Rachel Borat Kaly @rachel_kaly Twitter profile

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

7 months

ATTN: CONAN O'BRIEN #getthisvideotoconan

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Last Seen Profiles

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

my friend passes this guy’s office every day and always sends me a picture

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

buying a second weighted blanket. hopefully this one will kill me

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

replace the gendered categories at award shows with an “inherited wealth” and “had to work a service industry job” categories

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

this is what the 10th grader who ran the lights for my high school play looked like

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

I think if ur queer getting ur hair dyed should be covered by health insurance

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

give us what we want

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

Living in a surveillance state means it took me 20+ years to figure out i was gay but it took the tik tok algorithm 2 minutes max

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

what could have happened here

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

Lin-Manuel Miranda

Najma

@najmamsharif

5 years

In 50 years, who do you think we’ll learn was funded by the CIA to neutralize dissent?

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

republicans: poor people deserve to die democrats: poor people deserve to die (he/him/his)

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

how would you explain this to Ronald Reagan

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

ok...........

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

how about a Black Friday sale on my damn RENT🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

last night i watched the L word and was laughing at how bad it was, then i decided to masturbate to it, then as soon as i came i started crying. and THAT is what i call a buffet

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

2 years

brought all my clothes to a Buffalo Wild Wings instead of buffalo exchange. no problem they took them and I got 6 hot wings

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

not many ppl know that Andy Warhol was shot by a woman named Valerie Solanas bc she wanted to ban all men, as detailed in her SCUM manifesto. perhaps this was the first ever attempt to “cancel “ someone using simply a gun. in this essay I will

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

not to make the climate change march about like teens skipping school on a beautiful fall day feeling empowered, but it is such that i am sure someone is going to have their first kiss today

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

@KevinTPorter @LAFoodBank Hello Kevin. I’m a comedian in Brooklyn who has been doing a show for two years called “Ellen But Violent” where I reveal the truth about her. Happy to pass along some anecdotes and content... this is my life’s work

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

9 months

seems like a prerequisite to take Amtrak is that u need to have a wet cough

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

ill be opening the new bi bar. It will be dave and busters meets brandy melville. There will be a library as well..

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

2 years

i watched “don’t look up” with RBG last night and at the end she sighed and said “well, all we can do is vote” then she died again

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

i spend upwards of 60 hours a week googling famous/successful ppl to see if their family is wealthy or in the industry. give me a name and ill tell u exactly why they do or don't deserve what they have :D

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

MASSIVE studio apartment. DRENCHED in sunlight. BRAND NEW, GUTTED kitchen. HUGE cock and BIGGER balls

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

why is everyone angry about antifa. im angry about all the different HBOs, let us talk about that

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

My dad is 70, pursuing a modeling career, and I’ve never seen him happier. He told me he’s just waiting for a chance to blow up. So, Twitter, meet my dad.

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

9 months

my first stand-up clip make this go viral

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

a kid banging on my bathroom stall yelling “mom” as I’m giving a urine sample at my OBGYN is actually an effective method of birth control

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

ultimately I'm gonna need trump's immune system to stand back and standby

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

1 year

wishing every couple a happy Valentine’s Day. As for me perhaps i should be killed

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

2 years

should i get surgery (whichever type)

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

1 year

when people talk about calories it’s like ok is this 2005. what, is bush still president? Etc

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

my sexuality is gay but every two years for one day while im ovulating i will find a sturdy man who is withholding and fuck him cowgiel style. Actually Does that make me bi? Btw “cowgiel “ is cowgirl but jewish’!

