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dr jess asstrophe Profile
dr jess asstrophe

@jessasstrophe

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3,452
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if lost, please contact husband @chrisasstrophe

in bed
Joined April 2012
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 month
I can't escape him
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
what’s wrong babe? you’ve barely touched your raw sausage coronation sandwich
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
Simon Cowell looks like he's skinned someone alive and is wearing their face
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
It is with regret, that we have decided to remove the whip from Rosie Duffield.
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
more unrealistic beauty standards for women
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
@daxdives that’s not a squishmallow that’s the reincarnation of heinrich himmler
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
my therapist: the leicester bollards can't hurt you the leicester bollards:
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
2 years
when nobody asked if you were going to kill the baby
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
2 years
@itssamanthaaaa_
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
We are pleased to account that @jeremycorbyn is back in the party, congrats Jezza.
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
9 months
I was raped 10 years ago and I never went to the police about it. The women who’ve shared their stories about Russell Brand are very brave. #Dispatches
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
The Labour Party won’t just decriminalise drugs, we will be actively handing them out to all who seem cool enough and look like they know how to have a good time.
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
what’s happening to trans women is the first time in my life where i’ve been old enough to truly understand and watch in real time the start of the indoctrination of hatred of a certain minority and it’s really eye opening to think how many times this has happened over history
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
wtf popsicle
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
you wanna a coke? yeah they’re just over there in the giant cat fridge help yourself man
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
@Erebusex the worst part about this, is finding out Alexander Bramham is a power bottom
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
this flat in london will cost you about £2k a month
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
2 years
@UKLabour have you decided to remove the whip from rosie duffield then
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
2 years
@agirlcalledlina Skegness Peas I don't like this lina
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
🎶now playing: no regrets - n-dubz🎶
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
Funny how Halima left out all the grotesque things Tommy Robinson has done to the Muslim community for almost 10 years in this bizarre video where she acts like some sort of AI that works for MI6
@HalimaNyomi
Halima Khan
@HalimaNyomi
1 year
Owen Jones isn’t who you think he is. The truth on how Tommy Robinson discovered me. #HalimaFiles
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
11 months
I had 0 idea that trans women can breastfeed and after a quick google I learnt in less than 1 minute that they can and it’s all completely natural and is used not just by trans women but adoptive cis mothers
@mikaminio
Mika Minio-Paluello
@mikaminio
11 months
In the end, I only breastfed my child for a few weeks. I then had to stop because I had a cancer relapse and didn't want to poison my child. Here's me on the bus to hospital for the 1st chemo round, feeding my child for the last time
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
when you’re online shopping but everything reminds you of her 😞
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
bing bing bong keir starmer is gone 👋🏻
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
when we finally go to eat the rich i’m bbqing this mf first
@BloombergUK
Bloomberg UK
@BloombergUK
1 year
Britons "need to accept" that they’re poorer, says Bank of England Chief Economist Huw Pill Markets Today has more:
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
when he asks you what's for dinner
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
kids are playing hide and seek and our 3 year old has really out done herself this time
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
10 months
having twitter friends it’s so weird like I adore you so much but also you might be made entirely out of spaghetti?? I have literally no way of knowing
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
why does the thought of having a takeaway taste like hope, freedom and delicious when the actual takeaway tastes like disappointment and bankruptcy
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
@ContraPoints terfs: trans women don’t go to women’s bathrooms cause you’re men also terfs: men should go into women’s bathrooms
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dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
@BBCNews
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dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
@NateWindgrace i’m fully prepared to adopt you and write you a 13 page letter asking you to pls stop smoking you are my only son
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
@TommyRobinsonNS don’t you ave anything better to do than search your name on twitter cretin
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
this made me laugh so hard i nearly wet myself
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
8 months
everyone’s a mental health advocate until someone actually behaves mentally ill
@HonestLeYo
Prez
@HonestLeYo
8 months
Thoughts on mental health that would have you like this:
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dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
@itssamanthaaaa_ i’m obsessed with this photo
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
remembering how those photos came out of rishi with the red briefcase and everyone was hysterical over how short he is so they took another photo, this time putting him right at the top of the stairs with a angle to make him look SUPER tall
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
my dream of being a cat farmer has been destroyed
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
breakfast
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
Labour will fix our economy by bringing down the price of freddos back to their original 10p
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
god’s way of calling them fucking losers
@SkyNews
Sky News
@SkyNews
1 year
Royal superfans have been braving heavy rains as they camp out on the Mall before the #coronation on Saturday. More:
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
9 months
the woman who are saying “i met russell brand down a dark alleyway all alone when i was an extremely fuckable 16 year old completely naked and he didn’t rape me” are very odd
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
tell me you're all proud of me and that im a good girl
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
@carlrmorrell kind of weird and disgusting you haven’t said one word about brianna’s death but this is what has made you upset and angry enough to tweet about it really disappointing
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
what a gigantic ignorant twat
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
conservatives looking at trans girls online
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
@LozzaFox yeah no one uses phone boxes any more so they found a really amazing way to use them like are you alright
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
i had edgy humour in my early twenties but i never went full nazi
@jrc1921
j
@jrc1921
1 year
What's the excuse going to be?
