kenzi @kenzianidiot Twitter profile

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

3 years

today i said “i want somebody to care that i hurt” to my therapist & she started crying is that allowed

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

3 years

what strings did peacocks pull to be allowed to just vibe around the zoo?

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 5

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

realized i was wearing this halfway through my quarterly meeting with my boss today

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

3 months

i continue to look for lizards in each of the potted plants because in 2003 i saw a lizard in a plant there and ive been chasing that high ever since

Alex Kay

@itsalexkay

3 months

I stop right next to you at Home Depot… what do you do?

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

2 months

i was invited to a st patricks day party and when i got there i found out everyone was in dinner party attire. i was wearing this.

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

a year ago i was dumped & facetimed my friend walking my dog and fell. she was concerned but not concerned enough to refrain from taking a screenshot and that is true friendship

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

5 months

me adding wet food to my dog’s dry food because he feels comfortable complaining despite being literally on sale at the humane society

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

2 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 48

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

one pride i got into an uber wearing a pride flag as a dress & the driver immediately put on christian radio. i started singing along bc i knew the song from childhood & ive never seen a more confused man in my life

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

5 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 41

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

7 months

i lost the pumpkin carving contest which is insane

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 2

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

5 months

on extreme home makeover a kid would make a comment like “elephants are cool” & theyd be like “elephants are everything to this kid. theyre his passion. dude is an absolute freak for elephants. the room should look like he lives inside an elephant colon”

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

3 months

2 years ago i added “Qualitative Research” to my personal email signature. no one has said a word and this is where the link takes you

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

8 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 30

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

5 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 40

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

22 days

before you call me an idiot consider this: i know

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 month

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 53

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

4 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 44

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 6

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

6 months

they say “do one thing every day that scares you” and that is why every day i wake up and participate in society

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

7 months

my dog and i did a blades of glory couples costume

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

20 days

standing over the sink eating leftovers with my dad like we are two bears that just broke into someones home

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

this dog park bench makes it seem like this woman never saw a dog in her life and she also never smiled

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 16

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

10 months

i cant wait to make my small zit less noticeable by digging a large and horrific wound into my face

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

this is my journal entry from the day i found out santa wasnt real

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

one pride we took my parents to milwaukees first gay bar & when we walked in my mom said “jim used to take me here all the time” and thats how i found out my mom dated a gay man for 5 years

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

UPDATE: i told him you guys had questions

kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 2

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

3 months

i sent this to my dad and he said “every time you show me a picture from work i understand less and less about what your job is”

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 8

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

10 months

one thing you gotta know about me is if you ask me to internet stalk someone i will deliver

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

2 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 50

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

5 months

loving the vibes at the airport on xmas eve night. eavesdropping on 3 conversations. each PACKED with drama. this woman had an affair with her high school piano tutor. this guy lied to his brother about quitting smoking. one guy is calling his cousin the unibomber for some reason

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

5 months

very busy please dont call or text

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 month

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 52

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

10 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 23

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

3 months

You got a fast car I got a plan to get us outta here

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

3 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 47

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

7 months

i went to a beautiful rooftop and instead of taking a picture of the view i took this picture of a dog looking at a popcorn machine

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad once asked me how to buy cigars online, saying “it wont work on my computer.” i asked him to show me what was going wrong. he then opened a Microsoft Word doc where he had typed “buy cigars online”

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

10 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 25

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

11 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 22

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

18 days

i wanted my neighbor to think i was cool sooo badly and then i realized i just walked my dog in my fish flops

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

3 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 46

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

@GavinC137 yep. he made 4 copies, one for each of us.

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

the best part is she didnt show me this for 2 months and then sent it saying “can this be funny yet or do we need more time”

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

10 days

i totally appreciate everyone’s concern for stolen content but this is a parody and so so funny and the family group chat is loving it!!

Kip Conlon

@kipconlon

11 days

My dad has beers with his buddies each Wednesday and makes a list of things to talk about beforehand and it is the cutest thing in the world!

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

2 years

guess who grabbed the wrong mask when she went to get her booster shot today!!

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

6 months

for $5 ill facetime you on thanksgiving and pretend to be your girlfriend that cant make it because i accidentally went to four seasons total landscaping

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

backstory: my dad and his friends have a “board meeting” every friday & he texts the “board members” if they have anything to put on the agenda. i get quarterly invites which is life’s biggest honor

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

5 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 42

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

9 months

my dad made an agenda for my best friends’ wedding and i think it’s maybe the best thing in the world

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

2 months

doctor: unfortunately it looks like another ovarian cyst me: well it sounds like im in need of some aCYSTance. a cease and deCYST, if you will doctor: please stop doing jazz hands

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 7

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 month

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 54

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

6 months

if youre wondering what my family thanksgiving is like, this is my cousins watch while we were playing charades

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

7 months

last year i learned you should clarify the vibe of a halloween party before you show up in a ratatouille couples costume with your dog

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

6 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 37

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

2 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 51

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

16 days

Lazzyyyyyy

@em_Lazzy

18 days

If you’re 25+ and unmarried, the fuck are you doing?

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

2 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 49

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

8 months

OH MY GOD

kenzi

@kenzianidiot

8 months

im sure theyll get back to me soon

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 11

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

every successful woman begins her day surrounded by at least 4 assorted beverages of varying temperatures

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

3 months

does anyone have 54 dollars and 98 cents it’s an emergency

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

8 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 29

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 18

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

5 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 43

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

10 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 24

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

pictured: the dress & two of my best friends who are now getting MARRIED. im in their wedding & i dont want to give all the credit to the pride dress but, come on. incredible dress.

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

7 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 33

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 14

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 17

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

9 months

im a simple woman. i start each day worrying that someone is mad at me, and i end each day having decided that someone is mad at me

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

6 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 38

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

7 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 34

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

is anyone elses family like this or just mine

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

9 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 26

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 12

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

huge valentines day plans this year!!

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

23 days

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 55

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

9 days

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 56

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

5 months

good news i finally found my phone that ive been using as a flashlight to find my phone for the past 10 minutes

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

4 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 45

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 10

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

1 year

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 19

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

11 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 20

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

2 months

it is sooooo funny now but i was fighting for my life in there

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

11 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 21

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

7 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 35

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

3 months

“no worries if not!” i say, actively worrying about if not

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

7 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 36

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

9 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 28

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

3 years

“your internet connection is unstable” ok well my internet connection can join the club

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

8 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 32

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

3 months

Sorry folks, no agenda today! My dad is ice fishing and has decided to take a relaxing break from the bar to go to a different bar

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kenzi

@kenzianidiot

8 months

my dad goes to a bar with his friends every friday and he makes a list of discussion topics pt 31

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