Mark Humphries Profile Banner
Mark Humphries Profile
Mark Humphries

@markhumphries

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I don’t know where you’ve seen me. @abc730 ? @PointlessAU ? @thefeedsbs ? Maybe you’ve never seen me. Management: erin @morrissey .com.au

Sydney, Australia
Joined June 2010
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
7 years
CNN responds to Trump's tweet
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
4 years
Wishing the President a speedy recovfefe
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Mark Humphries
4 years
Malcolm Turnbull slams The Australian's Paul Kelly over News Corp's position on climate change.
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Mark Humphries
2 years
It’s at this point we learn the government hasn’t ordered enough forklifts.
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Mark Humphries
3 years
THE MEGHAN MARKLE HELPLINE: Got a ridiculous opinion about her? We’ll endure it so others don’t have to.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
2 years
That feeling you get when watching the news these days
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
2 years
So you’re telling me we had a botched vaccine rollout and no RATs despite apparently having two health ministers?
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
2 years
The Government’s Good Day
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Mark Humphries
3 years
Thanks for the experiment, John.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
4 years
THE NOT TODAY SHOW: For politicians who aren’t ready to talk about climate change.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
4 years
The Armchair Epidemiologist
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
5 years
Thanks to my co-writer @evanwilliams , and our performers @charlesfirth , @angelavoipierre , @ClayHichens , @jotownsend , Michael Hartman, Wendy Pritchard and VO by @brookewylie .
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
2 years
Waiting to find out that the minister who called Scott Morrison a "fraud" and a "complete psycho" was also Scott Morrison.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
3 years
The PM desperately hoping Jenny has a way of clarifying desk wanks.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
7 years
The Doctor Who Helpline.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
3 years
It was bad enough that the MAGA people ruined red hats, now I'll have to throw out all my viking helmets.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
3 years
Australian government clarifies plan for net zero.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
3 years
We’re back, baby.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
2 years
Big cheers to everyone who made it to end of that shitshow.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
3 years
England still sending Australia their worst.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
3 years
So much of the moronic debate in the USA revolves around the argument "What would the Founding Fathers think?". Imagine if Australians agonised over every issue like this: "Oh, no, what would Sir Henry Parkes think?" He's dead, who gives a shit.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
5 years
Scott Morrison’s new tourism campaign
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
4 years
WIDE WORLD OF RORTS
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
3 years
Director of the ‘Milkshake’ Consent Video Speaks Out
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
1 year
Somewhere along the way this interview with Paul Keating has turned into a one-man roast of the entire press gallery.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
8 months
My apologies to those who say I’m insulting no voters. The no campaign is telling us no voters “don’t know” what they’re voting on. The no campaign is telling us no voters might put a cross where it says “Write YES or NO”. If anyone’s insulting no voters, it’s the no campaign.
@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
8 months
“The referendum has become a sort of NAPLAN test for the no campaign. On the literacy side, they’re concerned people won’t write yes or no but will mark their ballot paper with a cross. And on the numeracy side, they’re confused about whether the Uluru statement is 1 page or 26.”
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
3 years
If he'd spent half as much energy dealing with the pandemic as he did undermining faith in US democracy, Trump could have won legitimately. What a fucking idiot.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
3 years
Hey, could be worse. They could have had the lady with the wrong email server.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
4 years
After four years of this crap, I just realised how refreshing it was to hear someone tell Trump to shut up to his face.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
3 years
It’s been 8 years since there was a Labor Prime Minister. If you want sketches mocking a Labor Prime Minister, vote for a Labor Prime Minister.
@Peter76Right
Pete
3 years
@abc730 @markhumphries @evanwilliams Just watched your ridicule add on ScoMo... I wonder if #abc have ever done the same for a labour prime minister? This is a political ad designed to manipulate the people’s opinion of the PM....the abc is shameless- I wish my tax payer dollars was spent on news. #defundabc
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Mark Humphries
3 years
I am grateful for one thing about the Trump presidency: we never had to endure an official visit.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
4 years
Had to check I didn’t make this video.
@Barnaby_Joyce
Barnaby Joyce
4 years
Merry Christmas
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
4 years
When Politicians Pass The Buck
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
4 years
Imagine experiencing all the wealth and privilege in the world, ascending to the highest office in your country, and being such a whiny bitch.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
3 years
It’s the 2020 Closing Down Sale! Everything 2020-related must go!
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Mark Humphries
4 years
The Liberal Party’s ‘Woman Problem’
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Mark Humphries
8 months
Worth remembering this while Clive Palmer pledges $2 million to the Voice’s No campaign.
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Mark Humphries
2 years
“Personal Responsibility”
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Mark Humphries
5 years
I’m a daddy again.
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Mark Humphries
2 years
Australian government cracks down on online trolls.
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Mark Humphries
4 years
News Corp clarifies its climate change stance.
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Mark Humphries
3 years
The PM’s Message to Women
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Mark Humphries
2 years
It's now clear there were several other people in this photo.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
9 months
After five years, tonight’s sketch will be our last at 7.30. Thank god for that, I hear some of you say. To everyone else, thank you for watching and for supporting both our work and my pivot to a beard.
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Mark Humphries
5 years
I once spoke to a woman from Montana who couldn’t comprehend Australia’s gun laws. “But do you feel free?”, she asked. It was then I realised no amount of statistics will persuade gun advocates. Gun ownership is completely tangled up with the concept of “freedom”.
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Mark Humphries
5 years
Getaway: Fraser Anning edition
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Mark Humphries
4 years
Haven’t seen a loo roll at my supermarket in two weeks. Wiping my arse with Lindt bunnies.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
