Michael Legge @michaellegge Twitter profile

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Michael Legge

8 months

My favourite people are those who stay in alone on a Friday night. They have a chance of seeing this tweet. I’m not doing any more stuff here on Twitter, so if you’re missing childish swearing then please follow me at or here

Michael Legge (@michaellegge) on Threads

Comedian who gets really angry when you don’t retweet his stuff. 1.6K Followers.

www.threads.net

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Last Seen Profiles

@AlphaKennyOne99

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@lemandergisi

@raif_badawi

@HegeCoin

@MsNikkiVargas

@frddriver

@BBescty

@Biogaz

@reeltokpodcast

Michael Legge

@michaellegge

4 years

I’d never heard of Coronavirus until a couple of months ago and already it’s closing Glastonbury.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

I really hope Count Binface is Billie Piper.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

4 years

I grew up during The Troubles. This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen.

ScreenTime

@screentime

4 years

Gal Gadot and other celebs drop cringy rendition of John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ in support of coronavirus

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

2 years

“Right. We have three words left to put on Dad’s memorial plaque. Rest in peace?” “No”.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

4 years

People who don’t want you to vote Tory: David Attenborough Michael Palin Hugh Laurie Emma Thompson People who do want you to vote Tory: Tommy Robinson Jimmy Savile Morrissey Gary Glitter Every cunt you went to school with All terrorists Scrappy Doo The Phantom Menace

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

Andrew Lloyd Webber will ignore restrictions and reopen his theatres on 21st June “come hell or high water”. Not his words. Tim Rice’s.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

Is Trump allowed to bring games in tomorrow?

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

11 months

If you’re thinking of getting your nails done, go to Manchester.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

7 years

I wonder how Bruce Forsyth and Yoda would have greeted each other?

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

4 years

I hate it when a celebrity dies and people tweet about how they met them once and they were lovely. With that in mind, I met Jim Davidson once and he was a cunt.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

Love him or hate him, Tommy Robinson is a cunt.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

6 years

“Mother and baby are doing well”. Fuck me, that’s an understatement.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

Hello, @GreggsOfficial . Are your new vegan sausage rolls also halal? If not, can you still say they are, please? It’ll be really funny.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

Oh, Andrew. Still using that line?

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

If you fancy something more positive, my niece’s husband’s internal organs all failed for no apparent reason a few weeks ago, he’s been in a coma and she was told to prepare to have his life support switched off. Today, he rang her from the hospital. So, there’s that.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

Why are so many people complaining about Margaret Thatcher being on the new £50 note? Like any of us is going to have £50 after March. Fuck it, let them put Ian Huntley on it. We’ll never see it.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

7 years

If I was Piers Morgan I'd keep my mouth shut. And hold my nose.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

4 years

Dads Army now has more surviving cast members than Glee.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

If you and your partner both can’t figure out how to walk single file, then maybe split up and find better people?

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

David Bowie would have been 74 and disappointed in all of us today.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

If there is anything good about today, it’s seeing how loved Sean Lock is in the comedy community.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

9 years

Finally saw Frozen! Took my niece and I sang along and clapped at everything. She's barely said a word since. http://t.co/FJ8HNK9pw2

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

I love Sean Lock. I’ll always treasure that time he lost his patience with David Walliams and said “fuck off, you pink minstrel”. What a huge loss.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

6 years

To Iranian President Rouhani: HIYA HOPE YOU’RE HAVING A NICE DAY WANT TO SEE MAMMA MIA: HERE WE GO AGAIN SOMETIME THIS WEEK I’M FREE ON WEDNESDAY WE CAN GO TO PIZZA EXPRESS AFTERWARDS

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

4 years

Honestly, two swigs of Cillit Bang and I’ve completely forgotten I had a cough and who my parents are.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

Alright, dead people. We get it. You LIKE benches.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

4 years

Feeling down? Feeling sad? Let me cheer you up beyond belief. The guy who played Monkey in Monkey also plays Columbo in the Japanese version of Columbo.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

I hate those bits at the end of Marvel films. You know after the end credits? When the lights come up and you're 50 and you've done nothing.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

If anyone is going to write about Sean, it should be Harry Hill.

