Heather Havrilesky @hhavrilesky Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

9 months

Why It's the Hardest to Show Up For the People You Love the Most

Differences feel like insults. Mundane moments feel heavy. Forgive yourself and show up anyway.

www.ask-polly.com

2

11

39

Last Seen Profiles

@kkyukirby

@nanostringtech

@SET_TV1

@ParisJackson

@alejafranto

@maxiikits

@things_sox

@minijeffrey

@maroonmidnvghts

@sunde_saitama

@jandakembangstw

@ogura_omnia

@moondr1

@imperfect_robot

@yuxinzhu4736

@MelissaRusso4NY

@jeremy_ginter2

@ndeptune

@Marionova64

@pedrocapo

@slobodanas

@khem_pop

@official_suheil

@Babsschett

@UltravioletRain

@primelinepicks

@realtokiw

@navebeatz

@spayice

@prajwalmanipal

@golfalchemy

@BearcatsHockey

@Katsomie

@shesood

@novembearx

@ren_gojo_

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

I wrote a funny, romantic book that underscores the challenges of marriage and paints my husband as the hero of the story, and from the NY Times review to the tabloid coverage to The View, it's been warped to "Wife Is Total Bitch."

The View

@TheView

2 years

WOMAN CLAIMS SHE “HATES” HUSBAND IN MEMOIR: Journalist, wife and mother Heather Havrilesky gets real in her memoir about how she feels about her husband while reflecting on 16 years of marriage – #TheView panel discusses if they can relate. Stream the full show now on @hulu .

135

23

167

376

2K

16K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Do men who write comedic memoirs wind up with headlines like "Husband Hates Wife, Calls Marriage 'Insane'"? Or are their full names used? Do editors find and publish Instagram photos of them in bathing suits, or are they asked thoughtful questions about their actual books?

17

164

3K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

And if my husband weren't confident enough not to feel threatened by my jokes, I wouldn't have written the book at all. Every writer should be so lucky. The people who are "emasculated" by this book are the men too weak to imagine a truly egalitarian relationship.

17

73

3K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

The misogyny is just inescapable at this point. I’ve always told my daughters that they should dare to show the full force of their personalities out in the world without apology. Now unfortunately they have a glimpse of how ugly that can look in our sexist culture.

12

122

3K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

When you're a woman, your emotions are encountered as offensive, what's true is treated like an obscene secret, and your name is swapped out for WIFE or MOM at every turn. These things limit women's careers every day. It's not the world I want for my daughters.

35

237

3K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Since the outrage over the @nytimes excerpt and the dismissive review by a man in the @nytimes , I've tried to laugh it off. But when we saw The View clip last night, my teenage daughters were baffled. “Why don’t they say your name or book title? It’s just ‘Wife hates husband?'”

14

97

3K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

But the message here isn't about getting lucky. It's about showing up for the imperfect life you have - sometimes feeling like a loser and a failure - and daring to open your heart as wide as it will go.

24

112

2K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

After 26 years as an essayist, humorist, and cultural critic, would a male author's sardonic memoir be summed up as a "bombshell confession" by an angry wife hellbent on humiliating her husband?

Wife calls marriage 'insane,' hates her husband: 'Snoring heap of...

She probably should have said: “I don’t.” A prominent US journalist has shocked fans by revealing she “hates” her husband — but insists she has no plans to divorce...

nypost.com

13

84

2K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

This pushback is a piece of our culture’s insistence that all stories of love remain firmly grounded in sugarcoated, airbrushed fantasies. Once you kiss, it’s straight to happily ever after, a stagnant state you must maintain until dead or you’re a failure as a wife, as a woman.

10

128

2K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Most of the "snippets" on The View are out-of-context quotes from an interview with The Times UK that were further warped by the Daily Mail and the NY Post. My book isn't about hatred at all. It's about trying to love and be loved in spite of your flaws.

