"You can't ever reach perfection, but you can believe in an asymptote toward which you are ceaselessly striving." - Paul Kalanithi, When Breath Becomes Air
"Mama, pagod ka na ba? Magpahinga ka na kung pagod ka na. Mahal na mahal ka namin"
This is not how families should say goodbye, not on the other end of the line with a complete stranger (me) holding the phone to their loved one's ear, hoping they can still hear their last words
Remember how scared we were of 20 cases, how panicked we were one death.
Now, in just one day, we have 490 more cases, 10 more deaths. All in one day. Keriboom lang?
People, lives, stories, all becoming nothing but numbers.
Every resident in our department has had to do this in one form or another. Each time, it takes all of my strength not to cry along with them.
So stop telling me it could have been worse. To the bereaved, nothing could be worse than this.
Pagod na pagod na tayong lahat.
How shallow it is to call HCWs devoid of compassion when they only demand for the due respect and compensation they should be given in the first place. I hope your ivory tower crumbles to the ground.
My stage IV CA patient followed up today. Surgery was no longer an option. Chemo/RT could no longer be done. All I could give today were pain meds and lactulose.
There is both so much and so little we can do as doctors, but through the exhaustion and frustration of it all, may we find meaning through the people we serve, and may we be reminded that medicine is not the study of disease, but the service of humanity.
Everyone seems on edge lately. Weโve been all kinds of frustrated, angry, sad, sometimes all at once. With good reason, too, given everything thatโs happened. The negativity is extremely suffocating. The waves just keep crashing on us, and itโs almost impossible to gasp for air.
Applause for Walden Bello, just for blatantly pointing out how the absence of Marcos Jr. / Sara Duterte is unacceptable. We shouldn't put up with candidates who refuse to show up for their voters.
#CNNPHVPDebate
#7KikoPangilinanVicePresident
This happened today.
โDreams live up in the highest of mountains; the pursuit is ominous, but without them weโre just asleep.โ - Riccio
Thank you, PGH, for the 12 years of keeping me wide awake (literally and figuratively) in pursuit of my dreams.
We all know that patients are people and are beyond their diagnoses, but on days like today, humanity is more palpable than ever. Here was a man seemingly defeated by his disease, and yet it was today that I saw how human he was despite everything his disease brought upon.
If Iโm being honest, Iโm terrified of 2022. Itโs another wild crossroads where we open new chapters and make important decisions for our future. Itโs overwhelming, and I often wish I could just skip to the part where it all makes sense.
You feel a lot of things from this pandemic. Fear. Exhaustion. Grief. Insecurity. Helplessness. Frustration.
But today, one emotion is loud and clear: Galit kami. Galit na galit po kami.
Nakakatuwa yung character development ng nanay ko from โBasta ayaw ko kay Leniโ to now campaigning for Leni-Kiko to our whole household and saying โwag niyo sasayangin โyung boto niyo kahit bigyan kayo peraโ
#IpanaloNa10ParaSaLahat
@doctorarielle
Huhu hugs!!! The family said the same thing to me after their mom passed :( at least daw nakausap nila for a few minutes. Ang hirap lang that this is the best we could offer :( Praying for your mom in heaven po ๐
I told them to make the most of this time, to enjoy the time they could spend at home and make him as comfortable as possible. It was a painful discussion, but the worst part was when they looked back at me, eyes full of tears, as thankful as ever.
Some good news: After a stormy course of intubation, sedation, hemoperfusion, et cetera, our ICU patient finally got extubated, and is now as talkative as ever. Frequently checked on them to make sure they were breathing fine. Thumbs up all the way. Hay. Isang malaking sana all.
Our newly extubated patient asked me to take his picture so he could show his family that heโs okay and feeling better. And when his family replied with their own pictures, he couldnโt stop smiling. Easily the best part of my day โบ๏ธโบ๏ธโบ๏ธ
Gratitude is always the best response to life. It doesnโt mean we stop being angry. It doesnโt mean we donโt hope for better. It doesnโt mean we settle for less. It means we take whatever we have and make the best of it, to make it something better for ourselves.
Prevention and diagnosis of HCC! Again, couldnโt fit everything in one page but Harrisonโs has a lot of helpful tables and algorithms.
#medtwitter
#mednotes
CENICU duty last night, and Iโm just grateful the smoke didnโt reach us, because I had no idea how we were going to evacuate 7 intubated pts from the 2F with no functioning elevator.
