Ochieng🦈 @its_fanuel Twitter profile

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

9 months

Do you know that during dialysis, blood is removed from the body through the red tube, passed through the dialysis machine, and then reintroduced into the body system through the blue tube. This process is repeated for four hours while the patient remains immobile in bed. The…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Get Achraf Hakimi the Africa football player of the year award immediately. We are also working tirelessely to have him as the Guest of honour in the next men's conference

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

2 years

Lakini pia Wajackoya Amesadia Serikali Kujua Idadi Kamili Ya Wavuta Bangi.

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

2 years

A rare photo of “ulambwe na shetani usiku ukilala”

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

But at 25 haufai kuwa kwa nyumba ya babako

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

8 months

You visit Kenyatta' National hospital from 6th floor and you realize that No one talks about money,Career goals,good jobs or ambitions. You will find a cancer patient at ward 5B,8th floor or one whose organ has failed at 6th floor who's dream is just to walk again, Another…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

8 months

Let's end this debate!!

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

11 months

I got almost six missed call from my mama fua at 6:20am.And because I came back from the corridors of hospital on Wednesday ,I was kinda broke. So I decided not to pick her calls. 40 minutes ago,she has just arrived with her two young kids at my doorstep and she's like…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

2 years

After watching Linet Toto on JKL, I think Chuka University should be closed!

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

8 months

Give that carpenter an award.

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

9 months

Bwana this is not fair, tuwachie wanafunzi nafasi wacheze.

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

I admire Catholic's level of being unbothered. You'll criticise their religion, they will listen for you to finish. They go to church, they eat their sacrament, they pass by their locals,catch a bottle of their favourite beer and go home......

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

This is how it looks like at langata cemetery at 5;30pm when everyone is gone,damn quiet. Yesterday,Everyone is gone,except me. My Friend Kevin was stabbed to death by his wife on 7th February . Yesterday we gave him a decent send off. If your marriage is not working,please ....

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

2 years

Wenye mlifanya CRE kuna mahali Joshua alienda kortini on his way to Canaan?

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Couple in a video which has gone viral were pastors before things went sour after the de @th of their children. They even grew thin and resorted to Alcohol because of mockery They need counselling!!

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

If Mark Zuckerberg" the owner of Meta and other multi billion organisation, can eat ngege,steamed skumawiki and Ugali plain bila passion juice ksh.500, who are you to order Don Julio Paloma cocktail on someone's bill as you wait for 2kg soft boiled arosto goat meat,plain…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

2 years

Meet Kenya's 2nd in Command - Riggy G When he was born he didn't cry, his mother did. After he turned 4 months old, the son of Mau Mau stopped suckling his mom and went to the forest to suckle lions breast milk.

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

12 days

unaona hio kindness unakuaga nayo, generation ya sai haitambui.... punguza.

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

2 months

Hii huwezii pata na Bachelor 's of Education Arts .

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

20 days

If your girlfriend works around Karen Centre, and she left her place this morning in a red micro-miniskirt, and she has very brown legs, and she's a Kisii, and she has iPhone 14, and she has just texted you that she has headache and will have to spend at her sister's: boy! She…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

5 months

I sweared to God I'll never visit Islamic states countries....wtf ,They stabbed Joshua with a knife, stepped on his chest while shouting Allahu Akbar, sprayed bullets into his body at point blank range. All recorded by them? I was against Israel but this made me change my mind..

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Bandits confidently relaxing and following Kindiki's Live proceedings. yaani wameamua kupiga selfie kuonyesha our officers middle fingers.

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

9 months

You're using WhatsApp GB, umetoa blue ticks, umeweka disappearing messages. You're viewing our status kama umejificha. You read our deleted messages. You're online but simu yako haiingii. Shida ya hawa watu ni nini exactly?

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

_Venye umetulia apo mtu haezi jua kuna siku ulikua unapea grasshopper nyasi after kuing'oa miguu ya nyuma.

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

I once visited a rich uncle of mine living around upper hill,Just opposite Don Bosco Catholic church.I arrived at 5pm, very happy and ready to enjoy well cooked food and maybe the food of my choice...Little did I know that they were operating on a fixed menu and fixed meal.....

