Julie Klausner @julieklausner Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

1 year

FYI the klau in klausner sounds like clown not claws 😜

18

4

190

Last Seen Profiles

@Korey2515320687

@Danwolf123

@Ethiopianlion99

@mtxxmtk

@sexy_lexy_95

@PatrickKinas

@Sue_Ching

@KarlaDaH

@chaserSanji

@kushi9444

@kyyawsa

@HopewellFB

@SFRHTtweet

@morgannramey

@UNeurosurgery

@Entertainm

@MikoMorinft

@alvaroplzg

@derasu_crypto

@That_Noobartist

@ElonConnieBook

@Blessing_cute1

@bortouii

@shisurana606

@SavvyWisk

@LAGoldenEagles

@JdA_IntLaw

@Luxuriantairu

@_OverCees

@JimDunc322

@BennerThanU

@step_up_boys

@BtcTurkDestek

@Swordsaga_

@tf9t_

@PosNegOrg

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

2 years

you know what else is a crime

Variety

@Variety

2 years

Roman Polanski's producer says France is icing the filmmaker out, as it's almost impossible to get the director's new film sold in his adopted country: “If this film doesn’t get released in France, it’s a crime.”

409

72

600

64

7K

65K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

2 years

Only in America would 19 kids get murdered and the subject is changed to drag brunch

93

6K

60K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

8 months

Girl

Lauren Boebert

@laurenboebert

4 years

I’m a Christian. So they may try to drive me to my knees, but that’s where I’m the strongest.

10K

8K

45K

111

2K

31K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

I am sickened—SICKENED!—to read people comparing the rally in Tulsa to Jonestown. That cult was DIVERSE!

114

1K

19K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

2 years

The one who doesn’t have a generation of gay men’s blood on her hands also your music video about being pregnant is insane

291

665

16K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

“I’m Jewish, I must have caught the wrong bus”?

121

615

14K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

If you found my Twitter after reading about me & “abortion doctors should go to jail” fascist John Kasich on Fox News, which I guess picked up the story, please note that starting this morning, I’m giving a dollar for every comment in my mentions to Planned Parenthood. So dig in!

2K

751

14K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

When the croutons are gone, the salad is over.

103

2K

12K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

Let the cats come into the museum

148

2K

11K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

This kind of “sex” is called “rape,” @latimes .

Los Angeles Times

@latimes

5 years

An Orange County man who had sex with a 12-year-old girl he met on the Tinder dating app will spend more than a year behind bars, court records show.

3K

378

871

90

1K

10K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

👏Brett 👏 Kavanaugh’s 👏 daughters 👏 will 👏 always 👏 be 👏 able 👏 to 👏 get 👏 abortions 👏

46

799

9K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

I don't know how much of JOKER was supposed to take place in reality, but I will tell you right now: no finance guy has EVER known the lyrics to the first two verses of Send In The Clowns by heart, let alone that Sondheim intended it to be sung WITHOUT legato.

106

707

8K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

2 years

Well, that was bad for women!

109

297

8K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

Who’s in charge of this mute button? JEFFREY TOOBIN!?????!!????

133

640

7K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

Here is how you write a script. You have coffee and then you open Final Draft and then you say "I should delete some files so my computer can run quickly and my script in progress doesn't crash" and then you find a photo of your first cat who is no longer alive and then you CRY.

53

300

7K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

That photo of the murderer in Wisconsin removing graffiti doesn't say anything to me besides "this kid cares more about the buildings in his world than the human beings that inhabit it" so go fuck yourself with the boy scout bullshit response you want from me.

39

1K

7K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

I swear to God, if Biden picks someone and she turns out to be a cake I am going to be so pissed off

26

397

6K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

I hope everybody in Jeffy and Ghisly's lil' black book that Gawker published back in two thousand mother fucking fifteen is shitting their pants this holiday weekend, and fuck enablers of sexual predators FOREVER.

34

543

6K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

6 years

Not now, Banksy

28

475

6K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

6 years

all i wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* have- *click* *cash register noise* some fun, i got a feelin’ I’m not the only one

31

566

5K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 years

why phylicia

63

175

5K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

There’s a lady in this waiting room wearing an oversized pink fleece with Thumper from BAMBI on it. Naturally I told her I loved her top, and she stage-whispered “It’s pajamas!” and WINKED. Legends are everywhere if you open your eyes.