Mother-of-two, 51, confesses she 'hates her husband'

In her memoir Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage, Heather Havrilesky, from North Carolina, likens her husband Bill to 'a smelly heap of laundry'.

www.dailymail.co.uk

15

80

2K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

If I didn't love my book, which is both funny *and* heavy just like a real marriage, I wouldn't push back so hard. If I didn't want a more humane world for my daughters, I wouldn't be so outspoken about how misogyny quickly turns misreads into malicious distortions.

2

54

2K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

That extreme denial isn’t just misguided and sexist. It's inhumane to the regular, flawed married people struggling to stay together under the impossibly bloated expectations of how a 'good' wife or mother should look and sound.

5

65

2K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Jessica Grose called my book “One of the first honest, moving and funny portrayals of a solid marriage I have ever read.” You can buy it here:

Foreverland

“One of the first honest, moving and funny portrayals of a solid marriage I have ever read.” —Jessica Grose, The New York Times A Best Book of 2022 from The New Yorker and Chicago Tribune An illumi...

www.harpercollins.com

17

78

2K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Ignoring your deepest needs and emotions in the name of principles will turn you into an unprincipled person.

8

209

2K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Why am I not at all surprised that the @nytimes assigned my memoir about marriage to a man who feels an absolutely moralistic sense that the details of a marriage should be kept secret?

89

70

1K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

It’s pub day for my marriage memoir Foreverland, and I’m in a cab driving into NYC for the first time in 4 years, feeling unbelievably grateful for my absurdly tolerant husband Bill, who is just as sweet and pretty as he looks here.

39

10

1K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

I've been discussed on The View before, after I wrote a @nytimes piece about being addressed as "Mom" by strangers. They didn't use my name then either. Ironically the segment began with Whoopi saying “So this MOM says she doesn't want to be called MOM!"

Opinion | Our ‘Mommy’ Problem (Published 2014)

The current culture demands that every mother be all in, all the time.

www.nytimes.com

15

45

1K

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

@WhoopiGoldberg @JoyVBehar @sarahaines @sunny Half a million people have watched you trashing a woman's memoir that you haven't read and don't even name. Why not read Foreverland, have me on the show, and we'll have a real conversation about it?

The View

@TheView

2 years

WOMAN CLAIMS SHE “HATES” HUSBAND IN MEMOIR: Journalist, wife and mother Heather Havrilesky gets real in her memoir about how she feels about her husband while reflecting on 16 years of marriage – #TheView panel discusses if they can relate. Stream the full show now on @hulu .

135

23

167

5

58

874

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Tweeting trivial bullshit can be another way of coping with heaviness and fear. Scolding people like you're the only one who takes war seriously is the most myopic thing of all.

9

99

762

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

This bullshit, sugarcoated, careful, fearful and most importantly *deeply boring* approach to conversations (and books and movies!) about marriage is exactly why I wrote my book. Buy it here, motherfuckers, because it's gooooood.

Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage

www.amazon.com

19

44

774

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Some are making jokes about Walter Kirn being married 3x. Divorce is not a form of failure. People outgrow each other or choose without knowing what they're choosing. It's not humane to treat marriage as a litmus test of character or stamina or honor.

14

28

780

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

For people Googling my husband: I’m married to Jon Hamm.

21

8

761

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Teaching kids not to mirror the anxious perfectionism of the world around them and to embrace joy wherever they can find it: This is the primary job of parenting.

11

43

647

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

1 year

This piece of mine is trending all over the place. I just made the version on my Substack free so people can link to it without the paywall:

‘I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless, and I’ve Wasted My Whole Life’

When you live inside your shame, everything you see is inadequate and embarrassing.

www.ask-polly.com

6

87

646

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

@EricRiback @nytimes King bed, memory foam topper is my formula for sleep. Immobilized like dinosaurs in tar.

10

6

533

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Sweet Christ

29

12

543

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

@WhoopiGoldberg @JoyVBehar @sarahaines @sunny I know the takeaway can't be "Women shouldn't write down true things" or "Wives shouldn't criticize their husbands" or "Female authors with 4 books & 26 years of experience are just a punchline to us."