Harry Hill on Sean Lock: ‘The comedian’s comedian who took us all by surprise’

Sean’s crazily funny gags reminded me why I got into comedy – his dry humour was always balanced with his wide-eyed wonder at the world

www.theguardian.com

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

4 years

Missed the Morrissey gig in London today.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

2 years

Look how many Jim’ll Fix It badges he has.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

6 years

Nickleback is better than Brexit.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

6 years

Quorn have finally made vegan gammon.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

1 year

Any craft beer fans looking for something quirky and different could do a lot worse than have a look at Travelodge’s selection of “world beers” chosen by them.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

6 years

Can’t believe it! My laptop got smashed to pieces on the same day I saw James Corden singing with Queen.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

Perfectly put by @andrewismaxwell .

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

Really enjoyed my third wank of 2019.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

I feel really sorry for racists today. Imagine being told you don’t exist.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

Good morning! Has Father Brexit been? Did he leave racism, food shortages and no medicine out for all the man-childs? Aww, look at their little bright red faces.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

1 year

Best reception area ever.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

Anyone seen Game of Thrones?

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

27 days

If you’re ever feeling sad or a bit blue, just remember to take a look at this photo of Dave Vanian on Good Morning Britain in 1986. Been making me laugh for 10 minutes.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

6 years

To be fair, he can afford it.

NME

@NME

6 years

Elton John ‘paid £5 million’ to star in John Lewis Christmas advert

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

6 years

Feel like I’ve just been told off my a UKIPer.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

So.... @Glinner gets Cariad Lloyd hounded off Twitter, encourages people to ban a trans charity and then “takes a break for Christmas”. I hope the cunt isn’t scared of ghosts.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

I’m really happy to hear that Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds are marrying each other. It’s about time something shit happened to them.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

4 years

Pet grief is a huge thing. The day after my dog Jerk died, I went out and bought lots of bird seed just so I could look after an animal again. The day after that, I went to a petting zoo to feed goats. Caring for other animals seemed to help. Donating to @Battersea_ did too.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

12 years

Sad to say that Gregg Jevin, a man I just made up, has died. #RIPGreggJevin

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

Jeff Bezos is such a huge inspiration to any small child who wants to grow up to pay to be an astronaut.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

6 years

James Bond isn’t real.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

Well. It’s over. I’m finished. A young man just offered me his seat on a train. Little cunt. I wanted to knock his face in, but I didn’t have my readers on.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

Danny Baker is escorted off BBC property.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

6 years

40 years ago I saw Star Wars for the very first time and, all these years later, it still feels like those films talk to me.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

I don’t think there’s a garden centre big enough to hold tomorrow’s press conference.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

4 years

I’m so glad Laurence Fox is finally going into politics. It’s always been my dream to see him fuck up three careers.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

I had way too much vegan cheese before bed last night. Kept having some horrible really long lectures in my sleep.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

4 years

8 years gone. #RIPGreggJevin

Michael Legge

@michaellegge

12 years

Sad to say that Gregg Jevin, a man I just made up, has died. #RIPGreggJevin

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

This Valentine's Day, please try to remember the elderly. Maybe you'll have more luck with them?

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

As a mark of respect, BritBox is putting all the racism back in Fawlty Towers for a month.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

9 years

This is the greatest conversation about sport ever. Well done, @elisjames . http://t.co/4PIxB6SZK7

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

There is no fuel shortage. There’s plenty of it for everyone. It just hasn’t been distributed properly. Like money.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

6 years

Full day of blocking today. It’s been great. Turns out, nothing is more upsetting to people than saying you like Queen. I’m sure Freddie would be delighted he still makes people either very happy or very, very impotently angry. #Queen

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

1 year

My god. She looks INCREDIBLE with a chimney on her.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

2 years

The last time you shot your load into a living being, she left you and took the kids.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