16

201

5K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

One of the many things that distorted the shaping of my young brain was learning that Al Bundy didn't want to fuck his horny wife. She wanted it! She was hot! What was his problem? Fuck your horny wife!

151

239

4K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

2 years

Honestly maybe your kids don’t deserve drag queens

25

355

4K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

Gonna put in double shifts at my coven this week hexing Kavanaugh

40

236

4K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

2 years

35

133

4K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 years

Just got v excited picturing a People magazine article featuring a recipe for Doug’s WHITE HOUSE LATKES

38

295

4K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

If Nora Dunn walked when the Dice Man hosted SNL, you gotta stand up for this tomfoolery, NBC stars. And I know it’s easy for me to say, I ain’t no day player on Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist. But this Trump shit is true malarkey. Fuck off, Peacock.

28

255

4K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

1 month

So it’s a……………. …….joke-box musical

Variety

@Variety

1 month

EXCLUSIVE: Insiders privy to filming and early versions of Todd Phillips’ “Joker: Folie à Deux” tell Variety the movie leans heavily towards being “mostly a jukebox musical,” as it integrates at last 15 reinterpretations of “very well-known” songs. One is said to be “That’s…

309

574

4K

25

139

4K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

2 years

Here’s some Easter Egg set dressing from the series finale of DIFFICULT PEOPLE.

25

187

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

I humbly offer my services as @ewarren 's GARY if she is Veep.

17

124

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

2 years

Hire @KenJennings to host Jeopardy full-time and STOP THIS CHARADE

191

217

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

6 years

You never imagined sex would come up in front of a judiciary committee??? You were the one who made sure everybody knew Clinton jerked off into the sink in the Starr report, you dirt donkey!!!!!!!!

24

389

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

┏━━┓┏━━┓┏━━┓┏━━┓ ┗━┓┃┃┏┓┃┗━┓┃┃┏┓┃ ┏━┛┃┃┃┃┃┏━┛┃┃┃┃┃ I don't understand how this meme works but I want next year to be less shitty ┃┏━┛┃┃┃┃┃┏━┛┃┃┃┃ ┃┗━┓┃┗┛┃┃┗━┓┃┗┛┃ ┗━━┛┗━━┛┗━━┛┗━━┛

5

486

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

The hotel room Cher gets just for her wigs calling down to the desk to ask Stevie Nicks's shawl room to keep it down

23

303

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

👀

Hulu

@hulu

5 years

What tv show would you bring back for 1 more season?

25K

825

8K

87

155

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

6 years

Thank merciful christ

Goodreads

@goodreads

6 years

Meghan Markle's dog, Guy the Beagle, is writing a book about his life as a royal pup

74

64

404

25

225

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

I’m considering picking the mini marshmallows out of the packets of Swiss Miss I have in my cupboard and microwaving them so I can make a Rice Krispie treat in a mug and I guess my point is, I’ve never recovered from the Kavanaugh hearings.

20

192

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 years

Excited for Alec Baldwin as Trump to sit at the piano singing HALLELUJAH in tonight’s cold open

31

128

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

Thanks to all of your mentions-- from trolls and supporters alike-- I've raised and donated just under 3K this morning for Planned Parenthood of Greater Ohio. I'll continue to donate one dollar for each hateful tweet I get going forward. Thank you, and John Kasich sucks.

92

193

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

9 months

A SCHNOZ IS WORN

45

193

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 years

Hi copywriter for @hbomax - I see and appreciate you

10

135

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

2 years

Debbie Harry was at my show tonight.

44

23

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

6 years

Everyone who has spent this past week sad, angry, hopeless- you are not alone, you are not crazy, and it's okay to take a break from the news. To quote Rabbi Laurie Metcalf in GETTING ON: "There is no justice. But there is mercy. Because that’s what we can give to each other.”

21

377

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

1) please respect my privacy during this time 2) I’m not

Jon Solomon

@jonsolomon

5 years

The #CatsMovie trailer has been on-line for nine whole minutes and we haven't heard from @julieklausner yet. Can someone check if she's OK?

