Gareth Williams. @history99917180 Twitter profile

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

If you know, you know.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 months

Just made a massive husband f’ck up. I’ve just uttered the words no husband should ever say. ‘My mum didn’t do it like that’. Please pray for me. Things are a bit tense.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 month

Dear America. These are not biscuits and that is not gravy. If you’d have stuck with us you’d be eating a full English instead. You must be disappointed.

Food Porn

@FoodPornPhotos

1 month

Name a breakfast better than biscuits and gravy

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 months

I’m a middle aged ex cop who used to protect royalty and important people. I was allowed to drive very expensive bikes and cars very very quickly. Despite all that, my mum has just rung me to check I’m ok after wales lost the rugby. Mums are special people.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 months

I’ve been sprayed in the face with CS incapacitant and it was very unpleasant. But, it will never come close to the pain of having this stuff in my eyes during my weekly Sunday night bath as a young lad.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

4 years

My old force have asked my permission to re-issue my old collar number to a new officer. I get to attend a ceremony and formally hand it over it to the new recipient with a precis of my service. What a great idea albeit I pity the poor sod who gets lumbered with mine!

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

Right, gonna lose some followers now. Watching the Jubilee it reminds me I was once responsible for security of the Monarch and her family. It was a huge responsibility and one I’m proud to have been entrusted to do. No harm came to them when I was on duty. I’ll take that.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

11 months

Oh do fuck off. I’ll tell you what’s ‘paralysing anxiety’. Being 5 weeks into continuous cancer treatment & you’re so absolutely exhausted your mate has to lift you into and out of his car to get you to hospital for yet more debilitating treatment. Fool.

Climate change is harming my mental health

A former climate scientist is among a growing number of people overwhelmed by "eco-anxiety".

www.bbc.co.uk

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 month

Mrs W is doing some animal CPD stuff on her laptop. She suddenly looks up and declares, ‘This means nothing to me’. Quick as a flash, I break out into, ‘The warmth of your hand and a cold grey sky, it fades to the distance, oh Vienna’. Young people won’t get this.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

11 days

44 years ago today, 600 members of the SAS stormed the Iranian embassy under the auspices of Operation Nimrod. I know there were 600 SAS blokes on that balcony because every Police firearms officer I’ve met was trained by one of them on a course with them or knew one of them.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 months

I spent my entire childhood covered in this stuff. I can smell it just looking at this image.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

22 days

If you had one of these as your first computer you’re as old as fuck.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 months

Sadly, I’ve done that. As have many others.

Creepy.org

@creepydotorg

2 months

An officer distracts kid from a car accident that killed her father.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 month

‘No Dave, he ain’t worth it’.

John St. Clair

@uusaint

1 month

In six words or fewer, write a story about this picture. 👀 #WritingCommunity #sixwordstory #amwriting #ChallengeAccepted #tuesdayvibe

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 month

Funny job memories. That’s yours truly and that’s a car in the first floor window of a house. Using all my skills as a detective I concluded excessive speed had been a contributing factor in the cause of the collision. Sharp as a tack me.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

Annual cancer review. All Fucking clear. All fucking clear. To everyone affected by the big C my heart goes out to you. I’m one of the lucky ones, I hope you are too. Right, off for a little cry. Be back later.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

If you ride a motorcycle wearing shorts and a T shirt you’re not cool you’re a f’cking idiot. I spent 10 years scraping what’s left of you off the road, sometimes with a shovel.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 months

Funny job memories. One of my first arrests as a sprog Bobby. Lad for theft of a pushbike. In custody block and duty solicitor goes into private consultation. 5 minutes later, Sol ‘I can’t represent this lad’ Me ‘Oh, everything ok’? Sol ‘I think it’s my bike he’s nicked’.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

9 months

Love this stuff. We’re fortunate to live in a picturesque village. We get ‘UFL’s’ (Up From London) people moving in and literally complaining about the church bells, the noisy cockerels in the morning and the dust from the harvest every year. We all just laugh at them.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

10 months

A night I did everything wrong. Chased 2 car thief’s into an area I didn’t know. Got trapped in a garden with them. Back-up didn’t know where I was. Unbeknownst to me, a job dog tracked the thief’s to the garden and saved my skin. Never been so happy to see a dog. RIP Finn.

