Jared Freid @jtrain56 Twitter profile

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Jared Freid

3 months

The Family Business Tour!! Come! Bring your parents! Assemble the group chat!! You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll pee a little bit in your pants!! 🎟️: 📸: @philproxo

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Last Seen Profiles

@Radio1RockShow

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@KojoOkaii

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@cozmokit_

@DelusRblx

@NYCLU

@llmurai

@te_mech

@mltwswt09037177

@quintessencp

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@melillacd

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@ioxioxia

@TheBoyEd23

@ManuSalutIV

@jeongyoong1

@LJHookerPerth

@_lhsung

@mvizlab

Jared Freid

@jtrain56

2 years

It’s “How did this person afford this trip to Europe?” month on Instagram.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

2 years

Nothing is scarier to someone above the age of 30 and having a relaxing drink than watching a DJ start setting up.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

2 years

Rams Fans are like, “Ya it would be cool if we won. When’s the game?” And Bengals fans are like “IF WE WIN MY GRANDFATHER’S SOUL WILL BE FREED!!!”

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

1 year

I will be saying, “It’s 930 but it would’ve been 1030” to myself for the next 3 months.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

America’s overall response to covid can be summed up by a vaccination card that isn’t wallet sized.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

1 year

No, your girlfriend isn’t on her period. She didn’t get Taylor Swift tickets. There will be two times of the month this month. Act accordingly.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

Live shot of A-Rod during the halftime show:

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

Me in my bed with the AC on high:

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

2 months

You can tell what episode of #LoveIsBlind someone is on based on who they like. Someone just told me they love Kenneth and I’m like “Oh you’re in the pods still.”

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

Drunk me running to the bathroom to puke:

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

Your dad in front of the thermostat:

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

6 years

The bar is so low for guys that Prince Harry tells his fiancé that she “looks amazing” at THEIR WEDDING and girls are like “Where can I find a guy like that?!”

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

1 year

“Are they in our grade?!” - Me, a 38 year old man.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

1 year

The true measure of adulthood is waking up to daylight savings instead of experiencing it in a bar as it happens.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

I thought I had seen all the Mondays. But a pandemic January Monday following the New Year is the most Monday of all the Mondays.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

I don’t care how unhealthy the snack, if it’s Trader Joe’s I assume it’s healthier. It could be a marshmallow chocolate chip cracker pizza cookie lasagna and I’d be like, “It’s organic!”

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

2 years

After an hour on TikTok, I’m just not sure what sorority is right for me, a 37 year old man.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

Let’s add a “yikes” button to Instagram and watch the world burn.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

11 months

Every Sunday is a decision between 10,000 steps and 10,000 calories.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

1 year

This guy is about to CRUSH the dating apps

New York Post

@nypost

1 year

Fisherman lands whopping 67-pound goldfish, may break world record: 'It was sheer luck'

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

If your girlfriend says she “didn’t eat anything today” don’t list the things she actually ate today. It won’t go over well.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

That person whose post is stuck at the top of my Instagram feed will never get a like from me again.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

Just admit it, NONE of us had Spencer and Heidi lasting longer than Kristin and Jay.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

Some guys are a few days away from seeing their girlfriend’s real eyelashes.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

Someone challenge people to stop going on Instagram live.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

2019: “Keys?! Wallet?! Phone?!” 2020: “Keys?! Wallet?! Phone?! Mask?! Spread awareness about systematic racism?! Hand sanitizer?!

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

7 years

"I hooked up with Nick at a wedding once." - Liz at a McDonald's Drive-Thru #TheBachelor

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

It’s definitely harder to be a woman. Joe Exotic lured straight men into homosexuality with meth, sold tigers on the black market, and he cared more about his financial security than his employee losing an arm and I’m still like “Fuck Carole Baskin.”