4

11

508

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

@WhoopiGoldberg @JoyVBehar @sarahaines @sunny My teenage daughters think The View is regressive and cringey now. I tried to tell them "Any show with all women hosts is arguably feminist, even when you don't agree with them." But you *all* need to do better.

10

12

486

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

@WhoopiGoldberg @JoyVBehar @sarahaines @sunny I poured my heart into that book. We could have a much richer conversation about love, marriage, and the enormous expectations we place on wives and mothers to do everything the "right" way, one that goes beyond "Wife Is Total Bitch."

3

10

491

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

@WhoopiGoldberg @JoyVBehar @sarahaines @sunny Even if you refuse, ask yourself what example you set when you use "wife" instead of a female author's name and trash her book (that you haven't read)? Those "snippets" were mostly quotes from a Times UK article, not my book at all.

2

10

493

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Will you dislike me after you read it? Probably! The point of first-person writing isn't to run for office. You tell the truth and the reader goes for a good ride. This book is a great ride, whether you think I'm awful or not.

10

6

483

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

This might be my favorite headline yet.

Wife calls marriage 'insane,' hates her husband: 'Snoring heap of...

She probably should have said: “I don’t.” A prominent US journalist has shocked fans by revealing she “hates” her husband — but insists she has no plans to divorce...

nypost.com

30

14

454

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Keep telling us whose stories deserve to be told (Yours!) and whose don't (Everyone else's! It's distasteful when they do it!). This is why we write, motherfuckers.

7

26

422

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Our culture's deep-seated belief in misery and self-sacrifice and suspicion toward pleasure and joy can trick you into encountering yourself as messy and selfish just for feeling your emotions. Don't let it.

1

71

412

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

"It’s completely shameless, and it’s not even the first time this month the RNC Research Twitter account has gotten caught spreading blatant misinformation to smear Democrats." Big fan of @atrupar 's Public Notice.

You won't see a more dishonest tweet than the RNC's latest Biden smear

And then they blocked me for pointing out what huge liars they are.

www.publicnotice.co

8

127

417

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

For the record, it's fine. I've written tons of harsh book reviews. We all have our tastes and opinions. I do think the bigger sexist picture is absolutely rich, though. The righteousness a man can conjure when a woman reveals too much is truly remarkable.

6

8

401

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Oh look, it's a man reviewing my first memoir, as an excuse to declare all memoirs by unfamous humans pointless and self-indulgent!

The Problem With Memoirs (Published 2011)

Taking stock of four new memoirs — and of the motives for adding to an already crowded genre.

www.nytimes.com

6

19

395

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Can confirm. One of the reasons I moved to Substack was to protect my ownership of Ask Polly. CA freelance laws cut my income in half, but joining the staff at NYMag/Vox meant yielding IP/ handing over a property I'd worked hard to create at The Awl (thanks to @choire 's support).

pfpicardi

@pfpicardi

2 years

Legacy media editors can roll their eyes at this all they want, but I can assure you that Legacy Media Executives are very much working to instate contracts that own all workers’ IP and give them a slim (if any) cut of projects that get optioned.

9

106

752

4

30

389

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Joy is only available to those who let their deepest needs and emotions into the room. You have to feel your sadness and anger in order to feel your joy. It's a package deal.

1

42

358

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

When a woman's marriage memoir is handed off to a man who breezes over the book in order to wring his hands over her husband's feelings repeatedly? That's a pretty vivid example of how we casually undermine women's work by putting men's feelings front and center.

4

28

347

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

My new book about marriage is excerpted in this Sunday's @nytimes , a little nastiness to get you through the trials and tribulations of the holiday season.

Marriage Requires Amnesia (Published 2021)

Do I hate my husband? Oh for sure, yes, definitely.

www.nytimes.com

22

25

370

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

People today are extremely conflict avoidant. Refusing to engage and ghosting are often portrayed as self-actualized and powerful while direct communication is encountered as weak. But intimacy depends on navigating conflict without fear.

