Galaf @gallafta Twitter profile

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

My wedding will be on a Monday, so that you choose between your job or rice

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

Mjengo inaanza lini parliament tukuje? We are creating jobs for ourselves

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

Ukinipigia simu past saa nne, nitakupigia 4am juu umeamua tukuwe wajinga

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Galaf

@gallafta

9 days

Living in Kenya feels like when you’re doing the dishes and someone keeps bringing a dirty cup or plate

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Galaf

@gallafta

6 months

CITAM ukisema Ngai mwathani instead of Lawd olmairii

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Galaf

@gallafta

1 month

Flirting skills sikuizi niko zero, I sound like a parent on texts… like “uko mzima?” 😂

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Galaf

@gallafta

1 month

Arimis si watoe lip gloss yao waiite iromos

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

Gen Z tumesherehekewa, hawajui ni bei ya quarter iliguzwa😆

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

Mzazi hata hajali kama zako zimeshika anapiga tu simu fwaaa

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

Mbona parents like putting things in boys rooms like bags of cement, wheelbarrow, new born calf, spade etc

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

Aahhh in my “ebu weka news” era

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Galaf

@gallafta

1 month

Alcohol addicts hukuwa wamejihumble ukiwaadvice waache pombe alafu wanaenda kulewa wanarudi kukutusi

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Galaf

@gallafta

4 months

Na ukicheza temple run kando yangu kwa mat ujue mimi ndio next ukibant ata kama hatujuani

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Galaf

@gallafta

22 days

Kuflip mayai ndio huwa deciding factor if you’re having an omelette ama scrambled eggs

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Galaf

@gallafta

28 days

The “Niko kadi” phrase is a full proof that if you share your plans with people, they end up failing

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

Hoteli nimeletewa Bill nikakataa

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

Kama si Gen Z Ruto saii angekuwa JKIA akienda Jamaica

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Galaf

@gallafta

13 days

Sprinkling a “hakuna color ingine?” when the price is high >>>

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Galaf

@gallafta

1 month

Ati “siwezi lala bulb ikiwa on” na ulikuwa unalala preps na bulb sita zile mrefu juu yako

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

The moment nimepata pesa siwezi taka marafiki zangu watouch any bill, like chukueni hiyo smocha moja mshare nyi watatu…

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Galaf

@gallafta

20 days

The worst habit I picked up from Highschool is eating too fast, ata siwezi fanya dinner date

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Galaf

@gallafta

22 days

“Niko tu” is a polite way of telling someone unateseka 😂😂

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Galaf

@gallafta

4 months

“I love you” imetosha. To the moon and back ni kukua dramatic for no reason na huna ata passport😂

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

Stori mingi na marafiki hawajafika parliament punguza😂

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

Msitense sana, Ruto anakufa kesho

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Galaf

@gallafta

29 days

Kubebwa na nduthi iko na music has to be the most embarrassing thing 😭

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Galaf

@gallafta

4 months

I don’t understand chewing gum these days, just 3 mchwa mchwa mchwas and it’s done… back in the days PK lasted for 5 months

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

Life lessons nazo hukuwa za ajabu, zikirealise wewe ni slow learner zinajirudia mpaka ugrasp the concept!

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Galaf

@gallafta

15 days

Ukikaa kwa window seat, have the common decency of slightly opening the window for ventilation, thanks!

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

Kama unataka kugain, drop your handle below tukufollow

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Galaf

@gallafta

1 month

“Ulinicut off” whole time you are going through one of the most traumatic experiences of your life

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Galaf

@gallafta

13 days

Ushai perform kwa bed adi dem akakuita small meeting kukuuliza “will you ever leave me?” 😂💀

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

Kutoka niambiwe ati nimelewa ni kama birthday ni yangu, sijawahi attend another birthday party

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Galaf

@gallafta

5 months

Unacheka na msee kumbe anaprocess visa na documents

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Galaf

@gallafta

24 days

Now that we are going to be the new adults, who actually understands the process of ruracio and all that 😭💀