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dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
@DerbyChrisW @HalimaNyomi holy yikes
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
lmao good luck finding a shop that’s anti pride, I hope you starve ❤️
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
my best friend has been chatting with this 30 year old loser who still lives at home with him parents. he’s been trying to convince her to let him round hers to fuck when she doesn’t feel comfortable cause she has a 1 year old so she suggested a hotel & this was his response lmao
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
I’m never posting a selfie again, I’m not having 5,000 people look at my face and only 6 people like it
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
@rhysrmann imagine being so racist you’d subject yourself to a microwave meal than have a poc cook you a banging meal
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
you might not like it but this is what high fashion looks like
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
hickory dickory clock, labour will ban wet socks
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
@PoliticoForYou change the name to ‘we can always tell’
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
11 months
@iris_frs his idea of a date
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
@OwenJones84 she literally went low when he went high
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
you’ve all been blessed with madge on the timeline
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
jk rowling is no better than nazi germany using propaganda to cause hatred towards the jewish community and maybe not even hatred but enough dislike to turn a blind eye to what was happening fucking state of it
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
I just received this death threat which I definitely did not write myself. I want you to know that I am in close contact with the police and I will continue speaking truth to power.
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
@HayTheWayMedia you should get an L tattooed on your forehead
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
"Mr Rees-Moggs, please may I suck your cock? Please sir" #questiontime
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
this is the funniest shit i’ve ever seen
@LivEchonews
Liverpool Echo
@LivEchonews
1 year
Man hid from police on roof after cannabis farm found in home Full report:
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
sorry for having great tits and correct opinions
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
people embarrassing themselves saying this shouldn’t of happened but keir starmer literally didn’t believe brianna should have been allowed to call herself a girl or to be allowed to have her death certificate as a girl so yes, fuck keir starmer fuck him to hell
@MarlonKameka
Marlon Kameka
@MarlonKameka
1 year
FUCK KEIR STARMER!
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
remembering the time me and my ex had his parents stay over and his dad would drink beer everynight so then I started having a drink with him too and then my ex's parents asked me if I had a drinking problem because it turned out his dad was drinking alcohol free beer
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
@itssamanthaaaa_ honestly, i’ve delved deeply into the raven furry community and a lot of them are really into some really lame porn fan fiction. i caught one of them wanking over a deal or no deal porn fic
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
8 months
hey you’re not me
@arya_leya96560
Arya leya
@arya_leya96560
8 months
NYC in winter
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
Sorry for being soppy but I really fucking love this man so so so so so so so much
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
wow i still can’t believe she said this
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
someone needs to make a youtube channel where they have a segment called ‘it’s time to log off’ and supertanskii should be the first episode
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
11 months
me every single time a news article is behind a paywall
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
2 years
very satisfying snow
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
box-cat
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
i don’t want to be rude but what the actual fuck
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
Thoren Bradley has provided me with so many educational videos, I really wouldn’t be the woodchopper I am today without him.
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
when you think it’s just a fart but it’s
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
10 year old just bruh’d me
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
7 months
This is not what I first thought it was.
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
i feel like jk rowling sums up the expression that money can’t buy you happiness seeing as she spends all her days miserable and angry on here
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
I wanna buy our 3 year old girl a wooden kitchen toy for Christmas but at the same time I don't because gender stereotypes?!?!!!!!
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
🚨Breaking News: Harry reveals in new book how he watched his grandmother escape the castle and take a dump on someone’s tesla
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
was gonna buy this seal plushie but after seeing it doesn’t have a butthole i’m gonna have to pass
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
thought this was cute for the girls but then my mind went to the gutter and now i can’t unsee it
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
everyone tell me what a good girl i am
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
as a professional lip reader, i can confirm that he’s saying “i just want some big titties. in my face. why can’t i just stay at home and suck some big titties”
@SkyNews
Sky News
@SkyNews
1 year
The King was pictured looking grumpy as he arrived early at Westminster Abbey for the coronation ceremony Read more:
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
makes them better
@david_r_morgan
David Morgan 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 #StayFree
@david_r_morgan
1 year
Never underestimate what going woke does to a man.
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dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
feel sorry for people who aren’t able to play with boobs everyday
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
If elected, the Labour party will run the first Victory Royal Hunger Games where the royal family will fight to the death and only one will remain victor. Their name will be legally changed to Victor and there job will be to clean up all the swan shit across this great nation.
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
2 years
just seen jk rowling being arrested
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
How much did evri pay you to say this garbage
@dxstinyy00
Laura- destiny (free✊🏾 🇨🇩)
@dxstinyy00
1 year
I acc hate Royal Mail; when I see that my product has been left with them I’m so vex. Evri all day everyday over RM.
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
listen, i love dogs but what the actual fuck
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
will i still be able to watch if i haven’t seen the other 6,999 layoffs films?
@TheAVClub
The A.V. Club
@TheAVClub
1 year
Disney announces Toy Story 5, Frozen 3, Zootopia 2, and 7,000 layoffs
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dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
watching the kids throw up and have the worst diarrhoea I’ve ever witnessed
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@jessasstrophe
dr jess asstrophe
@jessasstrophe
1 year
doctor: i’m not gonna put a finger inside you or anything *30 seconds later with her finger up my bum*
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