🫵. @keymaraes Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

Worst superhero ever

Cal

@whufcalg

2 months

Can never sleep cos of stupid fucking heart burn man

17

3

97

33

791

21K

Last Seen Profiles

@Rebisofficial

@SheralynShepard

@SarahBosha

@LSESocialPolicy

@MonikkaM

@Aitojamakuja

@Scorptec

@sleep_bahammam

@xiliuxiliu_1016

@whoissyrah

@eevalancaster

@MaggieLindemann

@Suvarnatiwari

@AsakaDistillery

@Bianca_Carlisle

@sensacionalista

@Team_Lalit

@amna94091627

@rmwaq

@iwrite4jacobin

@greshnan_

@gulphedugator

@sensacionalista

@jslives

@Dr_Uwamariya

@jungwwo

@greshnan_

@BlackGenet

@iwrite4jacobin

@kevinaudio

@Boziste

@ClassPointMENA

@Chungus__Swag

@Drumdums

@EmbChinaMex

@cpherart

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

Not having that Rodri isn’t a serial killer btw. He’s too squeaky clean. Untuck your shirt you big gimp it’s not 1985. What sort of perv willingly sleeps in student accommodation too

7

105

4K

🫵.

@keymaraes

27 days

People slagging off hardest geezer is a great example of how chronically miserable twitter is

14

82

4K

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

Anya

@anyachappellxx

2 months

feels illegal on a tuesday

332

37

2K

41

239

3K

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

PL away fans 👍

353

59

3K

🫵.

@keymaraes

11 days

brecht apologist

@madisontayt_

11 days

british table just stiffed on a $250 check. close the borders.

333

136

5K

4

256

3K

🫵.

@keymaraes

16 days

Him, Astrid and Stokeyygimp all at a Champions League semi final. Sad state of affairs

Speedy Updates

@SpeedUpdates1

16 days

After Speed celebrated Rodrygo's goal in the Man City vs Real Madrid game, Man City fans got mad at him and told him to end his stream 😂

610

4K

66K

22

32

3K

🫵.

@keymaraes

22 days

So tell me, how are there supposedly no jobs but everyone works in recruitment

3

88

2K

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

. @metpoliceuk @MerseyPolice ive just seen these two men running down Baker Street chanting ‘Chelsea Rentboys! Chelsea Rentboys!’ trying to start trouble outside The Globe! They also had 48 donuts and offered me a ‘medic’ which I can only assume was a threat. Please advise

17

89

2K

🫵.

@keymaraes

11 days

@madisontayt_ @B0mbatw0mbat You don’t follow our customs, you come over here and talk loudly in your stupid accent on the tube

38

22

2K

🫵.

@keymaraes

4 months

You look and sound like you’re handing out Lib Dem leaflets

Dougie Critchley

@DougieCritchley

4 months

26 hours, 15 minutes to go #SAFC

55

7

238

3

25

1K

🫵.

@keymaraes

6 months

Yeah we’re massive.

willock fan

@swamoil

6 months

Willock gonna end up dunking on the whole t6 after scoring screamers

4

37

932

15

103

1K

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

3 for 150. Games gone

18

9

736

🫵.

@keymaraes

27 days

@MattyDix1 @Scunner1678 Hahahahahaha tell us u read the daily mail without telling us u read the daily mail

2

0

729

🫵.

@keymaraes

10 days

@arvofart One of the most fiercely held British customs. Don’t assume you know my feelings or my culture yank

7

1

628

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

Complete repeat of last year pls I want to see the most haram low block and 53 minutes ball in play time

Newcastle United FC

@NUFC

2 months

A trip to the Emirates Stadium is next up. 👊 🔜 #ARSNEW

109

90

2K

8

17

607

🫵.

@keymaraes

4 months

This guy is too good to be chilling in mid table

Sky Sports Premier League

@SkySportsPL

4 months

"In front of a stunned and silent Kop..." 🤐 Alexander Isak EQUALISES for Newcastle! ⚫⚪

126

150

2K

12

1

507

🫵.

