⚾️ Satire and parody of the New York media run by
@LibrarianJoe_
🎭Featured on: the Today Show, Barstool Sports, MLB Network, WFAN, and Michael Kay Show.
Carlos Correa’s instant reaction to Fernando Tatis’ suspension:
“Wow,” the slugger told media before Friday’s game. “If there’s one thing I don’t respect it’s a cheater. I’ll leave it at that.”
Aaron Boone on heated exchange between he and Miguel Cabrera after intentional walk:
“Miggy was jawing at me after I called for the walk,” the Yankees skipper said. “I told him we’re even. He cost me a World Series in 2003, so now he can sleep on 2,999.”
Carlos Rodon was going to donate $10,000 for every out he recorded to a local animal shelter.
He recorded zero outs and had his worst showing with the Yankees.
Shohei Ohtani wired $4.5 million to New Jersey bookie Christopher Moltisanti.
Moltisanti is the son of Dickie Moltisanti — the former DiMeo Crime Family Capo murdered under mysterious circumstances in 1972.
Anthony Rizzo buys Tony Soprano’s home, source confirms.
“At 2:35 AM Friday morning Anthony gave his realtor a ring,” a source close to the Yankees slugger said. “Still intoxicated and partying after the Rangers huge win, he insisted that home was his and he bought immediately.”
Anthony Rizzo on returning to the Yankees:
"I saw I was linked to Houston and said, hey, what's that about," Rizzo told NYP Sports while cooking for veterans at his New Jersey home for charity function. "Any player that signs with the Astros doesn't have a good moral compass."
Carlos Correa on Astros documentary on PBS detailing the cheating scandal:
“I tried everything to stop them,” Correa told the Ashociated Press Thursday morning following the Twins' big win.
“Every day, I said, guys, let’s cut the crap and play the game the way it’s meant to be
Anthony Rizzo’s 292 foot home run is the shortest in MLB History, per Stotcast.
The Yankees first baseman will have his ball put in Cooperstown according to the Commissioner’s office.
Long Island serial killer called Michael Kay Show from burner phones 89 times, authorities say.
Topics ranged from Yankees, Brian Cashman, Giants offensive line, and had multiple tirades over Peter Rosenberg’s role on show.
Charlie Morton on comparison to Curt Schilling’s bloody sock game:
“The difference is I broke my leg and Curt scuffed himself up at Yankee Stadium to make it about himself,” the Braves starter said of his injury against the Astros. “Curt is still conning the Red Sox, good.”
Aaron Judge is said to be disappointed Snoop Dogg smoked weed at the Super Bowl:
“I thought I knew Snoop,” the Yankees slugger told TMZ. “I guess you never really know a guy.”
Justin Verlander blasts Yankees and surrounding culture:
“New York — particularly the Bronx — doesn’t do it for me,” Verlander said in his Astros exit interview. “I don’t want fans who’ll boo me. I don’t want a team that spams analytics like them. I prefer the old school way.”
Tony La Russa calls on MLB to suspend Yankees Tyler Wade after Wade convinced the White Sox skipper Sunday that relievers had a 3 inning minimum and not 3 batters:
“Thought I would ask the kid what the rule was and he lied to me,” La Russa said. “That’s bush league honestly.”
Eric Hosmer rejects Yankees offer:
“I got too much Boston in me to go there,” Hosmer told WEEI Saturday evening. “This city was good to me while I was with the Red Sox, and to put on the pinstripes feels dirty. I told them no.”
Trevor Bauer irked Diablos Rojos del Mexico teammate during start against Yankees:
“We’re tired of Americans sending their worst, most violent immigrants to our country that take our jobs. Maybe the wall wasn’t so bad.”
Umpires call Aaron Boone “Karen” in private, an anonymous source close to the MLBUA tells NYP Sports:
“In umpiring circles, they call him “Karen Boone,” a nickname they adopted from an old tweet by social media personality Jared Carrabis,” the source says.
“They also joke that
Chair Bloom fired after Red Sox owner John Henry realized Mookie Betts was traded, sources tell NYP Sports:
“Henry had been out of the country for a few years working on matters pertaining to his soccer team Liverpool FC,” sources tell us.
“Sam Kennedy, team president, was
BREAKING: Anthony Rizzo and Luke Voit fight at Yankees practice facility, source says:
“Voit was picking on prospects all week until Anthony Rizzo finally stepped in this morning,” a source tells us. “The two men were restrained before their heated argument could get physical.”