1

80

379

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Finally I want to strongly recommend these books by Kiese Laymon, @lsjamison , Grace Lavery, @DamonYoungVSB , @Julia_May_Jonas , and @laurenthehough , brave writers who dare to dive straight into the most difficult, potentially embarrassing part of the story.

Heather Havrilesky recommends 6 memorable books

The advice columnist recommends books by Kiese Laymon, Leslie Jamison, and more.

theweek.com

6

14

341

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

1 year

I love how this dilemma is often presented as "big city vs. suburbs" with the very relaxing and affordable alternative of medium-size towns widely treated as a vacuum of culture and ambition.

The Fleishman Effect

In a city of Rachels and Libbys, the FX show has some New York moms worried they’re the ones in trouble.

www.thecut.com

11

27

356

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Strongly agree! This is a major theme of my book, hence the first few lines (which toy with the concept that a 'happy' marriage is one that lasts until you die).

12

13

320

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

This dog is pretty into bird watching.

10

16

319

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

You deny yourself freedom, supposedly for the sake of others, and eventually you're denying other people their freedom because it pains you to witness the life you surrendered to your rigid worldview.

1

30

285

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

This is the best newsletter.

3

15

308

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Bill is back at home, cooking and cleaning and watching the kids, where every man belongs. No one tell him I wrote a book about him, okay?

10

2

292

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Also, taking issue with sweeping statements? Sounds like you'd probably also hate George Bernard Shaw, Dorothy Parker, Shakespeare. Or is it just the women confident enough to make a sweeping statement that piss you off?

3

275

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

This photo of my dog Fig looks like it was drawn by Allie Brosh.

8

4

263

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

To succeed, female creatives, particularly women of color, have to be a million times *kinder*, they have to *learn the system*, they have to appear *non-threatening*, all while standing their ground, ready to fight for their rights. Walking that tight rope is exhausting.

2

39

271

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

On the feminist front, I should add my friend @Carina_Chocano 's hilarious & smart book You Play The Girl, which won the National Book Critics Circle award in 2018. It's all about how women and girls are undermined, misunderstood, & maligned by our culture.

YOU PLAY THE GIRL | Kirkus Reviews

How culture teaches girls what it means to be female.

www.kirkusreviews.com

7

5

247

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Feeling everything doesn't just make you happier, it strengthens your principles. Compassion for yourself and others fuels your ability to honor your principles and stand up for what's right. When you feel free, you want to share that feeling.

1

23

228

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Martha Stewart wittily posting about her murdered peacocks is maybe the most Martha Stewart that Martha Stewart has ever been.

11

21

245

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

In denigrating other people's 'poor' choices, they think they're celebrating their own relative fortitude and resilience. But what they really worship is safety from the natural chaos of emotional intimacy.

2

19

225

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Our culture is allergic to women. The evidence is everywhere. It's hard to stay mad about it every day or you'll lose your mind. But our young women and girls deserve better.

2

25

207

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

I never have normal dogs.

13

1

218

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

1 year

You get what you want after you stop wanting it, always always always. If you really want something, figure out how to get over it.

5

14

228

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Women hold other women back professionally thanks to internalized misogyny, envy, racism. We've all been trained like SEALs to roll our eyes at women our entire lives. Corporate environments make use of that training and recognize/ promote brutal gatekeepers when they see them.

2

27

217

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

I don't have a beef with him. Dog-piling a person with a flawed past can turn against everyone one of us, because we're all flawed and will continue making mistakes until we're dead. My concern is how we continue to encounter women's stories and emotions with suspicion and fear.

2

206

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

People who tell stories of control and choice, where anyone in a tough spot landed there due to some big mistake *they personally* would never make, are some of the least principled people you'll ever meet.

