Erica Smith, M.Ed. @ericasmithsexed Twitter profile

Pinned Tweet

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

1 year

My sex ed work has focused specifically on people raised in purity culture for 4 years now. The question I'm asked most often in interviews is "What are some ways that purity culture affects people?" Here's a general & non-exhaustive list of what I see:

58

2K

11K

Last Seen Profiles

@polinakeoning

@Jasmyn2Juiccy

@AliceXiaZhu

@Zaynab01_

@WaterBabies

@saikyoukawauso

@uesrhaifa

@sunzoo_saharan

@nao_ota0503

@NACoTweets

@eretan10

@officeforwomen

@billytect

@enku_mulugeta

@AveWi11

@mls1776

@marsalta_

@Wiggy_Calver

@timenightcluboc

@masterdgder

@sergej_barsukov

@QuellyBadAzz

@rymlmh2

@DetroitArena

@Hamamatsu_PR

@SusanaHawken

@rinan_shah

@AmericaRpts

@GigasetES

@KyleABarton

@jay_wooow

@SharonCarty6

@RTL4

@NTBreakfast

@LyaaaaLee

@iThOmar_

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

This week in the family group text, I had to tell my parents what “raw dog”means - both literally and figuratively, as my bro casually said he “raw dogged” his flight by not taking meds. Now my parents keep saying they raw dogged stuff. My mom said she “raw dogged 3 births.” 😭

226

3K

51K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Yesterday I reassured someone that "taking turns" w orgasm during partnered sex is REALLY NORMAL & something many people (& nearly all queers) do. The myth of the simultaneous hetero orgasm has ruined us!!! It's not awkward or unsexy to take turns making sure we're all satisfied.

149

4K

41K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

11 months

I passionately defend older "virgins." Outside of purity culture and in general, why do we act like the only acceptable window for one's first sexual experience is like, ages 16-18? For some, even being 18 with no sexual experience feels bad or weird. That's super ridiculous.

208

3K

25K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

I love answering the most basic questions about sex that people are afraid to ask, bc they feel like they should already know. It's not embarrassing not to know, I promise. The state of sex ed in the US is abysmal, plus even good sex ed doesn't answer some of the questions I get.

57

1K

13K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

My sister is 40 and dating in our small conservative hometown. She always makes sure to ask men she meets how they feel about queer & trans people fairly quickly “because I am really close to my family” (aka queer & trans people). I love her so much for this.

36

317

13K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Several people mentioned they learned a “72 hour rule” from their churches, as in “men NEED sex every 72 hours or else.” Like what will happen to them if they don’t get it ?!? Is it like forgetting to feed your tamagotchi???

267

643

8K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

11 months

Someone told me that the first time she wore shorts to the grocery store in her 30s, it was remarkable to her that men didn't seem to notice. She'd been taught they'd absolutely lose their shit at the sight of bare skin. Purity culture teaches you to be afraid all of the time.

26

607

8K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

11 months

You can imagine how bad ppl in their 30s, 40s, & beyond feel when they haven't had sex yet (& know they'd like to someday.) Our culture makes them feel bad. Purity culture fucks them one way, and then after that, we laugh at them. Being caught between these dynamics is so unfair.

11

252

4K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

11 months

If you haven't had your sexual debut during society's tiny approved window due to purity culture or whatever, you are not a freak. You're just on a different timeline. You can still go on to have a fulfilling sex life. You deserve partners who don't think of you as less than.

9

259

4K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

7 months

As a sex educator who has been in the game for over 20 yrs, without a doubt people struggle the most with these two things: 1) redefining sex to include more than just P in V intercourse 2) accepting that "cold sores" are, in fact, caused by HSV (herpes). Let me elaborate...