Tony La Russa calls Byron Buxton walk-off “showboating”:
“There’s no reason to hit a ball 469 feet when you can slap the ball the other way and get the same result,” La Russa said of the White Sox loss to the Twins. “It’s showboating. That’s not my game.”
Josh Donaldson reportedly rips complacent Yankees locker room in yet another loss to Blue Jays, source says:
“Guys were playing music and Donaldson threw the speakers across the room,” the team source says. “Donaldson chewed out the entire roster and left without showering.”
SOURCE: Gerrit Cole and Jameson Taillon reportedly had verbal altercation at the home of the Yankees ace when Taillon turned 49ers game off tonight for 90 Day Fiancé.
DJ LeMahieu requested personal days from Yankees following news of Aaron Rodgers’ achilles tear this week:
“Not much is known about DJ, but those in his inner circle say he’s taking the news of his childhood hero going down particularly hard,” sources close to NYP Sports say.
Max Scherzer on choosing the Dodgers over the Padres in the end:
“I had the final say,” Scherzer said. “LA is still a slum to me but the last thing I want is some dude who doesn’t hustle touching me and putting a spinning chain on me.”
Joey Gallo and Sonny Gray reportedly headed back to New York in a deal that would send Oswald Peraza, Jonathan Loaisiga, and Gleyber Torres to the Twins. Yankees looking for players with experience in New York.
Aaron Judge wants super team with Trea Turner and Jameson Taillon; sources tell NYP Sports:
“Word is out, and the superstar who hit 62 home runs for the Yankees says he is a package deal with these guys,” execs around the league found out today. “It’s the Miami Big 3 of MLB.”
Gerrit Cole defensive over “sticky-stuff-in-the-ass” accusation:
“I have a pimple on my ass, Marly. Is that what you wanted to hear,” Cole cried out to reporter Marly Rivera. “Why does everything need to be something, God.”
BREAKING: After 2016 the Yankees almost had a deal in place to trade Gary Sanchez for Mike Trout. Brian Cashman, though, had visions of Sanchez picking up where Derek Jeter left off.
Joey Gallo blasts MLB’s decision to ban shift:
“If you’re not skilled enough to change your approach and hit against the shift, you shouldn’t be rewarded,” the former Yankees slugger and current Dodgers outfielder said. “All we’ve done is help out bad hitters, in all honesty.”
Luke Voit blasts Yankees during batting practice session on IG Live:
“Send me to a team that doesn’t lose to the Astros or Red Sox every year,” Voit said. “They want to act like I’m not a good fit? Maybe they’re the wrong fit for me.”
Carlos Correa on going 0-4 against the Yankees:
“It’s hard to hear when you’re worried about your friend’s safety,” Correa said, with tears in his eyes. “Did you hear what they said about Jose? I wanted to pull the team off the field and protest the injustices against us.”
Luis Severino on what he said to the Blue Jays bench in the 1st:
“I told them to put on the Vladdy highlights from last night because that’s all they’ll get,” the Yankees ace said.
Giancarlo Stanton has enough and fires back at Marcus Stroman:
“Notice you can’t find Marcus when the benches clear,” Stanton says of the incident between the Mets and Yankees. “Word is when the field got hot, he went away and hid in their batting cages.”
Brian Cashman on sending Joey Gallo to the Dodgers:
“I told Joey I would send him to a low-stress environment, and I know LA clears out after the 5th inning,” the Yankees GM said. “Best of luck to him. I’m rooting for Joey.”
Rafael Devers had Derek Jeter’s number sewn on his jersey:
“Growing up in the DR, kids idolized Papi, but Jeter was my guy,” Devers said of the Yankees shortstop. “Every day, I carry myself like him. I watched the Captain six times and keep crying over it. It’s overwhelming.”
Anthony Rizzo on his first win with the Yankees:
“I’m happy to be here,” Rizzo said. “There were rumors about me going to the Red Sox but I’d rather beat the team that gave up on me than join them.”
Trevor Bauer blasts Carlos Correa:
“We don’t need Carlos Correa on the Dodgers,” Bauer said. “Let him go to the Yankees. We have a higher standard here. They have a history with guys who bend the rules and it shouldn’t be a problem to add him.”
Astros Carlos Correa on Dodgers being no-hit:
“The Dodgers got over the hump in a 60-game season, and all of a sudden, they were the 1927 Yankees because they added Gerrit Cole’s mop-up guy from UCLA,” Correa said. “I’m glad they got no-hit. They play with arrogant entitlement.”