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Galaf

@gallafta

5 months

I miss simpler times when the biggest scandal was Willy Mutunga having an earring

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Galaf

@gallafta

1 month

Nikiingia tao naswitch from normal to compound eyes

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Galaf

@gallafta

23 days

Sahi bila keki ya “will you be my girlfriend” hautoboi😂

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

Not my mum asking me “Mmepika nini leo” when she knows that I live alone 😂 Anyway nimeelewa the agenda

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Galaf

@gallafta

21 days

My sister just said Monday ni jumamoja😭 bana are these children not taught??😭😂

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Galaf

@gallafta

25 days

Washing dishes minus a playlist will have you shaking your head and nkting all thru. Thoughts and flashbacks zinakupiga left right and centre

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Galaf

@gallafta

5 months

Ukininyamazia more than two days na tunadate, ukirudi kuja na mzazi mmoja na barua ya chief

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

Whoever said “Hakuna Matata” lied, matata ni nyingi!!😭

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Galaf

@gallafta

5 months

Hii mvua ya Nairobi🤔… uko kwa mat unaenda home, alafu unapitana na nyumba yako ikienda tao

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Galaf

@gallafta

29 days

Naona hapa nje mnasema “toxic work environment”… sasa kwetu kuna jamaa alisahau lapy ikiwa on😭😭 they resigned for him 😂

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Galaf

@gallafta

1 month

Hii mshahara inaisha siku ya pili ndio mnalea nayo watoto?

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Galaf

@gallafta

19 days

Uzuri ya kuwa na debit card haina pesa ni unaaply free trials fearlessly

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

Unadhani umebag baddie kumbe alikumark kitambo akajiweka in your way

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Galaf

@gallafta

5 months

Hakuna feeling tamu kama kushika chai red handed ikitaka kumwagika

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Galaf

@gallafta

14 days

Everyday adults who soak bread in tea walk among us and the government is doing nothing about it

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Galaf

@gallafta

5 months

Na mtupee avocado kwa weddings. Watermelon haikuliwi na mchele

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Galaf

@gallafta

20 days

Nikisema “Take Care” I mean usidinywe

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Galaf

@gallafta

8 days

I feel like wahenga wote walikuwa jaba, wdym “Mpanda ngazi hushuka” obviously buda 😭😭

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Galaf

@gallafta

10 days

As an adult ukishow mtu akufunze kuswim anakushow “jiwachilie tu utafloat” nigga what kind of advice is that??

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Galaf

@gallafta

1 month

The things that people call “walking distance” in this country upsets me

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Galaf

@gallafta

8 days

Parents discover you can do a chore perfectly and they “tengeneza ile style yako” you into everyday slavery

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Galaf

@gallafta

1 month

Mpesa inaingia safaricom wananitext offer zao…buana hii pesa ni ya pombe staki credo mimi 😂

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Galaf

@gallafta

4 months

Sai ningekuwa nimetulia pale preps after kunyimwa made familiar

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Galaf

@gallafta

4 months

Normalize hitting people with “hiyo ni mambo yenu”

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Galaf

@gallafta

11 days

After break up, dem anapost picha akiwa coast in some skimpy sundress na mkono kubwa ya black on her thigh, inabidi caretaker akushikilie usikunywe jik 😂

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

Ingekua kitambo sai Ruto angekua kwa ndege akienda kuconsole Trump. Ni kama we’ve fixed our country!

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Galaf

@gallafta

6 months

Mimi kwa composition ilikua must nikue kidnapped hata kama ni kwa harusi

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Galaf

@gallafta

17 days

After a night out, I’d rather hear “ulizima jana” than “ulichoma jana”

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Galaf

@gallafta

4 months

Ningekuwa pedi singewahi enda duka, mtu angekuwa ananicall kuniambia anataka mali namshow “ebu nikujie na nyanya na kitunguu”

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

Mara Moja is the only painkiller that stands on business 😂

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Galaf

@gallafta

12 days

“Wacha tutapanga” is definitely the politest way to say sidai hio form

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

I miss 2010, No stress, No drama, just blowing vuvuzela & singing waka waka

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

Mimi nayo nitakupea fast replies… masaa ya kupimana ego kama vienyeji wananyesha ndio sina

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

It’s okay to tell someone “ hatujazoeana hivyo” when they overstep!