0

59

24

97

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

If season 2 of big little lies isn’t just the filmed production of Avenue Q that reese witherspoon’s character directed broken up into episodic portions I am going to lock myself up in nicole kidman’s wig closet and never come out

15

163

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

8 months

John with his parents.

3

133

3K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 years

Whaaaat is the deal with this being a thinggggg?

39

127

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

Gotta love when “Semitic” “Hebrews” and “Jews” are all trending topics! Happy 2020, from Satan!

48

197

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

According to @PPact , we raised about 5K today. Let’s keep it going, and thank you all. #JohnKasichSucks

The Hill

@thehill

5 years

Comedian raises thousands for Planned Parenthood after losing airplane seat to John Kasich

13

50

208

29

197

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

Nobody needs to tweet anymore. Now that @PattiLuPone is here, children will LISTEN.

10

180

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

If you really think New York is over, tell it to Fran Lebowitz’s fucking face, you loser coward

18

179

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

I’m the bitch who just donated money in your name to Planned Parenthood

19

49

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

2 years

Judy Tenuta, go show God what a goddess looks like.

21

109

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

2 years

It seems dumb to be so unprepared for the death of a man in his 90s, but I’m reeling from the blunt trauma of a world suddenly without Sondheim. I’m still near-sighted; I can’t absorb legacy overviews or bigger picture takes yet

24

99

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

Those of u laughing at the original CATS source material like “Wait- the narrator’s name is MUNKUSTRAP? there’s a HEAVISIDE LAYER?” gotta remember that we’ve been putting up with your Doctors Octopus and Grindelwalds for a long time!

15

137

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 years

Senator Ted Cruz

@SenTedCruz

3 years

#TexasStrong

48K

3K

34K

22

76

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

"What were you doing when the world crumbled in on itself like the gory debris of a rotted broken house on fire?" "Counting the lines female characters had in Tarantino movies"

46

125

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

I know it’s not long enough ago for me to be like “remember when...?” but so far the only truly great thing of 2020 is when Ben Shapiro tweeted that his wife said “actually, having a wet-ass pussy means you’re sick.”

30

115

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

I wish David Rakoff was alive to hate-watch RENT Live with us.

29

126

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

Omg this is insane. Kasich was asked to move to premium from first class & took my seat instead. I volunteered to take a later flight instead of fighting. @alaskaairlines , your employees are the BEST, sweetest people. And thanks, airport employees, for working without pay today.

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

Lol I just got bumped off this flight to San Francisco by John Kasich

85

80

2K

194

304

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

I promise you, I did not guess this

Westminster Kennel Club

@WKCDOGS

4 years

You guessed it- October is Herding Group Month! Now let us know what breeds you would like to see. The Herding breeds with the most mentions will be featured across the #WKCDogShow accounts.

111

29

213

7

75

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

RENÉE ELISE And I cannot stress this enough GOLDSBERRY

20

212

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 months

CICERO….Lipschitz!

Michael Caine

@themichaelcaine

3 months

Love, Health, Food, Safety

86

522

5K

4

171

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

This is true!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is a dick! And I am a woman!!!!!!!

clevelanddotcom

@clevelanddotcom

5 years

Instead of taking the less-desirable "premium" seat Kasich was assigned when bumped from first class so a pilot could fly last week, he sat in a woman’s seat. The woman, Julie Klausner, tweeted about incident. She agreed to take a later flight to defuse tensions. Photo: AP

15

38

182

25

137

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 years

Maybe next year we can all gather together and be punished once more for liking movies

8

121

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

FREE COLE ESCOLA AND WORK ON GETTING RID OF NAZIS ON HERE INSTEAD @jack @ColeEscola #FreeCole

20

179

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

We...weren’t that kind of canceled

Sarah Solomon

@sarahsolfails

5 years

BRING BACK DIFFICULT PEOPLE cc: @julieklausner

3

1

50

32

31

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

It’s the “shall” that, to me, is the loudest psycho siren

Kirstie Alley

@kirstiealley

4 years

I’m voting for @realDonaldTrump because he’s NOT a politician. I voted for him 4 years ago for this reason and shall vote for him again for this reason. He gets things done quickly and he will turn the economy around quickly. There you have it folks there you have it🙄

87K

33K

188K

43

32

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

Cynthia, if you play her she is going to win. She is better at tennis than you! Be careful.