2

19

198

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

I'm not asking for rave reviews. This one is engaging. I just want to underscore that men's anxieties and fears about women's feelings - the way they play out in workplaces, in marriages, everywhere - are a piece of what keeps women undermined and underrated.

3

10

201

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

If your needs weren’t met as a kid, you might avoid the things you want the most simply because wanting itself feels so vulnerable.

2

30

204

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

This @NewYorker review by Becca Rothfeld made me cry in my car waiting for the kids yesterday. She understands exactly what I was aiming for with Foreverland. A review this smart and thoughtful honestly makes every other misreading worth it.

Heather Havrilesky’s Guide to Enduring Married Life

The “Ask Polly” columnist’s mordant new memoir, “Foreverland,” is an affectionate study of spousal irritation.

www.newyorker.com

4

21

207

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Big picture, though? Let's make more space for women to show the full force of their personalities in their work, in their workplaces, in their relationships and notice when we encounter a woman's most vulnerable or guarded feelings as threatening or poisonous or impolite.

1

22

194

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Fact: Many, many men don't know what love is or how to feel it. Don't let them blame that on you.

9

23

192

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

I want the old school, full service accountant who comes to your house and rifles through your sock drawer looking for old receipts while you sip on a snifter of cognac.

9

204

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Stay off Twitter

3

12

194

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Asserting yourself in a relationship, daring to be honest, asking for what you need are ways of seeing another person's principles close up. Can they handle the inconveniences of real intimacy? This is true for friendships, too. And a lot of people just can't.

1

25

200

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

When your toddler takes on and off multiple pairs of socks every morning, screaming in agony over the unbearable inadequacy of each pair, this is a glimpse straight into the darkness of your bad genes.

13

2

198

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Bought a tank top at the mall and now it’s trying to inspire me. Go fuck yourself, tank top!

12

8

190

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

This is why I'm outspoken about the outrage around my failing to embody a rigid ideal of 'good wife' by making jokes in a book about marriage. Playing a role isn't a path to joy. You have to feel your way there. Longterm intimacy and *real* lived principles include messy work.

5

4

178

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

1 year

Hot tip for managing your social media use: The very first second you feel the slightest tinge of angst or anxiety over a tweet or post? Quit the app, put down your phone, walk out into the freezing wind and stand there until you can't remember what social media is.

1

13

184

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Georgia motherfucking O'Keeffe. Every time I think I've seen it all, she gives me something new. Rest your eyeballs on these motherfucking pears and know greatness.

2

8

192

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

People who make money and feed their egos by reinforcing the status quo even after conditions become intolerable for everyone else: grow a nervous system with a functioning brain and heart you fucking ghouls.

2

16

181

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Jon Hamm has read my entire book 3x and never asked me to change a word, possibly because he is Jon Hamm.

4

0

177

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

This @nytimes excerpt is from my new book Foreverland (Ecco, 2/8/22) which you can pre-order here:

Foreverland

“One of the first honest, moving and funny portrayals of a solid marriage I have ever read.” —Jessica Grose, The New York Times A Best Book of 2022 from The New Yorker and Chicago Tribune An illumi...

www.harpercollins.com

The New York Times

@nytimes

2 years

"Marriage requires amnesia, a mute button, a filter on the lens, a damper, some blinders, some bumpers, some ear plugs, a nap," writes Heather Havrilesky for @NYTStyles .

1K

258

2K

22

19

182

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

The big picture is what matters to me. Fair enough to casually assign a woman's marriage memoir to a man who thinks "marriage is a secret." But these casual decisions add up to a world where women's feelings are encountered not just as trivial but aberrant and unwelcome.

2

5

165

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Do you feel like you've been broken for way too long? Well maybe you've been broken for JUST LONG ENOUGH to feel *everything* in ways that other people can't.

'I'm Sixty And I Wasted My Whole Life!'

Those so-called wasted years cleared you a path to magic.

www.ask-polly.com

5

27

177

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

In which Albert Burneko calls the NY Times excerpt of my book a "blog," says relationships should never be "hard," and encourages my husband to call a divorce lawyer. Enlightened addition to the discourse, Al!

