merritt k @merrittk Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

merritt k

@merrittk

2 months

buy my book. you'll like it

24

76

561

Last Seen Profiles

@tenti_10

@ishi_furo

@Yukitabett

@joshua_boe

@fabnmopixx

@MuseumHalle

@Galtee_GaelsGAA

@OldVillageV

@TessierAshp00l

@monom6969

@belli_roman

@Amatoo_18

@Flora5892

@KOBURNE1

@003u__

@Lillard0

@dr_woodall

@_sanskari

@SuperQueso58

@Landon3howell

@ccouspcameroun

@7ljljl

@Natesways_

@itssskhalid

@ParisGreyy

@JDEMBAPPE

@lhshacxn

@tunlaw87

@mizukipunch

@SW_integrity

@PlaytimeRoblox

@lavishlalaaaa_

@TheSafeAnnaAnon

@LynneAustin

@willkeep22

@moralgrey

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

Bro how are you supposed to have a full time job, cook and clean, maintain relationships, and work on your own little projects. Seems fake

842

30K

232K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

169

16K

154K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Hour four, she still hasn’t figured it out

330

9K

111K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

I want to produce a coffee table book that’s just pictures of LAN parties from the 90s and 2000s

996

11K

93K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

I see people online being like “god I’m in my 30s my life is over I wasted my youth” like bitch stop following teen influencer insta accounts and live your life

159

7K

79K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

This is what every Twitter trending topic looks like to me now

225

7K

75K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

If Gandalf didn’t want Frodo to put on the ring he shouldn’t have called it “quite cool” when he gave it to him

214

7K

74K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

Don’t even have a joke for this it just fucking sucks that my dead friends’ accounts are going to disappear

528

5K

73K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

Yoshi found dead off New Jersey Turnpike

461

6K

70K

merritt k

@merrittk

4 years

Joan Cusack in Addams Family Values appreciation thread

361

12K

69K

merritt k

@merrittk

11 months

If cis is a slur why haven't I ever heard 8 year olds shouting it into their mics on Fortnite

216

6K

64K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Look, do I regret betraying my siblings? Sure. Would I do it again for the great taste of Turkish delight? Of course I would

141

4K

61K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

Everything that used to be a product (or just a public good) is being turned into a subscription service. They want you renting your entire existence

325

8K

60K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

109

4K

59K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Hey what the fuck

389

6K

56K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

This is in fact the voice of the majority of America

71

3K

54K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

It’d be so cool to be a dude. Hanging out with the boys, cracking open a cold one with the boys, sucking off the boys,

283

4K

52K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Nice post you got there. Be a shame if someone interpreted it in the least charitable possible way to make themselves look morally superior

83

5K

52K

merritt k

@merrittk

4 years

How the media portrays anarchists: Okay guys let’s smash some shit! Actual anarchists: Okay so it’s been 8 hours but we finally reached consensus on the use of the word “guys” in meetings

223

6K

48K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Wait when they bury someone with implants is there a point in the decomposition process where there’s just a skeleton with huge boobs

167

2K

49K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

It's crazy how much more colorful and legible a lot of older games are in comparison to today's

LookinAzz

@lookinazz_

1 year

2004 vs 2023 #HogwartsLegacy

345

3K

29K

539

2K

47K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

My most insane current belief is that shift in the millennial narrative to “they’re old and hate/fear zoomers” is 100% an op to push us towards identifying with power structures and tradition

374

5K

47K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Saddest thing in the world is a cartoon mouse cutting off paper-thin slices of a single bean for his dinner

99

3K

43K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

Damn

70

2K

42K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

45

4K

40K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

You cannot convince me that Tom Holland and Zendaya are not each others’ beards

437

1K

39K

merritt k

@merrittk

24 days

i get that hardships are the fire in which your future self is forged but sometimes da fire too hot and ouchie

29

8K

38K

merritt k

@merrittk

11 months

I'm still recovering from getting dumped by someone I thought I was going to marry, I'm unemployed, I'm utterly disgusted with my body, and I feel like I will never create anything of lasting value. Maybe I'll start reading One Piece

534

1K

36K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Every time I go down to do my laundry I am greeted by this big picture of bread

160

760

35K

merritt k

@merrittk

11 months

I've done a 180 on matinees. Seeing a movie at 10 AM then coming out and realizing you still have the entire day left rules actually

259

1K

34K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

This is one of the funniest images I've ever seen

54

2K

31K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Me living by the sword: Swords rule Me dying by the sword: Ugheueghhh

35

5K

30K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

For a while now I've been working on a photo book of LAN parties documenting the phenomenon and culture. You can preorder it now!