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

2 years

Dr William Ruto came in as the master Surgeon.... He promised to deal with the cost of living in 100 days... He inherited an economy in ICU, bleeding profusely.... So what does a master Surgeon do? First, stop the bleeding..............

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

11 months

I'm here at City mortuary,to look for my late Friend who was extirpated by Armed geng On Sunday and all I can see here is there are no vehicles inside the cubes to ferry people in accordance with class,people are pushed on top of trays,there are no beautiful houses here,you only…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Ama Nyoka ilikuwa tu shughuli zake Eve na kiherehere yake akaiambia ,,,,ni buyie lunch

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Yesterday Went to Naivash Supermarket Donholm Branch to pick a packet of unga, I pick Soko ugali,then this brown Kamba lady with nice dimples from Kitui who is an attendant,comes and pick amaize maize floor for me. Then jokingly she tells me .........

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Welcome to Kenya where Class 7 wako secondary na Class 8 wako Primary .

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

3 months

This is the the first completed project by kk Government.

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

10 months

Have you ever visited someone and you see them struggle to put for you a meal on the table as a visitor?. February 2022 I visited a friend of mine who's currently in Sweden in Kayole Soweto and he went outside to make a call to his mom"""mum, kindly nitumie ksh.200 nko na…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

A Kikuyu short term Friend of mine here in Nairobi sold his car,shifted from a two bedroom apartment in Ridgeways of 50,000 ksh per month to a 8,200ksh Bedsitter in Donholm,Sold 99% of his households and took his understanding family back to kirinyaga!!.........

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

10 months

Unapata madam analipwa 18k internship public service commission alafu each and everyday anaingia job na 4 sausages, chapo 3 na Maji ya lemon moto . Each evening after kutoka kazi Heels zake zinamdirect Kosewe foods kukula ugali + choma. By the end of the month unaeka kijana wa…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

I shared a Hostel in Kenyatta university with A luo cool kid guy called Omondi from maranda High school class of 2014.I was in first year studying Civil engineering,he was in 3rd year studying Civil engineering...........

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

11 months

A young man in Nairobi earns a taxable income of ksh 30,000 per month.Sends 9k monthly to his lover whom he has not seen for 7 months In the name of love. He lives in a 9k bedsitter in Ummoja innercore,Pays water bills,300ksh, Electricity 500ksh,Takataka 200ksh,bus fare to…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

A former high school classmate of mine gave me a lift around Yaya centre, kobil petrol station. He just hooted and signaled me. He was in a Toyota Prado together with his girlfriend .I can remember him well, he wasn't that much academically gifted. He got a (D-) ............

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

2 months

There's a reason why Zakayo whips that woman mercilessly. Mtu Hana akili, hawezi ata come up na idea inaeza saidia wamama, kazi ni kuform tu prayer groups yet her office was allocated more than 700million. Úngui mútheri .

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

2 years

Raila ako na nguvu aki, amekua akifeel kuhara ivi since 2002? wueh💔

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Kuna beshte yangu tulikuwa naye Quiver lounge on Sunday,As you know Luos, We always dance in English and talk in upper case when drunk..Kidogo kidogo a fine Kikuyu lady akatujoin.Nayo nayo jamaa akatupa vibes mrembo akakubali.Bila kuwaste time wakaenda parking spot, ........

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

9 months

Nowadays you visit some families and you realize that the wife calls the husband "Dad",the kids also call their father "Dad"....and they talk in English!! Such families when you visit them during lunch hours,be ready to eat dry fry rice ,Fried liver , kachumbari and drink cold…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

11 months

The Finance Bill 2023 has passed with 176 MPs saying Yes and 81 MPs saying No. Kenyans, you are on your own. Let me see anyone asking for Raila Odinga to call for demos. Call them yourself. You voted for this government. Let us kneel and pray for mercy because the Winter is…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

6 months

Imagine huyu ni Diana Chepkemoi. Aki Saudi Arabia karibu waniulie bibi.