32

443

3K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Lack of basic sexual anatomy/physiology, lack of connection to own body, incredible misinfo about sex, fear of own sexual thoughts & feelings, incredible self-doubt & second guessing of EVERYTHING, no basic consent education, above average deep terror of pregnancy & STIs

3

199

3K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

also FFS of course I know they can happen. The "myth" part is that they're the pinnacle of sex & extremely common.

5

58

3K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Also a lot of the QRTs are people saying “omg I can’t believe anyone has to be told this.” I specialize in sex ed for people who were raised in purity culture, and that’s what a lack of honest conversation about sex produces.

16

93

3K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

vaginal & vulvar pain, fear/avoidance of repro healthcare, deep shame about past things that are a healthy part of sexual development, fear that any sexual attention = disrespect, inability to fantasize, lack of communication skills re: sex, grief & anger about time lost,

1

146

3K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Discomfort receiving pleasure, deep fear of parents' judgment of their sexual behavior even as adults 40+, debilitating shame after sex or masturbation, and more.

2

135

3K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Please hear this: some people like having frequent sex and that is FINE, but no one “needs” it or else they’ll do XYZ bad thing, and it’s certainly not any other person’s responsibility to provide it without having a say. This teaching is TOXIC, and I never use that word!

12

133

3K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

It would be so much easier for her to date amongst the men where we grew up if she didn’t ask this question, but she does, because her love for me is fierce. 🥹

7

32

2K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

On the concept of sex being "special:" Purity culture says that sex will only be special w your spouse, that it must be special the 1st time or you've failed, that it can't be special before marriage, & that it loses the ability to be special as you have new partners. LIES.

15

326

2K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

This isn't from research, but from personal experience with clients, social media followers, and everyone else who's reached out to me for education or with their story.

7

66

2K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

I just read Rihanna’s interview about how much she loves being a mother & it's beautiful. Juxtaposing this with how happy I am to be childfree reminds me again that when it comes to parenting, WE SHOULD ALL be able to make the choice for ourselves that we're thrilled about.

5

146

2K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

9 months

20 years ago, a woman went on Oprah & convinced Americans that teens were having oral sex parties called “Rainbow Parties.” There’s zero evidence this happened anywhere, let alone became a hot trend. It was just another moral sex panic about teens, and it wasn’t the first.

47

233

2K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

9 months

It's come to light TODAY that absorbent menstrual products were never tested with ACTUAL BLOOD (let alone endometrial tissue), but rather with saline water. Products were never as absorbent as they claimed to be! So if this was your experience, you aren't imagining things!

26

231

2K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Just this week I've worked w several adults my own age who asked GREAT questions like "are women in porn always faking enjoyment?" and "what typically happens mechanics wise/ positions wise the first time a couple has sex?" KEEP ASKING. Keep learning.

4

43

2K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Reminder that the Super Bowl does not cause human trafficking to spike in its host city. This myth has been debunked repeatedly. What actually causes forced sexual labor to spike: poverty, food insecurity, homelessness, discrimination, natural disasters, political instability.

9

326

1K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

11 months

I'll be sharing more post-purity culture affirmations, sex positive frameworks & critical knowledge to make you feel less alone in my Purity Culture Dropout One Day Intensives. First one is 6/24. More info here!

6

48

1K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

11 months

I also love the lesson that I learned from my friend Erin Brown (ardent defender of sluts): "if someone's respect for you is contingent on how you dress/ what dressing rules you adhere to, they already don't respect you."

2

168

1K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

10 months

Canadian sex education trailblazer Sue Johanson has passed at 93. Seeing her wave dildos around on late night tv and talk so non judgmentally, matter of factly, & humorously about sex inspired me to do what I do. Thanks, Sue. Evangelicals: "You can't talk about se----" Sue:

9

178

1K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

My heroes today: everyone who was raised in F*cus on the F*mily type abusive authoritarianism but is now breaking generational patterns & parenting w love, compassion, openness & respect for their kids. I can't even imagine the hard work that goes into this. You're incredible.