@keymaraes

14 days

I have both 👍 chin up

Eduardo Hagn

@EduardoHagn

15 days

If you could only have ONE. Who would you choose? 🪽

661

176

6K

1

7

471

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

Absolute worm eaters and puddle drinkers in the quotes and replies saying ‘doesn’t matter cos you got grouped 😭🫵’ so everything ever that hasn’t led to a trophy is meaningless? I genuinely am starting to hate everything about the sport and especially this new breed of robot fan

Football on TNT Sports

@footballontnt

1 month

"In hopefully 25-30 years, people are still gonna be talking about it" Sean Longstaff reflects on 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 night against PSG in the #UCL ! 🤩

57

26

545

20

12

470

🫵.

@keymaraes

20 days

Tottenham Hotspur

@SpursOfficial

20 days

Ange reflects on today's defeat at St James' Park ⤵️

273

103

1K

0

24

467

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

@furrygiblets Spent a few minutes 2nd half just watching him. Always 2 or 3 steps ahead of everyone else. Impossible to get the ball off him

1

456

🫵.

@keymaraes

3 months

@m4dvill4iny Terrible day to have eyes

1

445

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

If Mainoo had this CV they’d already be calling him the best midfielder in the world

willock fan

@swamoil

2 months

Lewis fucking Miley has started 18 of our last 19 where he smoked Mainoo, Mbappe, City, Villa, Chelsea and gave us assists to go to the CL KOs. I need to do a comp of Miley vs forest yday to show these guys who don’t watch Newcastle the levels of this kid

115

71

883

11

8

449

🫵.

@keymaraes

3 months

Thanks for the goal at Old Trafford that started 6 straight minutes of the Cristiano’s a sex offender chant 🕊️

Newcastle United FC

@NUFC

3 months

🤝 We can confirm that Javier Manquillo has joined @RCCelta on a permanent basis. Thank you for your efforts both on and off the pitch, @javiermanquillo . We wish you every success for the future. 🖤🤍

345

358

7K

1

4

446

🫵.

@keymaraes

9 days

This queue might have been why you sloth looking wanker 👍

Ollie

@TalkCPFC

9 days

Newcastle spending all year calling us embarrassing for not selling out our away end against them, and they do the exact same thing 😂

102

30

859

7

3

433

🫵.

@keymaraes

8 days

Live footage of him arriving at court

David Ornstein

@David_Ornstein

8 days

🚨 EXCL: Dan Ashworth taking Newcastle United to arbitration in bid to resolve Manchester United move. No agreement between #MUFC & #NUFC to break impasse so set to be decided by third party; expected to start in May + take a number of weeks @TheAthleticFC

798

2K

15K

6

32

424

🫵.

@keymaraes

6 months

He’s such a troll 😭😭😭😭

3

19

389

🫵.

@keymaraes

3 months

He’s gonna start Burn against Saka 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

3

16

393

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

In play Not a foul Onside Hope this helps ‘welbeast’ you fucking toddler

WelBeast

@WelBeast

2 months

They robbed us. Tomorrow we make them pay for their sins. Newcastle must suffer. Pray for VAR.

314

363

4K

4

13

378

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

I’d say that’s that but certain people associated with Arsenal have a problem understanding the word ‘no’

Fabrizio Romano

@FabrizioRomano

1 month

⚪️⚫️ Alexander Isak on his future: “Of course I want to be here at Newcastle in the future!”. “I came here for the project, I absolutely love playing here, I really feel at home”. “I want to finish this season in a good way. I love playing here”, told @MsiDouglas .

450

1K

20K

6

372

🫵.

@keymaraes

6 months

When Callum Wilson steps on his podcast in 3 days to reignite the fume >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

2

9

365

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

In fairness Sheff U should be in the middle tier but they’re never winning so

6

0

358

🫵.

@keymaraes

27 days

@MattyDix1 @Scunner1678 Well it’s just funny that you’ve parroted their two biggest lines for london

3

0

337

🫵.