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

11 months

Heading back to TikTok

Azziad Nasenya

@AzziadNasenya

11 months

Endless opportunities. 🤗 #OnTheMove #VibeWithDubai

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

5 months

Dating old women in the name of money is one of the useless careers in life.........A luo friend of mine driving an Audi 3 around Fedha estate goes through alot...Every weekend he has to go down on his knees to lick a 67yrs old kamba Roscoco in order to be given the privileges to…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

FOR THOSE WHO FEEL LIFE IN NAIROBI IS EXPENSIVE :Just know where to shop to save a-few coins 1. Cereals – Get them in Nyamakima in that kichochoro for Molo matatus. 2. Diapers and bar soap – OTC. The kichochoro between Tuskys and Equity. 3. Chemicals for homemade detergent,…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Joy:Jesca ,ile picha ulieka imepata likes ngapi sai? Jesca: 435 imagine,na hakuna mwenye ashakuja inbox. Joy:Usijali, potential client yuko njiani. Jana si ulipata sure bet. Si umwulize kama anaeza tupeleka out. Jesca: Btwy,hata alinipea number. Acha nimkol. Joy: Na umwambie…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

I welcome any illegal idea of making money.

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Anyone who was present on this day in 2017, will tell you that when Baba moved from Mombasa Road to Jogoo Road. That was the most difficult stretch. Yet, the people were determined to ensure that Baba makes it to the CBD. Bana on Monday is a pale shadow. We will show you how ...

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

10 months

Ukikatia Mrembo na uone hizi signs before 5 days........ 1.Aki landlord ananisumbuwa,Sasa balance ya 3k Ndio ananiflash flash Ivo..Wacha ata nizime simu babe!! 2.Tokens zinaisha haraka hapa kwangu 3.Kesho stakuwa,nafaa kuenda saloon 4.Siskii vizuri,sijuwi naskia aje,Nimeshindwa…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

10 months

You visit a friend of yours who scored a D- and never joined college,or one who dropped out of class 8 years ago,then you realize that they have a happy family ,Big kids ,others are even in class 5,just few years to join high school..... Then with your small brain because you…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

2 years

If Raila fails i will not vote again Enough is enough

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

2 years

Sahii uhuru anatembea state house na clearance form 🤣🤣🤣

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

9 months

"Mummy! Mummy! Tulienda out na aunty akaninunulia yoghurt, chips na kuku." "Aunty m..." "Na chocolate pia!" "Aunty mgani?" "Mimi simjui ni daddy anamjua. Si mimi waliniacha nikikula chips wakaenda kwa gari yake." "Gari ya nani?" "Gari ya huyo aunty. Mum ako na gari kubwa!…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Yesterday I sat next to a brown kikuyu lady at her late 60s in a matatu to TRM.She tells me that she has misplaced her mobile phone and I should flash her to help her get it .So as a good Samaritan I took her number and flashed . Her phone was inside her grey bag.......

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

2 years

Ambieni Amerix abounce classes za kesho 😭

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

This Nonsense is common in Kenyatta university infact people shifted to the bushy aboretum after the Kenyatta university park was installed with chairs!!People make out on chairs!!! I was allocated a room in my second year with a Self proclaimed maranda Allumnus,The LUo cool…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Nlikuwa nimetoka kazi Kitengela nkashukia Canabas. Nkiwa kwa harakati za kuelewa ili nipande gari za Utawala hapo Rounder, notification ikapop up kwa screen nkadhani ni Mpesa message lakini nilipoangalia nkapata ni ya Tinder. "Linet Pretty is around please say Hi. She's your.....

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

22 days

She takes Snapchat videos every chance she gets to sit in a car....I have news for you. Look between I and P on your keyboard

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

11 months

I visited a jobless Friend of mine who was dating a rich old woman living behind Mountain Mall....The lady was Very respectful......I met her when she was leaving for work,at 11am and she was whispering to him like ""Babe,nyama Iko Kwa fridge,chapati nilishapika,and pork pia Iko…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Just bumped into my 2018 ex girlfriend, former Asumbi girls allumi,A-, first class honors Bachelor's in komas, Technical university of mumbasa,CPA K holder, Almost driving off outside Stanbic bank,mumbasa car park.........