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Galaf

@gallafta

6 months

Kila mtu anakapitia, weh jikaze bana wacha kulialia

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Galaf

@gallafta

24 days

I always “daktari, wakili, engineer” tf otta my friends 😭😭

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

Hakuna mtu anajua kuchezesha mtoto kama mgeni ako njaa💀😂 Eti ….. “nikuume maskio…haaaang”😂💔

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Galaf

@gallafta

24 days

“Wewe bado umelala na…” bana wewe amka tu ufanye vitu zako, wachana na sisi

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Galaf

@gallafta

4 months

Saa zingine life hukaa tu kama pancake ya kwanza. But it’s okay tutapika ingine

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

After giving advice, I add “siko sure lakini” so you don’t say I ruined your life

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Galaf

@gallafta

1 month

“We wacha” is my response to any compliment whatsoever

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Galaf

@gallafta

4 months

Ukiwa overthinker, unakuanga ushaview all the possible outcomes so that nothing catches you by surprise

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

Tuesday ukiona tumeanza kukimbia alafu nikushike mkono ujue umekua wangu sasa, ndio tunaita speed dating

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Galaf

@gallafta

1 month

“Na kwani umenyolewa aje?”… hapa confidence inashukanga kutoka 100 to 0 very fast ajab

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Galaf

@gallafta

4 months

Sai wakisema watu wako na above 500bob ndo wataamka kesho, mimi mwendo naumaliza 😂💔

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Galaf

@gallafta

5 months

The official website of the Government Of Kenya should be .jo.ke

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

Nalala kwako unakataa kuamka wa kwanza upike chai, kwani unataka tulale mpaka kesho?

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Galaf

@gallafta

4 months

Tunakula avocado yangu na wewe na bado unauliza ati kama nakupenda?

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Galaf

@gallafta

6 months

Mshahara ikiisha unaanzanga kuona ni kama mdosi anakutumia vibaya 😑😂

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

As a man skiza a lot of podcasts ujue vile watu hureason huku nje usikue mbleina ati daily ni kufikiria kinembe

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Galaf

@gallafta

4 months

Another day to remind you that ukikufia mtu, make sure umebakisha nguvu ya kujifufua

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

Cringe memories have no decorum, unatulia tu hivi zinakugonga tu fwaa

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Galaf

@gallafta

20 days

That catholic song “Huyu ni nani…” is a vibe buana 😂

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

Nikipata pesa, nitaenda nibuy Ile mkate kubwa ya brown ya Naivas na Yoghurt nikae chini nikule🥹

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Galaf

@gallafta

4 months

Sikatai sipatikani kwa calls na sireply texts, but umejaribu Mpesa??

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Galaf

@gallafta

6 months

Hamkuangi ready for this harsh truth that Darkskin women ni warembo kushinda the light ones.

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

Na mambo ikienda kombo usisahau kutoa hasira na fanta passion

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

“Catching flights” ameshikwa kwa nganya akireverse fare

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Galaf

@gallafta

4 months

Unaambia mtu akuamshe alafu unapata text WhatsApp “amkaaa”…kama hio sio punda ni nini?

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Galaf

@gallafta

4 months

When a girl likes you, you better pray she is working or has a hobby. Otherwise utakua busy kwa simu kama customer care

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Galaf

@gallafta

3 months

Pastors husema the earth is soon coming to an end alafu wananunua shamba

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Galaf

@gallafta

2 months

I’ve been arrested

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Galaf

@gallafta

4 months

Cheating on me knowing this country hardly solves murders is outrageous!

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Galaf

@gallafta

5 months

Magari za Machakos hujaa hadi conductor anawafuata nyuma na nduthi

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