Sky News

@SkyNews

10 months

A hero police dog who was stabbed saving his handler and went on to have a law named after him, aimed at giving service animals greater protection from attack, has died peacefully in his sleep aged 14

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

9 months

Funny job story. In a diesel Fiesta panda car on night shift. 2 cars go flying past. I do my best to catch up with the disco lights going. Suddenly, the rear most car screeches to a stop. Chap jumps out, runs to my car ‘we’re regional crime squad on a job, will you fuck off’.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

Annual cancer review. I’m all clear. That’s 5 years clear. Not going to attempt an inspirational speech as all my friends would know Sam must have written it. Anyway, off for a little cry. See you later.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

Funny memory from my previous life. Giving a ticket to a stroppy chap on the A14. Him “Do you know who my father is”? Me “No, sorry mate I don’t. Could your mum not remember”? My Inspector was laughing when he told me off.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 months

Oh fuck. Someone please tell them.

Seankdla

@SeanKDLA

2 months

Settling down with kids (4 and 6) to watch this nice Easter film. Not seen it before.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

I’m sorry to go off on one but here goes. Young cops, when you’re dealing with an incident on a live carriageway never ever ever turn your back on the approaching traffic. I spent years walking backwards and although it looked stupid I’m still here to laugh about it.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

10 years a traffic skipper. Advanced bike and car tickets. VIP authorised bike skipper who has protected Royalty and Hollywood stars. Feedback tonight from Mrs W whilst driving her home from work. “Your driving is really sh1t these days”. Well, there you have it.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

Young cop at court rightly very proud to have passed the standard driving course. She’s so chuffed she’s been giving me tips on how to improve my driving using limit points & ease & squeeze etc. I sat there and listened as I didn’t have the heart to admit I was ex traffic.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

7 months

Remembering when you were a kid and had a bath with this stuff on a Sunday night before school. If it went in your eyes you’d be lucky to regain normal vision before Tuesday.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

When you’re tying to get the on duty DS to attend a crime scene.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 month

Well, that’s rather wonderful.

Silvio Tattisconie 💎 ©™ 🇬🇧

@SilvioTattiscon

1 month

Who said horses can't show empathy

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

27 days

Lady on radio suggesting the police should all have voice recognition technology to combat the problem of scam telephone calls. The last nick I worked in didn’t have a stapler or a fork.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

30 days

Well, that’s rather wonderful.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

I’ve been bad. Chatting to a colleague at court who has just been accepted into the police. She’s only a youngster and I’ve convinced her she needs a valid cycling proficiency certificate before she joins the job. She’s currently on a Google search to get her certificate!

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 month

18…? F’ck me. He looks like a 40yr old double glazing salesman on his second marriage.

Richard Strocher 𝕏

@RichardStrocher

1 month

18. Single. Alpha Male. Wildly Successful. Passionately pro-Trump. Do you find this attractive?

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

When you’re late turn DS and you’re turned out from your warm office to a moody death.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

28 days

Live scenes from the Scottish Borders as wanted man makes a break for the border.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 year

Found a picture of my old CID team. Great bunch. Some proper thief takers too.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 months

Funny job memory. I once nicked a chap on Magdalene Street in Cambridge but walked him around the corner to Bridge street as I couldn’t remember how to spell Magdalene.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 year

If you remember these you’re proper old.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

5 years

A person on twitter arguing that the police should use voice recognition software to ID suspects who commit crime when their face is covered. Most nicks I worked in didn’t have a fork or a stapler.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

5 months

@TuckerClemens Lisa is a sad attention seeker who thinks she’s being edgy. Don’t be like Lisa.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 year

When you’re early DS on Boxing Day and walk into 20 DP’s in the bins and 4 scene guards.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

Angry Gareth time. Under no circumstances ever tell me speeding is just a cash cow for the old bill. When you’ve been to 200 fatals, scraped hundreds of mangled bodies off the road, walked up to as many front doors as I have then tell me again it’s just about cash Fuck off.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

8 months

We used to carry teddy bears in our traffic cars for just this sort of situation.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

If you’re going to big yourself up as being involved in a massive job that was very high profile and make out you were a hero check the middle age civvy sitting in the corner and keeping quiet wasn’t the skipper who was actually at the job…!

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

Who remembers when this was our PPE?

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

8 months

The Khalife saga has reminded me of a funny job. Sat in panda car eating my chips. Chap taps on window. Him ‘I suppose you’re after me’ Me ‘Err, why’s that’. Him ‘I’m AWOL from the army’ Me ‘Oh, best you jump in the back then’ Got a thankyou letter from the Army for that

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

13 days

Don’t f’ck with northern people.