427

3K

30K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

Men writing fanfic: John was attending Sex University, where all of the students and teachers are horny for sex Women writing fanfic: At Sex University, sex is strictly forbidden. Here is the complete administrative structure of the school

183

2K

29K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

Imagine, just for the sake of argument, as I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor, hypothetically, and let’s say I can't help but to hear, no, I simply cannot help but to hear an exchanging of words

89

3K

29K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Every wizard in Harry Potter who was alive during WWII saw the Holocaust happen and was like yeah that’s none of my business

309

2K

28K

merritt k

@merrittk

10 months

Whoa there friendo! You're fantasizing about inflicting violence on the people systematically stripping away your rights? That's a little much for this heckin pupper. Also I freaking love science

60

2K

26K

merritt k

@merrittk

11 months

Errol Baer

@errol_baer

11 months

@merrittk Nah. New York is a shithole

81

7

184

93

845

26K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Me getting into bed at 5 PM for a “quick nap"

45

3K

26K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

I love when someone is trying to own the libs and it becomes evident that they stopped paying attention to culture in 2007. Like they're going on about skinny jeans and Starbucks, sir it's 2022 young men are wearing straight cut jeans and drinking vtuber urine

73

1K

25K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

Why does Daniel Craig look like a Barnard professor being interviewed about her latest collection of poetry

jo livingstone

@Jo_Livingstone

1 year

??

98

307

5K

86

1K

24K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

Devs getting mad that people like Elden Ring "despite" it not following any of their rules for design which are essentially marketing dictates from American publishers

146

2K

24K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

I'm working on an unbiased article on dogs for the New York Times. I'm not looking to speak to dog owners or veterinarians at this time but if you hate dogs and think dogs are controlling your mind and that they should all be launched into the sun I would like to hear from you

437

3K

24K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

You can say gender neutral or have many sexual orientation. But you are buried, in 100 years when archelogolist dig you up, he is going to say "jesus christ a fucking skellington"

65

2K

23K

merritt k

@merrittk

20 days

Ask a non-Jewish American in their 30s about the Passover story and odds are good this is what they're visualizing

175

2K

23K

merritt k

@merrittk

4 years

“My tenants aren’t paying rent and it’s my only source of income!” Damn that seems like something you should have thought about before you decided to become a human parasite

64

3K

22K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

Caitlyn Jenner

@Caitlyn_Jenner

1 year

. @elonmusk I hope you are surrounded by massive security and in an extremely safe undisclosed location - you just became public enemy number one to some very very bad people, I pray for your safety and thank you for your bravery! We need more @elonmusk in our society!!!

16K

31K

337K

22

2K

22K

merritt k

@merrittk

11 months

Got an almost immediate rejection from a job, went to see the person who sent it on here and they have me blocked lol

41

230

20K

merritt k

@merrittk

11 months

Was waiting for my number to be called at the DMV and this employee came up to me, I figured because I was in the wrong area or something but she was like "hey so I don't know if you swing that way but my friend up there thinks you're really cute." Anyway I'm getting married

44

267

20K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

If I had the One Ring I would simply resist its corrupting temptations and only use it in situations where it was appropriate to do so

105

1K

20K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Do you ever worry that you have relaxed too far into your idiosyncrasies to ever be in another serious relationship

220

936

19K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 month

Cool society we've created

140

3K

19K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

unpopular opinion, but all work is valid work. hitman, child poisoner, guy who sells contraptions to wile coyote. when we live in a world where you need money in order to literally survive, all work is valid work. it’s ridiculous to judge people on what they had to do to survive.

207

2K

18K

merritt k

@merrittk

11 months

Insane that the CEO of Reddit is singlehandedly destroying the site in pursuit of short-term gain. The internet is basically getting burned down for immediate profits and in a few years there's going to be nothing good about it left

223

1K

18K

merritt k

@merrittk

4 years

This says a lot about society

206

1K

16K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

43

2K

17K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Realizing there are people getting sucked into NFTs who weren’t alive for the period of time when everyone was mass-buying comic books because they were convinced they’d be worth thousands in the future

274

2K

17K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 month

everyone talks about the bizarre sex stuff in the later dune books and the big worm but i really hope they get to the point in the series where it's revealed that orthodox judaism has survived all that weird shit totally unchanged

33

535

17K

merritt k

@merrittk

11 months

Doctor Disrespect is leading a charge to uninstall COD because Activision removed a streamer's in-game skin for homophobic comments. Damn, he must really care about children and public safety. Hey on an unrelated note remember this

370

1K

16K

merritt k

@merrittk

11 months

Feels like a very real possibility that the internet as we've known it for the last 15 years ceases to be soon. Google's useless, centralized social media is collapsing, VCs are shutting everything down. We're all going to go back to little enclaves and maybe that's good

231

915

15K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

The forbidden syrup...