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

I love the Instagram post that’s two women looking hot with the caption like, “Watch out NYC!” NYC is going to be fine. It’s handled violence, Santacon, and the eighties. It doesn’t need to “watch out” for two girls taking the train from Long Island.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

10 months

Happy 4th of July to the giant hair clip. You went from the bathroom to Saturday night summertime attire. A rags to riches tale.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

Me, on my way to the airport, the morning after saying “I’ll sleep on the plane”

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

5 years

“DON’T CALL ME UNLESS IT’S SAD AND WEIRD!” - Steve Carell to his agent the last five years.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

A quick story about why you should always fly with your significant other:

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

2 years

@blairsocci You went to screenshot this so quickly he couldn’t even get out his next awful line!! Lol

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

I have a feeling Matt James isn’t getting engaged tonight due to the increase in his skateboarding content. #TheBachelor

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

There are couples a year into dating who have never seen each other get too drunk at a bar.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

5 years

WHO THE HELL MESSED WITH OUR WINE IS GOOD FOR YOU STUDIES?!?!

New York Post

@nypost

5 years

A bottle of wine a week is as bad as smoking 10 cigarettes: study

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

1 year

I will remember the food at your cocktail hour for the rest of your life. Choose wisely.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

Covid may have caused a lot of issues but it saved the guy who was going to confess his love for his high school crush at a bar tonight.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

One week of having a ring light.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

1 year

“Let’s just get a drink in Italy!” - Guy with no job to engaged woman. #bachelorinparadiseabc

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

Charcuterie boards are like babies because anyone can make them and everyone thinks the one they made is great.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

2 years

It’s so weird watching all the ceremonies surrounding the Queen’s death. We’ve got a long time in America before we have to do the same for Kris Jenner.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

I don't want to make any generalizations but everyone storming the Capitol looks like they recently ate Beefaroni.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

5 months

I’m not sure who’s a bigger loser - the person looking at my story 40 seconds after I posted it or me checking to see who looked at my story 40 seconds after posting it.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

9 months

My stand up special, 37 & Single, is going to be on @netflix August 15th. I could write a million words here and it would just be emotional ramblings. I’ll write one thing, THANK YOU.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

1 year

If you have fried pickles on your menu then you need to show us how they’re cut!!!

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

Snowstorms lose a lot of their magic when you’ve already been locked in your house for 9 months.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

5 years

I just showed my girlfriend a video of two holocaust survivors reuniting on Instagram and she spent the whole time asking why I was following the girl who posted it.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

6 years

Having Netflix is basically me paying a monthly subscription to own The Office DVDs.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

5 years

Your water can only be 4 ounces but this person can bring this horse.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

Six emails a week is teetering on a lot from a company I bought one hat from.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

2 years

Very excited to be on @FallonTonight on Thursday!

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

Nobody would be as quick to share the five Instagram profiles they looked at most this year.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

2 years

Don't do this to me on a Monday

New York Post

@nypost

2 years

White rice is as bad as candy when it comes to heart health: study

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

Don’t let anyone tell you having a girlfriend is easy.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

As host of #TheBachelor I will only allow the man leading the show to take the women on dates that he can afford! Get ready to see how a couple navigates a bloomin onion!!! #JTRAIN4HOST

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

I just had to say to myself, “No, this is not the virus. You drank two bottles of wine last night.”

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

6 years

This post-engagement video looks like the scenes on Dateline before a guy murders his wife. #TheBachelor

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

Love Is Blind Pod Convos: Man: “I grew up reading...” Woman: “BOOKS!?” Man: “Oh my god I was about to say books.” Woman: “I’m crying.” Man: “Me too!” (He isn’t) Woman: “This is fate” (Old music from dramatic parts of The Hills plays)

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

1 year

Merry Christmas to the people who met on a dating app last week who are now texting “Merry Christmas” to a stranger to keep the momentum up.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

Happy Labor Day to the hardest working person on the planet.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

1 year

“If I go to bed now then I’ll get 8 hours of sleep.” - Me to myself at a bar while I have a tab open.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

2 years

The real unknown of the Omicron variant is going to be how my mom pronounces it.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

If you’re texting someone “Happy Birthday” and the last text is a “Happy Birthday” exchange then the friendship has ended.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

5 years

I love @TheRock but every time he talks about this new tequila he sounds like a girl talking about her wedding but she doesn’t have a date yet. Ya, we’ll see honey.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

Somewhere in this country a guy is pumping himself up to tell a girl he went to high school with he’s been in love with her for years. Somewhere in this country a girl is in for the most awkward night of her life.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

1 year

My engagement caption is going to be, “I guess my hoe phase is over.”