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

2 years

in Italy ACAB stands for A-Ciao A-Bella

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

getting paid $50,000/hr to sit in a cafe window on the bed stuy/crown heights border with a bloomberg sticker on my laptop

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

6 months

NORMAL DATING JOKE

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

2 years

i wont drive bc my dad is a cab driver and i don’t want to be accused of nepotism

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

my twenties have been spent literally just walking around

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

6 years

doctor: do you have any history of eating disorders me: no doctor: ok well that’s g— me: I have a HERstory of eating disorders.......idiot

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

i don’t want to TELL people my pronouns. I want to SHOW them the collection of 50+ ties i wore as soon as I started developing breasts in 5th grade

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

25 days

ITS MY BDAY POSTING MY FAVE JOKE WANT YO GO VIRAL NOW

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

just got my hair cut at a queer salon and although i imagine we each described wanting something different, me and ten other women of all shapes and sizes walked out looking like megan rapinoe

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

2 months

Interesting joke

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

2 years

DUNK MUNTH by me feat @JackBensinger and @conner_omalley 🏀❌🌈

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

Jewish is a race. And im winning bitch.

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

2 years

Glengarry Girl Boss

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

let me see if i understand.. so a skatepark is like an open mic for skaters

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

getting out of a pool is the most physically and visually embarrassing thing anyone can do

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

idk why i care but k*ng pr*ncess’ dad is a recording engineer, her great-great grandfather owned Macy’s & she went to Avenues, the most expensive private high school in the country .i guess im just saying I like the clothes she wears but i wish she told us her fave tech stocks:(

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

this is a perfect piece of writing with a solid beginning, middle, and end that takes you for a ride. they need to read this in schools

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

in college I had an etsy-bought RBG pendant necklace I used to wear whenever i got head. does that info help at all or

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

1 year

I tried to sue 9/11 for making me gay

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

seeing “portrait of a lady on fire” alone and there’s one other woman in the theater. Wonder if we end up together at the end

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

9/elellen

Liz Franczak

@liz_franczak

5 years

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

I supported Warren over Bernie for months, but the progressive vote was splintered on Tuesday & now that she’s dropped out, the idea that “she needs to rest” before endorsing someone is infantilizing. She’s a powerful politician who needs to endorse Bernie-the stakes are too high

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

HERE IS A THREAD OF THE EPISODE OF SNL (60 MIN) THAT I MADE AS ELON MUSK!!!!! all original sketches by me. There is even musical guest Adult Mom as Miley Cyrus.I worked nonstop for about 2 days to make this so I’m begging u to share this so Elon give me a free Tesla <3

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

1 year

On delta flight and me and my boy husband got tix next to each other. We are on our way to honeymoon location (indianapolis) and we were waiting for marriage to fuck so we had plans to have sex in our seats on the plane. Crew then separated us without our consent - asked me to

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

any space i take up is inherently queer. If i get hit by a car and my body is lying in the street, that is a queer space

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

Oprah interviewing mr. bean: were u silent or were u silenced

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

@Clarknt67 @KevinTPorter @LAFoodBank sneak peak

Ellen Degeneres New Segment :)

hi im ellen degnerres. i came up with some new segments with my assistant! nice :)

www.youtube.com

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

i got my first bee sting in a lyft the other day and the driver kept telling me maybe it had something to do with the moths she is illegally breeding in her apartment and then she said at least I didn’t get bitten by her snake. gave her 5 stars because I support women in STEM

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

this guy showed up in my room at 4am and hasn’t stopped doing this shit. He says he won’t leave until i bring osama back to life

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

6 years

Hi sluts👋 im a thin and white 20-something girl who weArs sheer clothes so u can always see my nipples 🤷‍♀️ i co-opt black and queer culture on instagram 👻 i identify as radical 💋my parents pay my rent 👸 see ya around :) 👽btw im a dog!!!🤪

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

my son (M, 35) and my daughter (F, 28) are mad at me (im 7)

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

me not in the hospital: i hate the tv show “Friends” me in the hospital: i love the tv show “Friends”

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

His parents were professors at Columbia and he got drunk opening night . I still would have blown him

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

6 years

do we think it’s a coincidence that George Bush and John McCain died the same year Nanette came out

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

all of the cops and nurses in Pokémon are women. That is Kamala’s America

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

1 year

Jojo siwa in 50 years

Ellen DeGeneres

@EllenDeGeneres

1 year

Pickleball!!!!!!

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

this is so sad. i grew up on these jokes and they made me realize i am pretty gay. thank you to everyone who has supported this show. however now more than ever we must speak out.