26

130

1K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

One thing I want purity culture dropouts to know about sex: it's a collaboration btw people. It's not doing something to someone; it's doing it WITH them. This can be a big realization if you were taught that sex is innately exploitative & TAKES from the person it's "done to."

1

294

1K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

@MaevesMomma1 absolutely, i didn't even get into what the effects are on queer people. this is a big one.

7

16

1K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

11 months

Women (almost exclusively) say "I don't even know what I like to wear bc of modesty teachings." I ask them what makes them feel good, confident, comfortable, most like "themselves. Buy/thrift an outfit that makes you feel those things, test it outside of the house. Repeat.

2

41

1K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

tw: sexual assault This Sunday is the 20th anniversary of when Elizabeth Smart returned home after 9 months of being held captive by an abductor who repeatedly sexually assaulted her. She grew up hearing shame based purity culture messaging about being a chewed up piece of gum.

5

184

1K

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Wow of course a raw dog tweet becomes my most popular. 😭 My parents are amazing and hilarious and I appreciate them so much. Thanks for finding them as delightful as I do! I’m a sex educator who specializes in purity culture recovery btw- for more

3

14

955

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

7 months

Broadening our def of sex is a positive thing, it allows for so many more pleasurable experiences to be centered & is queer & disability friendly. Your definition of sex does NOT have to be the same as mine, but it is worth thinking critically about. What is sex to you & why?

2

68

938

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

I asked people to send me some bad purity culture materials and y’all…someone sent an Alabama high school curriculum from 2020 that compares STIs to Hurricane Katrina.

45

77

907

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

2 years

@aubreyhirsch Just a note: I work at a gender clinic for youth and we don't even give kids that age hormones at all. 12 may be the age we prescribe hormone blockers.

20

35

893

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

11 months

And if someone does look at you because they desire you, that's not on you, nor is it in your control. My bestie got catcalled in an ankle length winter coat and full face mask at the bus stop!!!

5

42

889

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

7 months

As for "cold sores are herpes"- yes, cold sores are caused by HSV. HSV should not carry the shame and stigma that it does. The same family of viruses also includes chicken pox & shingles. Accepting that cold sores are caused by HSV can overall destigmatize HSV.

7

86

892

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

11 months

Finally, SOMEONE is gonna judge you whether you're wearing a long jean skirt, a bodycon dress, or anything in between. It's inevitable for women. So you might as well wear what makes YOU feel the best.

1

57

875

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

7 months

If sex includes acts besides P in V, it means that many of us have had more sex than we'd like to "count." For people whom "body count" aka # of sexual partners is a big thing, it can be tough to wrap their brains around. "Well then that means I DID have sex with that person..."

2

34

877

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Last night I guest lectured about porn & religion at a university. Here are some main points I shared: 1) It’s hard to find accurate info about porn bc Evangelical led orgs dominate the convo with their anti-sex work agenda masked as concern for exploitation and "public health."

6

194

809

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Elizabeth Smart was just 14 years old when abducted, assaulted, & thinking that way about herself. It is FUCKING IMPERATIVE that we change the narrative & tell young women (& everyone else) that no one's worth is contingent on their "virginity."

1

60

776

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

7 months

And if your new def DOES mean you've had more partners than you previously thought, why is this upsetting? Where did you learn that & do you believe it? Overall this challenges people in so many ways! That's not a bad thing.

1

32

772

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

I love specializing in this particular kind of sex ed: compassionate and completely non-condescending for people who feel silly for not knowing the answers already. I have a class coming up just for you.

Sign In | Zoom

Sign in to your Zoom account to join a meeting, update your profile, change your settings, and more!

zoom.us

3

30

761

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

@jurassicamy What a queen

1

2

754

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

23 days

I'm going to go ahead and say it bc so many people raised in purity culture worry about this: I personally don't think it's disrespectful to have private sexual fantasies about people you know. As long as they remain your private thoughts, they are no one else's business.

