Amy Zimmer @oneamyzimmer Twitter profile

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

2 years

did you see this?

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Last Seen Profiles

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

2 years

Just once I’d like to see her win

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

Sometimes “this tweet has been deleted” is the joke. It’s part of the bit. too often we forget that

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

F it. Here’s my little audition for Marvel Cinematic Universe character “woman who knows the coordinates”

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

8 months

Let’s see That’s gonna be a toss up between everything I’ve ever lost and everything I could yet become

Latest in space

@latestinspace

8 months

What comes to mind when you look up at the Moon?

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

Millennials can’t cook!! It’s pitiful really....a whole generation clueless in the face of bananas ham hollandaise. Probably can’t even make the hot dogs stand up. Oh and ever heard of a butter knife?? It’s for cutting the iceberg jello, idiot

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

Admit it. Fish love being able to see what’s going on above the surface

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

nice body you got there.would be a shame if it kept the score

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

this is my son and my partner H.W.

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

idk

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

this didn’t make best films of the decade list

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

10 months

I need to do this medically

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

Frankly Scarlett, I don’t laur a dern

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

1 year

nothing comes between a woman and the little shells and rocks she has to pick up for some reason

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

Send in the clowns. Send them! literally just send them in babe. lol. honestly it’s fine-I’m just saying send them. up to you lol. it’s not a big deal but just please send them in whenever

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

Space Movie (2020) An astronaut returns home and is faced with a startling new reality Shot on iPhone

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

Are you in the right headspace to receive information that could possibly hurt you?

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

Got swiftly rejected from working on a blueberry farm. hurts more than you’d think

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

many people are wondering what I'd do in this situation. but the answer isn't so simple

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

Scallions don’t read this Leeks hello

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

Well it’s official! I’m writing a movie!

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

They’re down btw - the websites you’ve been wondering about. I was near the docks when the news broke, skipping stones against the glimmer of a marlin i thought I saw in the deeper water. I had been dead for about 150 years, but no one seemed to notice, no one thought to even ask

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

we must reimagine everything

Channa Prakash

@AgBioWorld

4 years

China may send 100,000 ducks to Pakistan to battle locust swarms. Pakistan has declared an emergency saying locust numbers were the worst in more than two decades. A single duck can eat more than 200 locusts a day, more effective than pesticides: expert

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

It has been an honor to spend my life staring at a screen

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

is this true??

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

It’s true! you can eat anything you want in any way you want while earth shudders and weeps beneath you 😃

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

11 months

You should be able to mail a package by dropping it in the middle of the street

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

I Want this to end

Tasty

@tasty

4 years

These Are All Cakes

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

My fingers quiver as I shake salt into the boiling water– "pasta water should be the salinity of the sea," I whisper to myself over and over and over again I have no idea what this means but I have to work fast All my dogs are watching me

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

These beans will soon become a part of nachos, committing themselves to a larger, more mysterious spiritual plan. Thank you beans for showing us the way

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

Prince Phillip and I came up together. We often bumped into each other at mics, super supportive dude. Always gave great feedback, had an amazing sense of timing, and could riff for days. I’ll miss seeing his name in the bucket. Love to all

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

Et tu, girlie?

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

I wish it was, Pokemon Shitpost

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

I wish nicholas cage made music. is it so much to ask

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

made the coffee too strong

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

No ❤️

Scripps News

@scrippsnews

4 years

This company makes custom ‘selfie’ masks that look like your face.

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

Can you imagine if someone came out with a new fairytale right now? Everyone would be like...ok.....

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

1 year

You don’t ever say a thing like this to me. do you understand

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

Chicken Breast at Tampa International Airport

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

It’s really just a duck with socks on

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

“Kristen Stewart is on Hot ones today!” I shout, looking up at the train passenger next to me. But they’re gone. The train car’s empty. The seats are covered in a thick film of dust. At the end of the long car: an owl. I meet its gaze. “Kristen Stewart is on Hot ones today.”

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

Sharon Van Etten please snap my bones apart

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

Lorelei raised 30K for Bernard tonight

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

this is no April fool. what we are looking at here is an April wise

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

there should be little cakes that hydrate you. no illusions, no big reveals– no regrets. just a cake that when eaten, makes you hydrated

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

2 years

Was having a pretty good day until Spotify told me I always understood the assignment

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

Like if you agree!

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

2 years

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

1 year

you’re laughing. grandma got run over by a reindeer and you’re laughing

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

10 months

this is how women feel, these are their stories. And yet u reject it

Fascinating

@fasc1nate

10 months

Unicycle ballet

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

receive with simplicity everything that happens to you

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

Did everyone enjoy their little pasta meals last night?

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

8 months

I stg I better not be ascribing the possibility of renewal to the turning of the seasons…like I can’t go through this again

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

Has he tried serving it ancient city style?