Steve Inman

@SteveInmanUIC

13 days

A community comes together to take out the trash when an elderly man is attacked in Yorkshire, UK.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

Ukraines youngest MP Sviatoslav Yurash has taken up arms and stated, “I was born in a free Ukraine and I’ll die in a free Ukraine”. Fucking hell, tell me again about the ‘youth of today’. I’d follow that man through fire.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

20 days

When you grab your mates hat from the traffic car by mistake.

Ross McCulloch

@Rossmac212

21 days

That hat is way too big for him😂

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

Ex job people. Who remembers when we had to have authority from the duty inspector to take our ties off? And don’t get caught with rolled-up shirt sleeves!

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 month

The bravest of the brave. I could only hope I’d have had the courage to do the same.

Hannah Sinclair

@hansinclair9

1 month

This police officer is a hero. She responded on her own and took down the Westfield Bondi Junction attacker, who killed and injured multiple people in a stabbing rampage. Incredible bravery.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 months

If you know, you know.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 month

Driving with Mrs W. Range Rover tries to cut her up at a junction. Mrs W ‘You can piss off you posh tart with your plastic lips’. Class bird my wife.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

Best advice I was ever given as a manager. “If you think you’re the most important person take a week off and see if the job still gets done. Then the following week give all your staff the week off and then decide who is the most important person”.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

On a lighter note, who remembers getting home from school to watch this?

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

11 months

Funny job memory. VIP bike duty on bloody hot day in full leathers. First break after 4 hours. Found an ice cream van and bought a round of 99s for the team. Angry man ‘Sergeant, eating ice creams is outrageous’ Me ‘I agree sir, they just cost me £18’ He stormed off.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

Caption competition. And no, it wasn’t me.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

Funny job memories. Airshow. 2 planes crash into each other. Pilot of plane parachutes safely to earth. I’m first on scene of crash. Pilot walking towards me holding his parachute. Me “I’m guessing you’re the pilot” Pilot “I’m guessing you’re a detective”. Priceless.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

Gareth’s court room advice. If you’re the defendant in a trial accused of assault probably best not to threaten to ‘smack up’ the magistrates and loudly proclaim to the court that your Solicitor is ‘f’cking useless and doesn’t know the law’...! Just a thought.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 months

Better tackle technique than Owen Farrell.

Noble Ron

@perry_ron

3 months

Woman stops fleeing suspect. Wow.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

Funny memory when I was a baby Bobby before CCTV Sent to city centre to look for a chap who’d smashed a window. Control “He’s walking around with a traffic cone on his head” Me “Have you got a description” Control “If the traffic cone isn’t enough you’re in the wrong job”

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

The chap in the office who keeps saying “When I was in the job” and coming out with loads of war stories is getting right on my t*ts. I’ve not mentioned I’m ex job. Just letting him dig a hole with his embellishments then I might mention it.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

6 months

Yep. Slam me for being old fashioned but it’s just how I am.

Benonwine

@benonwine

6 months

They say only men know what's wrong with this photo, Do you know?

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

Who else was taught to hold scissors like this when you are walking? Being doing it since primary school.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

28 days

It’s 9am and this little f’cker has already brought home two mice. I’ve managed to rescue and recover one of them. The second was sadly consumed. Still think he’s a lovely, cute boy??

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 month

So many in the job. Gurkha - Never took prisoners. Olympic torch - Never went out. Drill bit - Small boring tool. Hard drive - Always backed up at a job but never got there first.

VeryBritishProblems

@SoVeryBritish

1 month

Yesterday, I heard someone say they had a colleague nicknamed “Photo Finish” because they always leant slightly forward while walking. What’s the best nickname you’ve ever heard?

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

23 days

They’ve blanked out the dogs face….!

fill your boots

@MilitaryBanter

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

@XRBristol Be careful, your mum will be home soon and she’ll switch off the internet.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 months

I once used my trouser belt as a temporary head collar to remove a nag from the M11. Never thought to try this technique.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

Rant time. A rank does not make you someone’s superior. Those under your care don’t serve you, you serve them. In return for your service to them you are entrusted in asking them to do extraordinary things at extraordinary times. They do those things because they trust you.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

To every traffic cop in the UK. ‘Is the road closed mate’?

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

Today I was talking to a colleague and the conversation included the Fire Service. I referred to them as ‘Trumpton’. My colleague looked confused and asked why I called them Trumpton. It then dawned on me they’re about 25!