11

110

725

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

2 years

I know how devastating things feel right now from my position (as a lifelong supporter of repro rights) but I keep thinking of y’all who clawed your way out of fundie religions & ideology, only to have it still controlling your lives & choices. I am so sorry.

16

113

710

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

7 months

If this post made you uncomfortable, I understand. That's important to note. Do you maybe have more partners than you thought? Do you actually have HSV? And could this mean that number of sexual parters isn't a big deal & HSV shouldn't be that stigmatized? That's my takeaway.

8

33

710

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

7 months

I'm not a leading expert on HSV & HSV stigma like some other sex educators (Courtney Brame and Emily DePasse come to mind), but I've learned a lot from them. And separating cold sores from herpes further stigmatizes herpes as something bad/ shameful/ "other" when it's SO common.

3

42

704

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

2 years

@falseroxy Finally

0

662

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Tell me you know nothing about vaginas without telling me you know nothing about vaginas.

29

55

666

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

7 months

Purity culture math is: - telling people that condoms don’t work when in reality they’re highly effective when used correctly - telling people that sex gets less “special” as your # of partners goes up What else???

49

83

666

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

@dmoyeweirdnews "Cmon babe, the tamigotchi is hungry"

6

10

650

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

11 months

Late Pride month message for ppl who didn't realize they were queer til "later" due to high control religion: try not to be so hard on yourselves for not knowing earlier. It's not bc you aren't actually that queer, it's bc you were duped on purpose and that shit worked!!!

10

125

642

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

I need to mute this thread now. If you need more inclusive and trauma informed sex ed, welcome. If you are commenting to say you didn't have that experience, good for you. Purity culture doesn't need you to defend it lmao.

1

7

603

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

One of the worst pieces of 2022 discourse (to plague my profession anyway) is that providing young people with education about bodies, consent, and sexuality is “gr@ @ming .” It’s such a shitty accusation. It’s such a low blow. And the opposite is true.

5

90

573

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

2 years

I truly can't think of one downside to teaching people how their bodies actually work.

14

62

566

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

I wish everyone had access to the kind of post-miscarriage dilation & curettage (D&C) procedure that Jessa Duggar had. You know, the thing her people consider abortion and have banned in several states.

6

81

572

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

9 months

Fuck. Yes.

16

42

552

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

The amount of pro-life women who got abortions when I was a counselor in abortion care, and always apologized to let me know they were somehow different than other abortion seekers. Honey, no you're not and that's ok.

The After Purity Project

@MoslenerSara

1 year

Pro-life women also have abortions. How do we reach them with the message that their choice is a valid one they don’t deserve to suffer for?

9

6

66

7

94

538

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Ok educate the girl who wasn't raised Evangelical: one of my clients just told me about a "Christian DVD player" and DVDs that would censor all sex scenes and any words the parents didn't want their families to hear. Tell me more about this! What was this? How did it work?

139

23

514

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

I haven’t had a single client who hasn’t expressed grief over what purity culture took from them. It's true, you'll never know what your sexuality would have been like otherwise. It's important to acknowledge this grief and let yourself feel it rather than pretend it's not there.

3

51

498

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

1st, who defines what special is? YOU should define that for yourself. Is that when it's physically pleasurable? Romantic? When you're in love? When you feel connected? When it's super fun? There are so many factors to consider & you get to decide what's special & if you care!

1

34

489

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Here are just a few of the things you can do with a new post-purity culture sexual ethic: Have sex on the first date. Buy a sex toy. Have casual sex. Sleep with your friends. Wait until marriage or love to do certain sex things. Abstain completely. Stay monogamously married.

3

42

478

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

8 months

My sister thought she was on a promising third date recently. She excused herself early when he told her that 9/11 never happened (it was animation), the Canadian wildfire smoke was faked by the gov’t & Covid was created by Dems to force the use of mail in ballots. 🤡

21

7

470

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

9 months

The premise of a rainbow party 🌈 🎉 was ridiculous: teen girls leaving marks of different lipstick colors on penises. That’s not how blow jobs or lipstick work! Yet so many people believed it bc we’re always suspicious of the sexual behavior of younger generations.