Reuters

@Reuters

4 years

Pope says gossiping is a 'worse plague' than coronavirus

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

feel like pure shit just want her back

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

all the women I know: demanding to be sawed in half by nutrient dense magicians, listening to nasty fusion punk, rehabilitating pure bred Pomeranians all the men I know: planting themselves in a big dirt pot, pounding liquid fertilizer, begging the sun to grow them like cabbage

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

Imagine Bernie inaugurated. Hand on the Torah. We’re all crying. Stupid Love blares from every speaker. WE did this!

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

2 years

listen babes if this makes you stop by my page feel free to watch scrunchie

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

I for one think it’s beautiful that my upstairs neighbor is building what I can only imagine is a ship in his apartment

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

This claim is disputed this, this claim is disputed that. can’t this all be cleared up over a bag of stacy’s pita chips?

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

A Better Me Is Coming FEB 22ND UNION HALL 7pm with special guest Jo Firestone! & MORE Made this with Graham Mason for you! Please Come!! Here’s a ticket link:

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

Leaving the house? May I suggest spending $40

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

a woman must have little bike shorts of her own

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

Angel Olsen making a STRONG case for snapping my tibia, fibia, sternum, sacrum, etc (MY BONES) apart

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

future me thanking past me for making baked potato

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

let's face it: this is cool

Rex Chapman🏇🏼

@RexChapman

4 years

Quarantined stuntmen, bruh...

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

you're born naked and the rest is shot in one take!

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

we all need to connect with each other in a deeper way

elle

@ellegist

3 years

it’s so funny how americans don’t have proper cheese lmao. Like what is this. Are you ok

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

How would Quibi do on shark tank? Keep in mind I don’t care

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

Get that art banana shit off my timeline

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

Have to say Spongebob was huge proof that kids can understand wildly layered, relentlessly absurd jokes without any need to water things down. I’d be different without it-watching it as a kid, then growing up to watch my nieces laugh at the same jokes, always meant a lot to me ❤️

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

they did microscope on a strawberry

Tahsinho

@chowsix

4 years

This is why you have to wash your fruit thoroughly

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

Would anyone like to collab on a hug 😢

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

Like “being creative” but don’t enjoy “being perceived”??? Lol I don’t have a solution, sorry you feel that way 😪

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

2 years

Yeah maybe Taylor swift could re-make my SINUSES while we’re at it?? Sure would like to hear “my sinuses”(Taylor’s version) right about now!My sinuses need an overhaul. all I’m trying to say.Oh and What if there was a 10minute version of “my sinuses”having less pressure and then

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

2 years

I yelled “cut” but @ericrahill heard “wait could you continue actually” and went with it 😎😎😎

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

I hope Lady Gaga and Jeremy Renner are still getting cozy. She’s the only one who could help Jeremy through all of this app mess. I think they’re both fabulous performers. I might start selling earrings soon

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

The birds of prey marketing team was really like ok it’s Harley Quinn on the half shell, but let’s make it disruptive. Let’s put hot dogs in the water

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

My phone is like an iPod. hard to explain

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

New Video! “Scrunchie” for @adultswim

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

Just got excited for the release of Advil Dual Action with Acetaminophen

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

Me: I just read that memory isn’t stored in one part of the brain. It’s stored everywhere My friend who remembers that funny grink tweet: was the grink there

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

You either die a fame monster or you live long enough to see yourself become a kindness punk

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

1 year

[Andrew Dice Clay flipping mic cord across the stage] So the pope is AI now,

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

*kneels to the ground, holds a palm to the earth* A new Pink song has just been released.

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

this person looking through the sopranos family cookbook brought beauty into my life. when he says starfish it’s like I said starfish too

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

ok so get this i'm sad

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

We must lay down our swords and unite in solidarity against the pioneer woman

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

2 years

I’m a delicate woman I shouldn’t even know what Adobe premiere pro is

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

5 years

“ugh, my thighs” - Me at 136 years old, looking out the window of an elderly care facility run entirely by google home minis, trying to remember the phrase “ugh my mind” from my youth

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

1 year

being a girl again (bringing branches and twigs into my home) ❤��

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

to "bring" a pot to a boil only to then "let" it simmer on low? this is the type of paradoxical work we need to integrate to move forward together

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

I think about this every hour on the hour and I won’t dare say another word about it

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

3 years

10 years with this one :P

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Amy Zimmer

@oneamyzimmer

4 years

I tried my best to imagine a brighter future.

The New York Times

@nytimes

4 years

Fungie has vanished. The dolphin, who took up residence in the harbor of Dingle, Ireland, 37 years ago and became a tourist attraction, hasn't been seen in two weeks. Locals are coming to terms with the fact that he may not return.

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