7 months
Not only does Trump keep classified documents in cardboard boxes, he shares classified information with a guy who makes cardboard boxes.
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Mark Humphries
2 years
Going to reclaim "How good is..." for the rest of us now by saying "How good is The Saturday Paper?". Seriously. Consistently great work by @SquigglyRick , @KarenMMiddleton , @MikeSeccombe et al.
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Mark Humphries
3 years
Read this sentence and let that sink in. Then read all of this from @latingle .
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
4 years
Announcing the next Government welfare program based on hearsay and anecdotal evidence.
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Mark Humphries
1 year
Ridiculous that this continues to be relevant over three years after we made it.
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Mark Humphries
4 years
Remember to go for regular skin checks. Just had an expensive procedure to remove a melanoma. Slip, slop, slap. Sorry for the boring message, but hopefully someone will benefit from the reminder.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
7 years
IF PEOPLE SPOKE LIKE POLITICIANS
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Mark Humphries
3 years
Crisis meeting at the PM’s office about his love of curry metaphors.
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Mark Humphries
2 years
Weirdly satisfying to attend an auction in Sydney today where only one person made a bid and it wasn’t anywhere near the asking price. Just a collective refusal to pay silly money.
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Mark Humphries
3 years
Ordered a cake for my wife’s birthday this week and now thinking I’ll just order a cake every week. Fuck it.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
8 years
America, you're about to elect the leader of the free world. Well, here's a message for you from the free world.
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Mark Humphries
4 years
Every clip of The Today Show is now an interview with a crank, followed by the hosts saying "I don't know why we had that person on".
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
5 years
Nationals MP Barabbas Loins defends his role in the water buybacks scandal.
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Mark Humphries
3 years
Bravo @danilic . Great work on CNN with @jaketapper . And kudos to @russellcrowe for making it happen.
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Mark Humphries
3 years
Praying for the young actors in that milkshake thing.
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Mark Humphries
3 years
The Government’s Extremely Clear Vaccine Rollout Message
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
3 years
Went to the GP to get one of those tiny band-aids and I got a free @AstraZeneca shot as a reward for being a brave boy. Recommend!
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
2 years
Excited to learn Chris Kenny will be presenting a Sky News doco about 90 Years of the ABC. Hope he includes this classic clip of himself mishearing the word "conservators" as "conservatives" and going all in on it.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
10 months
Apropos of nothing
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Mark Humphries
2 years
When politicians can’t stop saying “Mr Speaker”
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Mark Humphries
3 years
Got a rogue MP that needs a gentle reining in? Call ScoMo’s Dressing Down Service.
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Mark Humphries
3 years
Public Health Warning: DICKHEAD-19
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
8 months
Thank you for all the praise for my new character "Tim Gurner".
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Mark Humphries
3 years
Shame to see the Trump presidency cut short. He was just two weeks away from announcing his healthcare plan.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
5 months
At this point, one of the best arguments in favour of changing the date of Australia Day is so we don’t have to have this tedious debate every year.
@dailytelegraph
The Daily Telegraph
5 months
The Albanese government has been accused of waging a secret war to change the date of Australia Day — and using councils to do the dirty work as more than 80 cancel citizenship ceremonies on January 26. See if your council is on the list.
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Mark Humphries
2 years
Following QANTAS’ recent issues, here’s a new inflight video for the embattled airline.
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Mark Humphries
4 years
BUNNINGS SECURITY: Australia’s Front Line Against ‘Karens’
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Mark Humphries
5 years
13 million views. Credit again to my co-writer @evanwilliams and our shooter/editor @_ChloeAngelo .
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Mark Humphries
4 years
I always know when the IPA has posted a video because I get lovely tweets from people congratulating me on my latest ridiculous character.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
6 years
The visionary behind Scott Morrison’s online videos.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
1 year
The Liberal Party Quitline
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Mark Humphries
3 years
Gonna be thinking about this tweet for the rest of my life.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
3 years
No @abc730 sketch this week as I have come down with shingles. It's affected one half of my face, ruining my "Ken doll gone wrong" looks. So possibly an improvement in that case.
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Mark Humphries
1 year
There was a real opportunity here for to scrutinise the absurdity of a system where the first tenant to rent a new build is slugged with a $300 connection fee to access the NBN. They've not done that, but I encourage them to do so.
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Mark Humphries
5 years
The visionary behind that Josh Frydenberg video.
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Mark Humphries
3 months
Former public school students speak out on the dangers of adequate funding for public schools.
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Mark Humphries
4 years
A few people are going to need this today.
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Mark Humphries
4 years
I picked the worst time to let my in-laws move in with us.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
2 years
This is very, very good.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
2 years
They’ve got a complicated history on climate change, but maybe they can make their relationship work this time around.
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Mark Humphries
5 years
@PaulineHansonOz I sometimes get mistaken for @drchrisbrown . Not all white people look the same.
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Mark Humphries
5 years
A message from the Coalition to students planning to protest.
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Mark Humphries
3 years
Let’s see if “listening to the medical advice” only applies to opening international borders.
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@markhumphries
Mark Humphries
4 years
Must...resist...urge...to...reply...to...morons...
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Mark Humphries
3 years
If you’re looking to emulate the Prime Minister’s style, we’ve got the shop for you.
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Mark Humphries
5 years
Australia’s new AFP-approved news channel
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Mark Humphries
3 years
The best part about being a daddy is the adorable things kids say, like “Where’s Mummy?” and “I want Mummy”.
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