

Trump’s lawyers today: “President Trump had no allegiance to the Constitution.” The rest of us: “No shit!”

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

3 months

“Sick Fuck” isn’t even in the Top 10 of the worst things I said about Trump today.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

2 years

I don’t know why people think BIDEN can control gas prices. TRUMP is the one who can change the direction of a hurricane with a sharpie. Let HIM bring gas prices down.

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Kyle Keegan

@realKyleKeegan

3 months

Republicans said Biden had dementia four years ago, too, and he’s now completing the most accomplished presidential term since at least LBJ. So it must be working for him.

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