85

667

15K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

I’ve beaten DS1-3 and Bloodborne. I beat Gascoigne on my first try. Margit is the hardest boss I’ve ever fought in a Souls game lmao

674

348

14K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Gasoline, beer, cum: these are the classic “guzzling” liquids

74

778

14K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

Man in his 30s: They don't make GOOD CARTOONS like this anymore The cartoon:

147

840

13K

merritt k

@merrittk

5 years

Pokémon Sleep is great now they just need to make Pokémon Eat and Pokémon Stop Falling in Love With Emotionally Unavailable People and i'll be set

37

4K

13K

merritt k

@merrittk

4 years

Scott Bixby — the guy who wrote that article about a Bernie staffer having a private Twitter account — has a trust fund and lives in a million dollar apartment, in case you were wondering why he might be interested in doing this kind of thing in the guise of journalism

77

1K

12K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Don Quixote is a story about a man who successfully kills all of the windmills in the world

131

906

12K

merritt k

@merrittk

5 years

Show notifications from: ⚪️ Everyone ⚪️ People I follow ⚪️ People who follow me 🔘 People I have crushes on whose minor interactions with me in the forms of likes and retweets I will scrutinize for days

28

2K

12K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

Doctor: Great job, you've been born. You're a natural. Now, press [A] repeatedly to cry. Right, just like that. As a baby, crying is one of your most useful abilities

27

1K

12K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

I don’t think we should normalize anything. All behavior should be reviled and punished

60

1K

11K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

Avatar 3 should be based on volcano levels and Avatar 4 should be a haunted house

93

459

11K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

41

1K

11K

merritt k

@merrittk

5 years

fucked up that humans have bred dogs that cant even breathe right but not giant dogs you can ride through the woods

71

2K

11K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

[meets a gay couple] So, which one of you posts and which one begs the other to stop posting

49

1K

11K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

Dude I'm so excited to live through a time when AI means nobody wants to pay for most jobs but we still think you need to work to be allowed to eat and have a place to live. It's going to be just like Star Trek (the part before the show starts when everything fucking sucks)

54

1K

11K

merritt k

@merrittk

4 years

I thought I knew what fear was but then I encountered a couple on Tinder who were, in their own words, “looking to boink left-leaning cuties who are into mindbending films"

64

500

10K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

Insanely funny to me that people my age are now getting upset at younger people getting into Y2K aesthetics without having lived through the era. That's how this works. That's how this has always worked

67

414

10K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

What’s your favorite animated movie that isn’t by Disney, Pixar, or Studio Ghibli?

6K

677

10K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Losing my mind at bean dad getting his track pulled from MBMBaM

53

382

10K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

Comedians in interviews: I bleieve, that I am a kind of sacred jester whose task is to push the boundarise of society Comedians on stage: Girls pee out of the butt

28

413

10K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

Discovered a new type of guy tonight: jacked adult man who brags to teens at the Magic: The Gathering event about all the pussy he crushes

156

261

9K

merritt k

@merrittk

2 years

I don't think anyone has done as much speed since as yogurt executives in the 90s and early 2000s

35

453

9K

merritt k

@merrittk

5 years

my therapist: people with emotional regulation issues actually feel positive emotions more deeply also me: that’s bullshit [later, staring at a picture of kirby on my phone] i love the funny boy. i would die for the pink orb

19

2K

9K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Reminder that even if everybody changed their consumption patterns tomorrow corporations would keep producing 70% of emissions because supply and demand are completely unrelated concepts

36

857

9K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

My advice for young queer creators is do not try to create content for your “community,” because you will be setting yourself up to be pigeonholed and torn apart by people who feel you owe them something. Make the work you feel is important and you will form real community

12

1K

9K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

I’m glad Foucault didn’t have to see this

93

426

9K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

25

1K

9K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 month

everything is going to get worse so you should enjoy smoking weed and playing videogames while you can

43

2K

9K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

The Italians have failed the people of New York. We must return to rule by the Irish

90

695

9K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Cassandra if you are going to use my pics to catfish I ask that you not be this corny

71

103

9K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

I wish I was a cartoon octopus playing drums in an undersea band

42

1K

8K

merritt k

@merrittk

4 years

Men simply love a woman with big ones and depression

105

490

8K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 year

Art was cool while it lasted

Roberto Nickson

@rpnickson

1 year

And just like that. The music industry is forever changed. I recorded a verse, and had a trained AI model of Kanye replace my vocals. The results will blow your mind. Utterly incredible.

2K

9K

58K

91

482

8K

merritt k

@merrittk

1 month

I've applied for hundreds of jobs over the last year. Many listings are fake for various reasons. Employers know they can pay peanuts because people are desperate. Online applications get filtered out by AI. It is literally a hopeless situation

61

957

8K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

We need a separate internet for people under 25 and a separate internet for people who love Marvel movies and a separate internet for people who want to fuck anthropomorphic bicycles. Bring back forums, basically

66

763

7K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Willem Dafoe has been canceled for having too big a dick. Sources call it “just an absolute monster hog, absurd in its heft”

84

530

7K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Found this while extremely high a few nights ago and it scared the shit out of me

30

485

8K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Imagining a world where disillusioned teens imprinted on American cartoons instead of anime. A legion of Woody Woodpecker avatars, big white gloves in every selfie, bios affirming that they’re wascally wabbits

98

866

7K

merritt k

@merrittk

3 years

Do you ever feel like you were born missing the crucial spark that makes a person a person and have thus spent your whole life trying to act human by fulfilling other people’s ideas of how a person should be. That seems like it would be bad

108

552

7K

merritt k

@merrittk

8 months

It is really hard to watch McConnell suffer like this. He should be suffering more

30

780

7K