@keymaraes

4 months

We used our champions league pull to sign Harvey Barnes

17

4

314

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

Hahahahahhahahaahhaha class

24

20

313

🫵.

@keymaraes

17 days

Dortmund and PSG making the semis means us getting grouped is less embarrassing

5

3

314

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

Two oil dictatorships and yet Dan LWBurn is the biggest human rights violation here

0

20

306

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

This and the weight loss. Adam Gearson

Jake Latchford

@jakelatch1

1 month

👀

226

48

379

5

7

294

🫵.

@keymaraes

9 months

@tedtodorovic No way ppl are defending this

2

1

262

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

🫵.

@keymaraes

7 months

Not worried about sandro

1

4

1

5

250

🫵.

@keymaraes

6 months

Incredible

5

13

234

🫵.

@keymaraes

7 days

So glad I don’t play this shite anymore hahahahaha nkunku diaz & estupinan

EA SPORTS FC

@EASPORTSFC

7 days

Leading the way. Presenting the #FC24 @premierleague Team of the Season. #TOTS

1K

901

9K

6

1

229

🫵.

@keymaraes

3 months

My great country will keep its early kick offs and ridiculous Christmas schedule

1

11

225

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

@kelleykitty I actually do rate it ngl it’s classy. He pulls it off and many can’t. I was just being a hater

0

222

🫵.

@keymaraes

16 days

And none of them even support either club. We’re very quickly heading to how it is in America where whoever pays the most gets tickets + ‘celebrity’ handouts

3

0

212

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

You couldn’t finish a 100m race 🤣🤣🤣🤣

cal🇬🇧

@itamcal

1 month

@footballontnt They finished last in their group 🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

0

3

5

6

206

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

Matty Longstaff box crashing his nuts on Man Utd, take me back. Ice in his veins. J9 hold up. Clive on comms >>> what a clip

7

1

200

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

Can’t explain it but as soon as we scored the 2nd I thought we’d win

Newcastle United FC

@NUFC

1 month

Unbelievable from @harveybarnes97 ! 🤯🏹

109

739

7K

10

0

198

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

My skipper

Fabrizio Romano

@FabrizioRomano

2 months

⚪️⚫️🔐 Jamal Lascelles contract has been extended until June 2025, one more season. “He’s integral player to our squad”, Eddie Howe has confirmed — Lascelles, set to stay despite Besiktas interest last January.

196

360

7K

6

5

194

🫵.

@keymaraes

8 months

Members thinking they’ve got a god given right to go to the San Siro when there were literally over 10,000 season tickets up for grabs less than 5 years ago ahhaahhahaha

19

11

190

🫵.

@keymaraes

5 months

Ive gone past head loss I don’t even know what state you would call this

11

6

189

🫵.

@keymaraes

16 days

@tomvinall00 Whole life set up from nabbing tweets…..

0

1

185

🫵.

@keymaraes

4 months

Lew

@LewGwill

4 months

@ROUNDTHEBEND__ If the subscription numbers are legit that’s honestly world class 👏🏻

6

0

48

1

7

180

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

I'd take a 20 point deduction to never see half this team again

6

5

176

🫵.

@keymaraes

3 months

Yeah look at these really safe no risk passes he’s just a sideways merchant. Shut up

Sanjay

@nufcsanjay

3 months

This is the main area where I think Lewis Miley can (and will) improve. His technical security is top quality, but he's still very much a 'safe' passer. Obviously it's something to be expected given his age, but he'll go to new levels once he trusts his forward passing more.

20

2

110

18

7

170

🫵.

@keymaraes

4 months

Never in doubt

🫵.

@keymaraes

4 months

Going as bananas in pyjamas to the darts if anyone sees me on the telly

2

0

20

3

2

163

🫵.

@keymaraes

3 months

FREE HIMMMMMMM

🎥

@bghblstudio

3 months

Lewis Hall v. Manchester United | 25/05/2023

2

19

85

4

2

162

🫵.