Kudos to our nursing staff, NAs, and UWs for staying, keeping calm, and carrying on with me!
Probably the best gift I got today was when a patient and her family approached me, gave me two slices of bread, and said "Doc, sorry ito lang ha, parang di ka pa kasi kumakain e."
To the things that keep you going :)
GenMed senior na me tomorrow and the palpitation is realz
But hereโs to growth and new beginnings, to steep learning curves and fulfillment, to always moving forward. Happy New Year everyone!
The moral injury this week really got to me. Physical exhaustion usually responds to enough sleep and good food, but the emotional impact isnโt as easy to shake off.
Medically, the consult was quick, but I spent a large chunk of time apprising them โ about how easily he could deteriorate, how complications could arise unexpectedly. I held back tears as I saw the pain in his wifeโs eyes as we discussed advanced directives.
Classic friends-to-lovers trope!
Summary:
Med school blockmates. Seatmates sa class. Became really good no-malisya friends. Nagka feelings. Naging kami after 7 months ligawan.
Sabi ko nga, I know med school is the right place because itโs where I found Jor
Tonight's episode question is:
"How did you meet your partner?"
Ikwento na yang mga How it Started / How It's Going niyo with your partners!
Quote RT or reply away! You can also answer thru the Spotify Q&A!
#KwentongCallroomPodcast
One of the best things I did for myself this year off was join an online book club. We literally meet on Zoom 1-2x a month to read books together (no required book per month, read what u like!) and talk about the books. Grateful to have a space to read with fellow booklovers.
I usually have something to say about most everything. But this past month has really left me out of words to say.
But Iโll chime in right now if only to say that yes, we are overwhelmed, that the deaths are devastating, and no, the government is not in control.
Whenever I feel beat up in residency, I think about how I felt when I got in. I remember how much of a good day that was. I think of other good days, days when I realize that I love my job, that maybe the good days are enough to get through the bad.
So far, they still are.
College and med school in PGH have made me feel like Iโve never really left school, even in residency. I still say โpasok na ako sa schoolโ even when Iโm really going to work. Oh well, weโre lifelong learners, after all.
My last patient today came in with a 1/2 lengthwise sheet listing everything she thought was health-related since 2 months ago - all of which she nervously read out to me. โPasensya na doktora, malilimutin kasi ako. Baka di ko masabi sa inyo.โ
Patients, always the cutest :)
There are days when you have to consciously remind yourself that it's okay to not have things figured out, that you have time to find out, and that you will get there eventually.
Guazon was one of the main reasons I ever considered IM, because it was always an enriching environment that encouraged me to read up. I havenโt attended Guazon endorsements in a while so I donโt know how itโs being done now. Same lang ba as before? How can it be improved?
One of my most liberating realizations of adulthood is to respect your energy level-to maximize productivity at its prime, and to embrace rest when exhausted.
Of course, there are moments when life doesnโt give us much choice, but hopefully we exert control wherever we can.
Our constant response to increasing patient loads is to keep spreading our meager resources even more.
Kumbaga sa heart failure, para tayong nag decompensate, pero ang pwede lang gawin ay mag dobu at mag furo. Di pwede magbawas ng fluids.
There has to be a better way.
Everything has been overwhelming :( physically mentally and emotionally. I felt this way last year, but I know that this time itโs much much worse ๐
So everyone, please, if you can, stay home huhu.
I am a notorious overthinker and spend so much time dwelling in anxieties, even before they happen and even when they donโt happen anyway. Always on my toes, anticipating the worst that could happen. Itโs horrible, and I wish someday I could live with less anxiety.
Tonight's ep question is:
"How do you deal with uncertainties?"
Nothing is certain in life. So we just learn how to embrace uncertainties. Ikaw, how do you face them? ๐ผ
Quote RT or reply away! Answer the Q&A on Spotify, too!
#KwentongCallroomPodcast
Itโs an absolute struggle to think about what to do after all of this. Because how do we know when โafterโ really is? And will it ever come? It feels like weโre stuck in a dreadful, neverending present, with the future not offering much hope.
The worst codes are those when, in between compressions and rhythm checks, you hear the painful cries of โBaโt ka bumitaw?โ โPinaglaban kita, bakit di ka lumaban?โ โPa, pano na tayo?โ. Itโs the kind when, despite best efforts and interventions, medicine just isnโt enough.