The Hollywood Reporter

@THR

5 years

#FamilyGuy Will Phase Out Gay Jokes

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

ugh samesies king! i don't have much to do as i'm basically unemployed so i'm chillaxing at home :) but you cut healthcare and rolled back bail reform during a pandemic, plus no rent freeze yet! maybe that will help with cabin fever. or u can fuck ur brother live on CNN! king😍🌈

Archive: Governor Andrew Cuomo

@NYGovCuomo

4 years

Cabin Fever. I have it, you have it. What are you doing to help keep it at bay?

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

1 year

Do pilots stand and say goodbye to you when they leave the plane because they want a blowjob

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

just finished writing my will! im going to leave all of my money to the gender neutral clothing store where they sell a t-shirt that says “they power” for $80!

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

after yesterday's horrible news, i decided to follow my passion and open a shirt store. please check out my shirts for sale that memorialize RBG

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

At a bowling alley and we can message other lanes

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

9 months

in this video i explain why i am not out to my family yet

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

I CANCELED ELLEN. I DID IT. GIVE ME CREDIT

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

i figured this out years ago due to my depression but welcome to the actual way time works: it’s 11am til it’s 3pm, then it’s 3pm til it’s 9pm, then it’s 9pm til it’s 3am. And u can sleep during all of it

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

btw he knows about this it's all good lolz

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

No Facebook means no Facebook marketplace. How am i going to spend $300 today now

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

POSTING POLICE SCANNER FEED IN THIS THREAD

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

posting my resume here in case anyone needs it! thanks :)

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

me canvassing on the street with a clipboard: sir. Do you love our veterans. Ok then why don’t you marry them .

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

first open mic out of quarantine im showing up like this. No more bullshit, this is the real me

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

ChuckO said he was an improv teacher. I was interested in taking a workshop with him, but then he revealed that he wasn’t a comedian. so I went on Craigslist to find someone who would play Chuck IF he was actually an improv teacher. FULL VIDEO HERE:

ChuckO

@ChuckinCharly

3 years

@rachel_kaly @Party_Harderson The more concise way to express this (and funnier). It took me 20+ years to figure out I was gay but it took the surveillance state 2 minutes, max, thanks, Tik Tok!

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

well,i wrote it. a good oldfashioned homophobic submision to the jon stewart show. hopefully it gets me hired 🙏

Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

yes i'm applying to the jon stewart job. however i know i won't get it and it's blind submissions so im making every joke extremely homophobic

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

let me be clear: where is Paula Abdul

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

at least corona virus is gonna clarify what meetings actually could have just been emails all along

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

i want a cameo from the guy who threw his shoes at bush

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

the rest of the Iowa Caucus results are available on Disney+

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

2 years

i hope there is never nuclear war. I do not want Verizon wireless to lose customers 😫😫😫

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

i flew one of the planes over NYC today and seriously fucked up.. #IMSORRY

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

dress for the job you want

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

my mom met her husband on OkBoomer

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

6 years

hi again @Delta . I’m on my period & have an extremely heavy flow but I’m about to run out of pads bc my flight is delayed 6 hours. I shan’t spend $20 to buy pads at an airport. If I’m not seated on a plane soon I will free bleed in your terminal. RT to get me a free flight & pads

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

3 years

anderson cooper - a literal Vanderbilt - slandering Olive Garden... this better start the class war fr. let's fucking go

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

wait how is this possible: my bat mitzvah was in 2008 but my theme was marvelous mrs. maisel

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

6 years

my 80 yr old uncle said “why do u have such bad acne” so i said “why r u still alive” and he asked me to euthanize him. Ended up being a really productive conversation :) happy holidays ❤️

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

5 years

a man just yelled at me saying “i want to get you pregnant.” I turned around and retorted “well I’m infertile.” unfortunately the man was Pharrell. i absolutely blew it

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Rachel Borat Kaly

@rachel_kaly

4 years

just to weigh in on the comedy TL - let's just say if you're extremely shitty in one way... you are often shitty in other ways too ;) thanks for tuning in!

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