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

Sleep well Ma’am. It was an honour and a pleasure.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 months

One of my pet peeves are the idiots who ride a bike in the summer wearing shorts and flip flops. You wouldn’t do it if you’d seen first-hand what happens to the human body after sliding down a tarmac road. Dress for the slide not the ride.

MotoKitty 🏍

@MotoCatz99

3 months

Batman wears armour so why don’t you when you ride a motorcycle. Summer is coming what will you be wearing. I know which option I would choose. #RideSafe #Motorcycle #motorbike

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 months

Right, it’s pancake day. And pancakes can only ever be consumed with sugar and lemon juice. If anyone suggests peanut butter or Nutella or marmite etc. I will block you.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 year

Found an old RTC reconstruction sketch for one of my prosecution jobs. The CPS loved my files.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 month

Who remembers this? With Darth Vader putting in an early appearance before he went rogue.

CommodoreBlog

@CommodoreBlog

1 month

Look, it's Green Cross Man! #70s #television #nostalgia

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 year

Watched 10 mins of ‘Police Interceptors’. Narrator, ‘these are the best pursuit drivers in the business’. Bollocks. New job cars are glorified computers full of gizmos that won’t let you crash. Back in the day we drove these beasts. Now these things would try to kill you.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 months

This was privately my biggest fear when I was a traffic skipper.

Daily Mail Online

@MailOnline

3 months

Horror as police officer on his way to the scene of a fatal crash is told his wife was among the victims

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

6 months

Getting my medals ready for Sunday.

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Gareth Williams.

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7 months

To think you were found abandoned & all alone not doing too great at about 3 weeks old. Luckily for you Jonesy, Mrs W came to your rescue. And Mrs W can work miracles. We’re very lucky to have you.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

4 years

My collar number is getting re-issued to a new recruit next month. I have been asked for a short pen-picture of my service which is given to the new recipient. I asked a close friend for his advice on what to write. He suggested this, “Joined up, fucked up, fucked off”.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 months

If you suggest I’ve photoshopped this old photo of me at work I’ll block you.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

4 months

This is so me.

Made In Canada

@MadelnCanada

4 months

Someone called the police on kids sledding down a street so they went to ‘investigate’. 😂

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

10 months

Who’s old enough to remember using these bad boys? None of that airwave bandwidth rubbish. No booking on scene or going state 4 by pressing a button. But, listening to the Norwegian fishing trawlers on a night shift was fun.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 months

Been busted by the wife, again. Sam ‘Can you hoover the lounge’ Me ‘I can’t babe, the rugby starts at 1:30’ Sam ‘Does the match start at 1:30 or just the blokes sat in the studio talking about it’. Me ‘Righto, I’ll sort it’

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

Just drove past the house of the 1984 Bullseye champion. Young people, this won’t make sense. Ask your parents.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

When Krispy Kreme offer a 10% discount.

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Gareth Williams.

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12 days

Just successfully downloaded and saved a document on my computer. I’ll be commencing my new job as head of law at the Post Office on Monday.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

How to trigger a Solicitor. Tell them that if they’d worked harder at school they could have been a Barrister.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

6 months

If I ever end up in court I want this court artist. I reckon I’ll end up looking like Brad Pitt.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

1 year

Young cops. These were our car radios. There was more of it in the boot. No point to point or text messages on these things. And if you could figure out how to switch on the ‘repeater’ you had the skills of Alan Turing.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

A chap in a zoom meeting has just said ‘helicopter view’ and ‘blue sky thinking’. F’ck me, I thought I’d left all that rubbish behind in my previous job. Speak plain English man. You don’t sound clever, you sound like a dick.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

Did anyone else used to ask the new probationer on shift to call the firearms department and ask for Pc Rick O’Shea. Or was I just bad?

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

3 years

Serious Gareth time. When getting rid of your disposable mask can you please do one small thing & break the ear tabs. The Vet world is seeing a rise in wild animals getting caught up in the masks after they’re disposed. On behalf of Mrs W. Thank you.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 years

Funny job memories. Attending a Time Management training course and leaving halfway through to attend a critical incident. The civilian instructor said I’d shown poor ‘time management’. I explained I didn’t know two lorries were going to explode on the A14.

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Gareth Williams.

@history99917180

2 months

I blame the car driver.

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Gareth Williams.

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8 months

If you used one of these at school you’re as old as fuck.

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