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

1 year

Same energy #LoveIsBlind

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

Jessica: I’m looking for babies right away. Mark: I’m ready! Let’s do it! Jessica: Ok, well when I’m 80 the kid will be 46! Mark: Thats how aging works! My mom is that much older than me! Jessica: Whoaaaa why are you trying to make me your mom?! #LoveIsBlind

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

A dad just told his 5 year old daughter to, “Say good morning!” because some random guy said hi to them and she said, “I don’t want to say hi to people.” And she’s right.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

My girlfriend just blamed me for her quarantine eating. She said “When I look at you I don’t think about green smoothies, I think about greasy Chinese food.”

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

Trump went full influencer! “A lOt Of YoU HaVe BeEn AsKiNggggggg!!!”

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

3 years

To all of those who have asked, I will not be going to the Inauguration on January 20th.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

2 years

Happy Labor Day to the hardest working woman in the country.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

26 years old: “I can’t drink like that anymore” 36 years old: “I can’t eat pizza like that anymore.”

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

6 years

Happy Labor Day to the face of hard labor in America.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

Your charcuterie board didn’t fool anyone, we know you’re a mess.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

11 months

There’s currently two economic classes in this country, Eras Tour attendees and peasants.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

2 years

There’s no better feeling than being right about wearing a light jacket.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

2 years

Remember your most unhinged friends during the pandemic?! Well they are BACK as a war correspondent!!

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

1 year

Victoria acted like the only places on earth that sell drinks for a date are Nashville, New York, and the country of Italy. #bachelorinparadiseabc

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

I can’t believe I haven’t lost twenty pounds after I chose the Justin’s dark chocolate peanut butter cups instead of the Reese’s.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

Bachelorette parties seem like a group of women taking an expensive trip to have a photo shoot.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

In my single days I’d look up women I’ve matched with on dating apps on Instagram. Now I look up women I’ve seen on Say Yes To The Dress to see if they’ve gotten a divorce. Same rush.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

5 years

White Claw is The Dave Mathews Band of drinks. Great product, horrible fans.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

2 years

Twitter is a weird place for news. I don’t think our brains were meant to take in “Your mind will be blown by how Lindsay Lohan says her name” followed by “Russia is going to war.”

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

Nobody: Person Moving Out Of New York City: “I don’t even know where to start about this journey... (7 paragraph caption)”

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

5 years

When the airplane door shuts and the seat next to you is open it feels like you just won the lottery.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

6 years

Someone asked me why ghosting sucks. Because you feel stupid. Like you knocked on the door of a house for 15 min and someone you thought was your friend was inside telling people “SHHH don’t answer! This person is obsessed with me.” When you only wanted to kind of hang out.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

A dating app for people in their 30s where the only way you’re allowed on the app is with a signed recommendation from two exes or three therapists.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

I can’t believe my diet of coffee and alcohol isn’t working for my gut health.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

The CDC has announced that you’re going to feel weird leaving the house without a mask for 6 months.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

1 year

Your girlfriend’s true form is how she reacted to the Vanderpump Tom Sandoval news.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

5 years

Twitter is fun because I’ve always wondered what someone who graduated from a liberal arts college with a 2.3 GPA thinks about a congressional hearing.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

In college you’re like, “Ya, I’ve lost like 10 pounds from switching to vodka instead of beer!” At 30 you’re like, “Ya, I’m off dairy, gluten, alcohol, sugar, and I work out every day. I’m the same weight but I feel a difference mentally for 30 minutes after my workout!”

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

3 years

Right now an influencer is making promises to God about how they’re going to change their life if they bring Instagram back like people do during a turbulent flight.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

5 years

“I see it, I like it, I can’t afford it, I got it.” - Millennial Anthem

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

5 years

Just remember, nobody with abs is happy. Going to the gym every day and counting to 10 over and over is a horrible life.

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

5 years

This halftime is brought to you by, “Songs my mom listens to on her iPod at the gym.” #SuperBowl53

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Jared Freid

@jtrain56

4 years

Can everyone just tell us if they’ve broken up?! I don’t want to spend my Sunday scrolling your feed to the last couples shot and doing the math figuring out how many months it’s been. I’ve got things to do.

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