@keymaraes

3 months

You talk quite a lot about us!

2

4

160

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

@CourellMatthew Would defo have put Man U there if I wanted to do that

1

0

149

🫵.

@keymaraes

4 months

There's absolutely no need for the club to ruin our away ends btw. Man U biggest tourist club going and their away fans are still good. Do up hospitality in the Milburn all you want but stop handing out 25-30% of our allocations to people who are just there for a day out

12

5

148

🫵.

@keymaraes

28 days

How’s a civilian doing his ACL, we are hilarious

Craig Hope

@CraigHope_DM

28 days

⚫️ NUFC NOTEBOOK... 🚨 Injury problems persist as goalie coach Shwan Jalal suffers serious knee injury ➡️ Academy players released, including two with 1st-team games 💰 Pursuit of Lloyd Kelly continues, but it's not so simple 🟢 @MailSport column 👇

35

14

175

0

131

🫵.

@keymaraes

4 months

We had a massive massive chance to consolidate our position above both of these teams in the summer, and we absolutely fucked it

Arran 🇫🇷

@arrannufc

4 months

west ham have bowen AND kudus villa have diaby AND bailey just depressing man

42

5

295

7

1

129

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

If you are offended by the tiny little purple England flag, get a grip. If the sight of England/Union Jack flags makes you uncomfortable + you associate them w racism, get a grip. The moral of the story is if flags bother you, get a grip

14

6

123

🫵.

@keymaraes

6 months

You can just tell that this eats away at his soul

Mark Goldbridge

@markgoldbridge

6 months

@GNev2 Definitely not a foul...Priminister of football has spoken 👏 Your opinions mean nothing

737

548

13K

1

3

121

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

No more city pool or arsenal this season

4

1

119

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

4

1

120

🫵.

@keymaraes

9 days

Just seen two magpies

3

4

118

🫵.

@keymaraes

4 months

Bloke strutting round the Gallowgate concourse at full time in a full City tracksuit with his kid 👍 @ghodoussi @jamiereuben absolutely embarrassing call out the atmosphere and ID check our away fans while allowing this nonsense you fraudulent tory cunts

12

13

117

🫵.

@keymaraes

8 months

Prem midfielders better than Benzo Fernandez, by order of club Rice Partey Odegaard Jorginho Douglas Luiz Kamara Tielemans McGinn Billing Gilmour Gross Doucoure (both) Will Hughes Palhinha Reed Macallister Curtis Jones Szbolognese Rodri Kovacic KDB Bernardo Phillips cont.

5

10

109

🫵.

@keymaraes

23 days

@KeslerSZN @emsss_avfcx Yeah you don’t know how the real world works son

1

0

114

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

People who pronounce ask as arks

6

3

114

🫵.

@keymaraes

3 months

Dan Burn captain

0

10

113

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

Against Neto 😂😂😂😂 Howe is asking for it at this point

Will

@NUFCWill1892

2 months

Dan Burn ✅ #NUFC #FPL

35

8

335

8

0

114

🫵.

@keymaraes

10 months

On a real what the hell were we thinking with this

𝟑𝒃𝒛

@ReecesEra

10 months

@NUFC Our 0 trophy champions 🤙🏽🥇

18

1

56

2

4

111

🫵.

@keymaraes

6 months

And yet they still do the same steamy poos as the rest of us. Makes you think

໊

@addictionlipa

6 months

no words, just dua lipa & margot robbie

710

10K

121K

2

3

110

🫵.

@keymaraes

4 months

Your bald head at school: Shoved down the toilet

Dougie Critchley

@DougieCritchley

4 months

Sunderland XI vs Preston (1st January 2024): Patterson: Academy Hume: £208k O'Nien: £200k Ballard: £2m Alese: £511k Ekwah: No initial fee, add ons Neil: Academy Pritchard: FREE Bellingham: £1.5m Clarke: £800k Rusyn: 2.2m Total: £7.49m Newcastle XI vs Liverpool (1st January…

112

104

1K

1

2

104

🫵.