5

28

442

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

One of the most heartbreaking parts of the Pamela Anderson doc is when she’s asking “why do these grown men hate me so much?” as she’s being grilled about her sexual practices and her body parts at the trial against the people who stole and distributed her intimate home movies.

9

39

436

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

A list of words and phrases I’ve learned from Exvangelicals as someone who works with y’all but isn’t one: Abeka. Hillsong. Bethel. Lock In. Power Team. Covenant Eyes. Brio. Smokin’ Hot Wife. Feucht. IHOP that isn’t breakfast.

21

12

438

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

9 months

What we’re actually seeing is that teens are having LESS sex now than they were in the 70s, 80s, and 90s. There are indicators that teen sexual behavior has moved in a more conservative direction than their parents & grandparents. These sex panics persist even despite evidence!

5

43

424

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Oops wrong link

0

17

426

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

2 years

I just lost a job teaching a sex ed unit to middle and high schoolers at a private school bc parents saw my social media where I teach sex ed to adults. Honestly, I was not surprised. The administration was extremely apologetic, and I agree it's the right move for both of us.

16

14

425

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

One thing I want purity culture dropouts to know about sex: Are you an adult? Your sexual decision making is actually not your parents's or family's business. You're allowed to make decisions your parents would not agree with & you're allowed to keep info private from them.

8

46

421

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Does special even matter to you? Maybe what matters to you is that all the sex you have is consensual & that everyone is treating each other with consideration & care. "Special" according to someone else's standards is TOTALLY optional.

1

29

406

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

A thing I want people raised in purity culture to know: there is no "normal" amount of sex to strive for with your partner. Lots of people worry they're not having enough sex, and this point is extra loaded for women who learned in church that they MUST have frequent marital sex.

1

44

389

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

2 years

"Talking Back to Purity Culture" is a hilarious name for a book that still advises you to take a long walk or a cold shower instead of masturbate. 👀

17

387

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

9 months

Anyway I’ll pay you $ 1 million if you have clear evidence of teens ever having a rainbow party 🌈 🎉 in the early 2000s. The rumor started in a book written by a Christian pediatrician about sex “ruining” teenagers.

9

18

381

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

9 months

In the 50s, adults were freaked out by teens “going steady.” The 90s brought an oral sex panic. Names and details of panics change, but they all reflect a salacious preoccupation with and suspicions about the behavior of a younger people.

2

31

379

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

11 months

I hope y’all who were raised to populate the earth with more Christians / a quiver full know it’s ok to not want or have children. That’s one part of purity culture that I’d like to discuss- the assumption you’ll all have babies.

8

37

368

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

If your 1st time wasn't special, that's ok- that doesn't define you or your sex life going forward. SO many people's 1st times aren't what they'd consider special. Also, I know for a fact that a God-ordained marriage doesn't make all the sex that happens within it special.

3

25

361

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Today a 14 yr old told me“I came out as aro/ace, which means that everyone is ugly.” 😭

3

23

353

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

3 years

When people say things like “I fantasized/ masturbated & then a few weeks later something terrible happened (my pet died/ my mom lost her job/ I was in an accident etc) & I thought it was my fault,” how can anyone NOT SEE PURITY CULTURE AS EMOTIONAL ABUSE???

11

20

361

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Also, plz don't think that sex can't be special if your partner has had past partners. We don't lose the ability to connect & have meaningful sex (meaningful = a way to be special to me, personally) just because we've been with others before.

1

29

350

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

11 months

I've come to understand that my main role as a sex educator is reassuring people that sex & everything related is not nearly as fucking terrifying as they were taught. Such a normal part of being human is turned into a boogeyman & Christians expect everyone to be like "oh ok."