Albert Burneko

@AlbertBurneko

2 years

no, marriage does not in fact require amnesia, and if you hate your spouse, that means your relationship is bad

22

74

654

16

2

163

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

1 year

You were born affectionate and grateful. Show yourself.

3

33

185

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

A lot of people don't consciously recognize their need for deeply felt relationships and emotions. That doesn't make them bad. Unprincipled people *pretend* they feel things until a relationship becomes inconvenient. Then they tell a story to let themselves off the hook.

4

13

159

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Why does anyone think that the NYer's Strong profile is a hit piece? It struck me as a thoughtful, affectionate analysis of an intense, committed, inspired artist. Please, give us *more* celeb profiles that don't read like bland publicist-micromanaged press releases.

Etalk

@etalkCTV

2 years

#GoldenGlobe nominee #JeremyStrong has some famous friends with thoughts about that New Yorker profile 👀

32

59

246

6

10

168

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Just donated here (via @MollyJongFast ).

On-the-Ground Support for Ukrainian Refugees, organized by Andrew Kimmel

Hello to you all! My name is Andrew Kimmel and I am traveling to Eas… Andrew Kimmel needs your support for On-the-Ground Support for Ukrainian Refugees

www.gofundme.com

6

71

169

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Live footage of my husband learning that he's in a traditional relationship where the wife does all the housework and accepts her miserable pseudo-feminist life without complaint.

9

7

160

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Every book written by a woman doesn't have to be boiled down to whether or not we like the author's personality or think she's a good wife. Let's leave creepy sexist evaluations in the distant past where they belong, and judge a book on its own merits instead.

8

7

158

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

1 year

There should be an app where divorced women can review their exhusbands like gently used dresses on Poshmark.

2

8

172

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

There’s some kind of trough of moss in my hotel room and I AM SO HAPPY TO BE BACK IN NEW YORK I AM LOSING IT!!

5

1

172

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

I love how @TaylorLorenz calls this stuff out, questioning *who* is viewed as talented / promoted and who gains popularity but not status. Life is a lot easier for women when they nod along and stfu. Making noise takes courage.

3

9

164

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

this is how every article about happiness should end

2

17

166

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

I’m weeping in a mask on a plane over this review. It feels so good to be understood.

Ecco

@eccobooks

2 years

On @hhavrilesky 's FOREVERLAND, @fiftytwowest writes: "She walks the tightrope here, unflinching in her appraisal, indulgent in her praise… The book is a delight; it is a magic trick. It is also terrifically funny." @SouthRevBooks #bookreview

0

5

34

10

2

152

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

And I love that a guy who built his career on supposedly saying things that no one else will dare to say is shitting himself over a woman doing the same thing. Men have publicly complained about their wives for centuries but when a woman does it, she's evil. Grow up, babies.

5

151

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Look what just showed up on my doorstep! Pre-order now and you'll get it on 2/8/22. So excited to share my demon baby with the world!

10

3

165

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Mood

6

2

155

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Unprincipled people love to talk about roles, what's appropriate, what's acceptable, what's normal. But then you witness them abandoning their closest relationships when they become inconvenient. The rigid roles they advocate aren't principled at all, they're forged out of fear.

2

20

153

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

This Airbnb has my book! Just signed it. And there’s ⁦ @choitotheworld ⁩ close by!

4

0

151

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

I wrote this in my late 20s and I still identify strongly with both characters.

5

6

150

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

If you were raised by people who were afraid of intimacy, you're going to have to work hard to avoid withdrawing, becoming hypercritical, turning numb, and running away from love, even when you know you're in the right place.

3

20

148

Heather Havrilesky

@hhavrilesky

2 years

Barista at the hotel just warned me against having milk and oat milk together because it causes digestive issues, then told me about her recent stomach problems. I LOVE NYC THAT’S IT I’M MOVING

9

2

148