@keymaraes

16 days

0

2

104

🫵.

@keymaraes

5 months

@jamiereuben @ghodoussi 1) atmo was good today, much better than at other games (Dortmund) 2) it’s literally your doing? stop handing out tickets to corporate, scottish schoolchildren, youtubers and tourists if you want to keep our atmosphere 3) stop donating to the tories

3

0

102

🫵.

@keymaraes

3 months

@SVCarbaholic @1886DL_ Still not over it?

5

1

99

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

Nick Pope I wanna run to u

Crate Digger

@FPLCrateDigger

1 month

Is Dubravka the worst Goalkeeper in the history of the sport?

61

8

285

2

1

98

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

Her page….. im ashamed of the male species

Lydia

@lydiacoxson

1 month

Simpler days ☀️

51

161

6K

13

1

94

🫵.

@keymaraes

4 months

Moron if ur turning on Howe, he can do better but he is far from the problem

9

1

88

🫵.

@keymaraes

21 days

@NUFC @anthonygordon Has he got his Clubcard

0

4

89

🫵.

@keymaraes

3 months

They gave the perfect blueprint on how to beat us. Sit deep, use a 10 to attack the sahara desert between our defence and midfield, and a quick winger to strip our useless ogre at left back. Hope you learn from it

Newcastle United FC

@NUFC

3 months

Eddie Howe on the reverse fixture: "Any defeat at home hurts badly. That day, at 1-0 up, the game was there for us – we just needed to keep on attacking and we didn’t do that. Nottingham Forest played well, but we didn’t deal with their threats well enough."

25

26

467

4

1

86

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

@ryanhopeee What was the need to slag off Miley in this

2

1

82

🫵.

@keymaraes

22 days

Joelinton absolute 1 of 1 profile so important we kept him

4

0

85

🫵.

@keymaraes

17 days

🕊️🕊️🕊️

1

2

85

🫵.

@keymaraes

6 months

Amount of tourists is a fuckin disgrace

8

2

82

🫵.

@keymaraes

9 months

@amxthfc @VintageLanzini @LyesBouzidi10 It absolutely does 😭😭😭😭

1

0

84

🫵.

@keymaraes

3 months

We’ve already cashed in our 2 losses

leeds hate account

@v3leedsinfidel

3 months

Good luck to any team who goes anfield for the remainder of the season

7

5

66

2

1

81

🫵.

@keymaraes

4 months

Spare me the fake outrage. Everyone knows they’re horrible

Adam Crafton

@AdamCrafton_

4 months

🚨 EXCLUSIVE Newcastle chair Yasir Al Rumayyan faces $74m lawsuit for allegedly “having carried out instructions” of Saudi Crown Prince MBS, with “malicious intent” of “harming, silencing & ultimately destroying” family of Saudi ex-intelligence chief

679

2K

7K

2

0

81

🫵.

@keymaraes

5 months

Can’t believe im seeing some people in favour of a new stadium, you just cannot replace st james’ its completely unique

5

4

80

🫵.

@keymaraes

2 months

Wait till he sees the LGBT police van that’s been sitting outside eldon garden for 3 years

2

79

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

@SCARFYYYY They’re still good

2

0

80

🫵.

@keymaraes

8 months

Thinking

6

0

76

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

Willock goal celebrations up there w the best ive had

Rob M

@Im_RobM

1 month

One year ago today since #NUFC 's most complete 90min performance under Eddie Howe imo. Dominated from start to finish.

21

19

701

1

80

🫵.

@keymaraes

1 month

Fake jobs -Recruitment - “Consultancy” (at lower levels may as well ask your dog) - Most civil service jobs - Hedge funds (just moving money, how about contributing to society pal) - Project manager/coordinator (any sector) - “Life coach” - DEI jobs Feel free to add

17

2

71

🫵.

@keymaraes

16 days

Just seen a woman throw some bread (?) for the ducks and not a single one of them came over, does it get more embarrassing than that

3

1

74

🫵.

@keymaraes