4

32

340

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

When asked "Why didn't you run from your captor?" Elizabeth said that she wondered if there was even any point in being rescued if she was now that worthless. "For me, I thought, 'Oh my gosh. I'm that chewed up piece of gum…Nobody re-chews a piece of gum. You throw it away...

1

18

341

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

2 years

If you ever played Guess Who? as a kid, you have used singular they/them pronouns.

1

70

338

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

3 months

Absolutely historic study out of Scotland: girls given the HPV vaccine at ages 12/13 showed ZERO cases of cervical cancer since 2008. Scotland offers the vaccine as part of a routine school immunizations. They're essentially on their way to eliminating cervical cancer.

3

38

343

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

We set ppl up for feelings of failure when the standard is someone else's idea of special. Lets give ppl info and skills that set them up for sexual success (like confidence, reduced shame, real sex ed, & communication skills), rather than insistence that it should be "special."

3

28

331

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

"And that's how easy it is to feel like you no longer have worth, you no longer have value. Why would it even be worth screaming out? Why would it even make a difference if you are rescued, if your life still has no value?"

1

16

325

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

3 years

To LGBTQ+ exvangelicals, from a queer who didn’t grow up in a conservative, fundamentalist religion: queer communities need you. We’re better with you among us. I’ll never stop thinking you’re some of the bravest & most determined people I know.

11

31

321

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

2 years

Just when I thought I'd heard all purity culture ridiculousness that existed, a client told me that they weren't allowed to wear V neck shirts because V stood for vagina and...pointed down to vaginas.

16

27

318

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

So in short: define special and its importance for yourself. Remember that past partners don't take away someone's ability to have sex that feels special, meaningful, important. You can have special OR totally UNspecial sex at any time in your life depending on so many factors.

1

24

310

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

One thing I want purity culture dropouts to know about sex: You don't owe it to anyone for any reason. You don't owe it to someone who's been nice to you or spent $ on you. Sex isn't a duty or obligation- even if you're married, contrary to what WAY too many churches teach.

2

57

307

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

2 years

Someone offered to send me “studies” on why premarital sex “ruins pair bonds” and is a “disgusting sin.” Did y’all know there were scientific peer reviewed studies on “disgusting sin” ???

19

4

306

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

7 months

A recent large scale survey shows that single ppl in their mid 60s report the best sex of their lives. They're also least likely to marry w/o sexual attraction & 91% report orgasms w every sexual experience- making them the most likely age group to orgasm during sex. LOVE THIS.

3

40

301

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

4) Several orgs disguise themselves as being primarily against trafficking & exploitation when they're really against ALL forms of sexual expression outside of Christian hetero marriage. Ex*dus Cry, NCOSE, and Fight The New Drug come to mind.

1

46

294

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

3) If you see studies about porn, check out the researchers & their backgrounds. For ex: are they from BYU & their research interests include “modern threats to marriage?” Not the source I'm looking for. In this area I trust: @NicoleRPrause @JoshuaGrubbsPhD & @DrDavidLey

1

34

284

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

3 months

If I had to explain purity culture to others not raised in it, I’d say: Christian purity culture tries to scare people about imaginary boogeymen. People who grew up with it are afraid of SO many things those of us NOT raised in purity culture wouldn’t even think of.

16

38

291

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

Discouraging adolescents from ever having crushes is a great way to fuck with their heads & assure they'll have trouble trusting their own feelings as adults! Crushes are such a normal, healthy part of adolescent experience & pathologizing them is another purity culture cruelty.

6

62

281

Erica Smith, M.Ed.

@ericasmithsexed

1 year

We CANNOT trust large anti-trafficking orgs for reliable info if 1) they are tied to Christian groups who view the only acceptable form of sexual expression as that which occurs within a hetero Christian marriage 2) they consider all sex work to be trafficking/exploitation.

1

66

288