Variety

@Variety

5 years

Cynthia Erivo wants to play Serena Williams #Harriet

40

137

4

101

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

Lol I just got bumped off this flight to San Francisco by John Kasich

85

80

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

Hello I’m the acoustic guitar in the background of Colin Jost’s Zoom footage and I’m sentient AMA

41

78

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

I’m ready for @ewarren ’s KILL BILL moment. Emerging from her grief to avenge her brother’s killer. #Warren4Veep

15

104

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 years

Ted Cruz sucks and his beard is dumb.

45

105

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 years

At least there’s no music to ruin with this Marilyn Manson matter

9

101

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

Hey you ACB-confirming GOP cunts? We’ll abort you next week. Fuck you, Julie

136

102

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

6 years

Releasing Billionaire Boys Club in the theater was obviously a sting and all 37 people who went to go see it are on a list right now

19

131

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

Just laughing thinking about the turds who were bent outta shape by Shakira and J.Lo earlier this year watching the WAP video

10

77

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 years

I do not trust anybody who is thriving at this particular moment of time!!!!!

18

143

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 years

“We will keep changing and tweeting the number”

44

204

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

Andrea Martin is owed 3 Emmys for every season of Difficult People, arrest the cops who killed Breonna Taylor, wear a mask, be kind, eat carbs. Congrats to all.

35

84

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

The greatest short film ever made

18

245

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

Or something a woman chose?????

The Hollywood Reporter

@THR

4 years

Is 'The Godfather' the best film ever made? Or is it 'Citizen Kane'? Or even 'Vertigo'?

737

177

853

31

77

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

Fuck this business

Helen Raw

@helenraw

5 years

Just look at this casting wording for a 9-11 YEAR OLD!!

812

784

3K

95

139

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

1 year

My favorite detail in the list of things George Santos lied about so far- WHY DID HIS FAKE ANIMAL CHARITY NOT RESCUE MORE CATS?????

20

213

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

Welcome to hell

54

203

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

Thoughts and prayers to the incoming virtual Harvard class of 2024 who will still get comedy jobs they are unqualified for when they online-graduate

8

95

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

6 years

Ladies/non-dudes/survivors of sexual assault/sensitive human beings: if you’re still angry and sad and hopeless and cynical and fucked up since the Kavanaugh shit, you’re not alone and you’re not wrong. ❤️

24

101

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

9 months

Oh no bill Maher didn’t like the Barbie movie everybody give the money back

52

114

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 months

To honor Norman Jewison’s memory here is a dog- and Aiello-centric MOONSTRUCK poster

14

264

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

4 years

🇮🇹

slutheim for life 💔

@mollzlols

4 years

take down statues of chr*stopher c*lumbus and replace them with statues of our most important italian-american

2

32

287

16

51

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

2 years

The Bidens are bad at naming pets. This dog's name should be Klutzo or Pancakes.

Eyewitness News

@ABC7NY

2 years

MEET COMMANDER! 🐶 President Joe Biden and first lady Jill Biden have added to their pet family and the puppy was already spotted playing on the South Lawn of the White House on Monday.

25

19

208

47

51

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

At a meeting before filming began on "There's Something About Mary," the director admittedly flashed his genitals at the actress to be "funny." CONGRATS PETER FARRELLY!!!

15

302

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

1 year

SOMEBODY PLEASE CHECK ON RANDY RAINBOW - HE HASN’T RELEASED A SONG CALLED “SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE” SET TO “MASTER OF THE HOUSE”

21

59

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 years

Can we please tear down Trump Tower now and replace it with a Sonic? We don't have a Sonic.

43

55

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

8 months

My beloveds. ❤️

23

17

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 years

Give Andrew Cuomo’s Emmy to Andrea Martin for DIFFICULT PEOPLE

16

74

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

When @billyeichner is Timon

19

28

2K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

5 years

Unless I am cast in the Fosse FX miniseries as a Carnegie Deli waitress or the office manager of a rehearsal space, I will become so despondent I will probably move to outer space.

9

52

1K

Julie Klausner

@julieklausner

3 years

Quirk with edge? You love to see it!

65

43

2K