I asked a woman to switch her kids iPad noise off on a train. The whole carriage came to her “defence”. Well, I’m done. You lot seem to love cunts. All the best for whatever happens in the awful future. xxx

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

LONDON WEATHER: There’s a terrible cunt coming in from the west today so don’t forget to not wrap up.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

4 years

I met Katie Hopkins once and, to be honest, she wasn’t as nice as she appears online.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

10 months

Sinéad O’Connor was a phenomenal artist and a perfect Irish person. She spoke out about real wrong things in the real world. She wasn’t angry about things that didn’t exist, like so many people. She was angry and outspoken and she could sing. That’s what an Irish person is.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

6 years

Such a moving tribute.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

Look at this cunt trying to be working class by dropping his H’s.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

You have to shut the fuck up before you can break silence.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

Pubs don’t get enough credit for being open for a few hours on Christmas Day. Not everyone has people to spend the day with. If you can, go to the pub tomorrow and if someone says hello, say hello back. You might enjoy it. Plus they have booze there. Just an idea.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

7 years

In four years, I hope Big Ben comes back as a woman. Imagine the anger over Big Bev.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

If you voted Brexit, you’re a cunt. Your mum is a cunt, your ugly cunt children are cunts and your shoes are dickheads. Your pub quiz team name is Cunts and your job is twatbastard in charge of shitting into your own hand and kissing it. #PeopleVoteMarch

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

6 years

Asked a young person to switch their music off on a train. She did. But then turned to her friend and hit me with this MASSIVE INSULT: “Switched off. Too loud for the 30 year old”.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

27 days

SHITTING HELL!!! Monkey is on ITVX.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

He ordered a sausage roll. On room service. In a hotel room. Alone. Very, very alone.

Piers Morgan

@piersmorgan

5 years

Just ordered a large sausage roll on room service. A meat one. Real meat. The vegan resistance starts here. 👊

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

1 year

I see all the cunts who were against taking the knee are looking forward to pledging allegiance to the King.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

4 years

Too long to tweet. So here’s a picture of it.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

I know you know this but that two-part Billy Connolly documentary is so good. A genuinely generous man. A life well lived and beautifully shared. We’re lucky to still have him. He’s also really, really funny.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

It’s a shithole?

Mirror Breaking News

@MirrorBreaking_

3 years

BREAKING Anyone trying to leave the UK will have to declare they have a valid reason

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

4 years

Going on a crawl tomorrow: The Dog and Duck, The Kings Head, The Red Lion, The Hospital, The Isolation Unit, The Mortuary.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

8 years

Off to Glastonbury today? Don't forget to bring heavy boots and an umbrella. In fact, anything you can throw at Coldplay.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

6 years

Drummers, if you sit on your arm long enough, it feels like you’re in Def Leppard.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

3 years

So excited! I’ve got front row seats for Andrew Lloyd Webber’s arrest.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

Hello. I’m Michael. I like women and trans people. I don’t like Graham Linehan. Sorry if you feel I’ve let you down by liking and supporting both. Now, unlike Graham, I’d like to get back to writing comedy. Thanks for your replies and advice. Bye for now.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

6 years

“When a man is tired of London, he is tired of being stabbed all the time” - Samuel Johnson, 1777.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

4 years

Even if you disagree with my opinion, you have to admire the microphone technique.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

1 year

My dad told me that Seasons in The Sun was written by Terry Jacks knowing that he was dying. Dad said that in 1974. 5 minutes ago, I found out that it wasn’t written by Terry Jacks AND THE CUNT IS STILL ALIVE. I HAVE SPENT MY LIFE BEING SAD FOR THAT MAN. I FUCKING HATE HIM NOW.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

I’m off to the theatre, like a proper cunt.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

2 years

I didn’t know Barry Cryer. I met him only once. In a public loo. We were standing next to each other, pissing. I thought “wow, it’s Barry Cryer” but tried to keep cool by continuing to drink from my pint of beer. He said “You realise you’re basically a funnel”. Very funny man.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge

5 years

In Northern Ireland, myrrh is something you look in to make sure your hair’s alright.

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Michael Legge

@michaellegge