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

11 months

Unemployment in Kenya is Alarming!! 100% Educational transition,with this rate of unemployment ,I fear for our future schooled generation. In Kenya,Getting a Job is a problem,Have you ever applied for the KRA or Public service commission jobs?They don't even give you…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

2 years

Every Twitter user failed at their first try at Twitter and eventually came back years later and got addicted.

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

10 months

Who is the right person to call? Plumber or electrician?

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Kuna days back dry spell ilikuwa imenibana Soweto, nkaamua kupanda juu Nyama Villa. Nyama Villa kulikuwa na wamama old and unattractive hungeweza kuenda nao room. Walikuwa wanapeana bendover at 30 bob nyuma ya container ingine hapo nicknamed" kwa maasai" Kuna Maasai .....

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

A friend of mine really loved slayqueens when he had no money,he used to smash them one after the other in his mabati house in kawangware. 3rsy ago,He got a very good job with Deloitte,Earns well,drives a Mercedes benz and lives in Westlands,but now ,he is smashing vienyejis....

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

8 months

Muthoni defending Maina sounds weird

khalif kairo

@KhalifKairo

8 months

me coming to the TL very fast to defend @evenmaina

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

THE POWER OF DIPLOMA CERTIFICATES Last year I walked into a job interview with over 70 young men and women in the waiting bay,I sat next to a guy who looks older than me,I said hi holding my Documents firmly as I took a sit.We conversed kiasi.The guy holds a master's degree,the…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

11 months

Immediately after Sports CS ABABU NAMWAMBA revoked appointments of Carol Radul, Dennis Itumbi, Azziad Nasenya, Daniel Ndambuki and others in Talanta Hela council and technical committees… renowned Kalenjin comedians are this evening in attendance of a Talanta Hela Gala Dinner at…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Hehe kikuyu are funny for attacking Kenyatta's properties. You will never see Kales destroy Moi properties neither will you see Luos destroying Odinga's properties or Luhyas destroying Musalia's properties. Sasa wakiuk nyinyi mnatumika to attack one of your own???? Ujinga tupu.

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

A KMTC Diploma in NURSING is way better than a University's BSc. NURSING This post is meant to LIE to Diploma PEOPLE and make them HAPPY

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

sleep over huisha saa ngapi wangwana? huyu ameamka akaenda hadi church na kurudi.

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

3 months

HE Uhuru aliacha SGR first class ikiwa 3,000, Ruto increased it to 4,500 to get more money but I'm told the unintended consequence is that people have decided not to use the SGR. Simple maths. SGR has two first class coaches with a capacity of 144 passengers. On a typical…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

11 months

TRUTH IS BITTER, NATION MEDIA GROUP MUST KEEP US INFORMED!! Ruto was after rewarding his political allies ,he did not care about competence/professionalism or service to the people. That's why you see we have characters like Moses Kuria,Aisha Jumwa ,Lunturi ,Kimani Ngunjiri,…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

9 months

They’re saying Sports CS Ababu Namwamba has been carrying unripe mangoes to foreign trips then chews them with salt. One thing Most people do not know is that Ababu Namwamba is just Ababu Namwamba, that's who he is... He's a D**k driven niggah. When he sees a petite in a skirt,…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

10 months

Nairobi is very cold and it's raining.Those who are living in mabati houses will tell you how messy it is when you are single and you are neighbouring two young kisii,bukusu or maragoli couples... I once neighbored young cohabiting maragoli couple from busia border in a mabati…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Gave this luhya lady working in a small kibandaski 1000 bob for chapati tatu take away.She then tells me """ntakuletea change pale penye unakuwanga"" and because I know her,I decided to go. 5 days later I meet her and ask for my change,she pulls 150bob from a small kibeti ....

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

2 years

What do campus students normally eat for lunch??😂😂

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

7 months

I had my first sexual experience in 2006, December with this lady called wamboi....She fell in love with me,invited me to their house in kawangware,and because I was shy, I asked a late LUHya friend of mine who was 7 years older than me to escort me.......