Iโm happy with medicine, but sometimes, itโs hard to draw the line between finding meaning in the journey and romanticizing the struggle.
#KwentongCallroomPodcast
Tonight's episode question is:
"Is med (still) worth pursuing?"
Whether you're not-yet-a-doctor, a soon-to-be-doctor, or pagod-na-mag-doctor (charot not charot), share your thoughts para matulungan natin si letter-sender! โบ๏ธ
Quote RT or reply away!
#KwentongCallroomPodcast
As much as Iโm sick and tired of being angry, I also try not to let the anger escape me. Anger is a recognition that this isnโt right and should never be acceptable. And I hope anger encourages us to keep fighting and keep demanding for what is right. Never stop being angry.
Five years of growing up with my best friend.
Five years of yesterdays, todays, tomorrows.
Five years of finding my way home to you.
Hereโs to fiveโฆhundred thousand+++++ years more.
I love you, Jor! Happy anniversary!
Sad to think weโre commemorating
#EDSAPeoplePowerRevolution
with a Marcos in power. But despite the irony and ongoing atrocities, let this day be another reminder to resist the passage of memory and the corruption of history.
Today, as with every day, we should
#NeverForget
.
A podcast where two bffs talk about both the meaningful and mundane of MD life, Kwentong Callroom is a virtual callroom where we talk about anything in between patient rounds. The convo is as raw as our daily non-doctor lives! New ep every Fri night!
#KwentongCallroomPodcast
๐
The brave are not necessarily the loudmouths, the daredevils, or the heroes. The brave can be found among those who fall, pick themselves up, and keep going. To get up and move forward in a world as dastardly as ours - that, indeed, is bravery.
HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JBB KO!
Mahal kita!
@jjvbesa
๐๐๐
Also, as a proud boyps, SKL na this stellar doctor, aside from being a Fulbright scholar, also got accepted into Harvard, Hopkins, Georgia State, & Emory!
So ayun nakakainspire din maging stellar awuw. ๐ฅฐ๐โบ๏ธ
Today, on my dadโs 24th death anniversary, I signed 3 death certificates. All parents themselves. As I gave my condolences, I am reminded that each death is always different; that death is terrifyingly universal, but also deeply personal, both to the dying and to the bereaved.
@hellokidneyMD
One of those times when Twitter becomes a toxic place with little room for empathy. If anything, your tweet reflected how frustrated and exhausted HCWs are that even the most patriotic are starting to look elsewhere to settle down. :(
Itโs been more than a month already, but it still feels surreal to go back to UPCM now as a faculty member. Thank you for the opportunity and trust, dearest home department! ๐ซ๐ฉบ
Really nice when you see all the nurses, phlebs, manongs etc youโve worked with during donning/doffing:
โuy ikaw pala si maam ___โ
โsir ___, ngayon ko lang nakita mukha moโ
These days, I know people thru their eyes and voices, so itโs nice to see their faces for the 1st time.
Hi! Iโm a community med doc. You might know me from my greatest hits, including โhealth is a right", "prevention is better than cureโ, โlet's train community health workersโ, โparticipation is essential", and the unforgettable "what the f*ck did gov't do to you this time?!โ
What a day, yesterday!
- s/p oral exams (lol ang gulo ko + daming namiss)
- s/p virtual residency qualifying exam (glitches in between but survived!)
Both of these remind me that the year is near its end. Not ready to senior at all, but hereโs to growth and moving forward.
I remember how happy I was at the Univ Grad. I was postduty then and pretty tired. But it was a joy to see everyone, graduates and their families, come together in gratitude and celebration. One of those good days :)
To tomorrow's graduates, I hope you have a great day :)
100 EPISODES! From this podcast, I learned to never let perfection get in the way of getting something done. Not every episode is perfect, but
@jjvbesa
and I try every week to keep the conversation going. Thank you all for listening along ๐ฅฐ
Join us for 100++ more eps? ๐ฅน
Bilang aminadong mga perfectionists, we shared our experiences and thoughts on the concept of reaching 100% in life. Posible nga ba? ๐ค
It's our 100th episode, mga ka-callroom! And it's a video ep to make it extra special! ๐ฏ
๐๏ธโจ
#KwentongCallroomPodcast