Aaron Hicks LIV Golf debut is days after Yankees designated him for assignment.
"The MLBPA and Rob Manfred sent an internal memo to players and teams that Hicks signing with LIV Golf was not a precedent, but more a favor," an AL Executive told NYP Sports.
"Hicks, a longstanding
Nikola Jokic wants Nuggets to give Aaron Judge a ring since Astros “robbed” him:
“The 2017 Yankees were my introduction to baseball,” Jokic told his wife, Meredith Marakovits, on her podcast “House of M,” to be released Friday.
“If we win, I’ll personally deliver Judge a ring
Yankees dominated by Chase Silseth, a 41-year-old former community college pitcher who won a contest in 2022 to pitch an inning for Angels AA affiliate.
Gerrit Cole on what it meant to mow down the Astros:
“If they knew what was coming I still would have shoved it up their ass,” the Yankees ace said calmly.
Derek Jeter eyeing baseball return after stepping down as Marlins CEO, according to sources.
"Carlos Correa's comments "lit a fire" under the captain," a source close to Jeter said. "If the Yankees were looking for a stopgap shortstop, they may have found their guy."
Barry Bonds on Fernando Tatis:
"There are a lot of bozos in Fernando's corner talking too much," Bonds said. "In a situation like this you have to follow the "three ups." Shut up, lawyer up, and barrel up. He's handsome. Once they start hitting homers they'll forget. Just wait."
Jim Crane reacts to Anthony Rizzo’s Yankees return:
“There are 8-billion people on earth, and Anthony Rizzo had a chance to be a part of a lucky few to call the greatest city of all, Houston, home,” the Astros owner said on a conference call. “Imagine choosing New York over us?”
Reggie Jackson says Jose Altuve is more clutch than Derek Jeter:
"I've seen Derek and I've seen Jose, and here's what I'll tell you," Jackson said. "If you put him in Derek's spot, the Yankees have championships every year from 1996 to 2004. There's no collapse against Boston."
Everson Pereira refused Yankees promotion for fear of leaving winning situation in Scranton:
“Pereira, the captain of the powerhouse RailRiders has been preaching that it was championship or bust in the AAA clubhouse. Now, as he’s potentially headed to the big club, going to a
Aaron Boone on if Game 4 is a “must win” for Yankees:
“You can make the argument that it is, but I don’t see it that way,” Boone said. “At the end of the day, the baseline is competing. We’re going to go out and do that. Anything extra is fine.”
Alex Cora blasts Yankee Stadium dimensions following loss:
“I can’t wait to take this series to Fenway Park, where we have more traditional dimensions,” the Red Sox skipper said.
“A part of me wants to complain to the league because the Yankees hit some balls that would be
David Ross blasts Yankees/Anthony Rizzo for blowout of Cubs:
“A once respected franchise poured on runs against a team of hard working boys fighting to keep a job and feed families,” Ross said almost in tears. “I’m shocked Rizzo let that happen. Money changes guys.”
Starling Marte showed up to Steve Cohen’s house at 1:46 AM in a “Yankees Sucks” shirt. The two then drank wine and watched the infamous Francisco Lindor game at dawn.
The full story gets better.
BREAKING: Yankees sit Aaron Judge in protest of Peacock.
Manager Aaron Boone explains:
“Look, it pains me to have to do this,” the skipper said. “Cincinnati is my home away from home. Some people came a long way to see Judgey. Thing is, this streaming stuff, yeah, it’s not
Carlos Correa on another lackluster night for the Astros:
“The Yankees allowed fans to personally attack me and, more importantly, one of the best men on the planet, Jose,” an emotional Correa said after the loss nearly in tears. “New York is classless. MLB needs to step in.”
BREAKING: Content of Yankees letter revealed:
“When a fastball was coming, Joe Girardi would send a picture of a penis with his Apple Watch to the center fielder,” the letter says of the 2015 fiasco. “The center fielder would then relay that information to the catcher.”
DJ LeMahieu fined $50,000 for not answering TikTok questions from Yankees social media team:
“LeMahieu has come under fire by the organization when videos surfaced of him ignoring questions on Mario Kart and cereal,” sources tell NYP Sports. “Higher-ups call it unacceptable.”
Mike Trout to Rays “very close,” sources say.
“Tampa has been big game hunting since dipping their toes in the Freddie Freeman market in 2022, and they may now have their man,” a league source tell NYP Sports. “Their payroll will be closer to the Yankees after this Angels deal.”