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

My colleague, also a close friend took his wife to maternity last evening. He is back in the house, the newborn is in the hospital under nurses' care and the wife in the morgue. Eeii

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

A single mother was locked out of her house in Donholm,a silly apartment opposite PEFA church with a very silly landlord from Suba North who Rever worldly materials .she had a three months old baby girl,9yrs old girl and 4 month rent arrears............. She lived in ground…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Back, nlikuwa nafanyia Telkom kazi, hiyo period bado ilikuwa inaitwa Orange. Wadau biz ilikuwa kama kuuza pork Saudi Arabia.kazi unaenda kila siku na unainama morning,lunch na supper. One day tukiwa mashinani Western province karibu na Butere. Nkaenda kuuzia ....

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

I went to a shoe shiner,just around TRM, suddenly,He was a young luo man,very happy & energetic.Before he starts offering his services to me,A woman arrives carrying a bag.The young man excuses himself,hugs the woman while smiling and gives her a plastic chair,just beside him....

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Wakili ogola just found true love at 40yrs. Then there is you struggling at 26yrs to settle down with a 23yrs old third year slayqueen from African Nazarene universichietha in a bedsitter along Thika road.A woman who cannot even buy matchbox,Uhuru bag and royco cubes in the…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

10 months

Current situation in Mlolongo. Police pia WAMECHOKA!!!

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

From Nakumatt junction headed to kibra,The matatu has 18 passengers,Sitted next to three makina Nubian heckling slayqueens who have pierced their tounges, Nose, ears and maybe parts that we can't see😭😭😭, One of them answers ........1/3

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

11 months

I know two graduate friends of mine in luckysummer who were smashing the same woman.They even got physical after the SDA lady got pregnant.We had to separate them inside a wines and spirit at 2am!!! Anyway,the lady chose the one who was financially stable to be the father of…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

I spent my night at a friends apartment just behind TRM drive.I don't know the name of the apartment but I know it's just behind TRM. ,He left for Kisumu yesterday by KQ flight,He told me to feel at home na akanionyesha how to get to .......

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

happiness,if I decide to go back to my normal life,She will die early " Anyway, If you have a mum, or dad alive, never hold back the purse.

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

With that Audacity,kumbe anakunywa keg smh

Miss GTA😈

@WangechiCaramel

1 year

Huyu si ataganda mikono.....its the consistency for me😂😂😂

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

9 months

Your luo man will just call you in the middle of your busy schedule and ask......." Baby gal, nani anakusumbua mummy?Nani amekuchokoza babe? You will kick your feet with a big smile from ear to ear and reply " Hakuna" and then he will proceed to; " Unatamani kukula nini ma'am?"…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

8 months

Lakini Nairobi yawa. Nairobi natumiwa parcel by my caring Grandmom from shags. picked it at the parcel office and because it's too heavy to carry,I get the mkokoteni man to help me carry it to bus stop. A few meters away the mkokoteni man gets lost with the whole parcel. My…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Bumped into a young man Yesterday inside a wines and spirit shop in the estate just minutes ago..At the counter he says hi and continue drinking.He then asks me why I'm drinking,and I asked him back why he's drinking too.... He tells me "I'm drinking because my mother is

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

I know of few rich people who will invite you for food and alcoholic drinks,but when you start asking them about life opportunities,or discussing with them how you can get a hustle from their connection,they keep quiet and ignore you as .........

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

With over ten years of experience in removing panties, I've never removed a green one.

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

11 months

I remember Magufuli when he defies the West(on COVID) the same propaganda was spread on his health and later he died, now it's museveni (he defied the West on LGBTQ community) now they are trying to twist him. Hope he won't end up like Magufuli ...he is the ONLY remaining…

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

90% of This LUOs with suits hanging around luxurious hotels in the CBD are total conmen. A THREAD

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

10 months

Mnajifanya wasomi saana "Ann was with Jane in her house" Nyumba ni ya nani?

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

9 months

Two weeks ago, I realized that my buddy broke up with his girlfriend. So I decided to ask what really happened. But his response " Jakom, huyo Dem tungeenda na yeye mbali sana lakini inbox yake nikama DAYCARE. Kila mtu Baby"

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Ochieng🦈

@its_fanuel

1 year

Pale attachment, watu wanapiga official kuliko manager, na Malipo ni chai moto Truth is, they won't retain you!!n

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